work and organising gathering is pressurizing me.
rather big assignment coming up again.
i think she changed partner. oh well.
played darts. better when relax but still focus.
my xmas card got lost i think. saded. that's like 2 letters lost, 14 bucks gone.
results out. jap got b, disappointing although i knew i screwed up oral and listening. astro got A+. 2 electives, and they are the extreme results. knn jap.
cpga dropped, gpa up. sem 1 results still the best, but at least this sem better than sem 2. my statistics is still the most disappointing. mid-term can get 3rd in the module, finals get B+. smlj? final paper was alright, my research paper can't be that bad ba? from a nearly A+ to B+?
1st class honours is slowly but certainly drifting away. i don't know whether to contend with just a 2nd upper or still stress myself to strive for 1st class.
i wonder i still have the passion for psychology, as i have always hold for badminton. why can't i just swing my racket, hit shuttlecocks and live thru my whole life? haha..
gone thru some trouble redoing my puzzle frame. one time i paste the hook upside down, which renders the hook and the pasting thingy useless. haiz.. wasted.
tired. 1/2 day tml. so.. what should i do?
new year eve eh... thinking back, i think it's stupid to stand on the expressway for 3 hrs just to wait for the countdown fireworks. why can't we just walk up just before that? those early small fireworks ain't worth the time.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
ever cheated on somebody?
i saw someone's reply to this qns as "who hasn't?"
well, if you meant relationship, what an answer.
it sounds as if you willingly indulge in cheating on your partner.
well, if you meant relationship, what an answer.
it sounds as if you willingly indulge in cheating on your partner.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
music & lyrics (2007)
got the movie from vian.
actually wanted to watch it some time ago.
it's my type of movie. a mixture of romance and comedy.
the movie came out in time for vday in 2007, my first vday.
and i forgot why we didn't catch this movie.
well, nice movie, nice song.
actually wanted to watch it some time ago.
it's my type of movie. a mixture of romance and comedy.
the movie came out in time for vday in 2007, my first vday.
and i forgot why we didn't catch this movie.
well, nice movie, nice song.
nice weather
it was a good morning for soccer with the cool breeze and dark clouds which usually means it's gonna rain but it just drizzled a little.
i believed 5 min of running around is all it takes to get me saying 'i'm tired'.
friday's steamboat.
i believed 5 min of running around is all it takes to get me saying 'i'm tired'.
friday's steamboat.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Xmas
this xmas was without alcohol.
i missed my heartbreak hotel. haha...
2 consecutive meals with sirloin steaks~ don't feel so good eating so much meat, beef. it's time i consider serious and regular exercise.
sent out 3 late xmas cards this time. procrastination.
work's been busy. feel like staying at home and nua.
but then again, my bank's account seemed to be rejecting this idea.
if i wake up at 8+, i'll join the guys to go to church.
if i wake up after, i'll join them after. haha..
Merry Xmas~
how i wish i'm somewhere where it's snowing, breezy... wearing a cosy sweater...
i missed my heartbreak hotel. haha...
2 consecutive meals with sirloin steaks~ don't feel so good eating so much meat, beef. it's time i consider serious and regular exercise.
sent out 3 late xmas cards this time. procrastination.
work's been busy. feel like staying at home and nua.
but then again, my bank's account seemed to be rejecting this idea.
if i wake up at 8+, i'll join the guys to go to church.
if i wake up after, i'll join them after. haha..
Merry Xmas~
how i wish i'm somewhere where it's snowing, breezy... wearing a cosy sweater...
Thursday, December 24, 2009
not worth your time
came to my realization quite some time ago.
not sure whether i have penned it down here before.
it just kinda dawn on me, the things they called friendship ain't always alive.
friends lived, and died. not literally, but some will stay in your life, but others will leave.
you can't keep them close forever, and it won't stay stagnant either. so, it drifted far away from you.
some friends, when drifted far away, due to the technology today, still able to contact you when they're spiritually miles away. they complain, talked abt their lives, what's interesting that's happening, what's not. sometimes, they need help, that's why you're contacted.
it just irritates me when these friends don't reciprocate. the way that you're listening to them, and they're not. one-way interaction, communication, relationship.
not worth my time. so, don't bother me.
i maybe passive, give me a little push and i'll be aggressive.
not sure whether i have penned it down here before.
it just kinda dawn on me, the things they called friendship ain't always alive.
friends lived, and died. not literally, but some will stay in your life, but others will leave.
you can't keep them close forever, and it won't stay stagnant either. so, it drifted far away from you.
some friends, when drifted far away, due to the technology today, still able to contact you when they're spiritually miles away. they complain, talked abt their lives, what's interesting that's happening, what's not. sometimes, they need help, that's why you're contacted.
it just irritates me when these friends don't reciprocate. the way that you're listening to them, and they're not. one-way interaction, communication, relationship.
not worth my time. so, don't bother me.
i maybe passive, give me a little push and i'll be aggressive.
my desperate struggle
nothing feels worse than not being able to let go.
perhaps more ppl can relate to relationships on this.
closer to me, it's darts rather than girls.
on my way to overcome dartitis.
keeping my eyes on the darts really does help ease the throwing, but then can't seem to land where i want the dart to. hmm... tricky. so far the whole team only i have this problem.
i hate the self who is struggling to let go of what i'm holding on to.
is it a psychological barrier? well given that it eases up once i take my eyes off the board, i suppose so. the mind can have such a strong effect, an unwanted one in this case.
perhaps more ppl can relate to relationships on this.
closer to me, it's darts rather than girls.
on my way to overcome dartitis.
keeping my eyes on the darts really does help ease the throwing, but then can't seem to land where i want the dart to. hmm... tricky. so far the whole team only i have this problem.
i hate the self who is struggling to let go of what i'm holding on to.
is it a psychological barrier? well given that it eases up once i take my eyes off the board, i suppose so. the mind can have such a strong effect, an unwanted one in this case.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
some things time just can't erase
met up with my HQ buddies. nice steamboat dinner with waitress in maid costumes.
should have ate more of those thin slices of pork and beef.
s2 came back surprisingly for the holidays.
talked about the past, present, our own happenings...
there are things i can only tell these guys without feeling the need to hold back my words.
that sense of freedom of words is probably what i treasure most.
and a happy 22nd to hl. belated.
should have ate more of those thin slices of pork and beef.
s2 came back surprisingly for the holidays.
talked about the past, present, our own happenings...
there are things i can only tell these guys without feeling the need to hold back my words.
that sense of freedom of words is probably what i treasure most.
and a happy 22nd to hl. belated.
Monday, December 21, 2009
drunk
i got drunk from 2 vodka peach neat.
i don't feel so good right now.
i shouldn't have suggested drinking.
tml's going to be a headache morning.
i don't feel so good right now.
i shouldn't have suggested drinking.
tml's going to be a headache morning.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
afraid
perhaps not many people will get to have this kind of experience, nor do they want to.
i was in my boss's car when it hit a pedestrian.
happened so quickly, i didn't even see the pedestrian.
smack, hit the side mirror.
lucky the car was slow and it wasn't head-on.
hit a young female. knocked her head on the ground, not sure of any other injuries.
sent to sgh, while we waited for tp.
i went off first becuz need to deliver some stuffz.
didn't how it went, but i think and hope it's nothing serious.
it was a pretty scary sight watching and feeling the car hit a human being.
it brings a fragile feeling, to us, as humans beings, against the machinery we created for our own convience.
ran in the rain.
and now sick.
i'm so weak.
i was in my boss's car when it hit a pedestrian.
happened so quickly, i didn't even see the pedestrian.
smack, hit the side mirror.
lucky the car was slow and it wasn't head-on.
hit a young female. knocked her head on the ground, not sure of any other injuries.
sent to sgh, while we waited for tp.
i went off first becuz need to deliver some stuffz.
didn't how it went, but i think and hope it's nothing serious.
it was a pretty scary sight watching and feeling the car hit a human being.
it brings a fragile feeling, to us, as humans beings, against the machinery we created for our own convience.
ran in the rain.
and now sick.
i'm so weak.
Monday, December 14, 2009
depression
my neighbour recently passed away.
he ended his life, perhaps due to depression.
it's a suffering when it comes to chronic medical illness.
it's a torture when it comes to chronic mental illness.
mental health is as impt as physical.
never neglect your own, nor the ppl around you.
a conversation might save a life.
a simple smile might his/her life around.
loving, and being loved, as i see it, is, but a, general solution.
mum wanted to repaint the living room.
she commented my room is so blue, looked very depressed.
didn't have that kind of view before.
i thought blue brings a calmer self.
oh ya,
yesterday i was out when i realised my zipper was down.
it was even more embarrassing when you were with your friends, and you wonder if they knew it all along and didn't say you're open. oh well, heck.
he ended his life, perhaps due to depression.
it's a suffering when it comes to chronic medical illness.
it's a torture when it comes to chronic mental illness.
mental health is as impt as physical.
never neglect your own, nor the ppl around you.
a conversation might save a life.
a simple smile might his/her life around.
loving, and being loved, as i see it, is, but a, general solution.
mum wanted to repaint the living room.
she commented my room is so blue, looked very depressed.
didn't have that kind of view before.
i thought blue brings a calmer self.
oh ya,
yesterday i was out when i realised my zipper was down.
it was even more embarrassing when you were with your friends, and you wonder if they knew it all along and didn't say you're open. oh well, heck.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
sudden realization
i just found out recently that i don't have her contacts on msn.
that's weird.
holidays have been busy with work so far.
looks like this sem break is going to be over real fast.
just work and work and work... $ & $ & $.
mahjong, and mahjong, and mahjong.
that's weird.
holidays have been busy with work so far.
looks like this sem break is going to be over real fast.
just work and work and work... $ & $ & $.
mahjong, and mahjong, and mahjong.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
death of a teacher
something just reminded me of a news i recieved recently.
my physics teacher back in jc passed away last month.
mr tai, thanks for passing on your knowledge, passion, and attitude.
my physics teacher back in jc passed away last month.
mr tai, thanks for passing on your knowledge, passion, and attitude.
Monday, December 7, 2009
pain therapy
instead of calling it tie da, i think i should call it pain therapy.
becuz after extreme pain from being 'massaged' on the vital points and nerves, tendons, etc... your previous pain suddenly just disappear. it's a miracle, after a torture.
it's like a broken heart healing process. the worst you feel, the better you get, after that. provided you actually get over the worsening part, i.e. maximum point, decreasing dy/dx, where y is pain level and x is time.
alwayz interesting to link how the body works with how the mind works.
physiology and psychology.
it's linked. never separated. a body and a mind is you.
been watching Lie to Me, interesting show.
using techniques of facial expression detection, body language, vocal changes, etc to detect deception. pretty cool show. i wonder why the sch doesn't have a module on this. would probably been a hit among the students. one reason i can think of is, no one in the country is found yet, to have been trained and excel in facial reading. microexpressions lasting only 1/25 second, that's too fast to detect if you're not paying particular attention to the exact position of the facial muscles responsible.
genuine smile - AU 6 + AU 12.
becuz after extreme pain from being 'massaged' on the vital points and nerves, tendons, etc... your previous pain suddenly just disappear. it's a miracle, after a torture.
it's like a broken heart healing process. the worst you feel, the better you get, after that. provided you actually get over the worsening part, i.e. maximum point, decreasing dy/dx, where y is pain level and x is time.
alwayz interesting to link how the body works with how the mind works.
physiology and psychology.
it's linked. never separated. a body and a mind is you.
been watching Lie to Me, interesting show.
using techniques of facial expression detection, body language, vocal changes, etc to detect deception. pretty cool show. i wonder why the sch doesn't have a module on this. would probably been a hit among the students. one reason i can think of is, no one in the country is found yet, to have been trained and excel in facial reading. microexpressions lasting only 1/25 second, that's too fast to detect if you're not paying particular attention to the exact position of the facial muscles responsible.
genuine smile - AU 6 + AU 12.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
can't run
after soccer last night, i felt something weird in my left knee.
a bit of twisting last night also kinda gave me an acute pain.
this late morning when i woke up after mahjong, i kinda figured something was wrong.
hmm.. seemed like i overworked my knee ligament or something, felt like a blood clot underneath the skin where i can't feel it with my hands. bending hurts.
if this continues, gotta visit doc.
badminton muscle aches + fico doesn't really work out well when you're physically not adapted yet to vigorous exercise.
i rmbed my hands and legs were shaking in the middle of my badminton game. it was that bad. hope my knee recovers soon. i don't like to feel sick in any kind.
having problem figuring what i want to do for my psych courses.
a bit lazy to care at the moment also.
everything has been rather fixated till this moment.
but next sem is gonna be a matter of choice.
so while i'm still figuring what i'm gonna do with my life,
i guess i'll just laze my time away and enjoy it first.
life
so much things i wanna do
so much things i wish i have done
so much things i hope to accomplish
so much ideals that i know is impossible to see while i'm alive but it will be interesting to see what would really happen.
a world without money. i still think of this once in a while.
a bit of twisting last night also kinda gave me an acute pain.
this late morning when i woke up after mahjong, i kinda figured something was wrong.
hmm.. seemed like i overworked my knee ligament or something, felt like a blood clot underneath the skin where i can't feel it with my hands. bending hurts.
if this continues, gotta visit doc.
badminton muscle aches + fico doesn't really work out well when you're physically not adapted yet to vigorous exercise.
i rmbed my hands and legs were shaking in the middle of my badminton game. it was that bad. hope my knee recovers soon. i don't like to feel sick in any kind.
having problem figuring what i want to do for my psych courses.
a bit lazy to care at the moment also.
everything has been rather fixated till this moment.
but next sem is gonna be a matter of choice.
so while i'm still figuring what i'm gonna do with my life,
i guess i'll just laze my time away and enjoy it first.
life
so much things i wanna do
so much things i wish i have done
so much things i hope to accomplish
so much ideals that i know is impossible to see while i'm alive but it will be interesting to see what would really happen.
a world without money. i still think of this once in a while.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
badminton
one day off from exam and i'm physically strained already.
went back to office becuz boss needed someone there for the meeting.
although i found it quite simple and can be done by the other 2 guys in the office.
well, i did other tasks as well.
got a 16yr old part-time girl was not absent today.
she kinda pon from the job from what boss said.
looked thru some of her stuffz in the workspace.
typical 16 yr old girl.
immature.
perhaps i'm getting too old for all the random tiny excitements that teenagers have. but then again, i dont think i got excited from tiny stimulants when i was a teen.
after work was badminton!
was a last min inclusion, lucky i checked the forums.
1st game, and i was so tired already. i didn't fail ippt for no reason. ha.
strokes were way out of court, especially backhand return. i scored hat-trick for that. ridiculous play.but still, it was fun. though the uncles still own me.
it was interesting to experience that long lost sense of speed in me.
initially when i got smashed on, the shuttle was just too fast for me to react.
then it got better, and better.
some things never do change.
when i fell in love back when i was 10, i knew this would go on for the whole of my life. but too bad my life doesn't depend on it, but it make my life my fulfilling.
went back to office becuz boss needed someone there for the meeting.
although i found it quite simple and can be done by the other 2 guys in the office.
well, i did other tasks as well.
got a 16yr old part-time girl was not absent today.
she kinda pon from the job from what boss said.
looked thru some of her stuffz in the workspace.
typical 16 yr old girl.
immature.
perhaps i'm getting too old for all the random tiny excitements that teenagers have. but then again, i dont think i got excited from tiny stimulants when i was a teen.
after work was badminton!
was a last min inclusion, lucky i checked the forums.
1st game, and i was so tired already. i didn't fail ippt for no reason. ha.
strokes were way out of court, especially backhand return. i scored hat-trick for that. ridiculous play.but still, it was fun. though the uncles still own me.
it was interesting to experience that long lost sense of speed in me.
initially when i got smashed on, the shuttle was just too fast for me to react.
then it got better, and better.
some things never do change.
when i fell in love back when i was 10, i knew this would go on for the whole of my life. but too bad my life doesn't depend on it, but it make my life my fulfilling.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
it's 1 mth since being 22
exactly 1 mth has passed since birthday.
and the exams over.
today's paper was pretty shitty.
20 blanks, 4 structured essays questions.
i seriously think i got less than half of the blanks correct, and maybe just 3/5 of the essays right at best. can't choose the questions, all compulsory.
have been staying up till 2, sleeping hours and waking at 5-6am to study.
as usual, my body starts to feel a bit shaky after an acute period of this routine.
now it feels funny that i'm not studying.
should start planning stuffz to do this sem break.
personal project.
and 'personal project' came out in one of the blanks qns, which i don't know the ans to.
and the exams over.
today's paper was pretty shitty.
20 blanks, 4 structured essays questions.
i seriously think i got less than half of the blanks correct, and maybe just 3/5 of the essays right at best. can't choose the questions, all compulsory.
have been staying up till 2, sleeping hours and waking at 5-6am to study.
as usual, my body starts to feel a bit shaky after an acute period of this routine.
now it feels funny that i'm not studying.
should start planning stuffz to do this sem break.
personal project.
and 'personal project' came out in one of the blanks qns, which i don't know the ans to.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
not good
i keep getting hungry while studying.
and i'm kinda lazy to cook maggie mee.
spend 15min to cook and within 1min eat finish. sianz.
4 more days, 2 more papers, 5 more hours of examination.
wed, come faster leh.
mon, don't come so fast.
i'm still having the "if time can go back to the start of sem... " feeling.
i should start doing some exercise soon.
the shorts that don't used to fit, seemed to fit now.
besides, since my ippt failed, gotta work on it for rt.
maybe swimming.
does playing darts exercise body? i wonder.
still hungry.
and i'm kinda lazy to cook maggie mee.
spend 15min to cook and within 1min eat finish. sianz.
4 more days, 2 more papers, 5 more hours of examination.
wed, come faster leh.
mon, don't come so fast.
i'm still having the "if time can go back to the start of sem... " feeling.
i should start doing some exercise soon.
the shorts that don't used to fit, seemed to fit now.
besides, since my ippt failed, gotta work on it for rt.
maybe swimming.
does playing darts exercise body? i wonder.
still hungry.
Friday, November 27, 2009
addiction
i have gotta put my addiction off till the end of the 2 papers.
i just spent the whole morn watching friendz. haha...
it's hard to resist the temptation to watch a group of 6 close friends.
back to work. 2 more to go.
i've got a few things planned this coming sem break.
one of which is just staying at home and laughing my time away.
i just spent the whole morn watching friendz. haha...
it's hard to resist the temptation to watch a group of 6 close friends.
back to work. 2 more to go.
i've got a few things planned this coming sem break.
one of which is just staying at home and laughing my time away.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
friendz
watched some videos on friendz to relax and laugh my night away.
favourite line of the night:
Joey: "You broke me heart. You know how many women I have to sleep with to get over you?"
some friends you will never let go.
favourite line of the night:
Joey: "You broke me heart. You know how many women I have to sleep with to get over you?"
some friends you will never let go.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
男女之間
黃舒駿 - 男女之間
女人最怕男人是一堆沙豬 男人最怕女人腦袋像漿糊
女人通常都是感情的動物 男人大半都是生活的侏儒
女人可以愛到義無反顧 男人只能愛到相當程度
女人失戀容易另尋出路 男人失戀可就萬劫不復
男女之間永遠說不清楚 互相厭惡又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千萬個錯誤 卻是五十步笑百步
女人對愛要求需索無度 男人總是顯得馬馬虎虎
女人好不容易決定開始 男人卻好像剛要結束
女人的淚可以融化冰雪 男人的哭卻是山崩地裂
女人的堅強是金石不變 男人的溫柔是滄海一粟
女人的胸前是男人的家 男人的肩膀是女人的床
女人希望男人像一棵大樹 男人渴望的是精神支柱
男女之間永遠說不清楚 互相厭惡又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千萬個錯誤 卻是五十步笑百步
女人說謊保證是天衣無縫 男人說謊終究是百密一疏
女人懂得演戲是一種天賦 男人永遠敗在經驗不足
男女之間永遠說不清楚 互相厭惡又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千萬個錯誤 卻是五十步笑百步
女人認為愛情是一種付出 男人總是把它當作一種征服
女人好不容易決定開始 男人卻好像剛要結束
女人好不容易決定開始 男人卻好像剛要結束
a nice song on gender differences.
女人最怕男人是一堆沙豬 男人最怕女人腦袋像漿糊
女人通常都是感情的動物 男人大半都是生活的侏儒
女人可以愛到義無反顧 男人只能愛到相當程度
女人失戀容易另尋出路 男人失戀可就萬劫不復
男女之間永遠說不清楚 互相厭惡又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千萬個錯誤 卻是五十步笑百步
女人對愛要求需索無度 男人總是顯得馬馬虎虎
女人好不容易決定開始 男人卻好像剛要結束
女人的淚可以融化冰雪 男人的哭卻是山崩地裂
女人的堅強是金石不變 男人的溫柔是滄海一粟
女人的胸前是男人的家 男人的肩膀是女人的床
女人希望男人像一棵大樹 男人渴望的是精神支柱
男女之間永遠說不清楚 互相厭惡又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千萬個錯誤 卻是五十步笑百步
女人說謊保證是天衣無縫 男人說謊終究是百密一疏
女人懂得演戲是一種天賦 男人永遠敗在經驗不足
男女之間永遠說不清楚 互相厭惡又互相追逐
彼此可以找出千萬個錯誤 卻是五十步笑百步
女人認為愛情是一種付出 男人總是把它當作一種征服
女人好不容易決定開始 男人卻好像剛要結束
女人好不容易決定開始 男人卻好像剛要結束
a nice song on gender differences.
jap 3
on the way home was trying to get some sleep after jap exam.
didn't really work out.
instead my brain spotted 3 mistakes in the jap paper.
i would say my best bet for my 2 papers so far is only B+.
haha... how am i going to push for 4.5 sia.
now i'm making a promise to myself that next sem, i will do regular studying.
just like what i did on year 1 sem 2, and year 1 sem 1. ha.
a promise is a promise.
keeping it is another matter.
didn't really work out.
instead my brain spotted 3 mistakes in the jap paper.
i would say my best bet for my 2 papers so far is only B+.
haha... how am i going to push for 4.5 sia.
now i'm making a promise to myself that next sem, i will do regular studying.
just like what i did on year 1 sem 2, and year 1 sem 1. ha.
a promise is a promise.
keeping it is another matter.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
sianzed
stupid abnormal. it goes to show how little i rmbed for my essays.
3 essays in total, account for more than half the paper. if i was the marker, i will fail my essays. haha..
3 essays in total, account for more than half the paper. if i was the marker, i will fail my essays. haha..
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
天下无双
张靓颖 - 天下无双(电视剧神雕侠侣主题曲)
穿越红尘的悲欢惆怅
和你贴心的流浪
刺透遍野的青山和荒凉
有你的梦伴着花香飞翔
今生因你痴狂此爱天下无双
剑的影子水的波光
只是过往是过往
今生因你痴狂此爱天下无双
啊.....
如果还有贴心的流浪
枯萎了容颜难以忘
难遗忘……
the key is damn high for this song.
i tried singing with my fake voice, and still can't reach. haha.. so much for no singing talent.
穿越红尘的悲欢惆怅
和你贴心的流浪
刺透遍野的青山和荒凉
有你的梦伴着花香飞翔
今生因你痴狂此爱天下无双
剑的影子水的波光
只是过往是过往
今生因你痴狂此爱天下无双
啊.....
如果还有贴心的流浪
枯萎了容颜难以忘
难遗忘……
the key is damn high for this song.
i tried singing with my fake voice, and still can't reach. haha.. so much for no singing talent.
Friday, November 20, 2009
因为
因为是你 触碰我的心
只能在梦里 与妳相遇
多么委屈
想靠近妳 控制不住自己
从没有停息 我的心里
全都是妳
recently i've been coming up with all kinds of lyrics for melody that just appear in my head. not sure if this melody was from somewhere that i've heard or i've created it, or perhaps not from nothingness but bits and pieces from different songs.
more often than not, i forgot them after creation. so i thought it's good to pen them down. haha.. as for the melody, i recorded myself singing. hmm.. perhaps someday after exams i might add on to this. quite a nice phrase i think.
只能在梦里 与妳相遇
多么委屈
想靠近妳 控制不住自己
从没有停息 我的心里
全都是妳
recently i've been coming up with all kinds of lyrics for melody that just appear in my head. not sure if this melody was from somewhere that i've heard or i've created it, or perhaps not from nothingness but bits and pieces from different songs.
more often than not, i forgot them after creation. so i thought it's good to pen them down. haha.. as for the melody, i recorded myself singing. hmm.. perhaps someday after exams i might add on to this. quite a nice phrase i think.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
holding back
got reminded of a korean show/jap song video on youtube.
went to search for it.
can't help it, i watched the whole 90 min show and spend the whole morning on it.
haha..
My Girl and I
it's a sad love story.
there's a jap version of it, i'm not sure which is the remake,
but i prefer the korean version.
perhaps there's something attractive abt a language that i don't comprehend.
perhaps becuz the guy is not that attractive, but the girl is.
perhaps i might like the jap version better if i saw the whole movie of it.
the song of the video was 行かないで ikanaide
it means don't leave.
held back my tears a little.
eyes were hurting from too much reading, now it's even more.
but well, didn't regret watching.
sometimes, i need a little emotions to get me going.
i don't know if it's approriate to say i like the movie.
it left a deep emotional impact on me. it's touching.
but is that considered liking?
if this happened to a friend, i certainly won't say i like it.
whatever the case, touching. i have no other words available to fit the story.
went to search for it.
can't help it, i watched the whole 90 min show and spend the whole morning on it.
haha..
My Girl and I
it's a sad love story.
there's a jap version of it, i'm not sure which is the remake,
but i prefer the korean version.
perhaps there's something attractive abt a language that i don't comprehend.
perhaps becuz the guy is not that attractive, but the girl is.
perhaps i might like the jap version better if i saw the whole movie of it.
the song of the video was 行かないで ikanaide
it means don't leave.
held back my tears a little.
eyes were hurting from too much reading, now it's even more.
but well, didn't regret watching.
sometimes, i need a little emotions to get me going.
i don't know if it's approriate to say i like the movie.
it left a deep emotional impact on me. it's touching.
but is that considered liking?
if this happened to a friend, i certainly won't say i like it.
whatever the case, touching. i have no other words available to fit the story.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
slow revision
my revision is slower than i thought. looks like it's gonna be a rush, and i gotta stop getting distracted by the com.
was thinking about fighting while i was in the kitchen getting some water. so i threw some punches in the air, did some high kicks, and managed somehow to hurt my muscles -_-
i was always marvelled by fighting from a young age. from wong fei hong, actually mainly wong fei hong. haha.. when finally i got to fight in close combat training in army, i realised it's seriously no easy feat to fight for even 5 minutes. the 2nd time was during the advanced course, which i really looked forward to, becuz of the fighting. it was then i realised in a fight, you have to keep your mind level, and not just charge straight ahead like an idiot with a big pillow trying to crush your opponent with it, like what the instructors 'indirectly' tell you to. well basically to pass the course, you just gotta be aggressive, so just shout and charge, pass liao. i decided against the idea and tried to play cool. holding back my blows, hopping around like in a boxing ring, figuring out what he's gonna do next. basically that worked, quite well. i was titled 'best fighter' in that little small training exercise from sparring against other group reps. regardless the insignificant title, the feeling was seriously great. fun, exciting, consequences are clear-cut (he hit me i pain, i hit him he pain). i even managed to dodge some close range blows. i went to see other courses where some of my friends are. one fight i remembered well was my friend vs someone quite weak, and he wasn't the type of aggressive we should see in a soldier. and with a black belt background, he seriously kicked his ass. before that i never really see in reality the true meaning of kicked his ass. that day, i saw a bit of it. one blow and he seriously can't handle, it's like flying off liao. and knowing that your opponent is so much stronger than you, and more skilled than you, and your combat instructor is still asking you to chiong, the guy must be pretty stressed out.
in itself, fighting brings about a deep sense of getting to know yourself more. how you fight in the ring, is probably how you fight against the odds of life.
was thinking about fighting while i was in the kitchen getting some water. so i threw some punches in the air, did some high kicks, and managed somehow to hurt my muscles -_-
i was always marvelled by fighting from a young age. from wong fei hong, actually mainly wong fei hong. haha.. when finally i got to fight in close combat training in army, i realised it's seriously no easy feat to fight for even 5 minutes. the 2nd time was during the advanced course, which i really looked forward to, becuz of the fighting. it was then i realised in a fight, you have to keep your mind level, and not just charge straight ahead like an idiot with a big pillow trying to crush your opponent with it, like what the instructors 'indirectly' tell you to. well basically to pass the course, you just gotta be aggressive, so just shout and charge, pass liao. i decided against the idea and tried to play cool. holding back my blows, hopping around like in a boxing ring, figuring out what he's gonna do next. basically that worked, quite well. i was titled 'best fighter' in that little small training exercise from sparring against other group reps. regardless the insignificant title, the feeling was seriously great. fun, exciting, consequences are clear-cut (he hit me i pain, i hit him he pain). i even managed to dodge some close range blows. i went to see other courses where some of my friends are. one fight i remembered well was my friend vs someone quite weak, and he wasn't the type of aggressive we should see in a soldier. and with a black belt background, he seriously kicked his ass. before that i never really see in reality the true meaning of kicked his ass. that day, i saw a bit of it. one blow and he seriously can't handle, it's like flying off liao. and knowing that your opponent is so much stronger than you, and more skilled than you, and your combat instructor is still asking you to chiong, the guy must be pretty stressed out.
in itself, fighting brings about a deep sense of getting to know yourself more. how you fight in the ring, is probably how you fight against the odds of life.
Monday, November 16, 2009
True - Ryan Cabrera
i won't talk
i won't breathe
i won't move till you finally see that you belong with me
you might think i don't look but deep inside the corner of my mind
i'm attached to you hmmmm...
i'm weak, it's true
cuz i'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cuz my heart keeps falling faster
i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true
so i will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
you don't know what you do
everytime you walk into the room i'm afraid to move
i'm weak, it's true
i'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me?
i've waited my all life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true
so i will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
i know when i go
i'll be on my way to you the way that's true
i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true
so i will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
typed the lyrics along with the song.
hmm.. it's a nice song.
people's always uncertain about love
yet they felt the need to brave the dangers
becuz after that line, it's you.
i won't breathe
i won't move till you finally see that you belong with me
you might think i don't look but deep inside the corner of my mind
i'm attached to you hmmmm...
i'm weak, it's true
cuz i'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cuz my heart keeps falling faster
i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true
so i will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
you don't know what you do
everytime you walk into the room i'm afraid to move
i'm weak, it's true
i'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me?
i've waited my all life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true
so i will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
i know when i go
i'll be on my way to you the way that's true
i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true
so i will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
typed the lyrics along with the song.
hmm.. it's a nice song.
people's always uncertain about love
yet they felt the need to brave the dangers
becuz after that line, it's you.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
分享
有时候
会觉得自己有些寂寞
快乐的事情，不知该对谁说
不快乐的事情，不知有谁能分担
一个人总是把事情都往心里埋
就算有人问起
我也不一定说真
以前都会有几位谈心的朋友
可以说说自己的欢笑，悲伤
现在，我不清楚
是他们踏出了我的社圈
还是自己的感情 比以前少了一些
最近
只会一天到晚把精神投入书里
看着一天一天就这样过去了
好像有点无趣，无奈
无我
书，是这样读的吗
我想找回自己的人生
回
也不知道是找回，还是找到
以前的人生，是人生吗
自己追求的是什么
事业，兴趣，金钱，爱情
曾有一时得到了爱情
但还是觉得缺了些什么
过了之后，反问自己
那，是爱情吗
怎么爱过之后的感觉
和牵手前的感觉
完全往另一个方向发展
不是还恋着
更不是恨意
之前假装的无所谓
也成了真的无所谓
自己好像有很多话想说
但什么也说不出
每晚睡前见到的
只有影子
幸运的时候
还会有月光照进房里
犹如不时在身边出现的朋友
给自己的一些努力与欣慰
无需言语，无需真情
就这样
陪我入睡。。。
会觉得自己有些寂寞
快乐的事情，不知该对谁说
不快乐的事情，不知有谁能分担
一个人总是把事情都往心里埋
就算有人问起
我也不一定说真
以前都会有几位谈心的朋友
可以说说自己的欢笑，悲伤
现在，我不清楚
是他们踏出了我的社圈
还是自己的感情 比以前少了一些
最近
只会一天到晚把精神投入书里
看着一天一天就这样过去了
好像有点无趣，无奈
无我
书，是这样读的吗
我想找回自己的人生
回
也不知道是找回，还是找到
以前的人生，是人生吗
自己追求的是什么
事业，兴趣，金钱，爱情
曾有一时得到了爱情
但还是觉得缺了些什么
过了之后，反问自己
那，是爱情吗
怎么爱过之后的感觉
和牵手前的感觉
完全往另一个方向发展
不是还恋着
更不是恨意
之前假装的无所谓
也成了真的无所谓
自己好像有很多话想说
但什么也说不出
每晚睡前见到的
只有影子
幸运的时候
还会有月光照进房里
犹如不时在身边出现的朋友
给自己的一些努力与欣慰
无需言语，无需真情
就这样
陪我入睡。。。
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Fire and Ice, by Robert Frost
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Fire and Ice, by Robert Frost
screwed up
okay, so i screwed up my jap oral on thurs also.
i would have given myself a B grade for that. kns. haha..
siao liao, i think gotta work hard for final paper in order to secure at least B+.
reading up has been slow for the other modules, still got one more week left, seemed lik so little time for me to finish reading or studying. always like that -_- procrastination.
just sent the card a while ago. hope i got the address right.
somehow, i felt that in this lifetime, my dream is to travel north in march or sept, canada or someplace, where i can see with my own eyes, the true magnificent sight of an aurora. a companion would be nice. haha..
i would have given myself a B grade for that. kns. haha..
siao liao, i think gotta work hard for final paper in order to secure at least B+.
reading up has been slow for the other modules, still got one more week left, seemed lik so little time for me to finish reading or studying. always like that -_- procrastination.
just sent the card a while ago. hope i got the address right.
somehow, i felt that in this lifetime, my dream is to travel north in march or sept, canada or someplace, where i can see with my own eyes, the true magnificent sight of an aurora. a companion would be nice. haha..
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
a little unsettled
some personal problems that doesn't go too well with life..
i'm not sure how to solve this kind of things
it puts me in a position where i don't know whether the right way is right
there's so much pressure in me to just leave it aside and hope things will turn out well
like what i did for most of my problems in relationships, hope for the best.
it's not wrong, but it's not right either.
i want to be able to do something about it, get it right, set it straight.
i no longer want excuses to come along and drag my decision away from the comfort zone.
but haiz.. now other than studying i don't really wanna care about other stuffz. 3 more weeks till this is over and i get on to that.
i'm not sure how to solve this kind of things
it puts me in a position where i don't know whether the right way is right
there's so much pressure in me to just leave it aside and hope things will turn out well
like what i did for most of my problems in relationships, hope for the best.
it's not wrong, but it's not right either.
i want to be able to do something about it, get it right, set it straight.
i no longer want excuses to come along and drag my decision away from the comfort zone.
but haiz.. now other than studying i don't really wanna care about other stuffz. 3 more weeks till this is over and i get on to that.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Jap 3 Listening Test
as usual and expected, i screwed up my jap listening test today. have always been the case even for jap 1 & 2. the rest of the class seemed rather confident. i kinda peeked at some for answers. yes, i'm not ethical. i can't just be guessing abcd right? i estimated a 85% of guessing in the paper. seriously, why is my listening so bad? why i can't catch wthell are they talking about? how come others can catch? -_- tmd. i should learn to watch some jap shows or start watching anime again. most of them do. gotta get marks on jap from the thursday oral and the next next tue paper, or else the screwed listening is going to pull my grades down.
rainy day.
今日 雨が ふることと 風が ふくことが ありました。
私は 優しい 風が すきですから、 雨が ふって いて、 がっ校の benchで 寝ました。
i have no idea whether what i wrote is correct or not. haha...
rainy day.
今日 雨が ふることと 風が ふくことが ありました。
私は 優しい 風が すきですから、 雨が ふって いて、 がっ校の benchで 寝ました。
i have no idea whether what i wrote is correct or not. haha...
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
stupid internet
something's wrong with my computer with regards to the internet.
not the connection but the explorer, or firewall, or maybe it's the computer.
gotta get repair uncle to check it out after exams.
perhaps the curse of the computer always going crazy when my exams are near is back again. or is a blessing?
i'm 22. yesterday.
i started my 22nd year of life with well wishes and blessings from friends of all walks of life, and of cuz my family.
my deepest appreciation to lynn who sent her well wishes all the way from uk.
to kris, for her card which i always look forward to.
and also to sharon, who gave me a breakfast treat.
adeline, who came over before the lecture and said happy birthday.
and as alwayz, the guyz.
and yes, i procrastinated my projectz 21 until now, so i deemed it projectz 23. haha. and i'm planning to change the projectz title again next year round. getting too lazy.
only a few more weeks to exams. currently struggling with personality assignment 2 becuz i have no idea what to read. plus jap oral and listening is next week, i'm not even 1/2 prepared. haha...
note to self:
next time ask sis to buy cake. the one she bought yesterday was very nice.
not the connection but the explorer, or firewall, or maybe it's the computer.
gotta get repair uncle to check it out after exams.
perhaps the curse of the computer always going crazy when my exams are near is back again. or is a blessing?
i'm 22. yesterday.
i started my 22nd year of life with well wishes and blessings from friends of all walks of life, and of cuz my family.
my deepest appreciation to lynn who sent her well wishes all the way from uk.
to kris, for her card which i always look forward to.
and also to sharon, who gave me a breakfast treat.
adeline, who came over before the lecture and said happy birthday.
and as alwayz, the guyz.
and yes, i procrastinated my projectz 21 until now, so i deemed it projectz 23. haha. and i'm planning to change the projectz title again next year round. getting too lazy.
only a few more weeks to exams. currently struggling with personality assignment 2 becuz i have no idea what to read. plus jap oral and listening is next week, i'm not even 1/2 prepared. haha...
note to self:
next time ask sis to buy cake. the one she bought yesterday was very nice.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
2nd time
fell down during soccer again.
or rather, i made myself fall to block the shot.
same spot on my palm, bleeded quite badly after the fall.
i let the blood coagulated the hardened, so now it's like a red ugly spot on my hand.
like i said before, the cycle repeats.
after the 1st heartbreak, the 2nd one may follow soon after.
you got hurt the same place again.
what to do...
just 忍 and get over it.
i have no idea how is this going heal given that the wound from last week barely healed before i fell again today.
or rather, i made myself fall to block the shot.
same spot on my palm, bleeded quite badly after the fall.
i let the blood coagulated the hardened, so now it's like a red ugly spot on my hand.
like i said before, the cycle repeats.
after the 1st heartbreak, the 2nd one may follow soon after.
you got hurt the same place again.
what to do...
just 忍 and get over it.
i have no idea how is this going heal given that the wound from last week barely healed before i fell again today.
不安
feeling a bit uneasy.
a few things that didn't go well today.
i realised my astro scores weren't full marks.
i didn't go for my ippt this morn, it was raining so heavily, i assume the ippt was cancelled. hence, i have to get ready for RT. never in my life have i viewed myself as a failure in physical abilities. but not anymore in terms of running.
exams coming.
i have lots to read up on.
i don't feel at ease, yet i'm reluctant to touch my text.
i'm worried for my exams.
i don't like this feeling.
anyway, had a birthday dinner with family at np.
nice food, just that the portion of the food was a bit little.
a little on the expensive side, but i'm kinda glad i recommend the right place to dine. family seemed quite satisfied with the food.
w.lynn, thanks for the letter.
deeply appreciated.
a few things that didn't go well today.
i realised my astro scores weren't full marks.
i didn't go for my ippt this morn, it was raining so heavily, i assume the ippt was cancelled. hence, i have to get ready for RT. never in my life have i viewed myself as a failure in physical abilities. but not anymore in terms of running.
exams coming.
i have lots to read up on.
i don't feel at ease, yet i'm reluctant to touch my text.
i'm worried for my exams.
i don't like this feeling.
anyway, had a birthday dinner with family at np.
nice food, just that the portion of the food was a bit little.
a little on the expensive side, but i'm kinda glad i recommend the right place to dine. family seemed quite satisfied with the food.
w.lynn, thanks for the letter.
deeply appreciated.
Friday, October 30, 2009
dartz
the best training session we have so far.
most of us were in, 1 new comer.
although i played quite badly, but i felt good.
even though i have to take a cab back home becuz it was too late, i thought it was kinda worth it.
seriously, i will stay in hall just to play darts. haha..
most of us were in, 1 new comer.
although i played quite badly, but i felt good.
even though i have to take a cab back home becuz it was too late, i thought it was kinda worth it.
seriously, i will stay in hall just to play darts. haha..
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
生日快乐
i nearly forgot, it's my birthday today.
今天 九月十一.
probably only i rmb this date to be my lunar birthday.
well, happy birthday J.
华人应该算是 二十三岁了。
今天 九月十一.
probably only i rmb this date to be my lunar birthday.
well, happy birthday J.
华人应该算是 二十三岁了。
1206 - 1345 - 1247
so far my timings for 2.4 is cui until i can't pass. -_-
i have offically gotten the maximum points of anyone who failed ippt. 21 points.
i have offically gotten the maximum points of anyone who failed ippt. 21 points.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
wound
the wound always hurt when it's healing.
if i left it alone, it's just fine.
but during the healing stage, i keep exerting force on it to prove to myself it doesn't hurt anymore.
but every time, i failed to disregard that sharp pain.
then one day, the wound finally closed up.
the pain seemed gone.
until a tiny accident scratched the surface, then you know it still hurts.
not as much, but enough to still be called pain.
eventually it will heal completely.
one day it won't hurt anymore.
there might be a mark there, but maybe i won't rmb how i got it.
some time later, i fell down and got hurt again.
the whole damn cycle repeats.
if i left it alone, it's just fine.
but during the healing stage, i keep exerting force on it to prove to myself it doesn't hurt anymore.
but every time, i failed to disregard that sharp pain.
then one day, the wound finally closed up.
the pain seemed gone.
until a tiny accident scratched the surface, then you know it still hurts.
not as much, but enough to still be called pain.
eventually it will heal completely.
one day it won't hurt anymore.
there might be a mark there, but maybe i won't rmb how i got it.
some time later, i fell down and got hurt again.
the whole damn cycle repeats.
Monday, October 26, 2009
a dream
it was a dream that i remembered vividly the situation but not the exchange of words.
she was on my bed, in the current oritentation as it is now.
i don't know who she is, but i felt close to her.
short hair, shirt and shorts, the girl-next-door kind of girl.
she doesn't know me too. we just came together somehow.
we kissed, snuggled.
a rather sensual feeling that was seemingly lost and recovered in the dream.
and seriously, i wondered why there wasn't any sexual contents in it. have i grown out of it? if this is called maturing, i don't want any of that. haha..
she was on my bed, in the current oritentation as it is now.
i don't know who she is, but i felt close to her.
short hair, shirt and shorts, the girl-next-door kind of girl.
she doesn't know me too. we just came together somehow.
we kissed, snuggled.
a rather sensual feeling that was seemingly lost and recovered in the dream.
and seriously, i wondered why there wasn't any sexual contents in it. have i grown out of it? if this is called maturing, i don't want any of that. haha..
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Projectz Dartboard~!
woke up, and felt like setting up the dartboard that i've been delaying for quite a while. just managed to borrow the electric drill from uncle last weekend.
took me around 3 hours to finish all the things. the hardest has to be drilling the stupid hole in the wall. the whole time i need to push the drill towards the wall hard enough so my hands don't go trembling along with drill. took me like 30 min to drill a hole of 2-3cm -_-" anyway the dartboard looks fine now. still gotta figure out how to protect the wall from the damn-off throws. and i saw sparks flying when my darts fell on the ground. wah.. heart pain for the darts tip.
but still, YEAH~!
took me around 3 hours to finish all the things. the hardest has to be drilling the stupid hole in the wall. the whole time i need to push the drill towards the wall hard enough so my hands don't go trembling along with drill. took me like 30 min to drill a hole of 2-3cm -_-" anyway the dartboard looks fine now. still gotta figure out how to protect the wall from the damn-off throws. and i saw sparks flying when my darts fell on the ground. wah.. heart pain for the darts tip.
but still, YEAH~!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Presentations Donez
Wed cognitive presentation was super crap. wasn't prepared, didn't really know what i was saying. -_- and given that i slept only 2-3 hours before presenting... becuz i was doing up the slides.
today's personality presentation was not bad. although i keep screwing up during the rehearsals... it got so bad i stopped and thought to myself, wtf? i blamed the fact that i slept 2-3 hours again... becuz i redo all my slides.. got some nice comments from joyce, felt good.
exhausting day... rush finish presentation, then try to finish up my jap essay in the noon but was tired and my thoughts couldn't reach a consensus of what to write on. was practically sleeping thru the whole astro lecture.. at times i was conscious, but it just hurts too much to open up my eyes..
1 month before exams. it's time to do the usual planning again. i may not always manage to stick close to my schedule, at least i know how much i'm lacking behind in reading. haha.. the more salient the information, the more your consciousness will build up that sense of guilt of not studying.
today's personality presentation was not bad. although i keep screwing up during the rehearsals... it got so bad i stopped and thought to myself, wtf? i blamed the fact that i slept 2-3 hours again... becuz i redo all my slides.. got some nice comments from joyce, felt good.
exhausting day... rush finish presentation, then try to finish up my jap essay in the noon but was tired and my thoughts couldn't reach a consensus of what to write on. was practically sleeping thru the whole astro lecture.. at times i was conscious, but it just hurts too much to open up my eyes..
1 month before exams. it's time to do the usual planning again. i may not always manage to stick close to my schedule, at least i know how much i'm lacking behind in reading. haha.. the more salient the information, the more your consciousness will build up that sense of guilt of not studying.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
still peeling
1 wk+ after my kayaking course and my skin just started to peel.
the hands area. i think either my skin died a slow death after that saturated exposure to uv rays, or it just take a long time to start the peeling process.
getting quite frustrated with presentation tml.
still doing the slides.
it looked damn plain, points not smooth.
too much things to talk in 4 min.
knn.
the hands area. i think either my skin died a slow death after that saturated exposure to uv rays, or it just take a long time to start the peeling process.
getting quite frustrated with presentation tml.
still doing the slides.
it looked damn plain, points not smooth.
too much things to talk in 4 min.
knn.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Serenity
being in school for a make-up lecture becuz 2 public holidays fell on mon this sem.
it wasn't crowded.
the corridors ain't filled with students walking to their destinations.
the canteens were closed, except for the fast-foods.
the tutorial rooms were mostly empty.
suddenly, it feels good to be in school.
i kinda like this serenity that i'm enjoying in an air-conditioned tutorial room with my laptop to accompany me and allow me to do work before meeting up for presentation.
quiet, void of noise i usually prefer to avoid.
alone, away from crowds of strangers and occasionally acquaintances.
peace, my mind feels at ease following the mood of the holiday~
it wasn't crowded.
the corridors ain't filled with students walking to their destinations.
the canteens were closed, except for the fast-foods.
the tutorial rooms were mostly empty.
suddenly, it feels good to be in school.
i kinda like this serenity that i'm enjoying in an air-conditioned tutorial room with my laptop to accompany me and allow me to do work before meeting up for presentation.
quiet, void of noise i usually prefer to avoid.
alone, away from crowds of strangers and occasionally acquaintances.
peace, my mind feels at ease following the mood of the holiday~
it can't be that hard
i will not fall when i need to stand.
i will not bow to the desire i have.
i will not be succumb to my id impulses.
i will prevail.
i will not bow to the desire i have.
i will not be succumb to my id impulses.
i will prevail.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
don't want to think, or can't
having 2 presentations' deadlines coming together this coming week. can't help but feel helpless in analysing and figuring out how to present the information. haiz... sometimes i wondered what am i really good at. it's like i only know how to absorb, process, then vomit. plus, the information decays away in my memory system damn fast after i acknowledge the fact that the examaination on it is over. perhaps next time after the papers i should consciously tell knock my brain to remind myself i still have to count on the knowledge i've learned this sem to help me on the next sem, or my final year.
i think i'm better at teaching. ha.
i just maxed my skill level on cabal. i don't think i'm going to play much of it before my papers in late nov. hopefully.
5 weeks more to start of papers. abnormal first, followed by jap 3 the next day, astro 2 days after, cognitive 4 days after, and finally and perhaps the toughest paper i would expect to have is personality, 2 days later. a 2 weeks struggle as usual from last 2 sems i had. getting used to the routine studying before the exams. i just still don't like all the projects and presentations going on.
i think i'm better at teaching. ha.
i just maxed my skill level on cabal. i don't think i'm going to play much of it before my papers in late nov. hopefully.
5 weeks more to start of papers. abnormal first, followed by jap 3 the next day, astro 2 days after, cognitive 4 days after, and finally and perhaps the toughest paper i would expect to have is personality, 2 days later. a 2 weeks struggle as usual from last 2 sems i had. getting used to the routine studying before the exams. i just still don't like all the projects and presentations going on.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
emotions
just watched a rather scary footage of a jap spirit caught on video.
so i decided to emo to get some scary feelings off me.
没了你
就好像失去自己的一部分
就好像从此不会再有那种感觉
那种有妳在身边的触感
那种幸福快乐的情绪
那种牵着妳的手的感觉
在一瞬间消失的无奈
。。。
nahz.. it's been too long. wanna emo also cannot.
so i decided to emo to get some scary feelings off me.
没了你
就好像失去自己的一部分
就好像从此不会再有那种感觉
那种有妳在身边的触感
那种幸福快乐的情绪
那种牵着妳的手的感觉
在一瞬间消失的无奈
。。。
nahz.. it's been too long. wanna emo also cannot.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
1 catchy, the other smooth
Catchy
the first time i heard this song was probably at chris's playing mahjong. very catchy, and the 9 cute girls dancing made it even more appealing. haha...
Gee (chipmunk version) - Girls Generation
Smooth
first time hearing it today. was actually expecting a different song of the same title. 暗恋 seemed to be 2 words that most of us are familiar with, along with the feelings involved, the experiences, the expectations, disappointments, secret happiness.
暗恋 Adoration
曲：陶喆/吴庆隆 词：娃娃
告诉自己要冷静 却又无法不想你
我的懦弱已经开始让我讨厌我自己
是你对我有戒心 还是我没有自信
可是谁也不能阻止我 我要暗恋你
so lonely , so here I am ,standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
here I am waitting just for you
开放我所有 我要为你怎么做你才接受我
so lonely
尽管渴望再见你 虽然只是在梦里
短暂的甜蜜已胜过了一辈子没有你
就算没快乐结局 就算从此死了心
我要付出我所有珍妮 只要能感动你
我愿意
so here I am ,standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
here I am ,waitting just for you
开放我所有 ,我要为你怎么做你才接受
oh~（怎么才接受）
我喜欢 我要你 我爱你（我喜欢 我要你 我爱你）
so here I am , standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
so here I am ,waitting just for you
开放我所有 ,希望你能了解你能够接受我
I am lonely
故事就说到这里 就算你们再好奇
我想说的都已说完了 其余是秘密
在那某一个街头 会流传某个旋律
那是我在轻轻唱着歌 多爱你 珍妮
有些熟悉的感受。。
已去的一切一切
不能回来的情境
暗恋，一种好美的感觉。
同时，也可能是一生最遗憾的事情。
眼不见为净，
免得自己又胡思乱想。
the first time i heard this song was probably at chris's playing mahjong. very catchy, and the 9 cute girls dancing made it even more appealing. haha...
Gee (chipmunk version) - Girls Generation
Smooth
first time hearing it today. was actually expecting a different song of the same title. 暗恋 seemed to be 2 words that most of us are familiar with, along with the feelings involved, the experiences, the expectations, disappointments, secret happiness.
暗恋 Adoration
曲：陶喆/吴庆隆 词：娃娃
告诉自己要冷静 却又无法不想你
我的懦弱已经开始让我讨厌我自己
是你对我有戒心 还是我没有自信
可是谁也不能阻止我 我要暗恋你
so lonely , so here I am ,standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
here I am waitting just for you
开放我所有 我要为你怎么做你才接受我
so lonely
尽管渴望再见你 虽然只是在梦里
短暂的甜蜜已胜过了一辈子没有你
就算没快乐结局 就算从此死了心
我要付出我所有珍妮 只要能感动你
我愿意
so here I am ,standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
here I am ,waitting just for you
开放我所有 ,我要为你怎么做你才接受
oh~（怎么才接受）
我喜欢 我要你 我爱你（我喜欢 我要你 我爱你）
so here I am , standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
so here I am ,waitting just for you
开放我所有 ,希望你能了解你能够接受我
I am lonely
故事就说到这里 就算你们再好奇
我想说的都已说完了 其余是秘密
在那某一个街头 会流传某个旋律
那是我在轻轻唱着歌 多爱你 珍妮
有些熟悉的感受。。
已去的一切一切
不能回来的情境
暗恋，一种好美的感觉。
同时，也可能是一生最遗憾的事情。
眼不见为净，
免得自己又胡思乱想。
Monday, October 12, 2009
1...2...3... ZzzZzz...
couldn't get myself out of bed this morn to study for abnormal quiz today... i laze on bed from 6-7.30am. haha... body is tired and still aching from 2 days out at sea. especially my right hand. when technique is not proficient, strength takes over. first lecture, seriously dozing off at the back.
second lecture, still trying quite hard to stay awake.
slept for 45 min on the isolated bench.. shiok. cool weather.
2 presentations due next wk, followed by astro quiz on the week after, then personality assg 2 which i have really gotta score due the week after astro.
oh, looking at the calender, i just realized my bday is 3 wks away. hmm... thinking of buying a pair of new badminton shoes as a gift to myself. hehe.
one finance company called me up during lect, saying they're one of the top ten in singapore and i am being one of the ten that is shortlisted for management trainees. rejected the offer straight. first, i don't feel like going to interview. lazy, not in the mood, more interested in staying at home and doing my assignments. second, i can't afford the time to do a part-time in that context. third, i don't forsee myself and not interested in joining a finance company at a management level of no relevance to psychology.
i thought of getting my resume on jobsdb down, but wtheck. maybe one day a good job offer will come along which i can take along with sch.
second lecture, still trying quite hard to stay awake.
slept for 45 min on the isolated bench.. shiok. cool weather.
2 presentations due next wk, followed by astro quiz on the week after, then personality assg 2 which i have really gotta score due the week after astro.
oh, looking at the calender, i just realized my bday is 3 wks away. hmm... thinking of buying a pair of new badminton shoes as a gift to myself. hehe.
one finance company called me up during lect, saying they're one of the top ten in singapore and i am being one of the ten that is shortlisted for management trainees. rejected the offer straight. first, i don't feel like going to interview. lazy, not in the mood, more interested in staying at home and doing my assignments. second, i can't afford the time to do a part-time in that context. third, i don't forsee myself and not interested in joining a finance company at a management level of no relevance to psychology.
i thought of getting my resume on jobsdb down, but wtheck. maybe one day a good job offer will come along which i can take along with sch.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
First accomplishment since Uni Life started
Passed 1 star kayaking!
although nothing to brag about, but at least i went for it. lucky i have sharon along, if not neither of us would have sign up. haha..
2 days of kayak, not bad, nice feeling on sea.
learned some new things. despite all the kayaking i've been thru.
instructors were all very nice.
nice events planned out. i.e. picnic on open sea, mass capsize.
i quite liked the mass capsize. that's when everyone needs help and everyone's helping. was in a single, so quickly got up and went to help. kayaks can be freaking heavy when it's filled with water.
spent the day with tantem (doubles) initially. then switched and sticked with dancer (single). another type of single is called salem, or something spelt that way. salem is easier to control, tried it yesterday, but harder to turn. dancer, seriously dances around, highly sensitive to currents and strokes. i usually can't keep it straight, even harder when i tried to go any faster. but had a good time with it, easy to turn, mobile.
i realised i haven't been doing much recreation stuffz since i got into uni. this is the only concrete evidence i got so far. miserable, but looking forward to more. maybe 2 star next when i have the time? haha... sailing seemed fun too.
maybe just badminton, haven't gone back to the court for some time now.
although nothing to brag about, but at least i went for it. lucky i have sharon along, if not neither of us would have sign up. haha..
2 days of kayak, not bad, nice feeling on sea.
learned some new things. despite all the kayaking i've been thru.
instructors were all very nice.
nice events planned out. i.e. picnic on open sea, mass capsize.
i quite liked the mass capsize. that's when everyone needs help and everyone's helping. was in a single, so quickly got up and went to help. kayaks can be freaking heavy when it's filled with water.
spent the day with tantem (doubles) initially. then switched and sticked with dancer (single). another type of single is called salem, or something spelt that way. salem is easier to control, tried it yesterday, but harder to turn. dancer, seriously dances around, highly sensitive to currents and strokes. i usually can't keep it straight, even harder when i tried to go any faster. but had a good time with it, easy to turn, mobile.
i realised i haven't been doing much recreation stuffz since i got into uni. this is the only concrete evidence i got so far. miserable, but looking forward to more. maybe 2 star next when i have the time? haha... sailing seemed fun too.
maybe just badminton, haven't gone back to the court for some time now.
Kayak
it has been quite some time since i've kayak.
almost all the same things again.. perhaps only the rescue part was more interesting and fresh.
1 star kayak course day 1 ended with sunburnt, few scratches, and didn't manage to study after that becuz i was tired. ha.
almost all the same things again.. perhaps only the rescue part was more interesting and fresh.
1 star kayak course day 1 ended with sunburnt, few scratches, and didn't manage to study after that becuz i was tired. ha.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
nearly 2 weeks
been quite long since i've studied or done much for sch.
a bit hard to start doing it right away.
found out that i'm quite a few chapters behind, and half a sem behind for astro. did completely no readings on the stars.
haha.. oh, that reminds me. hope to go star-gazing session soon. well i missed the one at nus last year, i don't wanna miss my own one.
got a new chair, paid by mum.
seemed okay. will grow to like it probably.
still feel great about finally getting out of hospital. although it's just 1.5days stay.
a bit hard to start doing it right away.
found out that i'm quite a few chapters behind, and half a sem behind for astro. did completely no readings on the stars.
haha.. oh, that reminds me. hope to go star-gazing session soon. well i missed the one at nus last year, i don't wanna miss my own one.
got a new chair, paid by mum.
seemed okay. will grow to like it probably.
still feel great about finally getting out of hospital. although it's just 1.5days stay.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
i'm HIV-Negative
i have proof.
i slept along the corridor of ward11D in the hospital, becuz the class C wards are currently full, along with the class B. it really looks quite pathetic. this lonesome guy lying on a bed, along the corridor, doing nothing much.
seriously, so ke lian. well at least 1 day of hospitalisation helps to kill the pain. so many docs, so many medicine, and that 1 litre of laxative... kaoz.
i'm free from pain~!
plus HIV-negative.
i slept along the corridor of ward11D in the hospital, becuz the class C wards are currently full, along with the class B. it really looks quite pathetic. this lonesome guy lying on a bed, along the corridor, doing nothing much.
seriously, so ke lian. well at least 1 day of hospitalisation helps to kill the pain. so many docs, so many medicine, and that 1 litre of laxative... kaoz.
i'm free from pain~!
plus HIV-negative.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
twice
i was struggling with the pain yesterday night.
terrible, can't sleep for around 1.5 hrs.
finally went to hospital for a checkup.
constipated, and if it continues, maybe appendicitis...
2 terrible things that follow. the doc stuck her finger up my anus. then the nurse stuck the tube thingy to induce passing motion.
it's painful. quite. and very weird.
seemed like my relatives knew abt me going to the hospital.
dear mum must have told them.
terrible, can't sleep for around 1.5 hrs.
finally went to hospital for a checkup.
constipated, and if it continues, maybe appendicitis...
2 terrible things that follow. the doc stuck her finger up my anus. then the nurse stuck the tube thingy to induce passing motion.
it's painful. quite. and very weird.
seemed like my relatives knew abt me going to the hospital.
dear mum must have told them.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
pain away~
after 2-3 days of agony, it's not that serious now.
if it goes on, i might have cancel the steamboat.
some joke that came by my mail today... cracked me up.
The SAS, the Army and the Police decide to g on a survival weekend together, to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down to the woods and come back with rabbit for tea..
First up are the SAS. They don their infra-red goggles, drop to the groud, and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for five minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.
"Excellent" says the trainer.
Next, the army. They finish their cans of lager and cover themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down to the woods, screaming at the top of their voices. For the next half hour the woods ring with sound of machine guns, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood- curdling war cries. They emerge with the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done!" said the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Police. Walking slowly, hands behind their backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the crackle of walkie talkies. "Sierra oscar lima, suspect heading straight for you," etc. After what seems like an eternity, they emerge with a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you to five hours ago".
So back they went.
Minutes pass.
Minutes turn to hours.
Day turns to night.
The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the Police holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.
"Are you taking the piss?" asked the seriously irate trainer.
The Police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel who speaks,
"Alright, alright I'm a fucking rabbit!"
i feel like playing mahjong. meow~
if it goes on, i might have cancel the steamboat.
some joke that came by my mail today... cracked me up.
The SAS, the Army and the Police decide to g on a survival weekend together, to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down to the woods and come back with rabbit for tea..
First up are the SAS. They don their infra-red goggles, drop to the groud, and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for five minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.
"Excellent" says the trainer.
Next, the army. They finish their cans of lager and cover themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down to the woods, screaming at the top of their voices. For the next half hour the woods ring with sound of machine guns, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood- curdling war cries. They emerge with the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done!" said the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Police. Walking slowly, hands behind their backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the crackle of walkie talkies. "Sierra oscar lima, suspect heading straight for you," etc. After what seems like an eternity, they emerge with a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you to five hours ago".
So back they went.
Minutes pass.
Minutes turn to hours.
Day turns to night.
The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the Police holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.
"Are you taking the piss?" asked the seriously irate trainer.
The Police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel who speaks,
"Alright, alright I'm a fucking rabbit!"
i feel like playing mahjong. meow~
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
this pain...
this pain is not going away.
the same but slightly less severe pain than few nights before...
what the hell is wrong?
i can't have this abdomen pain all day.
it's irritating, and the pain is enduring.
i don't wanna see doc.
the same but slightly less severe pain than few nights before...
what the hell is wrong?
i can't have this abdomen pain all day.
it's irritating, and the pain is enduring.
i don't wanna see doc.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
who to call?
decided on a sat steamboat.
then i wondered abt who to call on.
too big a group, hard to manage.
the table is only that big.
freaking headache from soccer.
we should play in the evening.
sunblock lotion seemed to be too white.
and the headache doesn't go away for the whole day.
then i wondered abt who to call on.
too big a group, hard to manage.
the table is only that big.
freaking headache from soccer.
we should play in the evening.
sunblock lotion seemed to be too white.
and the headache doesn't go away for the whole day.
Friday, September 18, 2009
山鸡的故事
just watched finished this movie.
hmm.. sad story.
the background of one of the 古惑仔。
my favourite is actually not the leader, but 山鸡.
hmm.. sad story.
the background of one of the 古惑仔。
my favourite is actually not the leader, but 山鸡.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
movie?
was thinking of watching the proposal and the ugly truth yesterday.
someone popped by in the morn and asked if i'm to free to catch a movie.
nice coincidence.
can't help it.
i clicked on 'a walk to rmb' on youtube, and ended watching the later half of the movie. and damn it, why that scene always make me tear up.
got a 20% weightage assignment due tml. done 0% of it. HAHAHA.
so dead.
something calms me down when i stand before my grandpa, my ancestors.
someone popped by in the morn and asked if i'm to free to catch a movie.
nice coincidence.
can't help it.
i clicked on 'a walk to rmb' on youtube, and ended watching the later half of the movie. and damn it, why that scene always make me tear up.
got a 20% weightage assignment due tml. done 0% of it. HAHAHA.
so dead.
something calms me down when i stand before my grandpa, my ancestors.
today's quote
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
not concentrated
i'm still not totally in the mood of studying.
everytime this comes around, i wonder where all my acquired self-discipline disappear to.
face my fears.
everytime this comes around, i wonder where all my acquired self-discipline disappear to.
face my fears.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
recognising faces
in cognition, it's said that people will usually find it hard to recognise faces which are not in the upright orientation, even if they are familiar ones. it's like looking at a photo which is upside down, you will find it pretty hard to identify people faces (disregard hairstyles and clothes)
today, by chance i tested this out with a familiar face which is oriented 90degree anti-clockwise, appearing for perhaps 1-2 secs. just the face only, and i thought it was some boliao little girl. it's true.
today, by chance i tested this out with a familiar face which is oriented 90degree anti-clockwise, appearing for perhaps 1-2 secs. just the face only, and i thought it was some boliao little girl. it's true.
Friday, September 11, 2009
familiar
some scenes from the drama strikes my mind, activitating those memory scenes to resurface. haha.. is it my imagination, or it's just kinda similar. 好久以前的感觉啊。。我都忘了什么味道。哈哈。。
有些事情如果不能忘记，那就不要忘。
把它变成你人生的一部分。
i kinda hyped up now.
perhaps due to having finished the 24 episodes of drama.
or becuz i'm listening some really upbeat songs.
recently, my laptop is acting as my ipod. and i don't even have an ipod.
i carried my laptop and travelled to sch, and back.
有些事情如果不能忘记，那就不要忘。
把它变成你人生的一部分。
i kinda hyped up now.
perhaps due to having finished the 24 episodes of drama.
or becuz i'm listening some really upbeat songs.
recently, my laptop is acting as my ipod. and i don't even have an ipod.
i carried my laptop and travelled to sch, and back.
命中注定我爱你
i just finished this drama series on youtube.
think i started just last week.
haha... of all episodes, i have to watch the abortion part in sch library.
made me tear up.
used the whole day to finish it, nice drama.
today no sch~
presentation finished yesterday~
time to do other things~
think i started just last week.
haha... of all episodes, i have to watch the abortion part in sch library.
made me tear up.
used the whole day to finish it, nice drama.
today no sch~
presentation finished yesterday~
time to do other things~
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
someone's
sad
depressed.
depressed.sadden.
i shldnt be so depress
purple-brown
i shldnt be so depress.
i shldnt be so depress. tired of all.
i shldnt be so depress
cant focus
too brought down
ineedstrength
shattered
what shld i do?
i need food. hungry.
what best note i think this person posted?
the last one.
it dawns on me sadness lingers, but diminish at the same time.
so just accept the sadness, and embrace the disappearing of it too.
in the cycle of sadness, there comes a time when you reach terminal velocity and decide to break free of this stupid cycle and fly off somewhere where you're more carefree.
you might envy the gravitational force btw other pairs of matter, but perhaps one day you might hit another matter along your way and gravitate towards each other.
just like the other time. just like the last time. just like everytime.
if you believe in destiny, you don't just wait around for some miracle to happen.
even people who believe in god do something like praying. me, i burn joss sticks. so, do something. it's not like the miracle will happen by itself.
i'm getting too involved in doing nothing.
i can't do everything that interests me. face it, i'm not so free to do everthing.
i can't forget everything that's in the past. can't rmb either. haha..
depressed.
depressed.sadden.
i shldnt be so depress
purple-brown
i shldnt be so depress.
i shldnt be so depress. tired of all.
i shldnt be so depress
cant focus
too brought down
ineedstrength
shattered
what shld i do?
i need food. hungry.
what best note i think this person posted?
the last one.
it dawns on me sadness lingers, but diminish at the same time.
so just accept the sadness, and embrace the disappearing of it too.
in the cycle of sadness, there comes a time when you reach terminal velocity and decide to break free of this stupid cycle and fly off somewhere where you're more carefree.
you might envy the gravitational force btw other pairs of matter, but perhaps one day you might hit another matter along your way and gravitate towards each other.
just like the other time. just like the last time. just like everytime.
if you believe in destiny, you don't just wait around for some miracle to happen.
even people who believe in god do something like praying. me, i burn joss sticks. so, do something. it's not like the miracle will happen by itself.
i'm getting too involved in doing nothing.
i can't do everything that interests me. face it, i'm not so free to do everthing.
i can't forget everything that's in the past. can't rmb either. haha..
Sunday, September 6, 2009
どちらが かなしい。
have you ever wonder, which is more sad?
a guy who gave away his love to another person, becuz he knows she needs someone by her side and he can't be him...
or
a girl who married a man she doesn't love, just becuz the love of her life told her his wish is for her to marry a good man, and suffering in silence for the unavoidable death of him...
what a sad love story.
more than blue.
a guy who gave away his love to another person, becuz he knows she needs someone by her side and he can't be him...
or
a girl who married a man she doesn't love, just becuz the love of her life told her his wish is for her to marry a good man, and suffering in silence for the unavoidable death of him...
what a sad love story.
more than blue.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
shouldn't look back
it's not really healthy to look back at my blog posts.
i get all shook up when i saw those emotions i have back then.
i can really see a childish self. haha..
i get all shook up when i saw those emotions i have back then.
i can really see a childish self. haha..
friday night
i like lying on bed with 2 pillows cushioning my back, while i watched movies on my laptop past midnight.
movies that have happy endings, especially those relating to love relationships, usually leaves me satisfied, but yet wanting for more.
life's not perfect. i understand this. but amidst those lingering displeasantness, i still strive to get more out of it.
i know i'm not doing it now, but the desire of this wish is building up so strong. at the end of the day, the excuses can only boil down to just me.
i want to do something big, something exciting, something interesting. i wished to accomplish.
my dream, my desire, my destiny, if i believe it.
i no longer wants a solo night.
movies that have happy endings, especially those relating to love relationships, usually leaves me satisfied, but yet wanting for more.
life's not perfect. i understand this. but amidst those lingering displeasantness, i still strive to get more out of it.
i know i'm not doing it now, but the desire of this wish is building up so strong. at the end of the day, the excuses can only boil down to just me.
i want to do something big, something exciting, something interesting. i wished to accomplish.
my dream, my desire, my destiny, if i believe it.
i no longer wants a solo night.
Friday, September 4, 2009
thursday
hotmail should put a limit to the number of unread mails in your inbox.
that will certainly motivate me to clear up mine.
reaching 3k unread mails.
i hate flu. go die ba.
that will certainly motivate me to clear up mine.
reaching 3k unread mails.
i hate flu. go die ba.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
can't fall asleep
a little insomnia.
a little frustrated.
a little tired.
a little blank.
a little afraid.
a little sick.
a little frown.
i missed talking.
i missed talking to you.
i missed talking to you on my daily happenings.
i missed talking to you on my past.
i missed talking to you about my future.
i missed talking to you about my worries.
i missed talking, to you.
but i haven't found you.
i haven't found such a you.
i haven't found a you to listen to.
i haven't found a you to talk to.
i haven't found a you to be with.
i haven't found a you to share.
i haven't found a you to be you.
sometimes i tend to forget what i want to forget.
which by the time i realised, i have remembered what i wanted to forget.
a little frustrated.
a little tired.
a little blank.
a little afraid.
a little sick.
a little frown.
i missed talking.
i missed talking to you.
i missed talking to you on my daily happenings.
i missed talking to you on my past.
i missed talking to you about my future.
i missed talking to you about my worries.
i missed talking, to you.
but i haven't found you.
i haven't found such a you.
i haven't found a you to listen to.
i haven't found a you to talk to.
i haven't found a you to be with.
i haven't found a you to share.
i haven't found a you to be you.
sometimes i tend to forget what i want to forget.
which by the time i realised, i have remembered what i wanted to forget.
inside terrible feeling
it's the throat again. wonder if it's the rain.
went to see doc this morn, the medicine is the same as before.
but i don't rmb feeling so terrible after consuming the medicine.
i felt like it's killing me inside.
as if my feelings were in a turmoil, but in this case it's my body.
i don't like to feel weak.
went to see doc this morn, the medicine is the same as before.
but i don't rmb feeling so terrible after consuming the medicine.
i felt like it's killing me inside.
as if my feelings were in a turmoil, but in this case it's my body.
i don't like to feel weak.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
i don't like
i don't like being in a project group which is mostly guys.
for the most obvious reasons.
i like to have more girls in a group.
for the most obvious reasons.
i like to have more girls in a group.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
wandering
i'm lost. i'm willingly lost.
many paths crossed my way, i just looked away.
with what reasons, with what interests, my passion lies not there.
i do not know where, i do not know why.
what i know is, i want something to be beside.
many paths crossed my way, i just looked away.
with what reasons, with what interests, my passion lies not there.
i do not know where, i do not know why.
what i know is, i want something to be beside.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
don't wanna admit
a lot of time i don't wanna admit i'm weak.
i strive on being one of the strongest.
but other times, i just feel like it's okay to get stabbed, killed.
i wanna find back my motivation, passion..
things that i lost, seemingly the same time i lost her.
i strive on being one of the strongest.
but other times, i just feel like it's okay to get stabbed, killed.
i wanna find back my motivation, passion..
things that i lost, seemingly the same time i lost her.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
ReAlIse
a 6 days hss foc coupled with another 2 days psyc foc after just a weekend rest.
nice~
i had a better time being an ogl in a 2 days camp than a SA in a 6 days one.
psychology~
nice~
i had a better time being an ogl in a 2 days camp than a SA in a 6 days one.
psychology~
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
been thinking
people always seem to have something going on in their life.
busy with these, tired with that. going after this, chasing after that.
what am i doing? what am i caught up with?
i have no answers.
it felt like a million things is still left undone on the list,
but yet i'm behaving like there's nothing to do.
i have wishes to make changes and advances in my life.
somehow or rather, they seemed to be put on halt.
for whatever the cause, i refused to do them.
i even refused to put myself out there in the wilderness of unknown
which brings terror even with the thought of it.
to know another, to miss another, and to love another.
a world i've been before, not uncharted, but unknown.
ppl around me are moving on, going on in life.
i'm just stepping on the spot, sometimes even running backwards.
always hoping for something to just appear before my eyes and lead me to the end
and always know that's not the way to lead my life
chances and opportunities strike not once but many times, just maybe not the same ones.
i've missed too many, even failures aren't on the records.
to the many things i've been left out in my life
i strived to have them brought back to life.
love, passion, belief.
busy with these, tired with that. going after this, chasing after that.
what am i doing? what am i caught up with?
i have no answers.
it felt like a million things is still left undone on the list,
but yet i'm behaving like there's nothing to do.
i have wishes to make changes and advances in my life.
somehow or rather, they seemed to be put on halt.
for whatever the cause, i refused to do them.
i even refused to put myself out there in the wilderness of unknown
which brings terror even with the thought of it.
to know another, to miss another, and to love another.
a world i've been before, not uncharted, but unknown.
ppl around me are moving on, going on in life.
i'm just stepping on the spot, sometimes even running backwards.
always hoping for something to just appear before my eyes and lead me to the end
and always know that's not the way to lead my life
chances and opportunities strike not once but many times, just maybe not the same ones.
i've missed too many, even failures aren't on the records.
to the many things i've been left out in my life
i strived to have them brought back to life.
love, passion, belief.
one more day
one more day.. one more.
just have to go through a duration of 9 hours, that's it.
i don't want to have the desire of wanting to get closer.
but unknowingly, i keep smiling around her.
just have to go through a duration of 9 hours, that's it.
i don't want to have the desire of wanting to get closer.
but unknowingly, i keep smiling around her.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
sometimes when we touch
seemed to be behaving rather negatively today during work.
somehow, her presence is slowly changing me.
well, she introduced olivia ong.
i believed i have heard her songs before, especially this... sometimes when we touch.
a wonder, really. how such a nice girl, is still single now. well, wished i could stay to find out. so far, there's nothing much i can detest her presence for.
oh, there's one. i'm useless and can, or should in her view, be thrown away.
somehow, her presence is slowly changing me.
well, she introduced olivia ong.
i believed i have heard her songs before, especially this... sometimes when we touch.
a wonder, really. how such a nice girl, is still single now. well, wished i could stay to find out. so far, there's nothing much i can detest her presence for.
oh, there's one. i'm useless and can, or should in her view, be thrown away.
Monday, July 13, 2009
give me a reason
sometimes i felt like i'm fooling myself.
to avoid getting into any kinds of misery.
and i'm still not changing that shitz.
just give me a reason.
to avoid getting into any kinds of misery.
and i'm still not changing that shitz.
just give me a reason.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Dinner Skipped
it's funny how things turned out last night.
first my throat wasn't feeling too well the whole day, then work caught up with me till late evening, finally, i realised i forgot to ask mum to not cook my share.
well, next time then. still gotta collect my laptop today in town.
today's free. let's see what i can do.
first my throat wasn't feeling too well the whole day, then work caught up with me till late evening, finally, i realised i forgot to ask mum to not cook my share.
well, next time then. still gotta collect my laptop today in town.
today's free. let's see what i can do.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
not interested
志不同，不相为谋
sometimes, some people are just too different to be more than acquaintances.
she's one.
sometimes, some people are just too different to be more than acquaintances.
she's one.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
天蠍
天蠍，生於秋深。性喜靜，意清幽。愛之切，怨亦深。本質輕名利，但擁有成名得利的天賦。 偏重靈與肉的完美結合。直覺力之準之銳，行動力之瀟灑之特,常令徒有虛表之人忌憤不已。天蠍，一個別具一格的星座。格調分明有別常人，心胸高妙不露於表。常容人難容之事，亦笑人可笑之處。 對於朋友，重質不重量，高度要求知心。寧可孤獨，也不違心。 對於愛情，寧缺毋濫。寧可抱憾終生，也不苟且湊合。風流不羈的言行下，執著追求一種宗教意識的愛情信仰。內心具有高度責任性，忠誠性，自律性以及矛盾性。浪漫儒雅，風趣超脫。擁有奇異誘人的容貌氣質。根本上，提倡由愛生性的性愛模式，鄙視純粹的獸性性行為，但，自己卻又常在意志薄弱時，自虐般地沉溺其間。 天蠍大多恩怨分明，黑白絕不混餚。猶如包公，寧可得罪眾官，也要獎懲公道。多思少言的特質，齊全透徹的智慧，使一切真相假面恐慌不已。因此，本質靜默孤僻的天蠍們極易招惹他人的非難和灌上莫須有的罪名。而其強硬又柔弱的本質，常使其背負黑鍋也不辯護，不低頭。典型的"獨當千古錯，冷漠自逍遙"的天蠍風格。只有在忍無可忍時，天蠍才會真正採取報復行為。可也因其很多時候過於忍辱負重，好比老實人發火，報復也就更顯突兀強勁，反令圓滑的小人真正的禍首們惱羞成怒，藉機大肆渲染。由於天蠍有隱忍為善的一面，更有別緻的獨特氣質，從而也導致了天蠍倍受他人嫉妒卻常被反咬一口的現象出現。也因為典型的天蠍,並不擅長疏通改善人際關係，更不善於有效地表達澄清自己，從而成為了十二星座裡最具爭議的一個星座。 天蠍們擁有天賦般靈性的思維，結合現實的洞察，產生了異於常人的思索角度愛情觀，友情觀，人生觀，皆如此。由於意識超常，天蠍們總是：苦於紅塵無知音，不如隱形愛孤獨。天蠍的確就是這樣極端：不是最另類的現代人，就是最另類的原始人。 人們研究天蠍的誤區在於沒有能力到達天蠍的心理根本。 其實，天蠍們一生都在尋求知心的朋友，同時他們也容忍對手的存在，但，並非製造敵人。要知道，天蠍本性不好戰，但具備戰鬥的智慧和能量。請注意：這是關鍵。所以你可以成為天蠍的對手和朋友，但，不要把天蠍當敵人。因為，天蠍從不主動侵犯他人的利益。你也不要做些低層次的敵對事情，那只能顯得你自己無聊挫敗。比如：如果你煽動眾人，想用流言蜚謠打擊算計，甚至孤立天蠍，那麼不久你就會發現天蠍依舊活得很灑脫，很獨特。因為，他們本來沒有把你當敵人，某種意義上，是你自己"自作多情"，以小人之心度君子之腹了。而這種俗不可耐的敵對伎倆，對於天蠍們來說，無疑是一堆可笑差勁的破招。天蠍生性渴望理解,卻不奢求理解，安於孤獨，更能樂於孤獨。天蠍的優勢在於，對於別有用心的人，能夠一眼看穿，並完全做到視若無睹。也許，當你自鳴得意時，天蠍想的正是——不和這頭牲口一般見識！看，天蠍就是這樣的心態，清高地忍讓，憂鬱地承受，卻，酷得乾脆利落，宛如一位高超的劍手，不是不過招，只是你非對手。為什麼你非對手，因為你已經把自己立意為敵人。對於敵人，不用過招。興趣無時不屑一顧。興趣來時，一劍定勝負。這種徹骨的冷靜和孤高，也正是天蠍人雖不招惹別人，卻還是招致陰險有毒的惡名的根本。而，也只有天蠍自己知道，真正惡毒的其實是你！但是，一切也都沒有用，要知道，能夠忍受孤獨的人，也就是最無所畏懼的人了。這也就是天蠍為什麼可以在鋪天蓋地的惡名謠傳裡，依舊活出自己風格的原因。某個角度來說，才思橫溢的天蠍人，正是從別人不切實際的攻擊誹謗裡，看到了自己與眾不同的價值。因為，沒有人會化很大的心血很多的精力，對一個平庸無常的人做太多的關注。顯然，天蠍是別具一格的。 我本善良，我本真實，這樣的句子，用在天蠍身上是最恰當不過了。每隻天蠍似乎從出生那天起，就注定要為自己的獨特而歷經許多風波。對於人性，天蠍從來看得比所有人透徹。 可以說他們極端，但是，他們無法不真實地活出自己。也許，只有"曲高合寡"這四個字，才是孤獨奇特的天蠍們最好的詮釋。 天蠍。星象書上說，誕生在深秋的蠍子是最複雜的。同意這句話。因為蠍子可以根據需要在具體環境把自己塑造成適合的角色，是個善於戴著面具生活的人。但內心本我的強大力量又讓他們在某個時刻不由自主地顯現出其蠍子冷酷陰鬱的一面。幾乎沒有任何一個蠍子座的人可以逃避這點。因為，本質的東西，深植於骨髓，扎根於靈魂。 這裡，我希望通過自己的一點薄見，和大家一起認識這最複雜的蠍子情感強烈是蠍子座的人最普遍的特點。我至今沒有發現感情因子欠乏的蠍子。他們有著異常熾熱的感情，但大多藏得較深，平時看來是個比較和氣的人，一般不爆發，爆發時絕對是噴湧而出的，有著強大的震懾力.能促使蠍子爆發深藏的感情的事情其實並不多。我總結了三種情況。 一是欺騙，這種欺騙也許不是很大，也許發生在很好的朋友甚至親友之間，也許只是一樁小事，但蠍子看來，重要的不是欺騙造成了什麼損失，而是欺騙這種行為本身，他認為這是強烈的不信任感，是對他的不尊重。一個小小的欺騙在蠍子的心中會激盪起巨大的不快，天性陰冷的蠍子習慣將它放大來看，也可以說這種與他們處事風格準則背道而弛的行為是他們輕蔑並排斥的。用欺騙傷害蠍子產生的裂痕一般是不容易消除的。當事人在蠍子心中的地位可以說馬上會大幅下降。經觀察，沒有哪個星座的人像蠍子這樣如此深地看重信任和尊重這兩個詞，他們一般對此都很敏感。敏感得容下不在他許可的小小範圍內出現一粒沙。越是親密關係間的欺騙對蠍子的傷害就越大。因為他們對朋友往往交出真心，而這種付出償來的若是欺騙和背叛的話，蠍子的心會冷到極點。 二是侮辱。敏感的蠍子其實並不那麼開得起玩笑，當然他們能敏銳地分辨出你話裡的真實含義，善意的玩笑他們還是不會拒絕的。但帶刺的話他們絕對能馬上聽出，他能感受到你語氣中的真實的感情成分。很自我的蠍子絕對不容忍別人侮辱他貶低他。也許一件事情讓他糟糕，讓他吃虧很大，但如果需要的話他能壓抑住自己的情緒，裝作若無其事。惟獨侮辱不可以，你可以感受到蠍子那一刻表情越發陰冷，牙關緊閉。那是他在積蘊力量，你能感受得到他強壓怒火的眼神，開始起伏的胸膛，只需要一個小小突破口，巨大的能量就要噴薄而出。這個時候，瞭解他們的人還是趕緊收口吧，否則誰都不知道會發生什麼可怕的事情。我自己就經歷過多次這樣的情景，從來都是是猛烈的瞬間爆發，不明白的人奇怪怎麼突然發這麼大脾氣，其實真實情況是，他忍著氣已經很久很久了，只是你硬逼他爆發的。 三是為了他認為重要的人。蠍子是活得孤獨的人，他們自己都會發現，自己和許多人是格格不入的，他滿臉的笑容很多時候都不是發自內心的，只是為了場合的需要，真正談得來並懂得他們的朋友一般很少很少。生命中他重視的人他一定會傾力保護，蠍子為了保護那個人時，顯現出的感情是強大的。這個人最大的可能就是曾在蠍子需要時給過真正理解溫暖關愛的人。哪怕是一點點。像會記恨一樣，蠍子對那些對他真心好的人絕對是記在心上的，沒有太多的表面的東西，關鍵的時候，真正肯為你犧牲的那個朋友，肯定是他。對他最愛的那個人而言，蠍子有可能的話甚至肯為她去死。如果他心中的那個她被別人傷害的話，蠍子會有剜心的痛，這個時候，他可能會暴露出最陰暗的一面，如果要把報復和蠍子聯繫起來的話，那麼這種情況當屬第一。蠍子這時候可能會在巨痛的驅使下，用最黑暗的力量為她去復仇去摧毀敵人。在我看來，蠍子最最強烈感情表現出來的時候，應該就是他為了保護她的時候。水象之王的蠍子外表看來往往不那麼強硬，甚至有點軟弱，這是很多人對他們的印象，但瞭解他們的內心的人就會發現，他們是討厭被指使的人。可以說，蠍子是吃軟不吃硬的，平等對他的話，他便是個性子很好的人，要是想壓制他，蠍子內心馬上會排斥，並且潛意識裡他們是很厭惡習慣對他們指手畫腳的人的。他們心中多數是不服，但不會明顯表現出來，也許暫時地順著對方，背後則默默積累力量，也許乾脆用冷漠直接表示拒絕和厭惡。蠍子確實是喜歡掌控別人的人，但不像火象的獅子那種氣焰上統領一切的感覺，蠍子能用一種獨特的暗藏的力量影響人，因為他有著洞穿別人內心的敏銳力和堅定沉靜的氣質。如果蠍子具備一些火象性格的話，則會是個讓人感覺非常凌厲的人，冷靜的外表下說起話做起事來霸氣十足。蠍子如果學著性格張揚一點的話，會馬上顯現出強大的領導力。蠍子對自己的愛人也有著強烈的掌控欲，只有當那個她只對他一個人好的時候，他才感覺安心，他希望她能常陪在他身邊，希望她能經常依靠他，所以小鳥依人般的溫柔甜蜜的女孩子最能激起蠍子愛的感覺。這就解釋了為什麼他和水象的魚兒和巨蟹很和得來的原因。 蠍子比較喜歡不帶表情的說話做事，可以說，蠍子很難學會用表情表達他們豐富的內心世界，他們是不善於利用表情的人。蠍子本質是不愛笑的，尤其不習慣在一大堆人之間肆無忌憚地笑，蠍子習慣淺淺地一笑，讓他們在眾人面前表情誇張地保持10秒鐘我相信是件困難的事情。 他們確實常給人缺乏親和力的印象，哪怕是他已經認識到了這點並試著去改變了，結果還是會發現，一不留神，他和人的距離感又莫名地產生了。可以說蠍子的笑保留著人類某種原始的東西，蠍子笑起來會帶著絲羞澀，特別是在人多或異性面前。看起來非常孩子氣，讓人感覺純真，顯得乖巧。但蠍子多笑真的比較重要，蠍子笑起來純樸真誠的樣子可以很好地打消他們在別人心中不好的印象。蠍子可以多對著鏡子練習練習。敏感的蠍子有時會莫名地收住笑容，這會給別人不好的印象，他們會納悶並猜想你突然沉下臉的原因，很多時候，蠍子和人的隔閡就是這麼產生的。 在蠍子的生命中總有一種嚮往孤獨的特質。 他們即使在受不了淒寂的同時，又渴望得到只有在孤獨時才能享受到的自我極致發揮和無絲毫保留的面對現實。 所以，孤獨的蠍子是矛盾的。 孤獨中他們的心靈像眼睛，誠實敏銳得揉不進一粒塵沙。 所以，孤獨的蠍子更能洞悉謊言與人心。他們只有在孑然一身的時候，才有機會登上精神的高峰，望得遠，看得清，障礙盡除，思維如月光染雪，剔透通明，理智與感情皆回歸到最純淨的狀態，能清楚的照亮自己。 所以，孤獨的蠍子睿智。 當蠍子被身邊的孤獨包圍的時候，他們的內心卻是在釋放。他們的身體和靈魂變成了過濾器，吸取著潮濕冰冷的空氣，滲透出清澈甘甜的水滴，那就是他們的思想。思想無限流動，不受空間和時間的限制，抵達所有相通的靈魂。 所以，當到達你的靈魂時，請你好好珍惜。 當你看到陌生人面前孤僻而冷淡的蠍子時，請你見諒，因為即興發揮不是蠍子的強項，蠍子一向預熱很慢，感情需要很大的安全感才能活潑的施展。 所以，當你想要瞭解那些外表形單影隻，獨來獨往的蠍子時，請細心的感受他們內在活動的勃放如春。 對於天蠍座的激情別人已經寫得夠多的了，以致再寫就顯得有點多餘了。其實那些描述嚴格地來說，也不完全正確。天蠍座的人確實擁有過量的激情。但是這些熱情不一定是用一種顯而易見的方式來表達的。對於天蠍座的人來說，性是一種表達的途徑，它是一種達到秩序的方法，而不僅僅是肉體上激情的釋放。 天蠍座對性和愛的渴望，通常與它們能提供的轉變有關。他們喜歡把性與愛稱作自己所喜歡的名字：一次神秘的經歷、一次深層次的體會。性與愛讓天蠍座向比他們自己更強大的事物投降。天蠍座的伴侶有一種巨大的容忍力，他們為了愛情和忠貞可以犧牲一切。他們甚至可以做出巨大的自我犧牲。在他們身上有一點狂熱，這會滲透到他們與別人建立的關係中，並且影響他們的精神和態度。 天蠍座是不會在淺的池塘裡划水的。他們縱身跳入遠遠淹過他們的頭的深度的汪洋。但是有時候可悲的是，在天蠍座所處的關係中釋放出來的狂熱，有時候會導致他們極端的猜疑，並且會讓他們產生強烈的佔有慾。假如天蠍座的人正陷入在愛情當中的時候，這種情況往往就會發生。假如他們沒有真正談戀愛的話，那麼他們情感的大門就永遠不會在你面前出現，你將面臨真正的情感上的堅冰。
Friday, July 3, 2009
i still love her
if badminton has a gender, i will just presume it's a female.
everytime i thought about her, my whole body feels weird.
i can get some comfort from the racket and the shuttle,
but nothing beats being in a game.
COME ON, LOVE-ALL.
everytime i thought about her, my whole body feels weird.
i can get some comfort from the racket and the shuttle,
but nothing beats being in a game.
COME ON, LOVE-ALL.
Monday, June 29, 2009
tired eyes
after 2 days of mahjong, my eyes are getting tired.
weeks after weeks it became clear my week is mostly occupied. work on the weekdays, friends on the weekends. i hardly ever have time for myself, or others. although there are not many others, but perhaps i should do some intiation of some sort.
sch's starting in another month. lots of personal stuffz still left undone. haha. procrastination, or just no motivation?
weeks after weeks it became clear my week is mostly occupied. work on the weekdays, friends on the weekends. i hardly ever have time for myself, or others. although there are not many others, but perhaps i should do some intiation of some sort.
sch's starting in another month. lots of personal stuffz still left undone. haha. procrastination, or just no motivation?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Dreams & Passion
some time ago i began to theorize that and also justify the reason behind my seemingly dreamless sleep is becuz i'm lacking of passion in life. i'm just floating along space and time, neverminding the far end of the future and the surrounding much. lacking in a little passion and motivation.
decided to do those things i wanted to do since long ago.
and indeed, weird dreams came along.
decided to do those things i wanted to do since long ago.
and indeed, weird dreams came along.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
some things
after all these years, i began to justify her absence with my own reasons which i held very true to.
there are certain things i can't give.
i can't present to you all my feelings, becuz if so, i'll be weak infront of you.
i can't show you my past, i have too much to hide.
i can't give you your present, the past future is in every way similar, but no way possible.
a man without his truth. still searching, still seeking.
i am not done with myself.
there are certain things i can't give.
i can't present to you all my feelings, becuz if so, i'll be weak infront of you.
i can't show you my past, i have too much to hide.
i can't give you your present, the past future is in every way similar, but no way possible.
a man without his truth. still searching, still seeking.
i am not done with myself.
lend a hand
many a times i give all out to help a friend in need.
if there's anything i can do for you, i'll do it.
that's my stand, those are my words.
but recently i've rejected the offer to help
and it always bring me back to what the fortune teller told me
there's a limit to helping other ppl
if you just keep giving help, in the end you're the one who's wasting time and energy on someone, something, that is eventually not worth it.
is that true?
it feels bad and guilty to not lend a helping hand when they need it
particularly for me.
i don't like to ask others for help unless i got overwhelmed.
and asking others for help proved to be more than a simple task of just opening my mouth.
is it a signature of weakness that i thought i'm displaying?
the stereotype of help is given only to the weak may be a bit over
those who need help may not be weak.
similarly i guess, those who are weak may not need help either.
the truth behind her request is something in which if i don't know, my reluctance grows. uncertain of the unknown, and with a history, my hands tighten, my heart hardens, i rejected the offer.
the guilt will wear off. it did so the last time i refused to release my hands.
but it always come around, when she asked for it again.
i ate braised pork noodle, then alfredo for lunch. i'm still full 2 hours before dinner time.
if there's anything i can do for you, i'll do it.
that's my stand, those are my words.
but recently i've rejected the offer to help
and it always bring me back to what the fortune teller told me
there's a limit to helping other ppl
if you just keep giving help, in the end you're the one who's wasting time and energy on someone, something, that is eventually not worth it.
is that true?
it feels bad and guilty to not lend a helping hand when they need it
particularly for me.
i don't like to ask others for help unless i got overwhelmed.
and asking others for help proved to be more than a simple task of just opening my mouth.
is it a signature of weakness that i thought i'm displaying?
the stereotype of help is given only to the weak may be a bit over
those who need help may not be weak.
similarly i guess, those who are weak may not need help either.
the truth behind her request is something in which if i don't know, my reluctance grows. uncertain of the unknown, and with a history, my hands tighten, my heart hardens, i rejected the offer.
the guilt will wear off. it did so the last time i refused to release my hands.
but it always come around, when she asked for it again.
i ate braised pork noodle, then alfredo for lunch. i'm still full 2 hours before dinner time.
Friday, June 19, 2009
1st ICT 150609 - 190609
didn't know officers will become so busy from day 1 onwards.
my body is aching, heating up, and feeling worn out.
tml's mob. just get it over and done with.
the most fruitful thing that comes from this ict is probably the chance to interact with men from various background, companies, formations, histories... stories.
my body is aching, heating up, and feeling worn out.
tml's mob. just get it over and done with.
the most fruitful thing that comes from this ict is probably the chance to interact with men from various background, companies, formations, histories... stories.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
if i can lose all feelings and emotions
sometimes i wish i can forgo all that's inside
to measure everything objectively
to see everyone as tools
friends, family.
love suddenly becomes a well-defined subject.
for the sake of continuing mankind, sex
in order to follow the norm
to be seen as a success in all aspects of life
i will not feel happy
the smile on my face is just being polite
i smile, simply becuz you smile
i can feel no pain
heartbreak means nothing in the objective measure
i shall appear calm and unshaken at the deaths or ending of relationships
my heart doesn't race anymore
no sexual exposure can get my adrenaline flowing
no attraction can set my hormones going
no one can get me wanting
i have no desires
i void myself of all smiles and tears
open a black hole and empty my heart
my mind is only for intellectal thinking
my heart is for beating
my eyes see not humans but bodies of flesh roaming on grounds
my ears hear not words but noises from the back
even my greatest enjoyment of taste diminish till food turns into just solid
i am alive, dead, a living dead and a dying life.
if.
anyway, i'm tired of waiting for the treat to actually arrive with words of confirmation. i asked for the sake of asking. not in the mood to feel happy from a treat. so, save it till next time, when i'm in a lighter mood.
i can't allow myself to express freely my every thoughts. sensible or nonsensical.
for that kind of 'honesty' will only devoid myself of people, even closed.
i may hint to you in subtle ways, obvious signs, or pray somehow you read my mind
but to tell my very truth, you can wait till the sun dies.
i can appear unfazed, untroubled, strong on the front
perhaps to protect, i have no idea what's inside.
weak or strong, weak or strong. what's weak and what's strong.
does ppl even bother to define? does it warrants a definition?
sometimes i write so much nonsense.
to measure everything objectively
to see everyone as tools
friends, family.
love suddenly becomes a well-defined subject.
for the sake of continuing mankind, sex
in order to follow the norm
to be seen as a success in all aspects of life
i will not feel happy
the smile on my face is just being polite
i smile, simply becuz you smile
i can feel no pain
heartbreak means nothing in the objective measure
i shall appear calm and unshaken at the deaths or ending of relationships
my heart doesn't race anymore
no sexual exposure can get my adrenaline flowing
no attraction can set my hormones going
no one can get me wanting
i have no desires
i void myself of all smiles and tears
open a black hole and empty my heart
my mind is only for intellectal thinking
my heart is for beating
my eyes see not humans but bodies of flesh roaming on grounds
my ears hear not words but noises from the back
even my greatest enjoyment of taste diminish till food turns into just solid
i am alive, dead, a living dead and a dying life.
if.
anyway, i'm tired of waiting for the treat to actually arrive with words of confirmation. i asked for the sake of asking. not in the mood to feel happy from a treat. so, save it till next time, when i'm in a lighter mood.
i can't allow myself to express freely my every thoughts. sensible or nonsensical.
for that kind of 'honesty' will only devoid myself of people, even closed.
i may hint to you in subtle ways, obvious signs, or pray somehow you read my mind
but to tell my very truth, you can wait till the sun dies.
i can appear unfazed, untroubled, strong on the front
perhaps to protect, i have no idea what's inside.
weak or strong, weak or strong. what's weak and what's strong.
does ppl even bother to define? does it warrants a definition?
sometimes i write so much nonsense.
without a name
got reminded of the few motivations that i have during my sierra days.
not sure what to blog.
didn't get into hall, heng. money stay in pocket, safe.
not sure what to blog.
didn't get into hall, heng. money stay in pocket, safe.
Monday, June 8, 2009
dead dog
saw a dead dog the yesterday while visiting ah ma.
white fur in a pool of red.
wonder what happened.
white fur in a pool of red.
wonder what happened.
Friday, June 5, 2009
一个人的感觉
have you tried being alone
to know how it feels to have nobody by your side
when you were overjoyed and there's no one to share
when you were in despair and have no one to turn to
the eyes of stereotype when you are sitting alone for dinner
in a crowd of couples, you are singled out as an individual
the feeling of one
the feeling of only
alone or lonely
comes together, or separate
i don't wanna be lonely.
i just wanna be alone.
if i can't be alone without feeling lonely,
then i'll recall the feelings of having companionship
if i am lonely but not alone,
then leave the group and join the crowd
to know how it feels to have nobody by your side
when you were overjoyed and there's no one to share
when you were in despair and have no one to turn to
the eyes of stereotype when you are sitting alone for dinner
in a crowd of couples, you are singled out as an individual
the feeling of one
the feeling of only
alone or lonely
comes together, or separate
i don't wanna be lonely.
i just wanna be alone.
if i can't be alone without feeling lonely,
then i'll recall the feelings of having companionship
if i am lonely but not alone,
then leave the group and join the crowd
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
changes
don't give me last min changes
i hate it when there are
don't give me half-hearted agreement
i need a whole, not a halve
don't give me that shitz that you're doing me a favour
it's a 2-way traffic, you're just looking at one way
i hate it when there are
don't give me half-hearted agreement
i need a whole, not a halve
don't give me that shitz that you're doing me a favour
it's a 2-way traffic, you're just looking at one way
Sunday, May 31, 2009
crush
what does it meant to have a crush on somebody?
have you ever wondered does everyone goes thru the crush phase before moving on to the next stage?
and what exactly is the definition of a crush?
for those who may have forgotten the emotions of having a crush on somebody...
why did you ever give up?
first saw you in a crowd of strangers
didn't really see you, i just saw you
hardly spoke a word or two
there was no reason, there was no excuse
our eyes did not greet until destiny binds
a reason to hi, an excuse to use
the innate similiarity drew me closer by an inch
but still i didn't see you, i just saw you
moments passed, closesness drew
our speech aligned, our thoughts attached
without warning nor sign, your actions and mine,
i suddenly see you, not just saw you
questions unanswered, answers unquestioned,
a guessing game starts, double-blinded play
all i have is but one answer unquestioned
i do see you
and all i want to ask is one question unanswered
do you see me
have you ever wondered does everyone goes thru the crush phase before moving on to the next stage?
and what exactly is the definition of a crush?
for those who may have forgotten the emotions of having a crush on somebody...
why did you ever give up?
first saw you in a crowd of strangers
didn't really see you, i just saw you
hardly spoke a word or two
there was no reason, there was no excuse
our eyes did not greet until destiny binds
a reason to hi, an excuse to use
the innate similiarity drew me closer by an inch
but still i didn't see you, i just saw you
moments passed, closesness drew
our speech aligned, our thoughts attached
without warning nor sign, your actions and mine,
i suddenly see you, not just saw you
questions unanswered, answers unquestioned,
a guessing game starts, double-blinded play
all i have is but one answer unquestioned
i do see you
and all i want to ask is one question unanswered
do you see me
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
what are friends for
i questioned myself since the day i've noticed that friendships don't just exist in one level, but in different dimensions and proximity, time, and space.
everyone knows, some friends stayed. some friends go.
some will leave their prints behind, while others you won't rmb a thing abt them.
ah.. i'm too tired to type out my thoughts. been walking for hours in kaki bukit area for road surveys. those bloody traffic lights.
just doesn't make sense to keep telling your treasured information (e.g. birthday) to ppl you deemed friends. it's either they're forgetful, or they dont give a damn, until the damn is on them.
~i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend~
i thought i was. turned out, nahz. just a shithole statement for those lovey dovey.
btw, i'm tired of asking ppl out for angel & demon. and for the record, any movies i want to watch. i have ppl telling me, "my friend asks, then i acc loh". "i'm picky with movies mates". in other words, not cut out to be a movie companion.
you! i blame you for causing me to feel a need to have someone beside me during movies. i'm going back to watching movies by myself.
everyone knows, some friends stayed. some friends go.
some will leave their prints behind, while others you won't rmb a thing abt them.
ah.. i'm too tired to type out my thoughts. been walking for hours in kaki bukit area for road surveys. those bloody traffic lights.
just doesn't make sense to keep telling your treasured information (e.g. birthday) to ppl you deemed friends. it's either they're forgetful, or they dont give a damn, until the damn is on them.
~i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend~
i thought i was. turned out, nahz. just a shithole statement for those lovey dovey.
btw, i'm tired of asking ppl out for angel & demon. and for the record, any movies i want to watch. i have ppl telling me, "my friend asks, then i acc loh". "i'm picky with movies mates". in other words, not cut out to be a movie companion.
you! i blame you for causing me to feel a need to have someone beside me during movies. i'm going back to watching movies by myself.
ICT meeting
back to SG Camp. lots of familiar and unfamiliar faces in the room.
it's great seeing the guys again, spending the day with them having fun and laughing.
it's great seeing the guys again, spending the day with them having fun and laughing.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Senior Camp
fri and sat was spent in ntu going thru senior camp.
fri morn, i was regretting going for the first hour.
as we gathered, i realised i didn't really know many ppl.
and those whom i knew and were present at the camp, were ppl i'm not very close to.
the rest of the ppl seemed connected somehow.
it is as if everyone knows everyone, except for me.
don't really like the feeling, it's like intruding into a family.
however, when the camp started its activity, i felt like i was being introduced to this family. the icebreaker game was a good start, and also a good thing i have 2 familiar faces inside my group. rest of the camp till sat evening was rather okay. the feeling was okay, just that i know it won't be that easy to be as close as if i was there last year with them.
just took a nap after soccer and went thru my thoughts about her. there are things that i can't provide, can't give, and don't possess. and some of those things, she desire. there is another one closer to her who is at a better position to give, to comfort, and to console. a sudden appearance has its surprise factor. take it and hype your life, for at this time, i'm going slow. i don't thrive in fast relationship building, becuz i built it on trust and intimacy. over time and over space, i can't see you nor myself, having anything more than hey.
but i believe life's a gamble. some times, or most of it, is messed up. i took a gamble in a ballot, and if it's a win, i'll gamble your choice. a double win takes it all, a single loss means it's over.
fri morn, i was regretting going for the first hour.
as we gathered, i realised i didn't really know many ppl.
and those whom i knew and were present at the camp, were ppl i'm not very close to.
the rest of the ppl seemed connected somehow.
it is as if everyone knows everyone, except for me.
don't really like the feeling, it's like intruding into a family.
however, when the camp started its activity, i felt like i was being introduced to this family. the icebreaker game was a good start, and also a good thing i have 2 familiar faces inside my group. rest of the camp till sat evening was rather okay. the feeling was okay, just that i know it won't be that easy to be as close as if i was there last year with them.
just took a nap after soccer and went thru my thoughts about her. there are things that i can't provide, can't give, and don't possess. and some of those things, she desire. there is another one closer to her who is at a better position to give, to comfort, and to console. a sudden appearance has its surprise factor. take it and hype your life, for at this time, i'm going slow. i don't thrive in fast relationship building, becuz i built it on trust and intimacy. over time and over space, i can't see you nor myself, having anything more than hey.
but i believe life's a gamble. some times, or most of it, is messed up. i took a gamble in a ballot, and if it's a win, i'll gamble your choice. a double win takes it all, a single loss means it's over.
that girl
don't come into my life.
i don't want to get my hopes high.
friends are okay, going out is fine.
just don't come around, and then say goodbye.
i dislike fast-food friends. you're fast, while i'm slow.
you were gone so fast the other day, i could only keep you in thoughts.
you're pretty, you're smart.
so don't come into my life, and mess my mind.
i don't desire your coldness once again, but i still yearn for your presence.
i didn't fight to have you leave something behind when you were in my world.
you didn't leave me a choice, what was i suppose to do?
you put me in a position that i lost even the slightest will.
yes i missed the times i was all choked up inside with my overwhelming feelings of you.
yes i still get smitten when i see your smile.
yes and yes and yes.
but no, i never want to go back to those grieving days.
no one can promise that they will never break a promise, not me, and definitely not you.
but assure me with your smile, and i can't say never is never anymore.
i don't want to get my hopes high.
friends are okay, going out is fine.
just don't come around, and then say goodbye.
i dislike fast-food friends. you're fast, while i'm slow.
you were gone so fast the other day, i could only keep you in thoughts.
you're pretty, you're smart.
so don't come into my life, and mess my mind.
i don't desire your coldness once again, but i still yearn for your presence.
i didn't fight to have you leave something behind when you were in my world.
you didn't leave me a choice, what was i suppose to do?
you put me in a position that i lost even the slightest will.
yes i missed the times i was all choked up inside with my overwhelming feelings of you.
yes i still get smitten when i see your smile.
yes and yes and yes.
but no, i never want to go back to those grieving days.
no one can promise that they will never break a promise, not me, and definitely not you.
but assure me with your smile, and i can't say never is never anymore.
Friday, May 22, 2009
unexpected events
a few of unexpected events occurred recently.
first my p5 kid scored 90 over for her maths. wow.
then my p6 kid scored less than 80 for his maths. haiz.
she chat up with me. how many blue moons have it been? and i can't rmb exactly when did i last saw her.... oh, just rmb. at a party.
i got B+ for my stats. tmd. i got 89% for mid-sem and i was confident of my final paper. i don't think my project screw up that bad. really, tmd.
i got B+ for jap. another tmd. must be the farked up oral and listening.
A- for hw111 and hp203, count myself lucky.
B+ for ee8087, maths. seriously wth. my paper aint that bad i thought, the project? haiz.
B+ for 202, thought i will do worse. haha..
overall still sianz, so much Bs as compared to last sem, only 1.
not happy. not that sad. gpa drops below 4.5. next sem earn it back.
first my p5 kid scored 90 over for her maths. wow.
then my p6 kid scored less than 80 for his maths. haiz.
she chat up with me. how many blue moons have it been? and i can't rmb exactly when did i last saw her.... oh, just rmb. at a party.
i got B+ for my stats. tmd. i got 89% for mid-sem and i was confident of my final paper. i don't think my project screw up that bad. really, tmd.
i got B+ for jap. another tmd. must be the farked up oral and listening.
A- for hw111 and hp203, count myself lucky.
B+ for ee8087, maths. seriously wth. my paper aint that bad i thought, the project? haiz.
B+ for 202, thought i will do worse. haha..
overall still sianz, so much Bs as compared to last sem, only 1.
not happy. not that sad. gpa drops below 4.5. next sem earn it back.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wind
the wind
you can feel it, but can you touch it?
it's invisible, but i know it's there.
i don't see it, but i can sense its effects.
i can see the trees swaying.
i can hear the sound of the breeze.
i can taste the coolness of the air that it brings.
i can smell the aroma that it carries.
i can feel the wind feeling me.
we can't see it, but we can feel it.
if love is wind, it comes and goes.
free and easy, light and refreshing.
if wind is love, it never cease.
embrace it with gentleness, or reject it with force.
you can feel it, but can you touch it?
it's invisible, but i know it's there.
i don't see it, but i can sense its effects.
i can see the trees swaying.
i can hear the sound of the breeze.
i can taste the coolness of the air that it brings.
i can smell the aroma that it carries.
i can feel the wind feeling me.
we can't see it, but we can feel it.
if love is wind, it comes and goes.
free and easy, light and refreshing.
if wind is love, it never cease.
embrace it with gentleness, or reject it with force.
My Envy
it's been a long time since i went out on a date, or at least i consider this to be one. walked around in a rather familiar place, ate dinner, that's about all. i was hoping we could catch the night view a bit, although i know it's nothing much, i just like it. well, she wanted to get home early and watch korean f4. ate jap, my treat becuz of a stupid bet. really not bad, akashi.
just got reminded that my 1st sgt back in 42sar has passed away recently and the wake was held during my gentings trip so i couldn't make it. forgot all about it until eugene emailed me a link on the incident.
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,202097-1242511140,00.html
it's sad that he passed away. well, at least the group who chanced upon it managed to discover it. i'm not sure which is better, to know that your husband has passed away mysteriously, or hoping that he will come back someday, he's just lost.
Sgt Lai, thanks for all the things you have helped me back in the unit.
May you rest in peace.
my feelings of envy and jealously surfaced after the date tonight. it's always the feeling of other ppl are living a life more fulfilling than me. i look at her, her life looks pretty fun. going out almost everyday, perhaps tonight is just another date. she has things to complain about. she has things she want. she sees a future. although like some, the only games she's probably playing are facebook games, she deemed it enough.
and let's take a look at me. i hardly go out, most of the times becuz of mj or supper with the guys. i don't shop, no fashion sense. i'm seriously not cut out for small miscellaneous talk as experienced from today. you ask me for interested happenings and i can only think of losing that 20k bucks on facebook roulette this morning.
the guys seem to have a more satisfying life too. those who crave for companionship often seek and find. tuck never did loosen up on chasing girls. those already attached seemed happy, satisfied. those single, are either don't really care, or on the move to the next relationship.
personally, i crave for one. it's something like... once you tasted the sweetness, you kept wanting more. this sweetness that love brings got me hooked with just one time. although short, but lethal enough to get me where i am now. however, craving is one thing, finding the right one is another. how is the right one like?
tv dramas often speak of this... i'm thinking that those who felt that they have found the right ones, will also speak of this.
"you will know when he's/she's the right one for you"
i will know, sure or not?
i have tried testing this statement out, and my answer is actually 2 extremes.
everyone can be the right one for you, or there just isn't any way to find out.
in life, we all make a lot of decisions. right, wrong, somewhere in between. even in relationships, we make decisions so impt that our life would have been different with just a simple No instead of a Yes. try picturing a wedding ceremony at the part whereby the couple exchange their vows and the bride or bridegroom saying "Yes, I do." or a marriage proposal taking place. "No", and the opportunity for that Yes may never come again. sometimes i feel, whether is she the right one for you, really depends on your own decision. if i choose to love her, i will see her beauty and accept her flaws. if i don't, i shun away from her as much as possible. it's just a "Yes" away. of cuz, when frictions arises, or existed before the start, when the pieces don't match, it means it's a different puzzle altogether. decisions do change with frictions. and when that time comes, you can decide again, with your feelings, with your attitude.
i also believe that everything is possible. a love relationship may go so well, you two ended in marriage within months of dating. passionate love, or even commsummate love. intimacy, commitment, passion, all mixed together to become an ideal relationship. deep down, it's "she's the one, no doubt abt it". 1 month later, she ran off during the wedding with some random guy. 1 year later, she said she's done with you, the passion wears off, she couldn't stand your flaws, etc. for me it's the usual 'pieces don't fit anymore' statement. so, now, can you still call her the one? or the one isn't just 1. but many right ones, and one of the right ones will actually remain right?
i know all this are kinda random shitz, i just wrote what i thought. no organization, some things don't seemed to make sense to others. what is expected of a guy sitting in his room with air con, feel like sleeping, connecting wireless for the first time using his laptop for his house connection, and waiting to say good night to her.
even if i tell myself to stop, the heart always gamble with hope. i don't like my heart, yet i crave for it.
just got reminded that my 1st sgt back in 42sar has passed away recently and the wake was held during my gentings trip so i couldn't make it. forgot all about it until eugene emailed me a link on the incident.
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,202097-1242511140,00.html
it's sad that he passed away. well, at least the group who chanced upon it managed to discover it. i'm not sure which is better, to know that your husband has passed away mysteriously, or hoping that he will come back someday, he's just lost.
Sgt Lai, thanks for all the things you have helped me back in the unit.
May you rest in peace.
my feelings of envy and jealously surfaced after the date tonight. it's always the feeling of other ppl are living a life more fulfilling than me. i look at her, her life looks pretty fun. going out almost everyday, perhaps tonight is just another date. she has things to complain about. she has things she want. she sees a future. although like some, the only games she's probably playing are facebook games, she deemed it enough.
and let's take a look at me. i hardly go out, most of the times becuz of mj or supper with the guys. i don't shop, no fashion sense. i'm seriously not cut out for small miscellaneous talk as experienced from today. you ask me for interested happenings and i can only think of losing that 20k bucks on facebook roulette this morning.
the guys seem to have a more satisfying life too. those who crave for companionship often seek and find. tuck never did loosen up on chasing girls. those already attached seemed happy, satisfied. those single, are either don't really care, or on the move to the next relationship.
personally, i crave for one. it's something like... once you tasted the sweetness, you kept wanting more. this sweetness that love brings got me hooked with just one time. although short, but lethal enough to get me where i am now. however, craving is one thing, finding the right one is another. how is the right one like?
tv dramas often speak of this... i'm thinking that those who felt that they have found the right ones, will also speak of this.
"you will know when he's/she's the right one for you"
i will know, sure or not?
i have tried testing this statement out, and my answer is actually 2 extremes.
everyone can be the right one for you, or there just isn't any way to find out.
in life, we all make a lot of decisions. right, wrong, somewhere in between. even in relationships, we make decisions so impt that our life would have been different with just a simple No instead of a Yes. try picturing a wedding ceremony at the part whereby the couple exchange their vows and the bride or bridegroom saying "Yes, I do." or a marriage proposal taking place. "No", and the opportunity for that Yes may never come again. sometimes i feel, whether is she the right one for you, really depends on your own decision. if i choose to love her, i will see her beauty and accept her flaws. if i don't, i shun away from her as much as possible. it's just a "Yes" away. of cuz, when frictions arises, or existed before the start, when the pieces don't match, it means it's a different puzzle altogether. decisions do change with frictions. and when that time comes, you can decide again, with your feelings, with your attitude.
i also believe that everything is possible. a love relationship may go so well, you two ended in marriage within months of dating. passionate love, or even commsummate love. intimacy, commitment, passion, all mixed together to become an ideal relationship. deep down, it's "she's the one, no doubt abt it". 1 month later, she ran off during the wedding with some random guy. 1 year later, she said she's done with you, the passion wears off, she couldn't stand your flaws, etc. for me it's the usual 'pieces don't fit anymore' statement. so, now, can you still call her the one? or the one isn't just 1. but many right ones, and one of the right ones will actually remain right?
i know all this are kinda random shitz, i just wrote what i thought. no organization, some things don't seemed to make sense to others. what is expected of a guy sitting in his room with air con, feel like sleeping, connecting wireless for the first time using his laptop for his house connection, and waiting to say good night to her.
even if i tell myself to stop, the heart always gamble with hope. i don't like my heart, yet i crave for it.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
张智成-暗恋
四目交接的时候不要停留太久
适可而止的问候关心不能太过
好奇也别去探索妒嫉只能深锁
如果忍不住寂寞也不能对你说
啊好朋友啊我的好朋友
不小心的沉默不想让你太难过
我们就站在落地窗的两边
就算触碰也有了界限
如果跨越过彼此那道边界
是靠近还是更遥远
相信我们走到另一个境界
搭肩高唱友谊万万岁
要是我爱你变成了语言
甚麽会多一些甚麽会少一些
就让别人去猜测我们清白的很
就让自己去承受那种清白的闷
就算我只是朋友能不能有要求
如果会发生甚麽也是我想太多
啊好朋友就只是好朋友
不小心说出口微笑中藏著难过
我们就站在落地窗的两边
就算触碰也有了界限
如果跨越过彼此那道边界
是靠近还是更遥远
你会不会也曾闪过这感觉
一念之间就要差一点
要是我爱你变成了利剑
甚麽会被消灭甚麽才会复原
那是我的底线继续将你暗恋
~暗恋人的感觉，相信大多数人都了解。
但对暗恋的了解和程度，不是一致的。
对我暗恋的人，一句话也不说。
适可而止的问候关心不能太过
好奇也别去探索妒嫉只能深锁
如果忍不住寂寞也不能对你说
啊好朋友啊我的好朋友
不小心的沉默不想让你太难过
我们就站在落地窗的两边
就算触碰也有了界限
如果跨越过彼此那道边界
是靠近还是更遥远
相信我们走到另一个境界
搭肩高唱友谊万万岁
要是我爱你变成了语言
甚麽会多一些甚麽会少一些
就让别人去猜测我们清白的很
就让自己去承受那种清白的闷
就算我只是朋友能不能有要求
如果会发生甚麽也是我想太多
啊好朋友就只是好朋友
不小心说出口微笑中藏著难过
我们就站在落地窗的两边
就算触碰也有了界限
如果跨越过彼此那道边界
是靠近还是更遥远
你会不会也曾闪过这感觉
一念之间就要差一点
要是我爱你变成了利剑
甚麽会被消灭甚麽才会复原
那是我的底线继续将你暗恋
~暗恋人的感觉，相信大多数人都了解。
但对暗恋的了解和程度，不是一致的。
对我暗恋的人，一句话也不说。
Friday, May 15, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
throat... pain.
visited the doc yesterday morn, then today noon. first it was discomfort with fever, headache, body(bones and joints) aches, feeling cold... with the swell in my throat. then the rest went away, just not the swelling on the right, have to go back and get some injection of antibiotics to enable me to recover faster.
talking hurts. i wonder how i'm going to survive the 2hr tuition tml morn.
oh ya, got back my old job. it's 9-6 again~ plus 2 tuitions. this have gotta earn me some money before the sch starts again.
finished The Tipping Point. a good read for me. many examples and terms used in psychology like the example of diffusion of responsiblity, transactive memory, and other interesting theories like broken windows, mavens, connectors, law of the few, rule of 150, etc.
nik, where's my blink?
talking hurts. i wonder how i'm going to survive the 2hr tuition tml morn.
oh ya, got back my old job. it's 9-6 again~ plus 2 tuitions. this have gotta earn me some money before the sch starts again.
finished The Tipping Point. a good read for me. many examples and terms used in psychology like the example of diffusion of responsiblity, transactive memory, and other interesting theories like broken windows, mavens, connectors, law of the few, rule of 150, etc.
nik, where's my blink?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
help
sometimes, i really wonder if the help i have given was indeed appreciated. what's my true motive behind? do i expect something in return?
social exchange theory in regards to prosocial behaviours explains that people help others in order to gain something. there's no altruism among us. for every thing you do, there's something that you gain.
but is that your initial motive? if not, then maybe we do have some altruistic traits.
for me, you however, belongs to the exchange relationship.
becuz there's no point in having a one-sided communal relationship.
and if i relate to the investment model, i see no rewards, just costs. i have alternatives. no commitments. so, why am i still concerned.
social exchange theory in regards to prosocial behaviours explains that people help others in order to gain something. there's no altruism among us. for every thing you do, there's something that you gain.
but is that your initial motive? if not, then maybe we do have some altruistic traits.
for me, you however, belongs to the exchange relationship.
becuz there's no point in having a one-sided communal relationship.
and if i relate to the investment model, i see no rewards, just costs. i have alternatives. no commitments. so, why am i still concerned.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
broken english
i just got reminded of how funny my parents seemed when they do those little quarrels in broken english. the way my mum would criticise my dad on things that annoy her and how my dad defended his annoying things. sometimes all in their broken english. haha..
Monday, April 27, 2009
Pólya, George
Who understand ill, answers ill.
Think on te end before you begin.
A fool looks ot the beginning, a wise man regards the end.
A wise man begins in the end, a fool ends in the beginning.
Where there is a will there is a way.
Diligence is the mother of good luck.
Perseverance kills the game.
An oak is not felled at one stroke.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Try all the keys in the bunch.
Arrows are made of all sorts of wood.
As the wind blows you must set your sail.
Cut your coat according to the cloth.
We must do as we may if we can't do as we would.
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.
Have two strings to your bow.
Do and undo, te day is long enough.
The end of fishing is not angling but catching.
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
A wise man will make tools of what comes to hand.
A wise man turns chance into good fortune.
Look before you leap.
Try before you trust.
A wise delay makes the road safe.
If you will sail without danger you must never put to sea.
Do the likeliest and hope the best.
Use the means and God will give the blessing.
We soon believe what we desire.
Step after step the ladder is ascended.
Little by little as the cat ate the flickle.
Do it by degrees.
What a fool does at last, a wise man does at first.
He thinks not well that thinks not again.
Second thoughts are best.
It is safe riding at two anchors.
~Polya, George (1887 - 1985)
Think on te end before you begin.
A fool looks ot the beginning, a wise man regards the end.
A wise man begins in the end, a fool ends in the beginning.
Where there is a will there is a way.
Diligence is the mother of good luck.
Perseverance kills the game.
An oak is not felled at one stroke.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Try all the keys in the bunch.
Arrows are made of all sorts of wood.
As the wind blows you must set your sail.
Cut your coat according to the cloth.
We must do as we may if we can't do as we would.
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.
Have two strings to your bow.
Do and undo, te day is long enough.
The end of fishing is not angling but catching.
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
A wise man will make tools of what comes to hand.
A wise man turns chance into good fortune.
Look before you leap.
Try before you trust.
A wise delay makes the road safe.
If you will sail without danger you must never put to sea.
Do the likeliest and hope the best.
Use the means and God will give the blessing.
We soon believe what we desire.
Step after step the ladder is ascended.
Little by little as the cat ate the flickle.
Do it by degrees.
What a fool does at last, a wise man does at first.
He thinks not well that thinks not again.
Second thoughts are best.
It is safe riding at two anchors.
~Polya, George (1887 - 1985)
not really in the best of mood
it has always been this way after the exams. this time, a little more serious.
after stressing myself for so long a period of time, my body can't seem to adjust to this carefree self. i feel like i need to do something. then again, it has grown weak after the struggle, so much that i automatically refused to take initiative in anything. including listening attentively. i should stay away for a while.
i still owe her a meal. and somehow, i hope she's looking forward to it. not becuz of the treat.
after stressing myself for so long a period of time, my body can't seem to adjust to this carefree self. i feel like i need to do something. then again, it has grown weak after the struggle, so much that i automatically refused to take initiative in anything. including listening attentively. i should stay away for a while.
i still owe her a meal. and somehow, i hope she's looking forward to it. not becuz of the treat.
Friday, April 24, 2009
screwed again.
think i really screwed my last paper. didn't study properly this paper.
probably getting the first B for this.
202 - B
203 - B+/A-
200 - A
8087 - B+/A-
111 - B/B+
J2 - B+/A-
siao liao, i see a lot of Bs in my estimation. byebye gpa 4.5. haha..
oh well, exams over.
heck care liao~!
probably getting the first B for this.
202 - B
203 - B+/A-
200 - A
8087 - B+/A-
111 - B/B+
J2 - B+/A-
siao liao, i see a lot of Bs in my estimation. byebye gpa 4.5. haha..
oh well, exams over.
heck care liao~!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
fear of failure
i'm struggling.
afraid that i will crumble before the walls of perfection.
my will is on the axis.
my heart is on the verge of breaking down.
i don't like this feeling.
afraid that i will crumble before the walls of perfection.
my will is on the axis.
my heart is on the verge of breaking down.
i don't like this feeling.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
restrictions
wanted to put restrictions on the viewing of blog. in the end i found it too troublesome to log in everytime myself. ha.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
screwed
think i just screwed my 3rd paper. the 2 essay questions, i chose to do them even though i didn't have enough knowledge to write. haiz. plus the grades from the report.. not very sure i can get what i want.
discouraged. tired. eyes are struggling with the pain. heart is down.
there are some times when i wished someone is somewhere near me.
so i can tell her some things.
i can share some of my happinesss.
i can get some help in picking myself up.
i miss having someone.
people often comment that i don't smile very often.
it's becuz when i smile, they're not there.
and when i couldn't hold back those tears, i make sure i'm alone.
discouraged. tired. eyes are struggling with the pain. heart is down.
there are some times when i wished someone is somewhere near me.
so i can tell her some things.
i can share some of my happinesss.
i can get some help in picking myself up.
i miss having someone.
people often comment that i don't smile very often.
it's becuz when i smile, they're not there.
and when i couldn't hold back those tears, i make sure i'm alone.
who am i to say
a touching song by Hope ~ who am i to say.
it sang a song of a past relationship.
a close one, infact.
intimacy, passion, commitment, or at least committed halfway.
and the departure seemed to have taken a part of her away.
when broken up, many uncertainties surface.
did you really love me?
did you really need me?
when it's a fact that you are no longer a special part of a special one,
then how can you be certain you were once special, to that special one?
helplessness after the acceptance of something which was not meant to be.
intrapersonal to dyadic to social and then back to intrapersonal.
what's the cause? how did it happen? why?
questions we asked ourselves, breakers, breakees or mutuals.
and even after, could we still remain as friends?
are we still attached? or have you cut the strings that she was hanging on desperately to her sanity.
everyone needs some time to recover.
for the breakers, i'm sure you have thought long and hard. i'm, 'sure'.
for the breakees, have you seen the signs before and yet ignored? the passive self which hopes the relationship might turn for the better? or allow the bond to deteriorate? or perhaps the active one who's harming her? or trying too hard to improve an inevitable end?
mutuals, there's no mutuals. someone must have initiated. there's no two 1st initiation. were you the one who compromise with a smile on your face that attempts to hide away every bit of sorrow that was building up in your entire self? when tears tear away your protrayed image, you wish it was raining? or perhaps, the initiator, who have to cruelly give her heart back? you justify that by saying it's the best for her. self-justification that leads to self-persuasion. she deserves better than someone who doesn't love her anymore. are you right? is there a better way? most probably, no. there's no better way to break up. any way will probably get her heart broken anyway.
define love. it's too much, and at the same time, too little.
too much of things you can describe.
too little of it, in most of us.
i don't wanna blame myself. i don't wanna blame her.
so, i blamed love.
this misattribution, i willingly make.
it sang a song of a past relationship.
a close one, infact.
intimacy, passion, commitment, or at least committed halfway.
and the departure seemed to have taken a part of her away.
when broken up, many uncertainties surface.
did you really love me?
did you really need me?
when it's a fact that you are no longer a special part of a special one,
then how can you be certain you were once special, to that special one?
helplessness after the acceptance of something which was not meant to be.
intrapersonal to dyadic to social and then back to intrapersonal.
what's the cause? how did it happen? why?
questions we asked ourselves, breakers, breakees or mutuals.
and even after, could we still remain as friends?
are we still attached? or have you cut the strings that she was hanging on desperately to her sanity.
everyone needs some time to recover.
for the breakers, i'm sure you have thought long and hard. i'm, 'sure'.
for the breakees, have you seen the signs before and yet ignored? the passive self which hopes the relationship might turn for the better? or allow the bond to deteriorate? or perhaps the active one who's harming her? or trying too hard to improve an inevitable end?
mutuals, there's no mutuals. someone must have initiated. there's no two 1st initiation. were you the one who compromise with a smile on your face that attempts to hide away every bit of sorrow that was building up in your entire self? when tears tear away your protrayed image, you wish it was raining? or perhaps, the initiator, who have to cruelly give her heart back? you justify that by saying it's the best for her. self-justification that leads to self-persuasion. she deserves better than someone who doesn't love her anymore. are you right? is there a better way? most probably, no. there's no better way to break up. any way will probably get her heart broken anyway.
define love. it's too much, and at the same time, too little.
too much of things you can describe.
too little of it, in most of us.
i don't wanna blame myself. i don't wanna blame her.
so, i blamed love.
this misattribution, i willingly make.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
library
day spent at library until it closed and i went back to the damn hot room. haha...
5 more days. reading and reading and more reading.
5 more days. reading and reading and more reading.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Stats
i went blank today when i flipped to see the first page of the stats paper. wthell is this? Chi-sq distribution? ANOVA? regression? there can only be 3 types. final conclusion, it's chi-sq. and i forgot how to do chi-sq. -_-"
anyway, my headaching head managed to survive thru the paper of 2.5hrs. rushing thru every single details, making sure all calculations are correct, whacking the calculator like there's no tml...
so far so good. 2 papers down. 3 more to go. 2 are hard, 1 no time to chup. it's maths, let's hope my Fmaths skill make up for the lack of practise for the paper.
anyway, my headaching head managed to survive thru the paper of 2.5hrs. rushing thru every single details, making sure all calculations are correct, whacking the calculator like there's no tml...
so far so good. 2 papers down. 3 more to go. 2 are hard, 1 no time to chup. it's maths, let's hope my Fmaths skill make up for the lack of practise for the paper.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
msn history
it's been like 2 months or so. and i have just been alerted by msn that my history with her got full. -_-"
the same thing over again.
often my illness starts with a weird feeling inside, grew worse into an irritating flu, and then finally emerged with symptoms like headaches and fever. right now, it's at the headache stage. and i can feel the darn fever coming along. my stats paper is tml, hope i can go thru with this headache. or hopefully, the headache will disappear tml.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
not feeling that well
have been feeling weird for the past few days.
turned out to be a slight flu that doesn't seemed to be getting any better.
better keep myself healthy and lively, i got 10 more days to go.
turned out to be a slight flu that doesn't seemed to be getting any better.
better keep myself healthy and lively, i got 10 more days to go.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
who's that?
there comes a point of time when i actually find it hard to recognize her.
i looked at the pic and asked myself, "is that her?"
ha.
i just got reminded why i don't wanna be tan's roomie anymore.
he snores.
i looked at the pic and asked myself, "is that her?"
ha.
i just got reminded why i don't wanna be tan's roomie anymore.
he snores.
she's just the girl
she's just the girl, who claimed that i'm the one.
but the kid is not my son.
you have gotta love billie jean - MJ.
but the kid is not my son.
you have gotta love billie jean - MJ.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
eat and eat
these few days i just felt like eating and eating.
a pleasant morning to began the day.
i might have a chance at a 12/hr part-time job.
the assignment 4 came in handy cuz i needa submit my CV.
maybe i should go and get some sweets.
i haven't study a thing since i got back at 1300.
the maggie i just cooked was screwed.
i'm 13 days away from the finished of exams.
my right wrist ain't getting any better.
my health is deteriorating with unhealthly food.
my body doesn't feel to work much but the brain is straining itself.
i'm alone in hall.
i look at the basketball hanging on the switch and feel like playing.
in case of that, i left my running shoes at home so i have only slippers to play on which isn't desirable.
weather sux when you have to do laundry and it's raining.
headache is becoming of a thing to live with.
~with or without you.
a pleasant morning to began the day.
i might have a chance at a 12/hr part-time job.
the assignment 4 came in handy cuz i needa submit my CV.
maybe i should go and get some sweets.
i haven't study a thing since i got back at 1300.
the maggie i just cooked was screwed.
i'm 13 days away from the finished of exams.
my right wrist ain't getting any better.
my health is deteriorating with unhealthly food.
my body doesn't feel to work much but the brain is straining itself.
i'm alone in hall.
i look at the basketball hanging on the switch and feel like playing.
in case of that, i left my running shoes at home so i have only slippers to play on which isn't desirable.
weather sux when you have to do laundry and it's raining.
headache is becoming of a thing to live with.
~with or without you.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
jap listening and oral
listening was kinda crap as per last sem, it's quite hard to catch and memorise what they are actually talking about. it's in no way similar to chinese and english. you just have to remember. this one, understanding is hard enough. but still, it's better than last year when i screwed up the whole listening by randomly putting the answers in.
oral was today. not bad. kinda nervous but turned out okay. conversation was around 1 min or so with sensei. fast. i'm now thinking did i answer the questions wrongly or not. -_-.
2 more reports, and i'm done with school work.
then i can focuz on studying for exams. next week tues is the first paper.
come on.
oral was today. not bad. kinda nervous but turned out okay. conversation was around 1 min or so with sensei. fast. i'm now thinking did i answer the questions wrongly or not. -_-.
2 more reports, and i'm done with school work.
then i can focuz on studying for exams. next week tues is the first paper.
come on.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
i'm afraid.
when i first saw you,
i was afraid to meet you.
when i first met you,
i was afraid to kiss you.
when i first kissed you,
i was afraid to love you.
but now that i love you,
i'm afraid to lose you.
taken from somewhere on the net.
i was afraid to meet you.
when i first met you,
i was afraid to kiss you.
when i first kissed you,
i was afraid to love you.
but now that i love you,
i'm afraid to lose you.
taken from somewhere on the net.
fusion
i once wrote,
'i wanna hold her hands so tight that we would fuse together'
we did. it was an exothermic reaction. heat energy was produced.
what's remain is a rather cold matter.
it cracked somewhere, and ended up becoming 2 pieces as time eroded us.
i'm a psychology student. and i still rmb exothermic reaction.
i should consider being a mathematical + physical + chemical psychology student.
is there a field called pornopsychology? sounds uncharted.
'i wanna hold her hands so tight that we would fuse together'
we did. it was an exothermic reaction. heat energy was produced.
what's remain is a rather cold matter.
it cracked somewhere, and ended up becoming 2 pieces as time eroded us.
i'm a psychology student. and i still rmb exothermic reaction.
i should consider being a mathematical + physical + chemical psychology student.
is there a field called pornopsychology? sounds uncharted.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
tears
i don't remember when was the last time i cried so much.
でも、わるくないです。 とても いいです。
the saddest 'byebye'.
でも、わるくないです。 とても いいです。
the saddest 'byebye'.
Friday, April 3, 2009
a letter
was clearing up my mailbox which has 5000 over emails and 2000 of them unread. came upon this mail i sent to myself. attached to it was a letter i wrote to her and a conversation we had. i never did send her the letter.
i don't feel it anymore.
i don't feel it anymore.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
dumb morning
went to sch. and then realised the lecture hall was empty. checked on the computer in the library, i forgot today's lect was cancelled. she told us long ago. -_-
Monday, March 30, 2009
出门遇贵人
there was some time before my jap class so i went to popular to get myself a new mouse. was browsing through the limited selections when i felt a tap on my shoulder. it was cor, and she said she kept calling out for me from the door and i didn't respond. then she advised me to tone down the volume for my earphones. haha... then after that she lent me her card for discount on the mouse. thanks~
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Favourite Movie
I've always wonder what my favourites are. especially in music, television shows, movies, etc. even my favourite drink can be debated over ice milo and coke.
but at this very moment, i deemed my favourite movie, A Walk to Remember.
i think it's the 4th time i watched this movie.
i'm touched.
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude nor selfish.
It does not take offence, and it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure, whatever comes.
but at this very moment, i deemed my favourite movie, A Walk to Remember.
i think it's the 4th time i watched this movie.
i'm touched.
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude nor selfish.
It does not take offence, and it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure, whatever comes.
对不起
男孩和女孩从小就认识，男孩经常约女孩一起去村外的池塘边捉小虾，每次男孩总是满载而归，女孩却是两手空空，女孩总是失落的含着眼泪，独自一个人回到家，然后闷闷不乐。晚饭前，男孩敲响女孩家的门，女孩一见是男孩，扭头就走，男孩追上前，对女孩说：“对不起，我把你的虾都捉走了，给，我把它们养在小鱼缸里，送给你。”女孩眉头一放，慧心的笑了，就这样反复着他们纯纯的童年，转眼，他们各自成长着。
——纯纯的“对不起”。
男孩总是喜欢戏弄女孩，经常会把女孩逗到哭，然后又去哄女孩到她笑为止，直到长大后，也是如此。
男孩经常偷偷的把女孩的自行车轮胎的气放到没有，然后躲在远处，看女孩着急的走投无路，等着女孩拨通他的手机，然后破口大骂他的小贼行为。可男孩，依旧那么喜欢这样的女孩。他窃窃的从远处走来，灰溜溜的为女孩推着那辆没了气的自行车，任由女孩在一旁发牢骚，男孩却暗自窃喜，然后委屈的对女孩说：“对不起，我知道错了。”随即，女孩便会柔弱下来，告诉男孩下次不允许那样，男孩点头，于是，那时的他们每天都充满着笑容。
——“对不起”的快乐。
大学毕业后，男孩和女孩各自有了工作，男孩的工作总是很忙，有时一个月都休息不到一次，而女孩总是抱怨男孩冷落了她，终于，他们有了第一次的吵架。女孩委屈的哭起来，可男孩却很理直气壮的告诉女孩：“这是为了我的工作。”这场冷战持续了很久。终于，女孩还是忍不住，主动和男孩和好了。后来很多次男孩和女孩都因为这样的小事而吵得不可开交，可每次，都是女孩先妥协。
那年，女孩生日，男孩答应女孩要给他过一个浪漫的生日，女孩欣喜不已，她在家精心打扮，等着男孩回来陪她渡过这个美妙的生日，这一等就是凌晨，女孩在睡梦中醒来，脸上挂着泪痕，男孩见到女孩，心疼的为女孩擦去脸庞的泪痕：“对不起，嫁给我好吗？”于是男孩拿出一枚戒指。
——“对不起”也是一种承诺。
婚后，男孩的事业大有成就，经常有许多应酬，而女孩已经成为一个专职太太了，每天在家为男孩准备热菜热饭，把家里收拾的干干净净，她经常会去菜场买回一些小河虾放在鱼缸里养着，男孩总问他为什么，女孩却总是慧心的一笑。
慢慢的，男孩每次回家，身上总是充满了不同的香水味道，而每次没等女孩问，男孩总是忙着解释说应酬太多。女孩黯然，那时起，女孩不太爱说话了，也不像以前那么开朗了，她总是喜欢成天的呆在家里，抱着枕头看韩剧，然后随着剧情哭泣，夜深时，就会疯狂的大哭。以后的日子里，男孩回来时，身上的香水味只有一种味道了，女孩从来不问，可是男孩依旧说：“对不起，今天又去应酬了。”
——“对不起”，谎言的开始。
渐渐的，男孩开始不回家，或总是在外出差，男孩的事业越来越好，身边都是奉承的人，他每天都在别人的恭维下自豪的笑着，而女孩，几乎不出门了，她总会去超市买上很多方便面，和一些必要的日用品，然后把自己关在家里，这一呆就是很久。从前，女孩会经常和男孩一起聊聊天，而现在，她孤身一人，身边没有一个可以说话的人，每次打电话问男孩什么时候回家，男孩总是仓促的回答到：“对不起，我太忙了。”女孩，失落的扣上电话，那以后她再也没有问男孩什么时候会回家。
——“对不起”，只是个敷衍的方式。
女孩学着电视上的样子，开始打扮自己，她觉得男孩不回家，也许是看腻了她，她决定不再颓废，自己的幸福应该靠自己争取，而不是无谓的后退。
那天，女孩心血来潮，按照地址去了男孩工作的地方，那是女孩第一次去，也是唯一的一次。女孩涩涩的按下电梯，来到这个男孩经常说忙的地方，她细细的观察这个公司的每个角落，这里的一切，她都觉得很好看。终于，绕过长长的办公走廊，她来到男孩的办公室，轻轻的推开门……女孩愣住了，眼前看到的不是自己的丈夫，也不是那个经常弄坏她自行车的那个贼小子，更不是那个把虾放在小鱼缸里的男孩，而是一个正在和别的女人做爱的男人。那个女人坐在桌子上，******的发出微弱的呻吟声，那个男人，仿佛山林里饿极了的野兽……
许久，男孩才发现了女孩，男孩惊慌失措，忙把衣裤捡起来穿好。可女孩，转身离开了。男孩飞奔出去，追着女孩，那晚，大雨袭击了整个城市。女孩不顾男孩的叫喊，径直往前跑，往回家的方向跑，男孩在女孩后面大喊：“对不起，我还是爱你的，对不起，我真的只爱你。”可女孩，始终没有听见。
——这样的“对不起”太伤人。
男孩一直都没有找到女孩，女孩失踪很久了。男孩的世界已经一片黑暗，无心工作，无心花天酒地，他想不到女孩可以去哪里，因为女孩没有朋友，她唯一的朋友就是男孩，男孩终日守着电话机，手机24小时不关机，怕错过了女孩的电话。这一等就是半年多。
快递为男孩送来一个盒子。
男孩打开一看，里面是许多河虾的标本，有的在树叶边休息，有的在水草里躲着，各式各样的河虾标本，旁边放着一封信。
“ 我始终没有勇气再见到你，可能是我太懦弱，也或许是我根本不想见到你，我想这些『警告：注意文明用语！』应该过的没什么两样吧，我很好，我学会了离开你怎么让自己存活，我懂得了怎样赚钱养活自己，而不用每天等着你回家，为你烧一桌热腾腾的饭菜，直到凉了也不见你的人，我的手机已经不用了，因为我已经不会再为你24小时的不关机，让自己饱受辐射的折磨。我懂得怎样去爱惜自己，珍惜自己的本来应该美好的生活。我想，我是可以忘记怎么去爱你的，因为你把我的爱弄得遍地麟伤。
离婚协议书，就压在鱼缸的底下，你签完字，按照地址给我寄过来就行了。
对不起，我想我是真的累了。”
男孩按照地址找去，他满心希望能够见到女孩，然后让女孩原谅，并且告诉女孩自己不能没有她，可是打开门的却是女孩的父亲，而女孩就站在她父亲的身后——是女孩的遗像。
女孩的父亲告诉男孩，女孩在写完这封信后，跳楼自杀了，血肉一片模糊。
——原来“对不起”也可以是种结束。
那一年，男孩疯了。
每个人在自己的生命里头，一定会遇到一个自己真正该珍惜的人。请你好好的珍惜那一个人，不是每一句的对不起，都可以换来每一句的没关系……千万不要辜负了自己心爱的人，那对谁，都不好……把这个故事传下去，让你的朋友们知道，不要随意地说出对不起……
——纯纯的“对不起”。
男孩总是喜欢戏弄女孩，经常会把女孩逗到哭，然后又去哄女孩到她笑为止，直到长大后，也是如此。
男孩经常偷偷的把女孩的自行车轮胎的气放到没有，然后躲在远处，看女孩着急的走投无路，等着女孩拨通他的手机，然后破口大骂他的小贼行为。可男孩，依旧那么喜欢这样的女孩。他窃窃的从远处走来，灰溜溜的为女孩推着那辆没了气的自行车，任由女孩在一旁发牢骚，男孩却暗自窃喜，然后委屈的对女孩说：“对不起，我知道错了。”随即，女孩便会柔弱下来，告诉男孩下次不允许那样，男孩点头，于是，那时的他们每天都充满着笑容。
——“对不起”的快乐。
大学毕业后，男孩和女孩各自有了工作，男孩的工作总是很忙，有时一个月都休息不到一次，而女孩总是抱怨男孩冷落了她，终于，他们有了第一次的吵架。女孩委屈的哭起来，可男孩却很理直气壮的告诉女孩：“这是为了我的工作。”这场冷战持续了很久。终于，女孩还是忍不住，主动和男孩和好了。后来很多次男孩和女孩都因为这样的小事而吵得不可开交，可每次，都是女孩先妥协。
那年，女孩生日，男孩答应女孩要给他过一个浪漫的生日，女孩欣喜不已，她在家精心打扮，等着男孩回来陪她渡过这个美妙的生日，这一等就是凌晨，女孩在睡梦中醒来，脸上挂着泪痕，男孩见到女孩，心疼的为女孩擦去脸庞的泪痕：“对不起，嫁给我好吗？”于是男孩拿出一枚戒指。
——“对不起”也是一种承诺。
婚后，男孩的事业大有成就，经常有许多应酬，而女孩已经成为一个专职太太了，每天在家为男孩准备热菜热饭，把家里收拾的干干净净，她经常会去菜场买回一些小河虾放在鱼缸里养着，男孩总问他为什么，女孩却总是慧心的一笑。
慢慢的，男孩每次回家，身上总是充满了不同的香水味道，而每次没等女孩问，男孩总是忙着解释说应酬太多。女孩黯然，那时起，女孩不太爱说话了，也不像以前那么开朗了，她总是喜欢成天的呆在家里，抱着枕头看韩剧，然后随着剧情哭泣，夜深时，就会疯狂的大哭。以后的日子里，男孩回来时，身上的香水味只有一种味道了，女孩从来不问，可是男孩依旧说：“对不起，今天又去应酬了。”
——“对不起”，谎言的开始。
渐渐的，男孩开始不回家，或总是在外出差，男孩的事业越来越好，身边都是奉承的人，他每天都在别人的恭维下自豪的笑着，而女孩，几乎不出门了，她总会去超市买上很多方便面，和一些必要的日用品，然后把自己关在家里，这一呆就是很久。从前，女孩会经常和男孩一起聊聊天，而现在，她孤身一人，身边没有一个可以说话的人，每次打电话问男孩什么时候回家，男孩总是仓促的回答到：“对不起，我太忙了。”女孩，失落的扣上电话，那以后她再也没有问男孩什么时候会回家。
——“对不起”，只是个敷衍的方式。
女孩学着电视上的样子，开始打扮自己，她觉得男孩不回家，也许是看腻了她，她决定不再颓废，自己的幸福应该靠自己争取，而不是无谓的后退。
那天，女孩心血来潮，按照地址去了男孩工作的地方，那是女孩第一次去，也是唯一的一次。女孩涩涩的按下电梯，来到这个男孩经常说忙的地方，她细细的观察这个公司的每个角落，这里的一切，她都觉得很好看。终于，绕过长长的办公走廊，她来到男孩的办公室，轻轻的推开门……女孩愣住了，眼前看到的不是自己的丈夫，也不是那个经常弄坏她自行车的那个贼小子，更不是那个把虾放在小鱼缸里的男孩，而是一个正在和别的女人做爱的男人。那个女人坐在桌子上，******的发出微弱的呻吟声，那个男人，仿佛山林里饿极了的野兽……
许久，男孩才发现了女孩，男孩惊慌失措，忙把衣裤捡起来穿好。可女孩，转身离开了。男孩飞奔出去，追着女孩，那晚，大雨袭击了整个城市。女孩不顾男孩的叫喊，径直往前跑，往回家的方向跑，男孩在女孩后面大喊：“对不起，我还是爱你的，对不起，我真的只爱你。”可女孩，始终没有听见。
——这样的“对不起”太伤人。
男孩一直都没有找到女孩，女孩失踪很久了。男孩的世界已经一片黑暗，无心工作，无心花天酒地，他想不到女孩可以去哪里，因为女孩没有朋友，她唯一的朋友就是男孩，男孩终日守着电话机，手机24小时不关机，怕错过了女孩的电话。这一等就是半年多。
快递为男孩送来一个盒子。
男孩打开一看，里面是许多河虾的标本，有的在树叶边休息，有的在水草里躲着，各式各样的河虾标本，旁边放着一封信。
“ 我始终没有勇气再见到你，可能是我太懦弱，也或许是我根本不想见到你，我想这些『警告：注意文明用语！』应该过的没什么两样吧，我很好，我学会了离开你怎么让自己存活，我懂得了怎样赚钱养活自己，而不用每天等着你回家，为你烧一桌热腾腾的饭菜，直到凉了也不见你的人，我的手机已经不用了，因为我已经不会再为你24小时的不关机，让自己饱受辐射的折磨。我懂得怎样去爱惜自己，珍惜自己的本来应该美好的生活。我想，我是可以忘记怎么去爱你的，因为你把我的爱弄得遍地麟伤。
离婚协议书，就压在鱼缸的底下，你签完字，按照地址给我寄过来就行了。
对不起，我想我是真的累了。”
男孩按照地址找去，他满心希望能够见到女孩，然后让女孩原谅，并且告诉女孩自己不能没有她，可是打开门的却是女孩的父亲，而女孩就站在她父亲的身后——是女孩的遗像。
女孩的父亲告诉男孩，女孩在写完这封信后，跳楼自杀了，血肉一片模糊。
——原来“对不起”也可以是种结束。
那一年，男孩疯了。
每个人在自己的生命里头，一定会遇到一个自己真正该珍惜的人。请你好好的珍惜那一个人，不是每一句的对不起，都可以换来每一句的没关系……千万不要辜负了自己心爱的人，那对谁，都不好……把这个故事传下去，让你的朋友们知道，不要随意地说出对不起……
Monday, March 23, 2009
Horoscope
SCORPIO MAN
A man with a foggy clouds over him. He is sensitive and easily hurt and always feels lonely. He does not trust anyone but himself. Sounding so negative, but he has an amazingly charisma. He is a compassionate man . He absorbs other people sentimental feeling and pain.
He is a good psychiatrist and he could understand complex and confused feeling. He has a hidden power that he could use it to make things happen and do things well. He does not like people who never try to help themselves before asking other people for favors. He is the type of guy who mostly achieved his goal in life.Once he sets his mind for something, he will put all his energy and efforts in it , whether or not it is a small matter or a big project. One of the most successful man in all the Zodiac.
He is a very patient man and can waits for years to reach his goal. He hates thin feeling and weak determinations. He can not retreat or rest for long, for he thinks life has more questions and more answer to be searched.
If he is in love, you will get plenty of love from him, sometimes may be too much than you have asked for. He is serious about love and relationship and will not waste time with someone he does not love whether how pretty she is.
He hardly makes mistake. He could tell if you have any bad thought, and will not hesitate to tell you so. If you do not like straight forward sincere man, then pack your bag now. If you are an over sensitive person, try not to ask for his comments. He will tell you the truth, even you might not be able to take it. Example , if you ask him if you are fat (and you are fat), he will say "yes, as big as a balloon". He makes such comments because he cares
for you, so do something about your weight and do not get up set with him.
If he says "you look pretty today", you can be proud because he will not say such think just to please you if he does not really mean it. There will be both kind of people, those who like him and those who hate him. If you are in love this guy, be strong and belief in your decision, do not be vulnerable. He remembers all his anger and will wait for his pay back time.
He is very serious about your promise, do not promise something you could not keep. He loves his friends and will do anything for his close friends. He likes you to take care of him, but not in front of his friend. He is a complex man and you will never understand what he means if you do not really know him. He is happy to know he is a complex figure. When he is thinking or
when he needs his privacy, you should give him some space.
He memorize everything well. You may say something that you already forgotten, but he will remember every words. He wants to be respected and admired and at the same time he does not like people to have power over him.
When he falls in love, he really falls deep. A man in this Zodiac once in love, he will be sweeter than sugar. He does not like a plain and simple woman. A complex woman's mind is his venture. Always be interesting and able to talk to him about every things in any subjects. He does not like a woman who sits around waiting for his call.
~although as a psychology student, i understands that horoscope is not substantiated by strong backings, i still believe in some of their words. one of the many questions i seek is to how ppl actually develop such characteristics of others who are borned within this period and why the consensus is that the description will not be 100% accurate, but most of it correlates with their own opinion of selves.
humans, are we cursed or blessed by the stars? are we?
A man with a foggy clouds over him. He is sensitive and easily hurt and always feels lonely. He does not trust anyone but himself. Sounding so negative, but he has an amazingly charisma. He is a compassionate man . He absorbs other people sentimental feeling and pain.
He is a good psychiatrist and he could understand complex and confused feeling. He has a hidden power that he could use it to make things happen and do things well. He does not like people who never try to help themselves before asking other people for favors. He is the type of guy who mostly achieved his goal in life.Once he sets his mind for something, he will put all his energy and efforts in it , whether or not it is a small matter or a big project. One of the most successful man in all the Zodiac.
He is a very patient man and can waits for years to reach his goal. He hates thin feeling and weak determinations. He can not retreat or rest for long, for he thinks life has more questions and more answer to be searched.
If he is in love, you will get plenty of love from him, sometimes may be too much than you have asked for. He is serious about love and relationship and will not waste time with someone he does not love whether how pretty she is.
He hardly makes mistake. He could tell if you have any bad thought, and will not hesitate to tell you so. If you do not like straight forward sincere man, then pack your bag now. If you are an over sensitive person, try not to ask for his comments. He will tell you the truth, even you might not be able to take it. Example , if you ask him if you are fat (and you are fat), he will say "yes, as big as a balloon". He makes such comments because he cares
for you, so do something about your weight and do not get up set with him.
If he says "you look pretty today", you can be proud because he will not say such think just to please you if he does not really mean it. There will be both kind of people, those who like him and those who hate him. If you are in love this guy, be strong and belief in your decision, do not be vulnerable. He remembers all his anger and will wait for his pay back time.
He is very serious about your promise, do not promise something you could not keep. He loves his friends and will do anything for his close friends. He likes you to take care of him, but not in front of his friend. He is a complex man and you will never understand what he means if you do not really know him. He is happy to know he is a complex figure. When he is thinking or
when he needs his privacy, you should give him some space.
He memorize everything well. You may say something that you already forgotten, but he will remember every words. He wants to be respected and admired and at the same time he does not like people to have power over him.
When he falls in love, he really falls deep. A man in this Zodiac once in love, he will be sweeter than sugar. He does not like a plain and simple woman. A complex woman's mind is his venture. Always be interesting and able to talk to him about every things in any subjects. He does not like a woman who sits around waiting for his call.
~although as a psychology student, i understands that horoscope is not substantiated by strong backings, i still believe in some of their words. one of the many questions i seek is to how ppl actually develop such characteristics of others who are borned within this period and why the consensus is that the description will not be 100% accurate, but most of it correlates with their own opinion of selves.
humans, are we cursed or blessed by the stars? are we?
C+
kinda spoilt the mood for me when i realised my group got a C+ for our psy report.
haiz.. wtheck. but i must admit we kinda screwed up the paper. -_-
gotta work hard on 202 and 203. for 4AUs, they do matter quite a bit.
haiz.. wtheck. but i must admit we kinda screwed up the paper. -_-
gotta work hard on 202 and 203. for 4AUs, they do matter quite a bit.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
当你
当你日想夜想，盼着有一天你们会在一起。。。
但事实并非如此。
面对的是残酷的她，表现的是坚强的自己。
而惟有另一个她能将你那感情的盔甲卸下，
在她的怀抱里，倾诉心底的悲伤。。。
a description of a recent chapter of a manga i just read.
但事实并非如此。
面对的是残酷的她，表现的是坚强的自己。
而惟有另一个她能将你那感情的盔甲卸下，
在她的怀抱里，倾诉心底的悲伤。。。
a description of a recent chapter of a manga i just read.
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