does crying helps?

when your heart feels hurt by the ones you love, does crying helps to relieve the pain?

if it does, i wanna cry.

the pain is getting harder to handle.

i don't know how to deal with it.

each time i feel like giving up, everytime i give myself false hopes.

no longer can i find an excuse to keep those hopes up.

i have to give her up.

Mahjong

Recently i've been going for mahjong sessions. there have not been more than 3 days apart that i don't play mahjong. and almost every session i lose. -_- my luck in gambling isn't all that good. haha..

it's near the end of the year. many things i thought would happen, didn't. other things i thought won't happen, did. unexpected things, expected results, surprises, disappointments, happiness, sadness, quite a lot of feelings experienced this year. the past few years, were probably just me chasing the dreamZ. this year, i stopped chasing. it's time to grab it.

there's different dreams for for different ppl. and each dream has many goals. i wanna score straight A's for my exams, i wanna grow taller, i want to have bigger breasts (although many girls i've asked don't really want it, but maybe it's better to be a bit bigger), i want happiness, blah blah blah.. and i seriously wonder what's my dream. i looked through the list of courses again. engineering... not really interested, sciences... not really interested. those arts and social sciences are all out, except for psychology. can i just blindly go through it like always? i can't. i gotta take into consideration the future path i can, and i will take. is it enough? will i be satisfied? i'm in a need for competition. what's after being a psychologist? and how is it like being one, and the path to one? i have no idea. i need a goal to chase, i need a vision to fulfil, i need a reason to sprint towards. ah.. i wish i was young again. haha..

some of the memories came back to occupy my mind. i remembered staying awake just outside of bunk talking on the phone, it was drizzling in the parade square, the orange spot lights were on. i looked up, the rain drops were falling down under the orange beam above. the view was beautiful.

memories can be sweet, but what if the later part isn't? hmm.. so does it still count as sweet? is it just your own perspective of things? it's bitter cuz it was sweet. i think this is the best description. maybe we should live life such that, it's sweet, cuz it was bitter.

ah, raining again~ haha... i want to run in the rain again... drenched, smiling, becuz someone else is beside me.

what do you care about

forget all that i care about
i wish i didn't care
for all that's left is memories now
and in my mind shall it stay

i couldn't foresee the future ahead
becuz i thought you were there
now that you're gone, and gone for good
i hope it stays that way

nvm abt the hugs and kisses
you didn't want to hold my hands
what do you really care about
when this love is all so plain

is it the pleasure that holds you back?
or perhaps a passing cloud you just grabbed?
disappear into winterland
return and say "the end"

i was never in a position to choose
you chose to leave, i'm forced to lose
can't fight this decision i knew was coming
for your eyes show no holding back

one last time i ask of you
to hold me tight, then let me loose
give me a sign, you care for me
until i realise, my hands were around me

dumb.

Christmas Eve

On the first day of christmas, i think i will be playing mahjong. haha..

while writing the card for her, something just inspired me to do more. the card was conincidentally full of stars.. blue ones. i did promise her a nitez of stars before.. so i went to made some stars on the card that glow.. =) and i rushed through the whole thing before meeting her. reminded me of the time i carved those words on the wooden block for her... it feels good to be appreciated of your own efforts. especially, when you're doing it to convey your feelings.

christmas... is special, if you believe it is.

Love Actually is showing on tv soon this week. not sure when. haha.. watched it once, was kinda confused over the many love relationships that were going on. i kinda like the part when the guy went up to the girl's house door steps with several boards to confess his feelings, even though the girl is already attached with her guy inside the house. the girl went to answer the door bell, with the guy standing outside. music is playing... as he drops the boards one by one... he didn't say a word throughout, all was spoken, in silence.

to me, you are perfect
and my wasted heart will love you

how do you feel about these words? the feelings so hidden inside..

merry xmas. =)

So yesterday was a holiday

i didn't know it until the armour guys reminded me on wed night when we went out for dinner and movie. my life is all about games at the moment. and i'm growing tired of it...

oh well, today's hl bday. wishing her a happy 20th bday. can't imagine months ago, i have plans for this date. haha.. but most probably the plans won't materialize given my ever-procrastinating character. just a simple card will do - i've always thought of that. haha...

it's the thought that counts. hmm.. is it just a statement to console the reciever or an excuse for the giver? it kinda depends doesn't it? if a person took 5 min and just grab something off the shelves, wrapped it up and give it to his loved one, how much thoughts can you count from this?
but looking at the bright side, at least he bothered to buy one. haha...

eve is suppose to come back today from her thailand trip, i think it's at late night. i thought some of the weird thing i done 2 years ago just to meet her. i seriously think... that riding a bicycle in the middle of the night, and then take a bus, and then do the same for the return trip, is something... very weird. hahaha... i don't think she, or anyone, saw it as a romantic act. probably most will have the "wthell??" expression. well that time, maybe she was just an excuse for me to just go cycling at late night, a very strong excuse, and i enjoyed it. but not the result of it all. -_-

watched warlords. it's just kill kill kill. all 3 brothers died. simple.

i weighed 62.9kg as of last measurement at the plab medical centre, with my wallet and handphone. so on record, i've gained 10 kg since i enlisted. or perhaps the 52.3kg was taken in J1. hmm.. i don't know which is better, feeling heavier and less healthly, or feeling lighter and more healthy. i think i'll be a slack fellow and go for the lighter and more healthy. haha.. becuz i don't want to pant when i climb the stairs, just too lazy to pant.

days went by so quickly. one moment she left, today she's back. i zoomed past the week sitting infront of the monitor. i'm slowly dying from computer radiation.. ahh... if there's any.

close your eyes... you see a face...
Go punch it.

A repeat

hmm.. just wanted the post it again. to remind myself that in love, it's neither here nor there.
there's so much gray areas to think abt.
add in the thinking of the other party, i think the sky is in OVERCAST; OKTAS 8.
i want to let go of these thoughts, tiring to have a mood in relation to y = tan x.
one moment it's high, the next moment it's hell low. hmm... include y < z, where z is positive and not infinite

a week has passed since i came back from tamworth.
and i've been doing nothing but playing game, and game, and game.
priston tale... SG pristontale.. and i'm quite surprised some singaporeans are quite ethu abt pt. they even set up a friendster network.
from the pictures, some of the girls are cute. well, it matches the game characters, except for the figure. mmorpg never have female character with flat chest, or at least i've never met one. (exclude young female character)
and nik dragged me into maple again. hmm.. maybe dragged is not the right word. can't find any others.

i need to get on with my life, decide what i wanna do.
i've been ignoring all mails that come my way.
i can't just wait infront of this monitor waiting for something to happen.
i am always giving myself excuse for not doing something.
i get more pissed when someone is either testing my reaction, or just not considerate.

maybe it's time to finish off where i orginally started.
pick myself up from 2 years ago.
i can't believe that these 2 years i did nothing, except for the commissioning part, atec, and agc.
the others are quite crap, whether is it in the force, or my social life.

*if the world doesn't sux, you will fall off.

the greatest irony of love

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
Having the wrong person when the time is right,
And finding out you love someone right after
That person walks out of your life.

And sometimes, you think you're already over a person,
Until you see them smile at you again,
You'll suddenly realize that you're really not.

For some, they think that letting go is one way
Of expressing how much you love the person,
By sacrificing your happiness for theirs,
Without realizing that the other person's
Doing the same thing for them.

Most relationships tend to fail
Not because of the absence of love;
Love is always present,
It's just that one is being loved too much
And the other was being loved too little.

We always fall in love with the person we think we love,
Only to discover that what we loved about them fades.
Bad experiences are always remembered,
But it's the wonderful memories that are captured
To remind us that there are brighter days ahead
And that happiness exists.

You need to learn to let go when you're hurting too much,
Realize that sometimes love just isnt enough
And accept the fact that things aren't always gonna be the same.

There is someone out there who will love you more.
It's all the thought you put into your decisions
That impairs your judgement
When your heart already knows what you need to do.

Listen to your heart. Even though it's on the left side, it's always right.

5 more days

well, i got frustrated with my previous entry that was deleted off becuz the connection was bad when i clicked "publish post". -_-"

anyway, failed my test like 1 week ago on monday. ORD loh~ haha... come to think about it, my attitude towards this opportunity, is quite different from the others.
first, i'm going to ord.
second, i don't really have an interest in flying.
third, i'm in it becuz it's a good career.

but considering the other factors... frequent travelling, risky job... => leads to very high pay. hahaha... well, too bad.

went to a local club on last friday night, the guys went dancing. as usual, i rather not. had a little chat with dy hd, as he and me, we're not the club ppl. haha.. talked over some drinks on my career options. i told him i'm going psychologist. he was kinda... hmm.. like disapproving of it. his first question was do i know who was xxx? never heard of him. and he said he was the most famous psychologist. hmm... so the rest of the conversation is just showing i don't really have an interest in psychology, or i didn't bother to dig in deeper. well... can't say i don't have an interest, just that i don't really bother to really find out about psychology. time is a factor, no time in jc, after a's was enjoyment before enlistment. and until now, yeah... if i want, i can find time to do some searching over the net or the library, but i rather spend my time on some other things. but seriously speaking, i have multiple interests, almost in everything. maths, science, psychology, philosophy, spiritual... i even thought of doing DnT when i was in secondary school. the only thing stopping me is... THERE'S NO SUCH OPTIONS. it's like the express class is denied the chance to take DnT, nobody actually wants it! maybe i'm just weird. -_-" but it's fun. haha... i enjoyed filing the acrylic. so... if so much interests in hand, i'm more geared towards the psycho and philo side. i can't do spiritual, cuz there's no subject in this -_- i mean... out-of-body experience, doesn't that sounds interesting? philosophy sounds a bit too chim... psychology, getting to know humans better. that's what i want. there's no prospects to study it in singapore, but, i still wanna study it. it's my style rebellion and staying true to myself. but i know, it's a more of a uncharted route... he commented psychologist should be a people's man. sociable. and from one look, can see that i'm not one. yes i agreed. hmm... but sometimes i just can't figure out why, everytime i would rise to the occasion. right now, i still don't know what sparked me in my SIT test to get me into ocs, what cause me to feel the need to lead in OBS, becuz of the skills i have? the ideas i have? or i just want to be the 'hero'? right now, i only know i desire to be one of the best, superiors, and i can be one. life, unpredictable.

and i typed so much crap. -_-"

anyway, recieved an email from sis... asking me to call mum up becuz she's bugging her everyday. haha... and she msged me to say mum missed me. sometimes... i can't help but feel... touched. who can denied that warm feeling? it's the knowledge that you're needed in place you think is important, your family, your social group, you brothers/sisters, buddies. but something is wrong if any of my buddies come telling me that they missed me, it's just wrong.

will call back at night, probably, if i rmbed.

today is wednesday, 5 more days.

watched 15, the local film by... royston tan? not sure abt the name. anyway, it's abt teenagers at the age of 15 walking the gangster path. hmm... to tell the truth, the vuglar raps are kinda catchy and nice. haha.. watching a hell lots of movies lah... knowing it's the last week, the guys went to rent out abt 22 movies. all trying to chiong all those nice ones.

i chose and watched "we were soldiers" and "constantine".
constantine was a repeat, watched before. just wanna amuse myself with the middle finger at lucifer. we were soldiers... got teared up when the one by one, the wives recieved the letters from the secretary that their husbands are killed in the war against vietnam.

got an email from her too. hmm... =)

can see nik is still moving on. the key word is still. haha.. regrets, depression, despair...all these follows the heartbroken souls all ard. and it's up to oneself to overcome it. letting time to bland these feelings is possible... can when the time comes again, can you take it, again?

courage without fear is worthless, i often told myself. becuz i fear it, that's why i face it.

3rd week in Tamworth

i'm into my 3rd week in tamworth, australia. growing fatter by the day. you can't believe how different it is here and back at home. the food is always, meat. lamb, beef, pork, chicken, you name it, they got it. haha..

trying to keep fit by playing basketball. well... ain't really working out fine. i'm just shooting the ball, not really running about. i'm not sure is it the altitude that i'm at, or i'm just unfit. i'm 1300 ft above sea level, i guess the air has less O2. hoping that's the case. haha... or else when i go back home, it's a hell lots of running to get back my fitness again. -_-

suppose to have my test 1 yesterday, but was cancelled due to bad weather. postponed to monday. now i'm having the mood of... pass = good, fail = ORD LOH!!! and i ask myself many times, which is better? seriously, which is better? get over and done with the national service, or continue having lots and lots of shitz but you're getting paid with a very decent salary.

i ask myself again, is pilot the path for me? is it the best opportunity i've got? is it the life i want? if i really become a pilot, what will it affect? my family? spouse? pilot does travel a lot.

how does anyone knows what's the best path for them? which is the job they want to dedicate their life to? is it the best subject that they can score in their secondary education? and hence studied that in university and thereafter graduating with a degree hoping that this piece of paper with the justicfication of them excelling in their individual fields will bring them to a good career life? nobody knows exactly what will happen in the future. how will it affects them, and the people around them, no one knows.

it's like choosing your life partner. some get attached, and then deattached. you can't do that in jobs right? becuz it will take like forever to get into a different field, unless it's jobs like business. you just need the brain, not the cert for that. so in love, when we have a chance to choose, pick, and decide, we will always do. getting fussy, picky, and cautious over what we want. it's like the virtue of all mankind to fully utilise what we can, to make it all worthwhile.

rmb the scenario of asking a person to walk through a garden, and then picking the most beautiful flower he see? he just kept picking and throwing and picking and throwing. that's damn stupid. he should have just pick all of them, bundle them up together. haha... or he can just choose one flower and stick to it.

as for me, i will just walk through the whole garden first, then second round, i will just pick the chosen one.

talking too much crap. it's bored here.

i completed mega man x3, again. seriously, bored.

at most 3 more weeks. then i'll be home.

First Week

first week in australia.
not bad, the food is good, the weather is cold, very windy sometimes, but going to be hot soon. there's ice cream every meals, i'm getting fat.
haven't fly yet, probably next tue starting. now is the studying phase.
using my friend's internet, cuz i don't really want to pay so much for the internet. so will be occasionally updating.

just a few words to nik since she's not online.

yoz, kinda sorry abt the call the other day. thought was quite irritating asking you abt the matter. hmm... what's done is done. hope you can get over it soon. it won't take a day or two, maybe a month. cry if you must, but don't let it affect your life too much. learn from it, you will find another one. but do note, the other party may not always treat and love you as much as you do. can't be there to talk to you, but hope you're doing well.

don't really miss home. life is quite okay here. night ends early. over here is singapore time +3. sometimes still think abt her, but hmmm... just wait until i'm back. haha...

that will be all for now.

I'm just a fool

well... i really have nothing much to do at home. hmm.. suddenly i feel very much like a fool. haha..

just realised that ppl will behave differently in front of different ppl. hmm.. in the case of relationship, the behaviours will differ from your first, to your married. perhaps they themselves have change over time, another viewpoint is that they will change their behaviour accordingly to their partners. for example, if the girl's boyfriend is a little towards the passive side, she may just play more of the active role in the relationship. there may be similar traits of you treating your current and your ex, but no doubt, it's your personality. maybe you prefer a hug than a kiss during your past relationship, and in the current, you still do. as for me, both are fine, best together. hahaha...

there are many factors in a relationship that can make it work, and make it not work. some factors are already pre-determined even before the relationship even started, but the fact that it began, cannot be erased. in the heat of passion? love makes all ppl blind? ppl tend not to think with all these excuses. what matters most as always seem, is the mutual feeling towards one another. some ppl get together hoping to be together forever. some, just need a temporary company. some others, got together and then realise the whole thing just can't work out. then you feel silly why you didn't think about the whole the thing in the first place. well.. i can only say that, love, is a gamble. a gamble for either a scar, or happiness.

feeling tired...

Before Departure

In a few hours time i will be leaving for australia, tamworth, for my 1-mth pilot training. hmm.. a kind of different feeling from when i left for taiwan last year. this time, there's a slight feeling of missing home, and the company in singapore. perhaps recently i have been staying home. a sense of uncertainness lingers around. will i pass this air grading test? and move on for my pilot career? or within this 1 month, my fate as a pilot trainee will end? something like a lvls. i feel... excited, uneasy. believe in yourself, as i've always say. i believe, i will be an excellent fighter.

recieved kristie's card, along with a scorpion-shaped paper clip today. nice! haha.. well, it's the only gift i have this time. perhaps i can count the pictures drawn by nik as presents also ba. haha.. 10 years and counting, looks like i'll be old-fashioned and continue sending cards through post. =)

had a small chat with an old friend. she is still busy as ever. haha... is uni life that busy? i wonder.

this kinda brought me to a point... boyfriends' insecurity.
hmm... some guys may feel insecure on the relationship, on how things will turn out in the future. it doesn't really matter if they have confidence in themselves, but perhaps, they have no confidence in the girls. or worst, no confidence in both. heard of ppl who hurt themselves to make their partner stay, or when they can't stand stand the pain of the separation, hurting themselves is a solution. it's quite a simple solution, both situations. to keep their spouse, or to keep the heartbreak away. cuts, bruises, getting into trouble and then get beaten up, all sorts of things when you ain't thinking right. hurting oneself is just a temporary solution. you can't possibly do that forever. i mean... imagine next time you have to think of places to hurt yourself. "now... where can i cut myself that has no scars?" that will be a dumb thing right? i'm worried for my sis.

now there's another insecurity. it's called... my insecurity towards her. haiz

when hopes are high, you crash down faster and deeper than anyone else. i don't really want to keep my hopes high when she asked to send me off. i can't say no, becuz i wish that she could. and when i finally know that she can't make it just hours before going to the airport, it just doesn't feel good. as you were eagerly waiting through the night, and the whole morning until the early afternoon, then you got the results which you didn't wish for. it feels.. bad. maybe i think too much into stuffs... move on, that's what i heard from everyone. haha... maybe i'll stay for a while. what can i do, when everything i hold to so tightly, are the things i can't give up. just, for a little longer, i'll stay.

well, anyway, i'll get over this stupid issue. hmm.. maybe the guys will be there? haha.. it's okay to be alone lah. being alone doesn't bothers me. being lonely, that's what everyone's afraid of.

early happy birthday to favian, minjie, weilynn for the month of nov while i'm away.

and the death anniversary of my wu gui is coming soon. hmm. forgot how many years since it died.

good day, and good bye.
it's just a month. haha...

想太多

你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我
是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我没有错怪了什么
虽然你不说或许错在我
太晚我才懂爱了你太多
是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

is this how it is? haha...

Because I fly

Because I fly I laugh more than other men
I look up and see more than they,
I know how the clouds feel,
What it's like to have the blue in my lap,
to look down on birds,
to feel freedom in a thing called the stick...
Who but I can slice between God's billowed legs,
and feel them laugh and crash with His step
Who else has seen the unclimbed peaks?
The rainbow's secret?
The real reason birds sing?
Because I fly I envy no man on earth

Anonymous

~What else can i do, to make her see me?
Where can i find answers, when i don't want this to continue, nor end?

2nd Nov

Such a familiar date to me... something that i would count down to during the young me... something that i will really look forward to, something that makes me feel special.

however in recent years, i began to realise, it should not be something i should really look forward to. hmm... it feels rather empty this year. just had a dinner at harbourfront centre in the chinese resturant. the food was okay lah.

didn't have cake. i suppose it's 3 years in counting ba. haha.. not that i desperately want it. these years... i lack the excitement of celebrating my own birthday. i have no wish to even buy a present for myself like i used to. maybe i take the laptop as my early present to myself. i feel tired...

today's the last day in air force school as air graders. provided some feedback regarding the overlook in some of the admin stuffs... hopefully they take it well, and not take it bad. or else next time i'm back, the working relationship will not be good ba. half day off, decided to visit the card shop i saw in raffles shopping centre and bought one for nik. actually almost the same price as those in popular. the design is simple, plain but was rather elegant in a way. the inside damn empty, maybe should put in more things ba.

lots of wishes today... like to thanks a few special ones.

nik - for being the first, and also for the pictures she drew.
tan - for being the second, and asking when's my birthday
kristie - for every year since 1999, that she never fails to send her greetings
hao - for smsing me at 1am plus, but to my mum's hp, or my old hp no.
eugene and chee keen - for making a long distance call in the middle of the day all the way from australia just to say happy birthday to me
tzeyong - for rmbing my bday
swee ying - same, really, didn't expect it
hwee ying - i think it's her, cuz i don't have her in my contact list. probably lost it while transferring phone
someone - i don't know who is he, but, ya, he sms me a bday greeting.
sharon - for a nice bday sms
xiangyong - for wishing me luck in my pilot
jasmine - for saying a simple happy bday
chew swee - same
shawn - same
yewtuck - same
hl - for a 'take care' msg
eve - for waiting to sms at midnight but doze off halfway, then wake up in the early morning in a blur mood and finally send the msg

basically i think whoever wishes me is special. haha...
i'm waiting for the day, the day which i will feel special.

~what are you waiting for? go chase it.

suppress your expectations, depress your desires, arrest your feelings.
either you stay in the shadows forever, or shine in the brightest light.

i'm a scorpio.
i believe, and i create.

oh ya

forgot to mention. the fortune teller says i have a temper also. Muahahahahaha...

My Treat

yesterday night went out with the 4 of them. haha..
went to chijmes for dinner, bobby's. hmm.. quite exp, 263 in total.
and it was my treat. -_- haha.. it's by far my most exp treat lah.
but the food is nice, the company is excellent, and the meaning of the dinner is worth every cent.
i rmbed i once went there with her in the late night, hmm.. i think that time we have nothing much to do ard the area. haha... the same cosplay cafe, but different company. doesn't matter.

after that went for desserts at monilta, ate some ice cream before we went home. well.. good night well spent.

late morning went to Bugis to see godma. it's some celebration.. don't really know what is it also. prayed to her, hmm... it seemed weird to have her as my gan ma. like.. i don't know anyone else who have her as gan ma. my mum kinda say it's my dad's idea lah. since i was borned, i was brought to the temple already.

went out, by pass a fortune teller, mum say aunt recommended it. so i said... "go loh". and it ate up my 90 bucks as i paid for mum and me. both of us did a computerised test of our palms and year in which we're borned, then we both did palm reading, which was 20 bucks each. the computerised test was 5 bucks. i bought a small.. thingy of my gan ma, 50 bucks.

Palm or Signature Picture

You are objective to and have a clear picture of things existing in this world. You are very perseverant in pursuing your dream. you are good at expressing yourself and albe to make both parties happy. You are going to make fortune if you invest. You have a lot of friends and they are helpful to your career. You are very fiar when making judgments. You are very strict with your childrean and hope them to take over your career. You are a lot more stubborn when it comes to your loving career. (ya, so when did love becomes a career? -_-)
You hold a peaceful attitude toward your future and have good relations with people around you. You seek for freedom and try to get the most from life using little money. You are afraid of being alone and have a group of hearty friends.

---symbol of rabbit---

People with the symbol of rabbit are very smart and foxy. They know how to protect themselves in danger. They very politic and have lots of friends. As you grow older, you will become more mature and outgoing. You are likely to succeed in literature. You are talented, which makes you have more desire than others and always follow others. But when you are pursuing your dream, you drive ahead without any hesitate. But you lack practical experience, therefore likely to give up halfway. You are cautious with things around you. You are always following the trend and are not frugal. You are act before you think thoroughly, which leads to many problems. You have a strong sense of justice and sometimes sacrifice yourself to it. You like to help the disadvantaged and fight with the advantaged. This may cause some slanders for you. You have your own idea towards everything and are strong minded and sensitive. You will act as soon as you get any idea, otherwise you don't feel comfortable. You are diligent with your work and hate wandering around. You are quite critical towards food and clothes. You love every member of your family, but sometimes lose sense to sexual attraction. (wthell does that means? -_-") As far as finance is concerned, you use every coin in your career. In the later half of your life, you will meet some authority, who will help you to be promoted and gain your fame. In your middle ages, you are able to be a leader and have a lot of opportunities.

That's all.

And i spent 2.5 hours wandering around sim lim sq and finally settling down on a 2k ASUS laptop. hmm.. and then it rained. -_-

oh ya... about the palm reading, it was quite accurate i think. but i kept wondering during the reading whether is it all that questions and my gesture that gave my character and personality away. let's see what i can remember...

i am someone who zhong gan qing. that means i'm loyal to my friends, helping them even at the expense of myself. then she advise me not to help too much, to a certain extent is enough. i view money as nothing, just spend what i earn. not that i anyhow spend, but i just don't really save up. quite true, but spending the 2k kinda break my heart liao. gambling is a no. small gambling is okay, but if i gamble big, i will really aim for the biggest jackpot. which will eventually.. lose everything. my career is so-so only. but at the later stage of my life, even if i start a business, i will still be able to succeed. my marriage life should start after the age of 26. any age below that will cause a divorce. that immediately make me think of her. haha.. how coincidence, she want to get marry before 26. so erm... ? haha.. 6 years isn't that far, not that near also. hmm.. let's not think abt it first. it didn't even start, how do we even end? hmm.. oh ya, she mentioned i have high iq, quite smart. but becuz i mentioned before i was going to university, so.. maybe she's just inferring. can't rmb her mentioning abt my health. oh ya, she knows i hate nagging from my mum a lot. haha.. wthell, it's like every son's nightmare ba. and i am very stubborn in my way also.

that's abt all ba.

so i have a shopping spree of ard 2.4k in 2 days. coolz

it hurts

jsut came back from ICA in the early morning to collect my new passport. reached there at ard 8.20am.. and i'm like 300 ppl behind Q. wthell? the building only opens at 8am? waited for 1 hour. better than those who came at 9 plus. haha..

on the way home, suddenly it just feels sad. it hurts when you know she wouldn't ask you to stay when you tell her you're leaving. not as in overseas, those kinda things. it just feels, sad.

well, moving on.

the golf yesterday was okay. we went to the sembawang golf course there, beside Sem. air base. we only played at the driving range cuz we're all noobs. 50 balls each, only a few of mine hit near 100m. -_- the other were within 50m. haha.. it's hard lah.

when i leave

there's recently a new chinese drama on channel 8, 9pm, showing every weekdays. it's about a guy trying to get accepted by his future father-in-law. a lovely girlfriend, a career still budding. his father-in-law is seriously a very irritating fellow. haha.. soon, the girlfriend is going to leave for America as requested by her company to attend a course for one year. they wanted to register for marriage before going but the her father was able to coax the guy into getting married after the one year. he still look down on the guy as he has no stable career. wthell. but as you can see from the couple, it's very hurting to part away from someone you love deeply. however, following the storyline, the guy will probably be falling in love with her younger sister within the year. now that's the bigger problem than the dad. obviously the girlfriend may go mad, blame her dad, kill her sis or something. haha... love, it comes and goes. but it exists, really. but for those who want to hold on to it, be true, loyal, devoted, faithful... love's challenge is to last, and not to hold for that moment. one of the famous chinese quote says that one doesn't care about forever, but only cherish those moments that happened before. i believed it's more for those in the past liao lah. it can't be you're in love, and you're saying this kind of shitz. doesn't make sense to me, does it make sense to you? however, when love comes, it comes. there's no stopping. even if you don't feel it now, you will slowly, but steadily, get in contact with the feeling. now... how to hold on to the love, and be true, is a very big big question in every one's head. they may be confident initially, "how can i ever fall in love with someone else other than her?", "my heart is with her, i can't take in another one". but perhaps they will realise, like the guy in the chinese drama, our hearts, can take more than one. or rather... as the person is slowly diminishing from your life, becuz she's busy, overseas, somewhere you can't see, contact and touch, you may just slowly push bits and pieces of her out of your heart, and have another one filling up the spaces. then out of a sudden, you realise you're loving two ppl. your heart is having two different blood, beating for two. that's when the decision is made. best, the first person suddenly appears out of nowhere, then big drama shall follows. many circumstances, many questions. yet answers, are few. right or wrong, is decided, and felt by the 3 parties. what are we, the outsiders, to condone, comment, or condemn. but let's say... just maybe, you're in one of the 3 of them, in one of the many circumstances that you thought of, what will you do? perhaps, you might just face this scenario when the sun shines on your face again. =)

Meaning of love

So her nick changed to meaning of love. and i'm quite sure it's her own definition.
"a subjective feeling towards one.. but not expecting tt someone to feel the same as u.."
and i'm quite sure most will agree to this statement, if they're thinking abt the greatness of love, how should one behave when they love someone. but being someone trying to catch another heart, read her mind, and grab her hand, this statement seemed to be lacking in something.

love is not about giving only, but recieving. a love that is all about giving to the other party, is not love. it takes two hands to clap, two bodies for a hug, and two lips, for a kiss. love is 2, not 1. yes it's a subjective feeling, you can also not expect that person to feel the same as you, but i'm sure deep down inside, you really wish that that person feel the same way as you. from the brightest star in the night sky, you will wish upon it that that person desire those words from you, a hug, a kiss, basically, that person want to be with you.

but if you don't convey the msg across, or get a reply from the other party, you're putting yourself up for the maximum hurt you can endure before you finally break down in tears. if you don't confess, you will never know how the other party feels, unless they confess. but isn't it silly to wait for the other to tell you first? but everyone's silly. becuz we all want to protect our heart, prevent it from harm. so we will get closer, and closer to the person. getting to know them more and more, understand, examine. as time goes by, you find yourself just couldn't get out of this love well, and in a dilemma of revealing your well-kept feelings and exposing your fragile piece of muscle, or just get tortured by the question, "she loves me? she loves me not? she loves me? she loves me not? ..." while plucking the stupid petals. maybe that was in the past, now i think it's staring at the monitor, just doing what i'm doing now, typing. but i have an answer in my heart already, just refused to believe it. it's like a source-based question, i'm just comparing the facts more biased towards what i wish to have.

what if you have expressed your in-depth emotions, and constantly just waiting for a reply. in the meanwhile you're just doing what you can, let the other party know that you will stay strong in your feelings, hoping that the other party can give you a favourable reply, soon. some will be delighted, some will get a shock, some will be disgusted, some will be confused, some. how long will you wait? how long can you take the heat? what reply can you take? a no? a please hold? a yes is definitely good. but can you take a yes, but we can't get together reply? lots of answers the other party can give, can you take it?

what is love? i rmb one movie, with a really beautiful meaning of love. forgot what's the title.

just thrash it all out with her... felt much better.
believe in her, and myself. =)

you're my only question, that i can't answer myself.

paranoid

am i getting too paranoid over small matters? even msn nicks affect me. but of cuz i should get paranoid! there's always a hope that she will actually think abt me.

these two weeks will be frequent visits to toa payoh. met ah tan in the morning at the bus 90 Q. he told me at this time, we will be late when we reach the camp. haha... in the end both of us just slept throughout the journey. hoping to see someone. but normally, when i think of seeing someone, the person will never appear. it's like.. demand and no supply.

should i buy a laptop? hmm.. seriously, or am i just gonna stay in the 1-man rm in australia and mug, or sleep, or just lie on the bed reading books, writing? or just "the wall is my only friend".

it's beginning to dawn on me that the things i wish for btw me and her ain't gonna happen. i have one idiot who's telling me to walk on, when i know she herself shouldn't give up so easily on her own. FOR THE SAKE OF SOMETHING, COMMUNICATE LAH. although i don't really perform well in that sector, but at least i know it's crucial. haha...

first day in Air Force School. lots of new things, adapting. i'm really afraid of having my feelings shaken at this point of time. becuz i know, if i do, and when i'm back, i will be stronger. and when that happened, even comedies i can't laugh.

tired.... being the course IC is quite troublesome. too bad, i'm the only one having the bar.

My Birthday

Well, 20 lunar years ago, i was borned. haha... and yeah, nobody really rmb this kind of things. hmmm.. actually get interested when my grandma gave me a hong bao some years ago for my chinese bday. i spent my birthday staying at home lvling my pikeman. at least someone wished me happy birthday when i told her. hahaha...

having the same birthdate for both lunar and solar is very hard to come by. it's rare. but is it special?

since young, i have always held on to the image of myself being special, the unique one. but also, have also view everyone else, as special. i often found myself wanting to be outstanding, to be able to make the teacher take note of me, even if i appeared like an idiot. however, it's not something done deliberately, i somehow... just like to do weird stuffs when i was young. as i grew, i began to know more of my weakness, and also my strengths. i may run fast, but not as fast as some. i may sux in science, but not as bad as some. i learned. i grew.

i think she's attached. felt better. got me thinking about what's worth holding on to in life. let's take an example. hmm... badminton and soccer. for the later, it's just a sport which i took up when the whole class was playing it. badminton, the sport that i grew up with. wasn't a group game, more towards solo and duo. to have your teammates cheering you on, it's another feeling of your teammates beside you. victories and losses were more impt in the rectangular court, than the field. not only the skills, but life values too. it's something i will carry on for life, but as for soccer, it's just another sports. so.. which do you want? something to hold on for life, or something that is just another passing cloud?

haha.. the above really sounds like crap.

oh well, happy birthday to me.

and nik's birthday is having lunar and solar together.

i'm promoting on that day also. but the pay increase isn't a lot.

going to australia in 2 weeks.

ankle still recovering. i feel fat. everytime when i saw her, she never failed to say my tummy is growing bigger. haven't been excerising much. hope i can get silver for ippt next week.

i'm lvl 63 pikeman. Normalguy, holding to STYX Sxythe, trying to get Spike Armor. currently low on Gold becuz of the fast experience and relatively slow money gaining.

tml's the first day in air force school, and i forgot how to get there. oh shitz, i forgot to photocopy my education transcripts. now that's something to worry abt.

cut my hair today.

thinking of getting a laptop to bring over to australia, from anyone. anyone? hmm... don't feel like buying. later i fail, then the laptop is deemed useless. sianz.

ah... better prepare for tml.

ORD Function NiteZ

It was the 42 SAR 7th mono-intake ORD Function Nitez last night at the maritus maridian hotel. not sure if it's spelt correctly, but wthell. anyway, went there damn early and talk cork becuz one of the officers ask us to come early then he himself late. -_- before the dinner began, 2 girls dressed in costumes, one of a knight, another like a queen of egypt were walking around the crowd taking photos lah. haha... they were hired just to take photos loh -_- then during the dinner got 2 other girls who can dance Arab dance or something lah. the blue was like asian and was the better one, the red was like... tall like okay lah. the blue was the one who attracted me most in the 4. let's see.. nice figure, nice dance moves, got the face, the eyes. haha.. and blue, a nice colour lah. the dinner okok, went ard taking some photos through the night. Jeffrey came. i still rmbed when he said btw his pilot and his love, he chose the latter. that was the time when i had the choice of going over to air force early. and for me, it's roughly about the same. and in the end i think both of us broke up also. haha.. drank some red wine, it still doesn't taste as nice. nothing much. after wards went to one of the officer's house to play mahjong. alamak! lost lah. sianz.. the tiles don't come as smooth as they do. hmm.. sadz. and overnight mahjong takes the energy out of you lah. tired...

yesterday night when i msged her at ard 11+, and when i recieved no reply through the night, i suddenly thought of a point. Doesn't it sounds wrong for someone to say that they're guilty of not replying to your msg? it doesn't feel quite right. so they reply just so they don't feel guilty. -_- it's like a begger asking you for a few coins and you will have that sense of guilt if you don't at least show some compassion. haiz... overreacting? haha... perhaps ba.

2 weeks to fly off. maybe it will be easier for me to just stop all the things lah... it's not advancing, nor is it declining. it's stuck somewhere along the line. the feeling isn't good. but is it worth waiting? for a someone who seemed quite insensitive.

this doesn't feel good

it doesn't feel good. i seemed to be easily irritated today. but this just doesn't feel good. it's like i'm taken for granted. i'm seriously stabbing myself again. it's as if to her, i'm just an useful tool. when she's done with me, i'm casted away. someday... i will either take a knife and stab myself, or i rush forward to her and get stabbed by the knife she's holding. -_-

Spirited Away

A whole new experience. Is it a dream?

hmm... this is how it goes. it was just a while after i went into some... weird dream.
out of a sudden, i wasn't able to move again on bed. stuck to the bed, my hands, legs, heads, just can't move. i suspect 'something' was in my room. and as i stared at light on the wall in front of my bed, i'm slowly imagining it to be that 'something'. but seconds later i told myself... can't be lah, where got ghost rectangular one. -_- becuz the lights are the result of the street lights through the windows, casting a rectangular shape. but i still can't do nothing. next i start to concentrate on lifting my right hand, slowly and steady, i got up. then, there's another big problem. i can't walk properly. seriously, i can't reach my door. hmm.. not sure how to describe the feeling. it's like having a lot of difficulty trying to move a step forward, but yet there's no advancement. and the world ard me isn't like.. something that you will see when you're standing vertical. it's like moving here and there, like your whole body is swinging about. in the end, i gave up. i imagined myself kicking the wall behind, but i felt no force, yet i still kinda... float in front? not in a slow way, but quite fast i think. can't rmb much now lah. open the door, then it's more easier to advance into the living room... then when i enter my dad's office, mum and dad were there. somehow or rather.. i think i went back to my room. then, i was awake.

legs were sweating a bit, probably due to the thick blanket. push it aside and then went back to sleep. but before that, i thought to myself... was that an out-of-body experience? like your spirit leaves the body. i have too much weird dreams lah. like years ago, i dreamt about walking out of my room, saw a bright light shining through the living room windows and i went toward it. the moment i reached the windows, i woke up in a daze. but this time i'm not in bed, i was literally standing there, by the living room windows. i didn't dreamt i walked there, i walked there. the moment i woke up, the bright light disappeared, the windows are closed, it was in the late night, the living room was dark. hmm... interesting.

oh ya, just went to the singapore youth flying club for joy ride on the plane called pipper, i think. the pilot/instructor was very friendly, didn't really try much stunts during the 1 hour flight. hmm.. was kinda disappointed it wasn't a roller coaster ride. but was satisfied enough lah. during descent, it's really uncomfortable as you can feel the plunging down from 30 storeys high sensation. and climbing is a pain in the ear. keep getting my ears air blocked. he said it's due to slight cold. saw my house from up above. cool. saw the ferris wheel also. things look damn cute from up there, so small, so... model-like. nice~

Pikeman

I just rmbed why i played priston tale.
it seemed rather stupid... but this is how.
i did a character test on which character i resembles in a game called priston tale.
at the time of the quiz, i have no idea what the game is like.
in the end, i was said to be like a Pikeman. haha...
should say it's one of the more popular character in the game.
high dmg, moderate def, said to have the coolest skill ard.
i mean.. who can vanish from thin air, charge up a strike, and one hit KO your opponent?
for those who don't know, priston tale, there's PvP.
i recognise pikeman as the strongest character in the game.
and mine is lvl 51.

hmm... i just realised again how swt can girls get.
haha.. fancy doing up a hand-made card with a 3D effect, although not that nice, but it doesn't matter. and then buying breakfast in the early morning, all for that special someone. haha...
but things sometimes won't turn out as planned, to be smooth. i can imagine a lot of situations to have cork-ups. everything i plan something, something always screw up. murphy's law.

and it's things like this that make me realise a point on relationship.
hmm.. perhaps becuz you care a lot about the relationship, that's why you're worrying about a lot of things. how will it turn out in the future? are both of you compatible? is that special someone showing less love than before? maybe he/she should be showing more concern over you? blah blah blah... then maybe you will start to ponder, how to solve these issues? worse, you thought of breaking up becuz you can't stand up to those problems. and then i urge those ppl to go back to the same stupid starting point... it's becuz it's that special someone, that is why, you're thinking of all these things. hold on tight to that belief you once have; the belief that he or she is the one you're looking for.

having said that, please let go if that belief no longer stands true. it takes two hands to clap. it takes two people in love, to believe. but it will only take one person, to break it.

pray tml's weather is fine. didn't fly this afternoon becuz of rain. damn.

Addicted.

Heard the song Addicted by Simple Plan on radio while i was on the train during my journey back home. it's quite an old song lah. somehow i just thought of her and the breakup. haha... it so matches the relationship. yup yup... lots of ppl do relate themselves to music, even if it's just a small minute portion of the whole song. here's the lyrics:

I heard you're doin' OK
But I want you to know
I'm addict,
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict,
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

ah... but the last verse more resemebles the situation now.

Anyway, last night was quite a disaster when i asked her. haha.. wasn't an answer that i hoped for. in fact, any possibilities that i ever thought of, will never come true. don't know why. or at least most of the times. haha.. it's just something to keep my mind off the matter. it's like i'm waiting for something to happen, and i don't know the present state, much less predict the future. hence, i need to affirm what's the present. lots of sadness even as i review my past with her. don't even know it's becuz i didn't cherish, or she doesn't have the feeling i thought she had. it seemed very frightening to have a repeat of the past, it's like volutarily stabbing myself again, and the knife is in her hand. hmmm.. quite dumb eh? hey... but i rather she stab me now then next time she tell me that again and then i stab myself. not sure how is it going to turn all, but it seemed she's still stuck in the past. being with her, the thought of this suddenly faded off, i thought everything's alright, fine, ignore her personal msg that is there for damn long. but chiuhao reminded me, it's not.

yup, and he passed his pilot interview. hahaha... came to cmpb today for it. was talking cork for a while before he went back to ocs... i missed my ocs cadet days... armour, i just don't wanna talk much abt it. -_-

oh ya, the other day saw weixiong on sunday in yishun. still look the same. hmm.. still like an ah beng, quite cool lah. haha...

went to tie da again after i complain my whole right leg is pain, or rather one of the 'geng', nerve? tendon? i have no idea what's called. wah... the master can always make my face twist here and there... she can massaged halfway and then ask me, "very pain hor?" "VERY PAIN AH!!!" sis laughed at me again becuz i went to tie da again lah.. kaoz.

another thing is that yinghao came today. hmm. we're pilot cse mates. good to have someone you know in the group lah. can crap on armour altogether.

i suddenly have the urge to go do the project i planned for don't know how many months liao. then i lost it again. hmmm... urge becuz of the song. hmm.. lost it becuz i'm just too lazy. the passport making is already making my mum nag, plus the ankle, extra nag. and i'm having the involuntary expressions of telling my mum she's nagging too much. normally i will just okokokokokokokokokokok.

hope she's sleeping well ba.. seemed to have invoked some of her memories again. better stay away from the topic for now. i think i better stay away from her also. right on, i'm just like an add-on lah. good to have, okay if don't have.

i rmbed once during the OBS camp, i was asked a question.
which is stronger and better in reaching a certain destination, a team of kayakers, or a single kayaker.
in my context, if it's a single kayaker, he will have to be very strong even before he set off. hence, i answer it's the single kayaker. becuz in my mind, a team, of group will have the weakest link, which will of cuz in turn drag the whole team down. i answered it with the consideration of team spirit somemore. and i think my attitude hasn't change a bit.

being alone will make me stronger.
i've learnt that through myself.
my buddies will see me through.
a partner will weaken the wall of heart.
if that is so, i will be weak and strong.

Sunday BlueZ

Rather than monday, i think i have more sunday bluez.. -_-
Only slept for 2 hours... a bit tired... over night mahjong again..
Then after that went to facial. ah... quite pain this time round..and spent some money on those products again.. then they kept introducing those treatments i also dont really know what the heck they talking abt. i hate acne. Kill them. just change the tissue inside lah... now i regret not taking care of my face. spending so much on treating them now.

read up on the sgforums again.
it's about one particular breakup which seemed like the girl's fault.
the some other guy came and accusing the guy of acting like a Mr NiceGuy in the forum and gaining sympathy from others in the forums. haha... wthell. anyway, quite a bad breakup as the story goes, not clear cut enough to save yourself from thinking too much. where got ppl break le still can kiss and hug one? -_-

another one mentioned she broke up with her ex becuz he was being too nice. he will do whatever in his power to give in to her, willing to change, blah blah blah. but this to her, is a negative thing rather than postive. the more he is willing to change, the more he gave in, the more she felt like a bitch, who is demanding, selfish, and in turn she hated herself. -_-"

some quotes worth mentioning there.

"It's hard to wait ard for something that you know might never happen but it's even harder to give up especially when it's everything you ever wanted."

Love,
Isn't how much you show you can get but how much you can give.
It's not about giving up but holding on.
Not about how you say "I love you" but how you show it's true.


one more week before going into air force school.
the ankle is still bugging me. and i haven't been running for damn long.
hopefully i can skip the upcoming ippt... the ankle is so weak lah. haiz..

recieved her msg in the afternoon. and i think she dozed off. haiz..

~should i be thinking how much longer, or should i take some actions

The Knot

The Knot

People often have this thing called knot at some parts of their lives.
And these knots cannot be untangled by anyone else, but their ownselves.
When the knot was initially formed, you won't be feeling much of the tightness.
But as time goes by, you feel that you're being squeezed inside, tighter and tigher.
And then you suddenly realised, you have some feelings that were caught in a twist.
From time to time again, it will give off pain, unease, sourness.
In the beginning, you may not know what is causing this.
Behaving out of the norm, saying weird things out a sudden, acquiring attention.
Perhaps actions to seek deeper, search for answers, and even questions.
Love, Friendship, Brotherhood, everyone you actually care for.
And then when you finally find a way to untie this knot,
Will you have the courage?


Alright, took an advance half day off. Muahahahaha...
Going for bbq with my buddies..

Went back SGD last night for a cohesion. attendance was quite bad.
but at least the food was okay and the gifts were nice too.
QM looks quite shag, sad, some sort like dying.
played table soccer >_< won shawn 10-0. Muahahahaha
later in the evening the few of us crowd ard to just sing songs...
met barry, quite stressed ever since i went off and boss on baby leave.
talk a bit in s1 br.
i missed the moments with them, really.
Got a big hug from dear BSO as he came running to welcome me in open arms. haha...
sometimes, i wonder if the 5 of us are being too gay or not.

thanks for the nights.
thanks for the company.
thanks for listening to my grieves.
thanks for consoling when i have tears.
thanks for the encouragement.
thanks for the singing sessions.
thanks for the funny moments.
thanks and many thanks~


holding on to something that i have no confidence in.
considering the past, the previous, the present.
i need answers to my questions.
i need assurance.
and if the answers are not meant to be,
then i will just leave and carry on.
there is no insurance in this.
and there's no place to buy it.

the pain that was never felt, came chasing me in the shadows...

Sunday Morning DreamZ

had two dreams in the morning after i woke up in the middle of the night and realised my dad and relatives have finished their mahjong session. one of the dreams was better left unspoken. haha..as for the other, it was a rather bad feeling. i wondered why i often have bad dreams after waking up and then refused to get out of bed and continued to just close my eyes, hug my bloster, imagining it might have been someone. and i knew in the dream, my breathing was fast. in my conscious mind, it felt bad, saddening. but i just can't rmb the stupid dream. i kept asking myself why is it bad until i got frustrated and wake up. perhaps it's a way of how the body reacts to get you out of bed to brush your damn teeth.

it's been my personal block leave of..10.5 days since last thursday. 8 days spent with my swollen ankle, and still swollen. only went out one of the day, which was to the library to study. AH!!! i just wasted my leave lah. sad~ hmm.. it's just chionging priston tale all the way. now i'm lvl 44. just to mention, i've never reach that level when i started it maybe ard 8 years ago.

maybe i've been feeling lonely. it felt quite dull to switch on the computer the moment i woke up, and only switch off only when i go to bed. just concentrating the game will take me away from reality and bring me to this world of fantasy where i search for somewhere where i belong. and it always brings me to a world of solitude. i'm a soloist. partying is just an advantage of gained experience to faster bring me up to the next level of proficiency. haha...

3 things i wanna do.
- see stars
- cook maggie mee
- buy a bikini

my leave ends tml. hope i can at least tahan the trip there and back standing on the ever crowded train and the stupid walk to the camp. heal my ankle, make it a better one.

joke of the day

this mail appeared as the joke of the day in my inbox.
i have no idea why is it a joke.

It had been a rought day, so when I walked into the party I was verychalant, despitte my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see coth hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you would easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicade, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abise her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently.

The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me.

To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

hmmm... words?

Someone called me a slacker today. that kinda woke me up from the continous gaming of Priston Tale since the early morn. time for some reflections... hmm... okay, tonight i will play until i get to lvl 40. then i... study a bit. my notes are inside my bag for ages, untouched, imcomprehensible, and thick. i missed my white board in my room. the many nights which i spent hours figuring all the maths, phy and chem, drawing and writing, erasing and editing. 2 years since i mugged. 2 years ago, i studied hard. why? my best.

the ankle is still wrapped up. i have no idea when it's going to be okay. the 2 females in my house commented that i'm always getting injured. i have no idea why also. bathing is a pain, becuz the ankle is wrapped up. -_-

taken a liking on PT rather than Lineage II. it's the culture, the party, the... oh shitz i died but i get to respawn somewhere near and die again becuz the mob is too strong. back to gaming. slacker~

dumb ankle

alright.. i spent 3 hours at the polyclinic seeing the doc for my ankle... and now it's getting more swollen. -_- i have no idea why. mum was expecting an x-ray, but don't have. hmm... let's just say it's getting more numb. i'm dead.

i don't like to get internal injuries... becuz somehow i will aggravate them.

something's wrong with this bond. the other party doesn't realise.

pray. for the ankle, and the party.

Feeling Stupid

morning went for soccer.. blazing sun, lousy stamina, poor health...
and it led to one injured ankle, headache, and a dull feeling, maybe sunburn.
hopefully i still can walk to camp tml.. limping here and there. trying not to let my parents know about it. -_-

walked around 2 libraries yesterday evening, first at sengkang, second at woodlands.
a few observations...

all the tables are used up. mostly students doing studying.
ppl on the floor with their laptops are mostly doing projects, if not just using the library's electricity and listening to songs.
bunch of ppl sitting around and just doing nothing but chatting.
some ppl who are studying seemed quite stress.
there are always some cute babies around to see.
some couples like to find some ulu ulu corners and just laze around there, almost all malays.
when i walk past the studying tables, most will try to see who the hell is the person walking by.
computers are always occupied.
very few ppl would have been interested in the galleries.
the air con is very cold.
the cafe's food seemed nice, but expensive.
a larger proportion of females in the library.

boring walk.

the project i was thinking about.. maybe i just do something else.

feeling a bit dull in life after i moved to air force.
it's just staying in office, doing nothing or studying.

beginning to feel tired of chasing after something...
it's like running on the spot.

head hurts.

wearing a mask? or is it just real?

Surf through the forums and found something meaningful.
For those who found it too hard to let go....

It's hard to let go because you never did let go in the first place - even if you think you did.

Time doesn't really heal wounds - what time does is to coerce you in resigning fate and get used to your situation.

Recovery is by choice and quiet reflection, often spurred from personal enlightment.

Sometimes, I find it incredible when people realised that their other half wants out and they will find all sorts of ways and methods to retain them.

Why do anyone wants to 'force' other person to be in a relationship?

Would that actually change anything permanent and not relative by nature?

Placing you as the 'me first' perspective will always work against you from moving on, that's because Love don't really give much damn about an individual alone. If the sum isn't two, then the entire model of love will corrupt, turning the equation into error.

Therefore, your depression is self generated.

Let me quote you a likely scenario: here you are crying over spilled milk and there she is revelling in her new life.

Continue to hold on to nothingness and continue to be melancholy?

Your choice.

Cheers

By Yunhaier
Sgforums


today currently the topic of wearing masks came out during lunch. hmm.. i realised my previous thinking should be changed.

i used to think that everyone wears a mask. but my thinking was fault. becuz in my mind, when you remove all the masks, you're left with nothing; an no-face idiot. it is such that you do not have a base personality to fall back on. but to me, everyone has a natural side. if you have sometimes wonder... why did you behave that way? why can't you take your eyes off this girl that you like in class? why you can't help but give that idiot the stare whenever he's in your line of sight as if he's your arch enemy? why i kept looking at that pink bra that is only slightly visible from her shirt? now that's natural. hahaha...

so it should be something like... everybody does have a base character, personality. but when the times when you can feel you are not acting like yourself to face someone... now that's a mask, an image. something that you wear to conceal your feelings. reasons can vary from the extreme good, to the lamest ones.

if you look at it another way... isn't this a more real side, of your actual self? so is this still wearing a mask... or just pure self? i believe there's a lot of gray areas.


*Hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

gave wind chime as a gift, so the other party can listen to the wind.
wind, its character is suave.

Mon NiteZ

monday night, and i'm back at home. Muahahaha. -_-" went home becuz nothing to do in camp.

Anyway, had a 4.2km run in the morning with all the regulars with who didn't get Gold with Jimmy... only 2 NSFs lah. kanna forced to go. not bad timing ba, 17:48min. hmm.. looks okay to me, but not yet gold timing. i will train hard...

right after that is my ACCT, close combat training. damn tiring after the run lah... haiz..
somemore the run is 0630.. so early. acct went smooth with revision in the morning... then afternoon is the highlight, FIGHTING with the stupid stick. haha.. somehow, i was titled the best fighter after fighting 3 times.. and you will think you're going to die after the 1st round of 2 min loh, super tiring. got a few htis to the head becuz i couldn't defend near the end... my hands just couldn't lift up. so i just kept kicking the opponent, dodging his attacks and swings, then counter. I rmbed once i was very lucky... my back was against him after i missed my attack, then came his swing. it missed! haha.. becuz i lay low.. super tired lah. but it seemed that i have eyes on my back. cool. one of my men asked me... is it becuz of the bar? then i replied, maybe becuz it's the bar, i just have to keep fighting...

just found out that i signed for some LOA thingy which i wasn't suppose to sign. wah... sianz... but lucky the problem was resolved. then i realised this.. i don't mind getting punishments for the errors i have done, but if the errors are not resolved, then i will be damn worried. looks like i'm quite immune to punishments already.. got too much during cadets days.. hahaha

if possible... i would really go sign up for some martial arts courses.. haha.. damn fun fighting lah. was with yuan wei trying to tackle each other. hmm... though a bit stupid and unprofessional fighting, but was pretty fun. so i grew up watching wong fei hong and it somehow influenced me.. -_-"

time to settle some admin stuffs at home then sleep le... tired.

*just do it. don't hesitate. if your hands ain't moving, then shuffle your feet.
just go for it. don't stop. if your mind ain't thinking, then beat your heart.
just fcuk it. heck care. if things don't go your way, then let it be.

Sunday NiteZ

ah, lost my earphones for my nokia. so that means... no radio. -_-" sianz.

played fishing champ for the first time. it's just fishing. bored.

nik is getting more interested in adult stuffs... now this is interesting.

i made contact today. hmm... nothing much.

time to apply for pilot. too long.

*you choose who you love...

sat in front of monitor

please note. 'sat' has two meanings. first i really sat infront of the monitor. second, it's saturday.

and i've been talking to weilynn for damn long lah... until now. -_-" she didn't sleep throughout the night becuz her roommate was having some relationship problem. dramatic scenes. and she is in america, we're talking over a 11 hours difference time zone. even if she don't feel tired, i feel tired for her lah... most of the stuffs we talked were quite crappy ba. especially when i'm in the mood of keep relating stuffs to bras. so i told her to sleep without her bra on. she say will consider. hmmm... and she didn't even sleep lah. wah lao.

and nik cried becuz of something stupid. -_-"

and i'm just rotting infront of the monitor.

wah.. cannot.. keep talking and talking.. and playing FFR... i just wanna sleep le...

oh ya, haven't contact her for days le. nothing much though.

zZzZ...

my 3rd ATEC

my 3rd time in ATEC, 2nd time as GFAC Umpire. and soon, they're going to ask me for the 3rd time to be umpire. wah... they think i what... keep going outfield one ah...

this time is with 1st guards, wei shu was the gfac there. insert on the first night, did nothing but sleep under the ground sheet and avoiding the rain for the second day and night, did the mission on the 3rd morning. just so unlucky that it rained since the second morning.. haiz. went back camp, drenched, tired, and hungry. ate 3 breads and drank 500ml of water for the 3 days 2 nights. haha... came back home to rest...

thought a lot of the past times while i was doing nothing on the second day. decided to continue the project i was thinking of... hmm.. but it'll be very stupid if the recieving party don't really care. haha.. but, heck care lah.

lots of bites on my hands as usual... damn itchy. whole body also full of bites.. haiz...

close combat training again... time to slam that partner on the floor. HAI YAAA!

SBR/AHM

comes sat... it's the time again.. prayers to my grandpa.
then went to cwp for a short walk... i want to buy glowing puzzles... but afraid i won't follow through... just like, something.
night, went to DXO with them to celebrate liang's bday. wasn't much of a surprise, wasn't much of a club. first time to a club, but don't really feel that much special. i accidentally took the cup out of the club into esplanade mall, then bring it back in. -_- drank 3 cups, nothing much. can't even taste much of the alcohol, and i was craving for it yesterday night, i don't know why. just felt i need something, to keep my head off of something...
nothing much to do after eating the cake. the guys went onto the dancefloor, i stayed back. dancing... nahz, not for me. drinking, bring it on till i can't. but i still like mass dance. haha..
rushed to LTA, and spent the next ten hours looking at the traffic cameras on the lamp posts across the whole of s'pore. cool eh? the cameras can zoom and turn 360. there's one camera shooting straight at a tv, it's showing soccer.
i slept around 1 hour... 5 min here, 10 min there... felt so... tired. and the alcohol is taking some effect in making my eyes closed also.
the Shears' Bridge Run/ Army Half Marathon was okay lah... until just now when i found out one 25 year old man died after completing the 21km run. alamak. haiz.. sad.
went to amk with tan, ate lunch then watched Secret, directed by Jay Chou.
it was quite good, but the plot lacks some clarity... like why in the end when they meet again, she was there on her desk? does she still rmb him? is it a fresh start?
hmm... and when the mother was saying the female lead was resting in her room... she should have die 20 years ago. why she thinks her daughter still alive? this brings back to the previous point, she should have been dead when he went back, isn't it?
another question is why the class photo has his face in it? thought only the first person can see him? hmmm.. maybe the camera is the first person. quite obvious that he managed to change her ending when he went back. i guess he can't go back to the future, or present becuz the old piano was destroyed.
went back in a sleepy mood...
tired...
felt really tired...
if you think too much of something... or when you hold on to something so easily disappeared, it's tired... very..

i just want the glow again... who are you to give me

Sundayz~

a usual sunday, as i woke up by the alarm at 0900hrs... wondering if i should go for soccer. haha... it's like going back to jc.. but now instead of being tired, the reason is that later in the afternoon i'm going facial. so.. playing until 1+, eat lunch, then go for facial in a sweaty body, isn't my kind of thing. so.. slack at home first loh.

played my old game! flashflashrevolution.. the "punching arrows until your fingers are tired" game. my ranking is so low! 2600+ wthell? i was the top 2000 the last time i checked, i think. haha... been playing for 2+ years liao.. but still not a pro. -_-" anyway, managed to get my ranking up to 2500+.. it's tough work, others just need time to overtake me. better play more... it's actually quite fun to enjoy the music and at the same time trying to punch the arrows at the right time. i rmbed the period of time in secondary school when i played until i have dreams of arrows flying around... in school, when i closed my eyes, i see arrows. when i daydream, i see arrows. that was when i told myself, coolz, i can practise even without the computer. haha... and after that i went crazy.. nahz. i didnt play that much after that. anyway there're new functions to the game like adjusting the speed. make it x2 and it's hard. make it x3 and you see nothing. haha...

so i went to facial.. hmm.. the usual lady will greet me. then after that i just slept the whole thing through, or most of it lah. can't keep myself awake when doing the mask... i think i snored again. haha... shitz. bought the facial wash again becuz i spilt the last one on my bag... -_-"

bought comics, shopped around for my frame for the 1000pieces puzzle. found out that there're 3 dimensions for a 1000 pieces. hmm.. check first then buy. oh, actually wooden frame is more expensive. either i heard wrongly the other time, or the salesman bluffed me. saw a nice 500 pieces, or is it 1000, forgot. it's a phoenix, and it glowed. isn't glowing thing very nice? haha... and i still rmbed the story of a glow... the stronger the light, the longer the glow... but can it last till the next light comes along? haha...

went to see the fireworks yesterday night, with dad. didn't manage to get on the bridge as intended becuz we were too late. on the route there, lots of jams.. cars are cutting lanes like nobody cares. walked from the carpark to the openspace near the construction. decent view, but the excitement is not there. once you have been on the bridge to see the fireworks, you will always prefer to be there i guess. it's the impact on me when my dad took me on the bridge for the first time.. the volume of the sound, the impact of the explosion, the glittering of the sparks... just can't forget. recorded the whole 14 min of fireworks. hmm.. not as nice, too much of small small stuffs. maybe becuz of the whole performance ba. it's by china. many ppl view it at the ndp floating platform. that need tickets, so... i will just prefer to stand on the bridge to see fireworks ba.

planning on a big project to bring all my archives of previous blogs into this one. plus some of the things that the blog has. it's going to take some time...

dad discussed about his business with me when we were out after the fireworks. i gave suggestions, the whole new idea seemed promising... but he needs me through the whole project. hmmm... gotta list out my own proposal to myself. haha.. sounds fun eh?

okok.. i got too much things going on... i'm just lazy to do it...

and i recently made someone quite upset. hope the person is feeling better. smilez? haha...
多了点感情, 少了些了解... 只因为想知道, 你.

next week is the AHM. tml i'll be busy again... lots of things to settle. even on weekends, i still get calls regarding army... wah... nvm lah.. it's my job.

i rmbed one year ago... that old old officer pulled me aside during the SIT test and said...
"i think you're just waiting for a chance to show what you've got. hopefully you will show it to me later. don't wait."
and that's how i became, who i am today. don't wait... just go. haha...

my dear weilynn idiotically send me an email at midnight to say she's leaving this island again. -_- where got ppl send a byebye msg in the middle of the night and know that the person ain't gonna read it until you're gone? -_-" hopefully the whole section of us will get together again.. it's been too long, i missed swensens. the time we spent so much time in there... eating ice creams... i want to eat until my throat gets too chocolately again. haha... and i thought i don't like chocolate in the past, guess i was wrong. except that an overdosage normally means a nosebleed.

that's all for now.
MiZzYa...

it's been a while..

lots of things kept appearing in my mind. didn't really feel too good nowadays... the closer i get, the feelings just keep popping out. have a little chat with sc, it's always feel good talking to her about my problems. becuz i can't find anyone else on net ba. haha... she too, has some bigger problems... love, such a stupid yet wonderful thing.

well well... ATEC kept asking me to go to be their GFAC umpire. did it for one of the NS infantry Bn, then now they're asking for me again. wthell? hey... i not that free lah... i'm still in the midst of getting my pilot application done and sending my computer for repair lah...

talking about these... got a few things i wanna do after so long of doing nothing... weekends are really doing much.. i missed.

1. get my pilot application done by next week
2. send my computer for repairs
3. buy a frame for my 1000pieces puzzle which is under my bed for centuries
4. buy another 1000 pieces puzzle just to spend my time away
5. build my wooden tank. it stopped... where someone left. and it's taking too many months... becuz that someone once said to help me with it. well, i guess should just quickly finished it. no point putting it there, undone. -_-
6. writing up on my DyS3 memoirs, it's like quite a big project
7. save money
8. buy a bicycle
9. get the nice G-Shock watch at vivo
10. centralise all my blog entries into one blog. maybe this one, that one, or the old one.

oh ya, my talk in YJC was kind of a disaster... i screwed up in the beginning, then was talking quite slow throughout becuz i was looking at my script, sitting down, looking at the screen, and holding on to the control to click for the next slide. ah.... no face to go back le. haha...

Army Half Marathon coming up. i'm stationed at the Land Transport Authoriy HQ to look at traffic cameras. -_-" wthell lah? starting from sat night to sunday afternoon... no need sleep loh..
one worry is that i have to leave early from DXO that night... NUS sci bash, i'm promised with a lot of eye candy as there is the pageant! haha... first time to club. hmm.. dont really feel much.

last night there was fireworks. didn't go. tonight there's another one, wonder if i should go... i like fireworks a lot. but if you know the meaning of the fireworks... would you still like to see it?

fireworks are but a short 15 minutes of happiness, which people will gather around hours before to wait patiently for it to happen. when the time to start is near, everyone will be gazing at the sky looking out for the first sign.. then when the first shot was heard and the first light was seen, everyone's face was brightened. chatting stopped... all heads were up. no one wants to miss even a single second of it. they stared as the fireworks got more and more interesting, louder. It ended with the continous bombardment into the sky... then came the round of applause. then you asked yourself... why do we clap? is it becuz we're happy that it ended? no... we're just glad that it happened. as so, i urge those heartbroken to smile, becuz you once have a heart before.

so should i still see it? i think i should. hahaha...

btw, it was recently that i found out that the St. james power station is a place full of clubs. haha.. that time when i was at vivo, i thought why so many ppl go to power station for what.. -_-

Today's Joke ~

Joke of the day

Passengers on a small commuter plane were waiting for the flight to leave. They were getting a little impatient, but the airport staff had assured them that the pilots would be there soon, and the flight could take off immeidately after that.

The door opened, and two men walked up the aisle dressed in pilot uniforms - both wearing dark glasses. One was using a seeing-eye dog, and the other was tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spread through the cabin as the men entered the cockpit.

The door closed and the engines started up. The passengers began to glance nervously around, searching for some sign that this was just a little practical joke. None was forthcoming.

The plane moved faster and faster down the runway, and the people at the windows realized that they were headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it began to look as though the plane would never take off and that it would plow into the water, panicked screams began to fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifted smoothly into the air. The passengers relaxed and laughed a little sheepishly, and soon they had all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane was in good hands.

Up in the cockput, the co-pilot turned to the pilot and said, "You know Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."

Another one~

A woman was very despondent over not having had sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see a doctor.

Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese sex therapist named Dr. Chang.

When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms, and he said, "Takd off all your crothes and you crawl real fass away from me across the froor".

She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said,

"Now... you crawl real fass back to me," and she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head and said,

"You haf real bad case of Zachary Disease.... worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem."

The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Zachary Disease was and he replied,

"Zachary Disease.... that when your face look ZACHARY rike your butt!"

haha... anyone, had a good laugh? or at least a smile?
don't forget to smile through your days... =)

Life's all about laughter & sadness.
These two things linkz all soulz~

My Discomfort - Hurricane, Thunderstorm & Blizzard

feeling a bit of discomfort nowadays...
i guessed it's becuz ATEC is just tml, and i know i'm still not that proficient as a GFAC. i was wondering why in the course they didn't really teach us all the procedures, or was i not paying attention in lectures but busy typing sms. this is quite absurd... i wonder how am i going to go through this evaluation. what if i fail? wthell...

i made a choice to stay in this unit, for this unit. and if i failed, then might as well i just go to air force school right from the start. -_-" haiz... but nvm, now as a gfac, i'm always a gfac, most likely won't have a pc role le.

after watching transformers, i realised that gfac can be the 'one' in the troopers. calling air strikes within minutes, co-ordinating air crafts for pick up, smoke marking, briefing to a/c pilots... he did it so smooth and nice. wthell. i can't do that. too high standard for me. i feel so... lousy. -_-
but all in all, it inspire me to read up on my notes, for a while.

got all my lost data from hl today, all in a disc. hmm...a bit of reminiscence here and there. mum and dad was like looking at the old wooden paintings on the wall and saying how fast 10 years have passed... i looked at the video and realised 6 months were pretty fast too. haha..
time flies, everyone knows... but how to make the time stop? only when you die maybe...

feel like sharing this discomfort of mine... but don't think other than those in army, any one would understand what i'm going through. it's like i'm given a post that i'm half-trained for. the others are all in the manuals that nobody can bring out. haha... haiz.

kristie has been getting a lot of cards from me lately. it amounts to half a thousand! wonder how they play maple... totally out of my league. i refused to use real cash to play game, except for ps2 (which i already did), devil may cry 4 , and ps 3. oh, did i mention before dmc 4 looks fun on ps3? haha...

i'm growing more attached to the camp... someone, just pull me out from my office chair and stop me from doing work.

hmm.. just plain playing.

Some thing to share before blogging.

Man's Rules and Woman's Code

Man's Rules

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday=sports. It's like the full moon of the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . . Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you wan help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationshop is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

Woman's Code

Invite a man to go shopping with you only if you need someone to carry your packages or drive.

Assure your boyfriend that every female movie star has had a boob job.

When your man asks you what's wrong, say "Nothing." However, when Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura asks you, go into excruciating detail. Leave nothing out.

The negative effects of cheese puffs and chocolate-chocolate chop ice cream are offset by the positive effects of diet soda.

Feets are flexible and can be made to fit into shoes varying from size 7 to 9, depending on what's on sale.

You can skimp on clothes, but a good bra is worth its weight in gold. (That's Victoria's secret.)

The Patricia Principle: The more you've been trying to attract the attention of a particular man, the more likely it is that you'll run into him when you're sweaty, short of sleep, without makeup, wearing house-painting clothes, with your hair in a bandana.

The best response to a married man who's hitting on you is, "Say, don't I know your wife?"

Learn how to say "Back off" very loudly and look fierce while you say it.

Let every new man in your life know that you've got a black belt in karate.

Make friends with your hormones. They're what make you colorful and unpredictable. If other people have a hard time with that, that's their problem.

When you hear your mother's words coming out of your mouth, shut your mouth. Unless your mother was really wise.

When in doubt, say no.

You're under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your sexual partners.

Men love a woman who's good in bed. But not the first time they go to bed with her.

No matter how much they fight it, all men need a woman to organize their lives and their closets and tell them what kind of hair products to use.

Consider yourself a sculptor and your man a block of marble. Chip away until you have created someone you can live with. He'll thank you. Later.

Always remember: Inside the biggest, burliest, most macho man lives an ego as delicate and fragile as a baby chick making its first venture outside the egg.

The only women who look good first thing in the morning are women who don't know how to put on makeup.

When splitting a dinner check with girlfriends, it's perfectly acceptable tot take out a calculator.

If you drop your girlfriends as soon as you have a boyfriend, you will live to regret your decision.

Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.

When consumed for its antioxidant properties, dark chocolate has less fat than broccoli.

It's a medical fact that some women gain weight although they eat only salads.

It's another medical fact that too much lettuce can lead to depression.

Women who never binge have no souls.

Ditto anyone who looks at herself naked in a three-way mirror.

Even Angelina Jolie has some part of her body she hates.

Falling in love is a sure way to lose five pounds.

Black really does make you look thinner.



Alright, i just typed the whole thingy out. practising my typing as always. really have nothing much to do except just to wait and wait...

been playing GE for the past 3 days. amazingly, i've reached lvl 30. from a lvl 20+ on friday. looks like i'm playing too much. so much, i think i'm turning into the me who was crazy on Priston Tale years ago. play these games for days and hours during the holidays, sooner or later, i'll turn into someone with a very short temper and perhaps 2 weeks later, i'll just get a fever and realised i've been playing too much. well, booking into camp stopped all these though. i have at most 3 consecutive days to play. -_-"

third time for facial. it's as pain as usual. i don't really like the aftermath of it. my face is just full of red dotz. going there was kinda dumb, i waited around 15 min outside, then i caught on the idea of my friend was already inside. i was on time! i sweared! haha...

these few days have been quite humid and hot. even riding the bicycle to cwp and back makes me sweat while waiting for the train. -_-

some changes around the house.. my room is now crammed with lots of cupboards. before that wall was built, i actually wanted someone to come take a last look at it. i suppose it's more of witnessing the past, present, and the future me. kinda like a representation. haha... it just feels weird. the corridor ain't that long anymore. i can no longer dash like crazy across from my room, along the corridor, past the kitchen, my sis's room, into my parent's room, and jump into my parent's bed as i used to... i can't do it before the wall was built, it may probably just destroy my parent's bedframe. i'm not that small now. hahaha...

still waiting for a right time...

my pilot application is delayed. oh shitz. i'm just doing nothing on that piece of paper.

been drinking too much milo nowadays. been feeling hungry now and then. felt bored and kept doing sudoku. some improvements but still damn slow. condor heroes is still as nice to watch.

~ai bu dao, fang bu liao. wang bu liao, ni de hao~