Hall 2 Dinner & Dash

Yesterday night was the dnd. not bad i should say. won a lucky draw prize of many styling gels and other things. it was the 19th prize out of 69. okay lah~ haha...

our theme was peter pan. so we have a captain hook, a female peter pan, lots of children in pyjamas with no tinkerbell. i thought the whole group of us in pjs was more weird than the others in those costumes. tan wore a 50 bucks rented sort-of gladiator suit while i wore a 15 bucks worth of pjs. so the whole bunch of us stick together and walked through the crowd to our table. it's like we're super low-budget lah. -_-" while others put in so much efforts to dress up. but anyway, the girls put on some make-up and tie their hairs into cute styles, so, efforts inputted. the guys, hmm.. i think efforts were put in when we brought our soft toys. i thought the one piece (winnie the pooh if i'm not wrong)pj tab was wearing last night was kinda cute. she should have been the tinkerbell though. haha..

pageant went on fine while we dine. our representative, sam, got Mr Personality. damn cool lah. haha... his answer to the interview was kinda deep, which probably win him that title. hall king, queen, don't really care. lucky draw was kinda funny as we all hope that the mc doesn't call out our numbers that early in the night so we have a chance at the big prize at the end.

one stupid thing i must talk about. while we were having our desserts, the mc was announcing the best dressed table. all along the night when ppl talk about putting in so much efforts for our costumes, i suppose we felt like kinda.. it's an overstatement for our table lah. 2 x ppl in costumes rented, 8 x ppl in pj. so when the mc was announcing, we happily dismissed the thought of winning and enjoyed our red bean dessert, it's like as long as we are comfortable in what we're wearing and it's low-budget, we bochup everything. yet in the end, we won. -_-" haha... like that also can win. a bottle of bailey's. so they're encouraging winners to drink alcohol. but seriously, the look of everyone's face was shocked upon the announcement of the winner. best-dressed table cum best low-budget.

the night wasn't really eventful as we went to lao pa sar for supper and then played drinking game in the room while the 3 little pigs(tri, tab, kk) were sound asleep on the bed. shitz, i'm starting to think that tab is damn cute. or maybe the fact is that she's cute.

it's hard to chat up with anyone in the group as we really don't have much to talk abt ba. they have their own clicks, while i'm probably on my own. it feels a bit weird to walk alone when you're in a group. i never doubted on my introverted side. haha...

happy birthday liang!~

today's liang's 21st.
wishes him all the best and sorry that i can't be there at the party to celebrate with him. got my dnd on tonight.

mum and dad bought the pyjamas for me just now. looks not bad. it's 15 bucks though. eating dinner at a hotel in pyjamas, this has gotta be the first time. and most probably the last time.

worried abt my studies. gotta read up like siao, take notes like siao, then memorise like siao. finally, it's revise like siao. all these to be done in 2 weeks. cool.

looking at my poor junior nearly going crazy over her own tutorials, i realise i should be too. haha... the difference btw me and her now is, she don't understand. i haven't read. the similarity is, she seemed to be kinda slack also leh. hahaha...

star gazing. hmm... when's the last time i enjoyed the sight of them? it may seemed like a romantic getaway from the reality for two at night. but for me, it doesn't matter i'm alone or with another, the stars give a mysterious and calm sensation. it's best on the beach i suppose. haha...

DnD prep

today's tutorial was kinda... hmm.. okay ba.
managed to catch what the tutor was saying until the later parts when he talked about chapter 3 which obviously i haven't read becuz i keep giving stupid comments.

so went down to bugis to rent costume afterwards. actually thought this wouldn't work out, but it did anyway. the theme peter pen was decided. 3 main chars, peter pen, captain hook and the tinkerbell which i think won't wear her ballet dress liao for the night liao. seriously i thought it looked cute lah. haha...

the rest of the guys just wear pajamas i guess, which i need to get one myself.

had a little htht on the mrt while going back...

now just waiting to celebrate og mate's bday...

ahh... rain

it rained heavily as i was 15 min away from my room with my laundry hanging outside. gone~ i told myself as i quickly walked under the shelter towards my room, however, with a slight ray of hope that the clothes will be miraclously dry. well, too bad. the hope is hopeless in the face of mother nature. sianz 1/2. wash again later.

i actually got stuck on integration during today's lecture. although the whole lecture was still on differentiation. haha.. sianz 1/2 more. tml got tutorial that needs a material which i have no idea how to go about doing it. or rather, finding it. seriously, something with more than 1 gestalt principles and doesn't look simple, don't get it from the internet or magazines. -_-" so i guess i'll just have to draw it myself then. be amazed. be very amazed.

getting more and more into studying. sia lah, i like studying. haha... but i love maths.

starting to get sick of canteen food. should be finding ways to cook in hostel once i settle all my shitz on studying.

sunday mahjong

it's kinda dumb that i won 10plus from 10/20 cents mahjong in hall and lose 16plus from 30/60 cents at home. and for the 10/20 game, i didn't even complete all 4 winds, just a bit more than 2.

didn't study for the whole day. was transferring stuffz from my old drive to the new one. takes some time becuz the com is damn slow with vista. seriously worried on my assignments.

uni life is apparently tougher than jc life. at least for the starting part.

my day of doing nothing

no lessons. no lectures. no tutorials or whatsoever.
so i nua in my room for the whole day doing nothing much except for a little jap and 5 pages of my txtbook. pathetic 5 pages, so far.
plus, needforspeed, poker on facebook, reading manga, etc etc...
i should go to the library instead of staying in my stupid room. the laptop is just in front of me. it's on the whole day, opened, like begging me to touch it.
tml's union day. don't really know what's for. don't really care much abt the voting. but i know i still have lessons despite the "no lessons from .. to .." don't really mind, but i'm constantly worried abt the fact i haven't read my txtbk. i'm sure after reading, i will then be constantly reminded by the fact i don't rmb 95% of what i've read, i didn't make notes, i don't even understand much from what i've read. this sux, big time. that miracle i made during my o's for my humanities have to happen throughout this 4 years. seriously. from c5 to a2, and the c5 was becuz i scored nearly full in my source-based and failed terribly in my essays. somehow, i know i can do it, with much efforts. inertia. lots of it is in me now. push myself, pull myself. kick myself.

it isn't any good for me to be nothing to do. my mind will wander off. i look at those pictures, and i started having this continuous wave of sadness. although mild, it does sends me down a spiral for a while. like flushing the toilet seat, what's gone is gone into a big pile of shitz. it feels shitty, and i don't wanna have it back.

there's something with my right leg. old injury before i left for australia. resurfaced after my senior kicked me during soccer. hope it get better or i'll have to make appt with the sensei again. it's been a week though.

inter-wings games coming up within the hall. i feel like joining all of them. haha.. i just like to have fun in sports. interactive. adrenaline-flowing. unlike reading my research design explained txt book. boring, dry, don't even know what i should be looking out for. can't be all eh?

another ard 11 hours i'll be taking part in a psy research as a participant. should be rather interesting to see how the experiment turns out.

i feel like playing badminton and basketball. i don't wanna just go running and sweat myself out. i wanna do more than that.

suppose there's a girl i fancy, and i don't initiate anything, get close, or whatsoever. will there be a chance? hmm.. hahaha... sometimes i wonder why i feel so different than in my early teens. or should it be, why have i changed that much. pros and cons... was more hot-headed in the past. with pride, ego. now, it's like i have hidden myself so deeply inside, that only when the adrenaline is pumping throughout my body, can i unlock that chamber and set myself free.

tiredZ

Sunday nuaness

so the day started early as i went to toapayoh temple to pray. crowded as usual. finally saw my cousin who has been away in china for a few years and is now back in singapore to stay.

went back home. felt really nua. wanted to read up on the psycho textbook which i brought home but didn't feel like it. have nothing to do, don't feel like going on, just sitting on the sofa, watching what's on on the tv. most of it was olypmics. other than that, i don't really know what to look out for.

it's bothering me, greatly. in fact, too much. i currently don't have the drive, to push me. can't expect someone to pull me along.

a bit of struggle today as i thought of dropping one of my mod to take up one of the maths mod. there were vacancies. i gave it much thoughts before allowing the deadline to come.

i really do not have much confidence on my own course of study. i really don't. i need results for assurance. something to show me that i can do it. but that something, i must first create.

watched lin dan (China) vs lee chong wei (Malaysia). a rather quick victory by lin dan as he read chong wei pretty well. but i still feel that chong wei's smashes are much better in terms of speed and power. i wished i could play, at least once in a while. and therefore, i will.

i don't feel like hearing any ranting from anybody. i have been saturated with those already. enough to last a while. don't wanna think about all those stuffz anymore. nobody wants to feel special to a certain individual, and then realise that they're not. this somehow amounts to betrayal, fraud, deceive. upon knowing the truth, they have to force it down their throat. how do you think they feel? enough, i said.

they will not know who i am and where i belong to. they will only see this unknown shadow that lurks around in the night.

Happy Birthday to an old friend

Happy belated 21st birthday to an old friend who just passed her 21st bday yesterday!
11 years already. it's more than half of my current lifespan.

anyway, goodbye to another friend whom i've barely known for 1 mth. moving on to nus from ntu. a farewell supper tonight, and some HTHT talk. it's super hilarious when there was a scandal involving me. it's funny becuz i don't even know it. -_-"

anyway, all the best to both of them.

badminton trial

i guess my competitive badminton life has kinda hit the stop.
didn't went into the team. knocked out after the first match.
the other guys were good. what can i said? haha.. i wasn't the better ones in my college to start with. i love the sport, but i can only get that far.

same goes for every other sports. i can only get that far. i'm something like a jack of all trades. i can pick things up pretty fast, but i just can't excel in anything. the best i have done so far was maths. and i have given it up for psychology. haha.. suddenly i feel like i'm having all the wrong things in uni.

his story

too lazy to touch the tutorials. it's like a very high wall to climb.
but i know i must overcome this shitz. chiong ar!

still emoing over the 陳小春 - 我不是偉人 song.

a guy who can't get over this girl.
he, who refused to wish her and her new one happiness.
and if he does, it will be like letting her go.
he can't and he doesn't want to let this all wither away.
becuz he still love her, deep down inside.
his selfishness still wishes that the girl have feelings for him.

dumb guy.

EmO dAy

today's monday. i assume there's no lec or tut since a lot them said don't have. late in the morning got dad to drive me to hall. he nearly bang into something while waving goodbye to me. haha.. shitz. either i tell him not to wave goodbye anymore and concentrate more on driving out the narrow driveway or i just auto go school myself.

anyway, went early to play squash with yonglim and 3 of his friends. nice play. it's been quite a while since i played squash, which is in australia. really missed the carefree time overseas there. own room, own bathroom, free aircon, free buffet every meals with desserts (ice cream, cakes, etc), nice weather, sports... flying. will i ever fly again i wonder. oh well. his friends were good. yonglim improved also. i used to thrash him and pengkiat. haha.. but not anymore liao.

went out with eula for lunch, movie, afternoon tea, standing around while the females shop, then dinner. Journey to the centre of the earth was kinda crappy, but still entertaining. not many of us went for today's outing though. but enough to make a crowd and just relax and talk cork. maybe going for a run later, i ate quite a bit just now.

oh ya, found the cantonese version of 陳小春 - 獨家記憶 (我不是偉人). nice. as most say, he's not the best singer around. but he put in a lot of feelings into the emotional song, it's like he has been through them personally. and somehow, it describes me. even after so long, i'm still there and then.

不肯祝你兩人戀愛愉快
是否很古怪　要去肢解
舊情人即使假裝好友狀態
誰又希罕我賣口乖

肯祝福你有如肯放下你
還是肯寬恕　對我不起
未別離花光好心地去待你
留下的骨氣還是想刻骨至死

無法死心　忘掉自私非愛人
還有私心　仍能令你為我牽掛
餘生偉大到自卑也是人
無法誠懇豁達做偉人
恕我狠心　無限大方非愛人
還有真心　才難偽裝自己遮蓋良心
你就當我小氣殘忍
餘情未了總有記恨　我講真

真想不到你如此看重我
難道祝福你　你更好過
我為何必須扭曲本性做我
難道委屈我來為你點播情歌

如要講真　忘掉自私非愛人
還有私心　仍能令你為我牽掛
餘生偉大到自卑也是人
無法誠懇豁達做偉人
恕我狠心　無限大方非愛人
還有真心　才難偽裝自己遮蓋良心
我待你曾恩厚像神
然而為愛總有記恨　我講真

無法死心　忘掉自私非愛人
還有私心　仍能令你為我牽掛
餘生偉大到自卑也是人
無法誠懇豁達做個偉人
恕我狠心　無限大方非愛人
還有真心　才難偽裝自己遮蓋良心
你就當我小氣殘忍
從前絕配不夠道行　變配襯

now this is weird

was viewing friendster and saw cindy.
all out a sudden i thought she was cute.
now, why i don't have impression at work. i have no idea.
and how come she's single? or i presume she is.
makes really no sense for cute girls to be single ba.

today's lecture was shit as i couldn't concentrate with the sms and also, the contents was really way off. can't catch what the person is saying. and i was having troubles keeping my eyes to the slides when some random girl came in and sat next to me. she never took out any notes, just sat there with her bag, occasionally taking out her hp. let's see what i can remembered... green sweater, long hair, single eye-lid, pink fingernails, jeans, black shoulder-carrying bag(or whatever you called it), i kinda forgot the colour of the shoes. sound like a stalker eh? when lect gets too boring, i turn to my side. haha...

sometimes it's not really a good thing to receive a msg from an old-time friend.
无事不登三宝殿 worst if it somehow involves you. well at least the person didn't come for favours but just pure ranting. then i will wonder where all their close friends gone to? not like i don't wanna hear it, but it does feels a bit weird. friendship, i haven't fully experienced the whole of it, and never will.

back at home, have a headache. feels like shitz. pondering on which assignments should i start on first. thinking of tutorials.

~give me something to hold on to. i dont want to slip into yet another depressing spiral.

1st lecture

yup, so after yesterday zouk i slept at 4 plus...
then i woke up at 8.15am and went WTHELL.
didn't really wash up for my first lecture at 8.30am.
glad i'm in hostel, not at home. hahaha
record holds at 15min to prepare in the morning and walk to LT22.

back from zouk

the first time i went to zouk for non-work-related matters.
had fun there, but not really as fun as the time at sentosa.
just don't really like drinking.
my og mate commented my dancing was kua zhang. haha.. didn't really care.
for a person who don't dance often, i think i do alright even if i looked like an idiot.

the atmosphere was kinda bad towards the end part.
one lost her camera. the other few got relationships problems.
ben lost his wallet. i lost my.. hmm.. secret.
most were troubled over relationships.
reminded me of the past. but this thing is not the whole of life as i discovered sometime later. even though i acknowledge this issue, it still must be constantly reminded to make me sane. else, i might fall into yet another quicksand spiral.

this time, i let my passion rule my heart.

~let nature takes its course. that is, if you're happy with the course

SP nitez

my first blind date. and i suffered for a bit just to have a dinner with her.
she got me some chocolates. i bought her a photoframe (those couple type). it's like initially i already foresee that my SP is going to be an attached personnel. hmmm... and it turned out true. through some talking, found out she's also from npcc. ah, those days... when i overestimated my abilities. haha..

the dinner was good. i still don't really like small talks. nice girl, a strong sense of maturity in that face of hers. don't feel like going supper, but should still be going. feel like sick liao. haiz...

was participating for AQUA (or ah gua) competition by the poolside this morning. the other guy won hands down. can't be compared. he's like the super ah gua.

my sunburnt is killing me with my low energy, need of water, throat itchy...

yesterday fright night was not really well done. i hardly got any scares throughout the 6 stations. just super tired.

can't take it, think i'll take a shower and see how first.