Sunday, October 28, 2007

oh ya

forgot to mention. the fortune teller says i have a temper also. Muahahahahaha...

My Treat

yesterday night went out with the 4 of them. haha..
went to chijmes for dinner, bobby's. hmm.. quite exp, 263 in total.
and it was my treat. -_- haha.. it's by far my most exp treat lah.
but the food is nice, the company is excellent, and the meaning of the dinner is worth every cent.
i rmbed i once went there with her in the late night, hmm.. i think that time we have nothing much to do ard the area. haha... the same cosplay cafe, but different company. doesn't matter.

after that went for desserts at monilta, ate some ice cream before we went home. well.. good night well spent.

late morning went to Bugis to see godma. it's some celebration.. don't really know what is it also. prayed to her, hmm... it seemed weird to have her as my gan ma. like.. i don't know anyone else who have her as gan ma. my mum kinda say it's my dad's idea lah. since i was borned, i was brought to the temple already.

went out, by pass a fortune teller, mum say aunt recommended it. so i said... "go loh". and it ate up my 90 bucks as i paid for mum and me. both of us did a computerised test of our palms and year in which we're borned, then we both did palm reading, which was 20 bucks each. the computerised test was 5 bucks. i bought a small.. thingy of my gan ma, 50 bucks.

Palm or Signature Picture

You are objective to and have a clear picture of things existing in this world. You are very perseverant in pursuing your dream. you are good at expressing yourself and albe to make both parties happy. You are going to make fortune if you invest. You have a lot of friends and they are helpful to your career. You are very fiar when making judgments. You are very strict with your childrean and hope them to take over your career. You are a lot more stubborn when it comes to your loving career. (ya, so when did love becomes a career? -_-)
You hold a peaceful attitude toward your future and have good relations with people around you. You seek for freedom and try to get the most from life using little money. You are afraid of being alone and have a group of hearty friends.

---symbol of rabbit---

People with the symbol of rabbit are very smart and foxy. They know how to protect themselves in danger. They very politic and have lots of friends. As you grow older, you will become more mature and outgoing. You are likely to succeed in literature. You are talented, which makes you have more desire than others and always follow others. But when you are pursuing your dream, you drive ahead without any hesitate. But you lack practical experience, therefore likely to give up halfway. You are cautious with things around you. You are always following the trend and are not frugal. You are act before you think thoroughly, which leads to many problems. You have a strong sense of justice and sometimes sacrifice yourself to it. You like to help the disadvantaged and fight with the advantaged. This may cause some slanders for you. You have your own idea towards everything and are strong minded and sensitive. You will act as soon as you get any idea, otherwise you don't feel comfortable. You are diligent with your work and hate wandering around. You are quite critical towards food and clothes. You love every member of your family, but sometimes lose sense to sexual attraction. (wthell does that means? -_-") As far as finance is concerned, you use every coin in your career. In the later half of your life, you will meet some authority, who will help you to be promoted and gain your fame. In your middle ages, you are able to be a leader and have a lot of opportunities.

That's all.

And i spent 2.5 hours wandering around sim lim sq and finally settling down on a 2k ASUS laptop. hmm.. and then it rained. -_-

oh ya... about the palm reading, it was quite accurate i think. but i kept wondering during the reading whether is it all that questions and my gesture that gave my character and personality away. let's see what i can remember...

i am someone who zhong gan qing. that means i'm loyal to my friends, helping them even at the expense of myself. then she advise me not to help too much, to a certain extent is enough. i view money as nothing, just spend what i earn. not that i anyhow spend, but i just don't really save up. quite true, but spending the 2k kinda break my heart liao. gambling is a no. small gambling is okay, but if i gamble big, i will really aim for the biggest jackpot. which will eventually.. lose everything. my career is so-so only. but at the later stage of my life, even if i start a business, i will still be able to succeed. my marriage life should start after the age of 26. any age below that will cause a divorce. that immediately make me think of her. haha.. how coincidence, she want to get marry before 26. so erm... ? haha.. 6 years isn't that far, not that near also. hmm.. let's not think abt it first. it didn't even start, how do we even end? hmm.. oh ya, she mentioned i have high iq, quite smart. but becuz i mentioned before i was going to university, so.. maybe she's just inferring. can't rmb her mentioning abt my health. oh ya, she knows i hate nagging from my mum a lot. haha.. wthell, it's like every son's nightmare ba. and i am very stubborn in my way also.

that's abt all ba.

so i have a shopping spree of ard 2.4k in 2 days. coolz

Saturday, October 27, 2007

it hurts

jsut came back from ICA in the early morning to collect my new passport. reached there at ard 8.20am.. and i'm like 300 ppl behind Q. wthell? the building only opens at 8am? waited for 1 hour. better than those who came at 9 plus. haha..

on the way home, suddenly it just feels sad. it hurts when you know she wouldn't ask you to stay when you tell her you're leaving. not as in overseas, those kinda things. it just feels, sad.

well, moving on.

the golf yesterday was okay. we went to the sembawang golf course there, beside Sem. air base. we only played at the driving range cuz we're all noobs. 50 balls each, only a few of mine hit near 100m. -_- the other were within 50m. haha.. it's hard lah.

Friday, October 26, 2007

when i leave

there's recently a new chinese drama on channel 8, 9pm, showing every weekdays. it's about a guy trying to get accepted by his future father-in-law. a lovely girlfriend, a career still budding. his father-in-law is seriously a very irritating fellow. haha.. soon, the girlfriend is going to leave for America as requested by her company to attend a course for one year. they wanted to register for marriage before going but the her father was able to coax the guy into getting married after the one year. he still look down on the guy as he has no stable career. wthell. but as you can see from the couple, it's very hurting to part away from someone you love deeply. however, following the storyline, the guy will probably be falling in love with her younger sister within the year. now that's the bigger problem than the dad. obviously the girlfriend may go mad, blame her dad, kill her sis or something. haha... love, it comes and goes. but it exists, really. but for those who want to hold on to it, be true, loyal, devoted, faithful... love's challenge is to last, and not to hold for that moment. one of the famous chinese quote says that one doesn't care about forever, but only cherish those moments that happened before. i believed it's more for those in the past liao lah. it can't be you're in love, and you're saying this kind of shitz. doesn't make sense to me, does it make sense to you? however, when love comes, it comes. there's no stopping. even if you don't feel it now, you will slowly, but steadily, get in contact with the feeling. now... how to hold on to the love, and be true, is a very big big question in every one's head. they may be confident initially, "how can i ever fall in love with someone else other than her?", "my heart is with her, i can't take in another one". but perhaps they will realise, like the guy in the chinese drama, our hearts, can take more than one. or rather... as the person is slowly diminishing from your life, becuz she's busy, overseas, somewhere you can't see, contact and touch, you may just slowly push bits and pieces of her out of your heart, and have another one filling up the spaces. then out of a sudden, you realise you're loving two ppl. your heart is having two different blood, beating for two. that's when the decision is made. best, the first person suddenly appears out of nowhere, then big drama shall follows. many circumstances, many questions. yet answers, are few. right or wrong, is decided, and felt by the 3 parties. what are we, the outsiders, to condone, comment, or condemn. but let's say... just maybe, you're in one of the 3 of them, in one of the many circumstances that you thought of, what will you do? perhaps, you might just face this scenario when the sun shines on your face again. =)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Meaning of love

So her nick changed to meaning of love. and i'm quite sure it's her own definition.
"a subjective feeling towards one.. but not expecting tt someone to feel the same as u.."
and i'm quite sure most will agree to this statement, if they're thinking abt the greatness of love, how should one behave when they love someone. but being someone trying to catch another heart, read her mind, and grab her hand, this statement seemed to be lacking in something.

love is not about giving only, but recieving. a love that is all about giving to the other party, is not love. it takes two hands to clap, two bodies for a hug, and two lips, for a kiss. love is 2, not 1. yes it's a subjective feeling, you can also not expect that person to feel the same as you, but i'm sure deep down inside, you really wish that that person feel the same way as you. from the brightest star in the night sky, you will wish upon it that that person desire those words from you, a hug, a kiss, basically, that person want to be with you.

but if you don't convey the msg across, or get a reply from the other party, you're putting yourself up for the maximum hurt you can endure before you finally break down in tears. if you don't confess, you will never know how the other party feels, unless they confess. but isn't it silly to wait for the other to tell you first? but everyone's silly. becuz we all want to protect our heart, prevent it from harm. so we will get closer, and closer to the person. getting to know them more and more, understand, examine. as time goes by, you find yourself just couldn't get out of this love well, and in a dilemma of revealing your well-kept feelings and exposing your fragile piece of muscle, or just get tortured by the question, "she loves me? she loves me not? she loves me? she loves me not? ..." while plucking the stupid petals. maybe that was in the past, now i think it's staring at the monitor, just doing what i'm doing now, typing. but i have an answer in my heart already, just refused to believe it. it's like a source-based question, i'm just comparing the facts more biased towards what i wish to have.

what if you have expressed your in-depth emotions, and constantly just waiting for a reply. in the meanwhile you're just doing what you can, let the other party know that you will stay strong in your feelings, hoping that the other party can give you a favourable reply, soon. some will be delighted, some will get a shock, some will be disgusted, some will be confused, some. how long will you wait? how long can you take the heat? what reply can you take? a no? a please hold? a yes is definitely good. but can you take a yes, but we can't get together reply? lots of answers the other party can give, can you take it?

what is love? i rmb one movie, with a really beautiful meaning of love. forgot what's the title.

just thrash it all out with her... felt much better.
believe in her, and myself. =)

you're my only question, that i can't answer myself.

Monday, October 22, 2007

paranoid

am i getting too paranoid over small matters? even msn nicks affect me. but of cuz i should get paranoid! there's always a hope that she will actually think abt me.

these two weeks will be frequent visits to toa payoh. met ah tan in the morning at the bus 90 Q. he told me at this time, we will be late when we reach the camp. haha... in the end both of us just slept throughout the journey. hoping to see someone. but normally, when i think of seeing someone, the person will never appear. it's like.. demand and no supply.

should i buy a laptop? hmm.. seriously, or am i just gonna stay in the 1-man rm in australia and mug, or sleep, or just lie on the bed reading books, writing? or just "the wall is my only friend".

it's beginning to dawn on me that the things i wish for btw me and her ain't gonna happen. i have one idiot who's telling me to walk on, when i know she herself shouldn't give up so easily on her own. FOR THE SAKE OF SOMETHING, COMMUNICATE LAH. although i don't really perform well in that sector, but at least i know it's crucial. haha...

first day in Air Force School. lots of new things, adapting. i'm really afraid of having my feelings shaken at this point of time. becuz i know, if i do, and when i'm back, i will be stronger. and when that happened, even comedies i can't laugh.

tired.... being the course IC is quite troublesome. too bad, i'm the only one having the bar.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

My Birthday

Well, 20 lunar years ago, i was borned. haha... and yeah, nobody really rmb this kind of things. hmmm.. actually get interested when my grandma gave me a hong bao some years ago for my chinese bday. i spent my birthday staying at home lvling my pikeman. at least someone wished me happy birthday when i told her. hahaha...

having the same birthdate for both lunar and solar is very hard to come by. it's rare. but is it special?

since young, i have always held on to the image of myself being special, the unique one. but also, have also view everyone else, as special. i often found myself wanting to be outstanding, to be able to make the teacher take note of me, even if i appeared like an idiot. however, it's not something done deliberately, i somehow... just like to do weird stuffs when i was young. as i grew, i began to know more of my weakness, and also my strengths. i may run fast, but not as fast as some. i may sux in science, but not as bad as some. i learned. i grew.

i think she's attached. felt better. got me thinking about what's worth holding on to in life. let's take an example. hmm... badminton and soccer. for the later, it's just a sport which i took up when the whole class was playing it. badminton, the sport that i grew up with. wasn't a group game, more towards solo and duo. to have your teammates cheering you on, it's another feeling of your teammates beside you. victories and losses were more impt in the rectangular court, than the field. not only the skills, but life values too. it's something i will carry on for life, but as for soccer, it's just another sports. so.. which do you want? something to hold on for life, or something that is just another passing cloud?

haha.. the above really sounds like crap.

oh well, happy birthday to me.

and nik's birthday is having lunar and solar together.

i'm promoting on that day also. but the pay increase isn't a lot.

going to australia in 2 weeks.

ankle still recovering. i feel fat. everytime when i saw her, she never failed to say my tummy is growing bigger. haven't been excerising much. hope i can get silver for ippt next week.

i'm lvl 63 pikeman. Normalguy, holding to STYX Sxythe, trying to get Spike Armor. currently low on Gold becuz of the fast experience and relatively slow money gaining.

tml's the first day in air force school, and i forgot how to get there. oh shitz, i forgot to photocopy my education transcripts. now that's something to worry abt.

cut my hair today.

thinking of getting a laptop to bring over to australia, from anyone. anyone? hmm... don't feel like buying. later i fail, then the laptop is deemed useless. sianz.

ah... better prepare for tml.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

ORD Function NiteZ

It was the 42 SAR 7th mono-intake ORD Function Nitez last night at the maritus maridian hotel. not sure if it's spelt correctly, but wthell. anyway, went there damn early and talk cork becuz one of the officers ask us to come early then he himself late. -_- before the dinner began, 2 girls dressed in costumes, one of a knight, another like a queen of egypt were walking around the crowd taking photos lah. haha... they were hired just to take photos loh -_- then during the dinner got 2 other girls who can dance Arab dance or something lah. the blue was like asian and was the better one, the red was like... tall like okay lah. the blue was the one who attracted me most in the 4. let's see.. nice figure, nice dance moves, got the face, the eyes. haha.. and blue, a nice colour lah. the dinner okok, went ard taking some photos through the night. Jeffrey came. i still rmbed when he said btw his pilot and his love, he chose the latter. that was the time when i had the choice of going over to air force early. and for me, it's roughly about the same. and in the end i think both of us broke up also. haha.. drank some red wine, it still doesn't taste as nice. nothing much. after wards went to one of the officer's house to play mahjong. alamak! lost lah. sianz.. the tiles don't come as smooth as they do. hmm.. sadz. and overnight mahjong takes the energy out of you lah. tired...

yesterday night when i msged her at ard 11+, and when i recieved no reply through the night, i suddenly thought of a point. Doesn't it sounds wrong for someone to say that they're guilty of not replying to your msg? it doesn't feel quite right. so they reply just so they don't feel guilty. -_- it's like a begger asking you for a few coins and you will have that sense of guilt if you don't at least show some compassion. haiz... overreacting? haha... perhaps ba.

2 weeks to fly off. maybe it will be easier for me to just stop all the things lah... it's not advancing, nor is it declining. it's stuck somewhere along the line. the feeling isn't good. but is it worth waiting? for a someone who seemed quite insensitive.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

this doesn't feel good

it doesn't feel good. i seemed to be easily irritated today. but this just doesn't feel good. it's like i'm taken for granted. i'm seriously stabbing myself again. it's as if to her, i'm just an useful tool. when she's done with me, i'm casted away. someday... i will either take a knife and stab myself, or i rush forward to her and get stabbed by the knife she's holding. -_-

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Spirited Away

A whole new experience. Is it a dream?

hmm... this is how it goes. it was just a while after i went into some... weird dream.
out of a sudden, i wasn't able to move again on bed. stuck to the bed, my hands, legs, heads, just can't move. i suspect 'something' was in my room. and as i stared at light on the wall in front of my bed, i'm slowly imagining it to be that 'something'. but seconds later i told myself... can't be lah, where got ghost rectangular one. -_- becuz the lights are the result of the street lights through the windows, casting a rectangular shape. but i still can't do nothing. next i start to concentrate on lifting my right hand, slowly and steady, i got up. then, there's another big problem. i can't walk properly. seriously, i can't reach my door. hmm.. not sure how to describe the feeling. it's like having a lot of difficulty trying to move a step forward, but yet there's no advancement. and the world ard me isn't like.. something that you will see when you're standing vertical. it's like moving here and there, like your whole body is swinging about. in the end, i gave up. i imagined myself kicking the wall behind, but i felt no force, yet i still kinda... float in front? not in a slow way, but quite fast i think. can't rmb much now lah. open the door, then it's more easier to advance into the living room... then when i enter my dad's office, mum and dad were there. somehow or rather.. i think i went back to my room. then, i was awake.

legs were sweating a bit, probably due to the thick blanket. push it aside and then went back to sleep. but before that, i thought to myself... was that an out-of-body experience? like your spirit leaves the body. i have too much weird dreams lah. like years ago, i dreamt about walking out of my room, saw a bright light shining through the living room windows and i went toward it. the moment i reached the windows, i woke up in a daze. but this time i'm not in bed, i was literally standing there, by the living room windows. i didn't dreamt i walked there, i walked there. the moment i woke up, the bright light disappeared, the windows are closed, it was in the late night, the living room was dark. hmm... interesting.

oh ya, just went to the singapore youth flying club for joy ride on the plane called pipper, i think. the pilot/instructor was very friendly, didn't really try much stunts during the 1 hour flight. hmm.. was kinda disappointed it wasn't a roller coaster ride. but was satisfied enough lah. during descent, it's really uncomfortable as you can feel the plunging down from 30 storeys high sensation. and climbing is a pain in the ear. keep getting my ears air blocked. he said it's due to slight cold. saw my house from up above. cool. saw the ferris wheel also. things look damn cute from up there, so small, so... model-like. nice~

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pikeman

I just rmbed why i played priston tale.
it seemed rather stupid... but this is how.
i did a character test on which character i resembles in a game called priston tale.
at the time of the quiz, i have no idea what the game is like.
in the end, i was said to be like a Pikeman. haha...
should say it's one of the more popular character in the game.
high dmg, moderate def, said to have the coolest skill ard.
i mean.. who can vanish from thin air, charge up a strike, and one hit KO your opponent?
for those who don't know, priston tale, there's PvP.
i recognise pikeman as the strongest character in the game.
and mine is lvl 51.

hmm... i just realised again how swt can girls get.
haha.. fancy doing up a hand-made card with a 3D effect, although not that nice, but it doesn't matter. and then buying breakfast in the early morning, all for that special someone. haha...
but things sometimes won't turn out as planned, to be smooth. i can imagine a lot of situations to have cork-ups. everything i plan something, something always screw up. murphy's law.

and it's things like this that make me realise a point on relationship.
hmm.. perhaps becuz you care a lot about the relationship, that's why you're worrying about a lot of things. how will it turn out in the future? are both of you compatible? is that special someone showing less love than before? maybe he/she should be showing more concern over you? blah blah blah... then maybe you will start to ponder, how to solve these issues? worse, you thought of breaking up becuz you can't stand up to those problems. and then i urge those ppl to go back to the same stupid starting point... it's becuz it's that special someone, that is why, you're thinking of all these things. hold on tight to that belief you once have; the belief that he or she is the one you're looking for.

having said that, please let go if that belief no longer stands true. it takes two hands to clap. it takes two people in love, to believe. but it will only take one person, to break it.

pray tml's weather is fine. didn't fly this afternoon becuz of rain. damn.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Addicted.

Heard the song Addicted by Simple Plan on radio while i was on the train during my journey back home. it's quite an old song lah. somehow i just thought of her and the breakup. haha... it so matches the relationship. yup yup... lots of ppl do relate themselves to music, even if it's just a small minute portion of the whole song. here's the lyrics:

I heard you're doin' OK
But I want you to know
I'm addict,
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict,
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

ah... but the last verse more resemebles the situation now.

Anyway, last night was quite a disaster when i asked her. haha.. wasn't an answer that i hoped for. in fact, any possibilities that i ever thought of, will never come true. don't know why. or at least most of the times. haha.. it's just something to keep my mind off the matter. it's like i'm waiting for something to happen, and i don't know the present state, much less predict the future. hence, i need to affirm what's the present. lots of sadness even as i review my past with her. don't even know it's becuz i didn't cherish, or she doesn't have the feeling i thought she had. it seemed very frightening to have a repeat of the past, it's like volutarily stabbing myself again, and the knife is in her hand. hmmm.. quite dumb eh? hey... but i rather she stab me now then next time she tell me that again and then i stab myself. not sure how is it going to turn all, but it seemed she's still stuck in the past. being with her, the thought of this suddenly faded off, i thought everything's alright, fine, ignore her personal msg that is there for damn long. but chiuhao reminded me, it's not.

yup, and he passed his pilot interview. hahaha... came to cmpb today for it. was talking cork for a while before he went back to ocs... i missed my ocs cadet days... armour, i just don't wanna talk much abt it. -_-

oh ya, the other day saw weixiong on sunday in yishun. still look the same. hmm.. still like an ah beng, quite cool lah. haha...

went to tie da again after i complain my whole right leg is pain, or rather one of the 'geng', nerve? tendon? i have no idea what's called. wah... the master can always make my face twist here and there... she can massaged halfway and then ask me, "very pain hor?" "VERY PAIN AH!!!" sis laughed at me again becuz i went to tie da again lah.. kaoz.

another thing is that yinghao came today. hmm. we're pilot cse mates. good to have someone you know in the group lah. can crap on armour altogether.

i suddenly have the urge to go do the project i planned for don't know how many months liao. then i lost it again. hmmm... urge becuz of the song. hmm.. lost it becuz i'm just too lazy. the passport making is already making my mum nag, plus the ankle, extra nag. and i'm having the involuntary expressions of telling my mum she's nagging too much. normally i will just okokokokokokokokokokok.

hope she's sleeping well ba.. seemed to have invoked some of her memories again. better stay away from the topic for now. i think i better stay away from her also. right on, i'm just like an add-on lah. good to have, okay if don't have.

i rmbed once during the OBS camp, i was asked a question.
which is stronger and better in reaching a certain destination, a team of kayakers, or a single kayaker.
in my context, if it's a single kayaker, he will have to be very strong even before he set off. hence, i answer it's the single kayaker. becuz in my mind, a team, of group will have the weakest link, which will of cuz in turn drag the whole team down. i answered it with the consideration of team spirit somemore. and i think my attitude hasn't change a bit.

being alone will make me stronger.
i've learnt that through myself.
my buddies will see me through.
a partner will weaken the wall of heart.
if that is so, i will be weak and strong.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Sunday BlueZ

Rather than monday, i think i have more sunday bluez.. -_-
Only slept for 2 hours... a bit tired... over night mahjong again..
Then after that went to facial. ah... quite pain this time round..and spent some money on those products again.. then they kept introducing those treatments i also dont really know what the heck they talking abt. i hate acne. Kill them. just change the tissue inside lah... now i regret not taking care of my face. spending so much on treating them now.

read up on the sgforums again.
it's about one particular breakup which seemed like the girl's fault.
the some other guy came and accusing the guy of acting like a Mr NiceGuy in the forum and gaining sympathy from others in the forums. haha... wthell. anyway, quite a bad breakup as the story goes, not clear cut enough to save yourself from thinking too much. where got ppl break le still can kiss and hug one? -_-

another one mentioned she broke up with her ex becuz he was being too nice. he will do whatever in his power to give in to her, willing to change, blah blah blah. but this to her, is a negative thing rather than postive. the more he is willing to change, the more he gave in, the more she felt like a bitch, who is demanding, selfish, and in turn she hated herself. -_-"

some quotes worth mentioning there.

"It's hard to wait ard for something that you know might never happen but it's even harder to give up especially when it's everything you ever wanted."

Love,
Isn't how much you show you can get but how much you can give.
It's not about giving up but holding on.
Not about how you say "I love you" but how you show it's true.


one more week before going into air force school.
the ankle is still bugging me. and i haven't been running for damn long.
hopefully i can skip the upcoming ippt... the ankle is so weak lah. haiz..

recieved her msg in the afternoon. and i think she dozed off. haiz..

~should i be thinking how much longer, or should i take some actions

Friday, October 12, 2007

The Knot

The Knot

People often have this thing called knot at some parts of their lives.
And these knots cannot be untangled by anyone else, but their ownselves.
When the knot was initially formed, you won't be feeling much of the tightness.
But as time goes by, you feel that you're being squeezed inside, tighter and tigher.
And then you suddenly realised, you have some feelings that were caught in a twist.
From time to time again, it will give off pain, unease, sourness.
In the beginning, you may not know what is causing this.
Behaving out of the norm, saying weird things out a sudden, acquiring attention.
Perhaps actions to seek deeper, search for answers, and even questions.
Love, Friendship, Brotherhood, everyone you actually care for.
And then when you finally find a way to untie this knot,
Will you have the courage?


Alright, took an advance half day off. Muahahahaha...
Going for bbq with my buddies..

Went back SGD last night for a cohesion. attendance was quite bad.
but at least the food was okay and the gifts were nice too.
QM looks quite shag, sad, some sort like dying.
played table soccer >_< won shawn 10-0. Muahahahaha
later in the evening the few of us crowd ard to just sing songs...
met barry, quite stressed ever since i went off and boss on baby leave.
talk a bit in s1 br.
i missed the moments with them, really.
Got a big hug from dear BSO as he came running to welcome me in open arms. haha...
sometimes, i wonder if the 5 of us are being too gay or not.

thanks for the nights.
thanks for the company.
thanks for listening to my grieves.
thanks for consoling when i have tears.
thanks for the encouragement.
thanks for the singing sessions.
thanks for the funny moments.
thanks and many thanks~


holding on to something that i have no confidence in.
considering the past, the previous, the present.
i need answers to my questions.
i need assurance.
and if the answers are not meant to be,
then i will just leave and carry on.
there is no insurance in this.
and there's no place to buy it.

the pain that was never felt, came chasing me in the shadows...

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Sunday Morning DreamZ

had two dreams in the morning after i woke up in the middle of the night and realised my dad and relatives have finished their mahjong session. one of the dreams was better left unspoken. haha..as for the other, it was a rather bad feeling. i wondered why i often have bad dreams after waking up and then refused to get out of bed and continued to just close my eyes, hug my bloster, imagining it might have been someone. and i knew in the dream, my breathing was fast. in my conscious mind, it felt bad, saddening. but i just can't rmb the stupid dream. i kept asking myself why is it bad until i got frustrated and wake up. perhaps it's a way of how the body reacts to get you out of bed to brush your damn teeth.

it's been my personal block leave of..10.5 days since last thursday. 8 days spent with my swollen ankle, and still swollen. only went out one of the day, which was to the library to study. AH!!! i just wasted my leave lah. sad~ hmm.. it's just chionging priston tale all the way. now i'm lvl 44. just to mention, i've never reach that level when i started it maybe ard 8 years ago.

maybe i've been feeling lonely. it felt quite dull to switch on the computer the moment i woke up, and only switch off only when i go to bed. just concentrating the game will take me away from reality and bring me to this world of fantasy where i search for somewhere where i belong. and it always brings me to a world of solitude. i'm a soloist. partying is just an advantage of gained experience to faster bring me up to the next level of proficiency. haha...

3 things i wanna do.
- see stars
- cook maggie mee
- buy a bikini

my leave ends tml. hope i can at least tahan the trip there and back standing on the ever crowded train and the stupid walk to the camp. heal my ankle, make it a better one.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

joke of the day

this mail appeared as the joke of the day in my inbox.
i have no idea why is it a joke.

It had been a rought day, so when I walked into the party I was verychalant, despitte my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see coth hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you would easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicade, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abise her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently.

The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me.

To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

hmmm... words?

Someone called me a slacker today. that kinda woke me up from the continous gaming of Priston Tale since the early morn. time for some reflections... hmm... okay, tonight i will play until i get to lvl 40. then i... study a bit. my notes are inside my bag for ages, untouched, imcomprehensible, and thick. i missed my white board in my room. the many nights which i spent hours figuring all the maths, phy and chem, drawing and writing, erasing and editing. 2 years since i mugged. 2 years ago, i studied hard. why? my best.

the ankle is still wrapped up. i have no idea when it's going to be okay. the 2 females in my house commented that i'm always getting injured. i have no idea why also. bathing is a pain, becuz the ankle is wrapped up. -_-

taken a liking on PT rather than Lineage II. it's the culture, the party, the... oh shitz i died but i get to respawn somewhere near and die again becuz the mob is too strong. back to gaming. slacker~

Monday, October 1, 2007

dumb ankle

alright.. i spent 3 hours at the polyclinic seeing the doc for my ankle... and now it's getting more swollen. -_- i have no idea why. mum was expecting an x-ray, but don't have. hmm... let's just say it's getting more numb. i'm dead.

i don't like to get internal injuries... becuz somehow i will aggravate them.

something's wrong with this bond. the other party doesn't realise.

pray. for the ankle, and the party.