Confirmation!

good news today!

got a confirmation phone call from dso to ask me to come to work on next monday.
woots~!

and there i was wondering how could i survive with my diminishing savings. haha..

a few changes that i have to make after this news.

first of all, i have to cancel all my driving lessons from next week onwards and book those slots belonging to the peak period. it's more expensive, but wtheck, i got a job that pays for them. haha..

second, i went to finish up the sawing of the wooden pieces for my terrapin platform which i have been putting off ever since... a long long time ago.
until just now did i realize that wood dye which i bought years ago has dried up and now i need to buy a new one to coat the platform.
then i also need to buy some special nails to stick those blocks together.
was working on it with my terrapin set loose in my room.
for some reason, it kept crawling towards my work area on the floor while i was hard at work.
it did it for a couple of times before it got bored from me picking it up and putting it away, and moved on to explore the fan and the chair. hahaha...
but in the end it came back to me and i put it back to its tank so that i can quickly finish up the work.

third, abacus is coming next tues. hmm.. well, i have already started work then. gotta work out how to care for abacus without troubling my mum and my sis too much, taking in consideration of mikki (or whatever the baby is called) who will be around also.

fourth, gotta get myself a haircut! new start, new haircut!

that's all.
hurray to my new beginning soon~!

words of wisdom

Believe nothing,
no matter where you read it or who has said,
not even if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your reason and your common sense.

- Buddha

A special way to breakup

This couple wanted to announce to their friends that they have gotta break up because the guy wants babies but the girl doesnt.
so, given that both of them are musicians, they came up with this breakup song to tell all their friends and relatives.
it's both sad and entertaining.
interesting, yet when you think about it aside from the light-hearted melody, it's pretty emotionally stirring for both of them.

another classic chinese song

which i can sing because it doesnt need a high pitch. haha...

我可以很久不和你连络 任日子一天天这么过
让自己忙碌可以当作藉口 逃避想念你的种种软弱
自 （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
我可以学会对你很冷漠 为何学不会将爱没收
面对你是对我最大的折磨 这些年始终没有对你说
网 （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
爱你越久我越被动 只因你的爱居无定所
是你让我的心慢慢退缩退到你看不见的角落
ｋ （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
爱你越久我越被动 只因我的爱不再为你挥霍
是我让我的心失去自由却再也没有勇气放纵

and i think it's a beautiful song which describes a man's complex feelings towards a girl he loves deeply  initially.
but due to the girl's floating love, the guy's feelings got a bit passive
could it be a defense mechanism acting up on the guy's part?
since the other person doesnt really care, so in order to protect myself, i will react in the same way
yet the most cruel thing about this reaction is that the person still have strong attachment towards the other and secretly hoping for a change that the girl is not capable or willing of.
hence, he is suffering from the attachment, but still not wanting to let go.
just my own interpretation.

the princess sickness

i was completely in shock when i saw this video on facebook.
it's a tv show that brings couples who are on the verge of separation on stage and see what can be done (i think).
the introduction kinda portrayed the girl as a victim of the separation.
she questioned, what wrong did she commit, to cause her love to want to leave her.

it came as quite a shock about what the girl did over the 4 years they were together.
and i felt that the guy was justified in wanting to leave the girl, with the trigger of the girl treating his mother in an undesirable manner.
that was really too much.
the princess sickness that this girl has is to the point of ultimate selfishness; only care for herself, think for herself, disregard the feelings of her boyfriend and her boyfriend's family.

what's more surprisingly to me other than the fact that such a girl exists, is how did the guy stand all these unreasonable requests and unruly behaviors?
i truly admired the guy, both his efforts and his tolerance.

there is a follow-up to this couple in another video, in which the guy mentioned that she has made some changes to better this relationship.
i guess all those weird requests and behaviors would simply get withered away once there'is some fundamental elements that are added into her mindset.
for example, caring more for him, etc.

i guess any guys who saw this video would look back at their girlfriends or wives and think to themselves - they were lucky they didnt meet such a person before. hahaha...
or at least, i am.
i feel extremely lucky to have met yn, to have found someone understanding and reasonable. =)

one thing that was mentioned in the video that i thought was noteworthy.

- do not change your own virtue because of your partner

stand by your own principles in life, and don't allow them to be compromised by another.
it's a personal integrity, an identity of self.
and this doesn't only apply to romantic relationships, but also other relationships.

well, time to talk about other things...

i have developed this hatred for smokers lately.

1) this table of uncles and aunties smoked next to my family and I at the kopitiam while we were having dinner. i am quite sure they're not allowed to do so

2) i spotted 2 underaged idiots smoking. 1 of them this evening while i was walking back from the clinic for my treatment on my wrist again... he was barely into his teens. i'm not even sure he's in secondary school.

the hatred is both for the dreaded 2nd-hand smoke that i had to inhale because of 1), and for the stupidity of the young in 2).

smoking is not cool.
if you smoke because your friends smoke, then you're weak
your submission to the pressure is the proof that your decision-making executive function is undeveloped.
and you push this deficiency further by smoking and killing your body.
unwise and uncool.

makes me think of this acronym, YOLO (You only live once)
a lot of ppl use this as an excuse to do stupid stuff
i'll take my chances on the stuff that is worth the experience rather than stupid.

a little burned

today's the second time me and the guys played a little basketball for this week.
havent shoot a ball for so long, but it's comforting to know you never lose some skills.
although all other skills kinda degraded along with my stamina, strength and dexterity, especially when my left wrist is still hurting after 2 weeks.
i could still remember being in the process of blacking out within the first 5 minutes of the game the previous time tuesday.
my vision was blurring, i could feel my breath tightening.
the sensation that if i push myself any further, i would pass out literally, on the court, under 5 minutes.
i'm not sure on average how many times a person would experience this unique sensation.
but it's definitely not a positive experience.
can't rmb how many times i have felt this before, probably a couple of times when i was still a young boy in police cadet uniform, standing there proudly, and palely, in the parade square.
badminton? i knew a few times i would push myself, but hardly ever got to the stage whereby my brain suddenly get deprived of blood supply.
this probably happened because my heart hasnt been conditioned to pumping blood all round the body and i didn't do much warm up beforehand.
i tried to outsmart my rusty body by injecting myself with milo. it worked. haha..

i'm a little burned, the heat from the sun seemed more intense than it was on tues.
but it was fun.
we would have played a little longer if not for our burned face.
and i should get my left wrist fixed.

i've officially signed the paper which binds me to DSO as their employee on 14th Nov.
and had rejected both MFS and MND offers.
now i'm just waiting for the medical and security to clear and i'm well on my way into the working society that all of us are so eager to enter when we're finding employment, but would be dreading it once we're in it.
i have around a month left to be in the stage between "I'm employed!' and "I'm free!".
it's a pretty good feeling
but i think i need to find something useful to do in order to continue feeling good.
helping my parents paint the living room is one.
i might decide to paint my room too.
getting some personal projects done would be ideal too.
but most imptly still, getting my left wrist fixed.

this evening i spent 2 hours "walking" my terrapin around the house.
sometimes it would follow me walk away
other times it would just try to wiggle into some small spaces which after it would be trapped.
maybe it's not trapped, but i kept 'saving' it anyway.
for the 11 years that it has been staying with my family, i think my family really grew accustomed to it.
while i was 'walking' it around, i realized my sister would use her leg to scare it a bit, stepping it lightly, sprinkling water on it.
my mum, when she went to bathe, who pick it up and put it back into its tank.
it makes me wonder if i could just let loose my terrapin around the house, make a container which it can access to with water and food.
with that, the whole house could the my terrapin's playground.
as compared to facing the 4 walls in the container, it's a much better environment to live, especially when it has such a long 'shell-life'.
just an idea, but i dont think it's practical.
probably a restricted area instead of the whole house.

yn is busy preparing for her exams in 2 weeks time.
yet here i am, having so much time in my hands.
it's a pity, but at least i know we would probably have maybe a week or less which both of us are free and we could go and do some stuff which i have been thinking about.
it's all those activities which we have talked about before but didn't have the chance to do them yet.
well, for now i'll just have to wait patiently until her papers are over.
so, jiayou yn!
score lots of As!

by the way, FRIENDS blu-ray has been released and i'm wondering whether to get it or not.
or should i purchase the season DVD which have the footage that was not broadcast.
hmm.. or does the blu-ray version has the same thing?
i downloaded a few from season 1 to watch.
well it looks much brighter.
and they still make me laugh out out literally even though i might have watched it over 3 times.

haven't been mj-ing much lately.
been about 2 weekends since i touched the tiles and shouted PONG
had a bet the other day with yn.
she said i'm always losing in mj.
and i'm out to prove her wrong.
hopefully.
hahaha...

celebration with yn~

yn had a whole day planned out especially for me for my bday celebration yesterday.

it was really sweet and touching to have someone do that for me. =)

we started off by going to tiong bahru market to eat my favorite food; chicken rice!

it was raining rather heavily by the time we reached.

but we bought umbrellas from 7-11 and walked for a bit to reach the place.

the chicken rice was nice! with you tiao also~

went to books actually which is a store nearby that sells books.

quite a lot of local books there.

we bought 3 together =) 

next up is singing k at teo heng, ntu alumni club.

it was still raining, so the umbrellas we bought were pretty useful.

i was rather delighted and surprised at her plan of bringing me to sing.

it has been something that i kept talking about wanting to do with her. haha..

a slow walk up the slope of the alumni club hill and then we sang there for around 2.5 hrs.

she even sang a bday song, but it wasnt really the normal kind -_-

it was there when she gave me the gifts that she had prepared for me.

the cushion - the one i liked the most, with my name written all over it

the mug - with "my manfriend" written on it, initially thought it was imprinted instead of written.

the house - kinda rainbowy on the roof, with a picture of us in the front

puzzles - 2 ring puzzles (not sure if that's the right term)

aroma thingy - to fill my room with aroma scene

it was also there when i gave her the scarf i bought for her korea trip.

probably the most satisfied gift i have given her. haha..

next was dinner at watami.

the food was nice~ worth the money!

we had the photoshoot done at white cottage.

the whole place was really white, thus the name of white cottage.

took us a while to find the place too.

the photoshoot was rather simple, kinda fun and novel for both of us.

she wasnt that pleased with the results though, but we still managed to select 10 which we like the most

the night ended just like that, but the day was filled with lots of joy.

it's the first time my bday has so many activities planned out for me =)

grateful for the love that i've found. 

my 25th

today's my 25th.
that means i'm 1/4 of a decade old.
i have lived for 25 years.

something good happened today.
of all the interviews i went for, the one i thought was the worst actually got back and offered me a position. MND! seriously, i thought i blew it. somehow, it just came back. haha..

but i'm more interested in the mfs and the dso position.
so i'm gonna wait it out.

went to the temple to pray to god ma for her blessings.
the crowd was overwhelming during lunch time.
after that wander around bugis+ and saw an old friend who is now working at garena as a management associate. sounds cool to be working in gaming company.

received a few gifts from my family today.
my sis bought me 2 shirts and a tie.
my mum gave me an ang pow.
my dad gave me a $100 taka voucher. haha...
which he got it free from his starhub dinner lucky draw.

went to the old place opposite chong pang for some relatively cheap and delicious zhu chao.
and a nice tiramisu cake bought by sis~
it's an overall, nice and simple celebration for the end of my 25th year breathing.

yn couldnt celebrate with me today, but she got a whole day planned out tml!
looking forward to tml~ =)

the job offer from MND puts a lot of pressure off me, and also comforted yn quite a bit.
at least i can have this position.
it really felt great to be accepted and offered.
the pay's not bad too.

my mum made me pick 4 numbers.
8366.
that's almost the same digits as my offered pay. haha..

maybe i should buy too.

Little Things

A nice song~

Day 1 of Unemployment, Again

yesterday was the last day of the 3 months contract employment.
it was a tiring day with the rushing of the presentation and getting my staff clearance form signed before going off.
i admit, i was half-hearted in doing the technical analysis plan for them because i didn't feel like i belong there and don't really like the work involved.
can't really imagine myself continuing the work over there.
it would be like slaving my life away.

for now, i have two agencies that have the second interview scheduled; MCYS and DSO.
MCYS is this friday, which is also my bday.
DSO next wed.

I was wondering if MCYS was to offer me before DSO, should I just accept the offer, or wait it out for DSO?
I could probably stall them for a while till DSO gives me an answer after the 2nd interview.

today is the first day of rest after working for 3 months of working.
felt nua because i haven't rested much the past few days.
and also because i stayed up quite late last night
suddenly, i'm free to do things i feel like doing when i have the time.
like wiping my closet because i can literally see dust clouds forming.
organizing my table which gets messy whenever i do work.
i'm not sure what i want to do first, i guess i just decide whichever when i get up in the morn tml.

this period of time, after graduation, felt rather surreal to me.
for such a long time, life has been rather fixed until i hit graduation.
suddenly, i see lots of possibilities, along with a huge stack of obstacles to overcome

perhaps i'm the stable and secure type who doesn't like to take the risk
as much as i prefer the image of a risk-taker, i have to regrettably admit that i'm not.
when things get a bit uncertain and shaky like the situation i'm in now, i feel largely uncomfortable.
fortunately, i have honed the skills of just taking it in and then letting it all out again.
basically, sitting back and just watch things come at me.
if they're meant to be, they will be.
if they're not, i'm glad they didn't.

bday coming in another 3 days.
is it a natural thing to feel less and less anticipation for one's birthday each year?
i'm only looking forward to it, because my dear gf is planning some surprises for me.
other than that, maybe a good meal with my family, and a nice delicious cake. haha.. chocolate preferred.

shall just relax and do nothing for today.

a famous comedian

I first heard this in a live setting with yn during one of the comedy nights.
It was a very fun night indeed.

For You

For the one I called, The Last.

Who, What, When, Where, Why

I do not have enough to conclusively say that I have been fully shaped by my past to become what I have become.
Because I feel that along the way of being together, I have been shaped more by you than anyone else.

My past is a story, so is yours.
And these stories remain as memories to be told.
Not that we should be ever nostalgic on the feelings we have before.
But to see them as a build-up to what we have in the present.

You're the one now, beside me, because you gave my life, a meaning.

For YN.

Job Searching so far

The previous post i wanted to talk about my job searching spree so far since i graduated. but after typing most of what i wanted to say, the post was somehow lost due to the iphone app. now that i have some time on my hand, i shall perhaps type it out again, 1 by 1, chronologically, as accurate as i can recall.

the learning lab - had the interview in school for the teaching position. didn't go through. pay is good, at 3.7 and then 4k after probation period of 3 months (i think). career progression might not be that good since experience is in the centre itself. oh well~

forbes research - the interview was done in the same day as the learning lab in school. the second interview followed soon after at the forbes research itself. the director sort of offered, the pay wasn't high, maybe 3k or less. but i rejected because i was waiting for....

senior police officer - yup, i was waiting for this. didnt get through the manpower interview. thought i would have gotten this position without much difficulties. too bad, i'm meant for something else i suppose.

PSD - they want to recruit people in mid careers, not fresh grads. -_- but now they're giving me another chance to prove i'm justified in staying as perm instead of temp.

SPS - what shocked me most is the venue, it's just beside the airport. i can see planes on the ground from beyond the fence of the HQ. interview and written test done. but i think the written test wasnt done very well. interview was okok only.

some market research company - went to do some tests and interview and not shortlisted for second round. sighz, but not that interested also lah.

brain development centre - offered me 2k, too  low. but the interview consisted of cognitive skills test which i found it quite interesting and fun to do.

HTBSC - it's was a lucky opportunity for me. interview has passed last week, hoping for results soon!

MND - interview was shit. hahaha...

MCYS - first round of interview was okay. group setting. pretty fun to discuss about the questions raised. waiting to be shortlisted for second round.

DOS - interview this coming tues. got referred in by a friend known in ACCOP 2010

there're other positions that i applied that didnt give me any replies or have rejected me. like CPIB, other MCYS positions, etc.

it's been a rather long journey for me in the road of finding jobs. and like the enlightenment my god-ma has shown me, the job offer will come when it comes, naturally, and surely. i will just have to wait.

these interviews have taught me a lot. to promote or sell yourself to others, to show others that you're worthy of the position, is something that doesnt come naturally sometimes. and sometimes, your true feelings cannot be expressed, nor your true intentions. you should only uphold the honesty in interviews on a legal and moral basis. but moral is a bit subjective, but i guess anything that doesnt harm anyone, it's kinda moral lah. haha.. it's hard to explain why you apply for this company instead of that company first. are you more interested in the previous position? and when you fail then you go look for this less favoured company? naturally so. but nobody is going to answer it that way. but it's the way things are. recruitment is based on impression; good impression, good chance. bad impression, no chance.

i'm getting to the end of my causal employment period of my current job in psd. at the same time, there're quite a few of results to be waited on. my RT IPPT is coming. my birthday is also coming. and i seriously can't feel excitement for my bday with all the other things going on in my life. then again, i dont feel very excited about my bday for quite a few years. last year was different. because yn was with me =) this year, the thought about her celebrating bday with me is something to look forward to. not because it's my bday in particular. but because it's her.

this bday, my wish is to get a good job.
that's it.

Pissed

I'm pissed because the contents I've been typing over the past maybe 20min was gone cause I exit the iPhone application for blogging -_-

Basically I was updated on my job applications from the start till now when it's kinda busy. Suddenly the agencies start seeing me as a suitable candidate! I'm lazy to type those again, so I'll leave it as that.

Just some interesting sightings that I saw on train recently about girls make up. The other day in the morn train, I saw a lady, possibly late 20s or early 30s, with make up. Nothing's wrong with that. But the problem is her eyeshadow. Or something that you write on top of the eyes. It's supposed to make your eyes look bigger right? the illusion that I saw was right there for me to compare. She missed out the eyeshadow on one of her eyes. It scared me a little when I first saw it. You know there's nothing physically wrong, but it still scare me a little. One big eye, and one small eye, for everyone on the train to see. The morn rush for ladies to put on makeup~

A little lost

Today's the first day of my temp job as an assistant data analyst over at the public service division under pm's office. Waited around most of the time for the admin stuff, tried to understand the procedures of the ongoing project. At the moment, the things to settle are mostly administrative and logistics stuff pertaining to the collection of data, i.e. giving out surveys to be filled. So not really analysing work in that sense. Feel okay, saw 3 familiar faces, all 3 in the same cluster group as me working closely on the project.

The office has a special working environment. There are many clusters in the office, but there are no permanent seats for us except the room for directors or their pa. So basically, every morning we just go into office and sit whenever we want as long as it is unoccupied. Quite a pretty cool concept, but maybe I'll just stay in one place. Haha..

Felt a little lost in the morning. Not because of the new working environment, but because I received the rejection letter from spf. I was rejected to be a senior officer. The reason immediately went to the things I said during the manpower interview. Perhaps because I talked about the bond, perhaps it was my appendix surgery, perhaps they just don't like me. Tried to shake off these feelings with the feelings of novelty being in a whole new environment. Worked somehow, but still kinda down when I think about it. Well, at least now I don't have to worry about shift hours.

Yn was rather sad when she heard the news too. But she kept her tears till at night when we were talking over the phone. It felt better to have someone sharing the sadness. But we kinda have different views when her mum asked me to go visit a fortune teller . I was reluctant to because I don't really believe and even if it helps, I hope that I can do it on my own accord instead of borrowing help. Her mum was pretty insistent too, let's see how after the Beijing trip.

My recent happenings

Alright, i admit, I've been lazy in updating this blog and giving my life a review. But after filling up my g50 form for my police interview, I realized that a blog is a useful tool to keep track of my happenings, and when I need, I can go to the archive and refer. Haha..

So, as for the most exciting thing that happened recently..

Last week wed morn at around 3.30am, I woke up feeling pain in my stomach. It was to the extent of not being able to fall back asleep. I got up, drank some water, contemplated on taking some of my constipation medicine which I got on my last hospitalization, walked around with my arms around my stomach as I groaned in pain from time to time. I felt that the pain wasn't really like the last time, so most probably it wasnt constipation. Then what is it? I then have thoughts about going down to the nearest hospital to check it out. After one hour of awaken torment, I decided I couldn't tolerate any longer. Here's the part I made the biggest mistake in this incident. I wrote on the white board to tell my family I went to the hospital because my stomach hurts. I got all kinds of reprimand from my family and relatives, especially my parents, on going down to the hospital on my on and not telling them immediately. I have a funny way of asserting independence. Haha.. Msged yn on the cab there to tell her about it also. It was a short and long trip down to ktp hospital a&e. Short cause it's near, long because for every traffic light we stop at, im in pain. Acute pain. When I finally arrived, I was kinda glad the place was almost a ghost town. I thought I could see the doc almost immediately. Still, following the procedures and waiting, it took me maybe 30 minutes to receive two injections of what I think are pain killers to ease my pain. First diagnosis, abdominal cramps. First thought, I'm not a woman, is this possible? Well, I went back out to the waiting area to sit and groaned from time to time looking like I'm really in pain. Eventually the nurse came over and offered me to go to a temp ward to lie down. I agreed and then went into the single room and groaned further as the pain aggravated to a new level. Super pain. Thereafter, the doctor suspect it's probably something more serious. Oh, not to forget my mum called me immediately, shocked my dad about me in the hospital, brought my sis down too, my dear yn calling and msging frantically once she saw the MSG. Haha.. They came and scolded me not telling. Inlay there in pain, rolling from side to side as my family and yn watched. Haha.. Went for a ct scan, invasive procedure with the tracker running through me. Kinda weird feeling, sort of warm and fuzzy. They determined it was acute appendicitis, then told me I need a surgery which can only happen at 2pm. So yup, I hung in there till around that time. Surgery was around 3 hours, I rmbed breathing in the stupid gas mask again and feeling anxious lying there, almost naked, with a bunch of ppl going to open my stomach up. For a few good seconds, I thought, why the hell am I no sedated yet? Next moment, I'm bein wheeled into my ward and saw my family standing there. Woke up, and felt like shit. Stomach felt seriously weird and pain, no strength to sit up, just enough to keep myself awake as my relatives came one after another. At night i couldn't really sleep well. I need to pee but the general anesthesia kept my muscles from peeing smoothly. I couldn't pee at first lying down. Until the nurse told me to sit up by the bed and pee, other wise the doctor is gonna stick a tube up. That's a great motivation I thought. I sat there for as long as 30 minutes and was kinda proud to be able to pee out a substantial amount. Pretty relieved about not having a tube up, and found it easier to sleep. The following day got a visit from yn and we were quite worried about the Beijing trip we had planned the following Friday.

Well, as of now, we managed to shift the beijing trip to 4 aug, settled the accommodation too. Resting well at home, able to move around on the morning after my operation, but am more mobile now. Cuts seemed to heal pretty well. Glad that all these are over~

And here are some updates on my jobs seeking. Kinda gave up my chance at Forbes research. Went to police selection assessment 2 weeks before on the wed, finally got a email to say I'm selected for the interview with acting director of manpower just a few days back. The interview is tml. Applied for a temp job at the public service division under pm's office to keep me busy. Seemed like I might have a good chance because I realized a former senior colleague from
Mindef is working there now and I made known to him I applied. We talked a bit over Facebook and now settling on the hourly salary. Hope I can get it! And at a good rate! Police psych also made an offer and I applied again. I was thinking, if both police and police psych offer me, which one should I take? The 3.8k salary does attracts me quite a bit. Hahaha...

Oh ya, was having grad trip at Phuket and Thailand some weeks back with the guys. Quite an enjoyable 7-8 days. Phuket was more fun, with the atv and river rafting. The sea canoe sucked. Shopping at bkk wasn't really my thing, but still okay. It was nice just going overseas and relaxing. But it's not that fun being overseas and quarreling with her over whatsapp. Haha.. It's always better to call. And the fact that we're not in the same country doesn't help also.

That's about all for now as I sit on the train going to meet my army dudes. QM is back~!

2 korean songs to introduce

was feeling bored and tried to search cast of running men on youtube and this led me to these 2 rather nice songs sang by the group leessang, of which one of the member, gary, is part of the permanent cast in running men.

First song,

헤어지지 못하는 여자 떠나가지 못하는 남자 

The girl who can't break up, The guy who can't leave

정인:
헤어지지 못하는 여자, 떠나가지 못하는 남자
사랑하지 않는 우리 그래서 no no no no no no
(x2)

개리:
우린 삼백만원짜리 중고차로 함께
어디든 다녔지 남부럽지 않게 
팔짱을 끼고 한장의 사진에 추억을 담고
밤잠을 설쳐가며 서로를 알아가고
내 꿈은 너의 미래가 되어
우린 서로를 따르는 한쌍의 아름다운 새였어
채워져도 부족했던 사랑 
다시 태어나도 만나고픈 사람
하지만 세월 앞에서는 역시 
서로의 욕심을 이기지 못해
욕실에 홀로 앉아 우는 너의 울음 소리 
나를 쏘아보는 눈초리
날이 갈수록 더 난 또 이별을 생각해 하루종일

길:
태양은 뜨거운데 니 맘은 얼어있네
누구의 잘못인지 사랑하긴 하는데 baby
모든게 그대론데 우리는 변해있네
누구의 잘못인지 사랑하긴 하는데 baby

정인:
헤어지지 못하는 여자, 떠나가지 못하는 남자
사랑하지 않는 우리 그래서 no no no no no no
(x2)

개리:
때론 너무나 바빠 너에게 미안해
지갑에 돈을 채우고 시간을 내
티나게 사랑을 표현 못해도
너와 함께 영화를 보고 밥을 먹으면
니 기분이 풀릴거라 여기던 
내 생각은 또 빗나가
거리를 거닐며 너에게 장난을 쳐도
진부한 사랑 놀이 
사랑은 한때 사랑은 이별과 한패
이별은 사랑을 데리고 가는데

길:
태양은 뜨거운데 니 맘은 얼어있네
누구의 잘못인지 사랑하긴 하는데 baby
모든게 그대론데 우리는 변해있네
누구의 잘못인지 사랑하긴 하는데 baby

정인:
헤어지지 못하는 여자, 떠나가지 못하는 남자
사랑하지 않는 우리 그래서 no no no no no no
(x2)

길:
사랑은 한때 사랑은 이별과 한패
이별은 사랑은 데리고 갔네
(x2)

개리:
버리면 버려지는게 사랑이라면 얼마나 좋을까
(모두 꿈인데 니 손을 잡은 건)
원하면 얻어지는게 사랑이라면 얼마나 좋을까
(모두 꿈인데 나는 벗어나지 못하네)

정인:
헤어지지 못하는 여자, 떠나가지 못하는 남자
사랑하지 않는 우리 그래서 no no no no no no
(x2)

no no no~ no no no~ 
no no no~ no no no~ 
oh yeh~

개리:
사랑에 묶이는 남자는 약해 빠진걸까
사랑을 굶기는 남자는 무능력한걸까
비밀을 숨기는 남자는 나 뿐인걸까
사랑 대체 왜 변하는걸까

English Translation: 

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Anywhere together in a 3000 dollar used car
Without a care in the world
Linking arms, committing memories in a photo
Understanding each other in our sleepless nights
My dreams became your future
A pair of beautiful birds chasing each other
A love I could never get enough of
A person I want to meet when reborn
But in front of this thing called time
We can’t win against our greed
Sounds of your tears alone in the bathroom
The suspicious gazes focused on me
As the days go by I think of breaking up again

The sun is hot but your heart is frozen
Whose fault is this? But I love you baby
Everything else is the same but we changed
Whose fault is this? I still love you baby

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

I’m so busy that I feel guilty
I fill my wallet with money and make some time
Even though I don’t express my love
When I have dinner and watch a movie with you
I hope you might feel better but
I continue to be in debt to my thoughts
As I walk and tease you
it’s all a played out game
Love is passing,
Love and heartbreak are one and the same
Heartbreak takes love and goes away.

The sun is hot but your heart is frozen
Whose fault is this? But I love you baby
Everything else is the same but we changed
Whose fault is this? I still love you baby

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Love is passing,
Love and heartbreak are one and the same
Heartbreak takes love and goes away. (x2)

How nice would it be if love
was something that could be earned?
(It’s all a dream, holding your hand)
How nice would it be
if love was something to get by wanting it?
(It’s all a dream but I can’t escape)

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Are men caught in love done so because of weakness?
Are men starved of love not worthy of it?
Are men that keep secrets bad men?
Why is it that love changes?

Not sure if the english translation is accurate, but the song is really catchy. maybe someday i'll revise a my korean and try to sing along~

Second song,

TV를 껐네

Turned off the TV

There're lyrics in video so i'll just save the trouble of pasting them here. 

I was captured by the song title, but by the sheer number of hits on this video on youtube while listening to the song above.

when i clicked on the link, i was further captivated by this description of the video...

"The song "Turned off the TV" -- an radical expression through conversational lyrics between a man true to his instincts and the woman's logical persuasion"

I have no idea what idea what it means. so, while the song is playing in the background in a language which i could only catch some simple phrase that i know, i went in search of the meaning behind the meaning of the song. however, all i got was just similar meanings of the description. it was until i saw a comment which said that the song is about the guy wanting to have sex but the girl just wanna cuddle.

it struck me. oh~

and this youtube video has the chinese translated lyrics so it was more clear of what the lyrics were about, or what the story that the song wants to convey. felt that the lyrics were quite nicely written. the desires of the man, the persuasion of the lady.

well, it's been quite a while.

i'm still in the process of finding a job.

was wondering what to do and suddenly joining the police became a viable option.

masters in forensics psych, then joining the psych department in police or bsu?

seems like another long journey~

had a 2 weeks vacation, although the first week was spent at sungei gedong. but it was fun spending time with the guys again. was quite a relaxing incamp with nothing much to do. 

 the second week was spent at phuket and then bangkok with the guys. i personally felt phuket was a more fun place than bangkok, filled with possible activities and the beach. a pity we didnt spend much time at the beach due to little time we have left after the day activities and also when we had, the weather became a problem. the rain just kept coming and going off randomly. bangkok was more of shopping shopping and shopping. the visit to the floating market was a downer. the temple we visited, wat pho, was quite boring with the statues until we found out the main attraction; the reclining buddha. and it was huge! overall, good trip still.

in a month time, will be leaving for beijing with yun na~ another one week! actually the main thing isn't because it's a holiday for me. the main thing is spending special time and having memorable events with someone i love.

drew up the blue print for wu gui's platform. so the problem now is, how to make it? hahaha... i guess i'll just anyhow whack lah. it's been on my mind for so long, finally it's starting to materialize.

ippt deadline is coming soon also. i believed august 1st is my last day.

and i'm running damn slow.

still rather taken aback by the fact that i ran silver last year. 

how did i do it? 

although i did visualize her standing at the end waiting for me, but it didn't really work much this time in camp. hahaha.. looks like motivation is one thing, another thing is having the physique to do it too. 

i can't fail. i can't fail. i dont want 20 RT sessions. 

life's rather relaxing, but i'm running out of money for my life to be like that.

plus it doesn't feel good to be worrying about my future also.

it's a period of rest, and unrest.

a beautiful song for you and me

We Build Demonstration by Nichole Nordeman

and i hope in the future to come
for any troubles that come along
this bond we have between you and i
shall stay good, and stay true.

for every mistakes that we make along the way
we build towards a better future
if you will, i will, build.

future me and clothes

i've always appreciated the light comedy of baby blues over the years.
and here's something that i thought would happen.

can only put the link below as the website doesn't allow posting of their comic strips elsewhere.

http://www.babyblues.com/archive/index.php?formname=getstrip&GoToDay=04/27/2012

Last day of my undergraduate life.

First day of my unemployed life.

well, things didn't start off too well.
first, the malay paper was hard -_- i couldnt make out most of the words.
plus the list of words that i memorized for 1 hour or so only came up for 40% for intended questions!
wthell? so many unseen before words...

second, i lost terribly in mahjong.
i can't rmb if this is the first time, but i cleared my chips.
all 100 bucks of it.
just nice at the end -_-

at this point of my life, i'm unemployed, have lots of things that i want to do but need money.
so, i've decided to keep mahjong away for a while.
a long while.
been losing continuously for a few weeks and i believed my losses can go up to 200 just this month alone.

the day wasn't too well for yn also.
when she's down, i would have the urge to rush to her side and give her the comfort she needs.

A-Lin《等你》

just as i was studying my malay while listening to the radio...
(yes, it's not really conducive to study malay with chinese songs playing in the background, but nvm)
this song came into play and it sounded really nice.

so here it is~

and the blogspot has changed its editing interface again.

the spirit of the lift

this struck me as something that i've always come to believe.

there exists a spirit of the lift.

not that a spirit is residing in the lift, but the lift itself has a spirit.

why? haha... because i live in a world that is so normal by itself in the everyday passing that i decided some stuffs are deemed supernatural whether or not they are true (but of course, empirical science always say the same stuff; evidence?)

and also because there are times when i reached the my estate block and saw the lift opened itself for me without me pressing the button for it.

just like tonight, when i walked infront of it, it suddenly opened.

it wasn't the case whereby the lift came from above, came to a stop and opened.

it was stationary there, for a while, and gladly opened up its door to me automatically.

sometimes when i get in the lift with this belief and the gratitude that the lift opened up for me to enter, i say thank you to the lift. haha.. of course this is done in the absence of others.

yes, i'm weird like that.

there are a few other weird stuffs that i do.

sometimes i would imagine myself being able to churn out a fiery ball of energy in my palms by channeling energy across my body to my fingertips.

the weirder part of it is i usually do it when i'm walking back from the mrt station along the pathway beside the buildings and road.

i think i kinda got the idea to do this when i browsed through this book on aura in a bookstore which i don't know the name to, and saw this part about mediating to improve/increase one's aura through imagining a ball of energy above your head and entering the body or something along this line.

or maybe i just idolize dragon ball. hahaha...

just some notes to self to remind myself..

1. game < life.

and therefore when the love of my life came knocking on my virtual door, whatever game can stop. haha..

2. if i ever find a job that i enjoy 30 years down to road, this is to remind myself that i have troubles finding one now.

i'm even considering clinical masters at NUS.

3. realize when i'm troubled.

many a times, i would be troubled and behaved in a way that is distanced from my closed ones. and unfortunately, the one who is most sensitive to this change and thus get the greatest impact is no other than yn. i'm getting jittery thinking about getting a job soon after the inevitable graduation. can i find a job that i like? get the job? stay on the job? fyp was better than finding a job. it's because i know i have the capability to finish it. finding a job? not so clear in its path. my confidence often diminish in the face of uncertainty. like how i started out psychology with my lack in english proficiency, i survived these 4 years purely based on things other than english. in fact, i got burned in the aspects of these 4 years that deal with mainly english. self-realization, and self-salvation.

4. be patient with teaching, if i'm still doing it when i happen to read this again

recent tuition sessions with my cousin have made me realized that there are times i would use a rather stern tone of voice even when with attempted control. when i heard what i said, i would realize but it's probably too late -_-" but luckily, it wasn't enough to make my cousin frightened, more of adding on to his frustration in dealing with mathematics. seeing him struggled in factorization, and then improving in it, and then struggling again the next session, made me rather disheartened sometimes. i seriously wonder how i learn all those when i'm his age. cause now, it's all ABC. even when i break it down to him, he has troubles. but i think i'm getting close to a better method to teaching him and making sure he learns. it's hard for him to absorb when he's that tired from school when i tutor him. still, gotta make the best of it.

that's almost all that i thought of for now.

a new shopping centre called Jcube just opened up recently, with a ice skating rink!

i'm looking forward to visiting it with yn on the coming thurs after she is done with her quiz and has some time to relax for a while.

it's always a refreshing experience to walk around new places, even if it's in singapore.

it's like you're walking around in a shopping centre, overseas~

the guys don't really seemed too keen when i told them about the ice skating rink and they asked whether i knew how to skate.

of course it would be enjoying to know how to skate and go to skate, but i think it would also be a very fun experience falling down to the ice, bruising my butt, and move more on the ice with my butt than the skates. haha..

it seemed that after fyp, i don't feel like facing the issue of what-to-do-after-graduation.

and that's why i'm more focused on getting the tv set for other half of my house which is for rental, and also to replace the big and audio-less tv in the living room.

however, when i looked at the prices of the displays, i got reminded i need to get a job to have a more abundant supply of cash to buy those tv.

which is why i feel extremely lucky when i got that 1.5k $ lucky draw last year.

and i'm also very grateful to my ah ma, who left more than 1k for me.

both enabled me to tide over the months leading up to graduation to free me from excessive worry on my finance.

time to find a job.

and final note to self, don't sign on just because you can.

my sunday~

just a little update.

i have already submitted my graduation essay on 28th mar~!

ever since then i'm nuaing my time away by not studying...

and now i kinda feel like i'm nuaing too much.

anyway, it was quite an eventful weekend.

started out on good friday. or rather the night before with soccer.

then praying on friday morn, lunch with army dudes, dinner with psych.

sat was spent at home until evening whereby i accompanied mum to national library for some opera performance and i went to suntec alone for the electronics fair.

this morn, i tried to queue up at the megatex over at expo but failed to get the tv set that i wanted -_- lots of foreign workers~

then i got the news that gong gong got warded in the morn so i rushed to ttsh to meet up with the rest of the relatives and went to visit gong gong. i still don't like the 4-visitors limitation. sux.

got quite a couple of things to do but i'm just lazing my time away.

not good.

the most important thing i'm more concerned about now is getting a job, or rather what should i do after graduation?

haven't given it much thoughts or planning.

things thought out in the mind is nothing when it's not executed.

now that fyp is over, i need to switch my main focus to getting a job.

hmm.. recently a friend came up with some business idea.

dad and me came up with an business idea today also based on my experience this morning with the Q-ing thingy.

hmmm... business...? haha..

comfort

in the wake of my dreams i would realize that the greatest comfort comes from within.

the similarity between pseudoscience and me

there are times i can't escape acknowledging the described traits of scorpio and the things i unknowingly do.

imposing the stuffs i thought would make her feel better, but it made her annoyed and me getting disheartened in the process.

i even made a conscious effort to tell myself that i shouldn't, but it didn't really materialize.

do many scorpios like their other half to do things the way they prefer?

or is it a general phenomenon?

i guessed i'm a bit jumpy as the deadline draws closer.

especially when i'm left with quite a few things to do and i'm left with a little more than 48 hours.

things will change, with time, situation, etc.

but...

the world may change my whole life through,

but nothing's gonna change my love for you...

10k limit

it's official.

i am now over the 10k words limit for my graduation essay.

damn you writings!

still have quite a bit of stuffs to write in order to finish off.

but am going at good pace even with all the breaks i give myself on facebook and shadowera which i started all over again. probably ditched the game once this essay is done because would be trying swordgirls, another card game.

search around the web about rocd too.

turns out it has another name called relationship-substantiated.

i guess it's a long-term forever kinda thing, but at the very least i would like to find ways to cope

in my mind and through the readings i got, there are two completely conflicting trajectories of cognitive reform treatment.

could it be each cater to certain circumstances or situations? even individual differences?

she mentioned that it's pretty cool that both of us were doing the same thing.

it's like we have telepathy or we're just so similar to one another.

i believed it's both.

and i believed in us.

my inner frustrations

it's been one month and my bloody fyp is still unfinished. i'm currently over the 9k minimal limit but there're still lots of incomplete things to write. mainly the training part. a bit messy, but i'll go tidy up the mess later on.

been sick recently with throat infection again. went to the polyclinic last tue morn and still made it to school for malay class at 10am. my throat is quite well since, but the morning dryness still irritate.

the main health issue that is bugging me is my gum infection -_-

yes, illness surrounds me when i'm perpetually stressed by my graduation essay.

and also mostly because i didn't clean my teeth properly.

it is kinda bad, till when i gargle water in my mouth, the wound hurts.

it seemed to have eaten away part of the gum, yet the dentist said it would heal naturally.

i have my doubts on that, but we'll see.

and a freaking tiny x-ray of my teeth costs me 20 bucks. wthell.

currently feeling a bit worried and frustrated over what yn is facing right now.

i would have scolded the person concerned in the issue if i was her, but then again it wouldn't solve the issue.

it puzzles me to see people like that who is oblivious to rudeness, hierarchy, authority, and basic courtesy and politeness.

or is the society heavily contaminated with this sort of people?

perhaps it just happen that my life encounters are quite lucky and i never have to deal with this kind of idiot.

although i wouldnt advise anyone to leave when holding that kind of position, but seeing the pain and hurt she has to go through, my support goes towards quitting.

but if anyone has to quit, i actually prefer to get those idiotic ass fired.

if that's not viable, then leave.

there is no need to stay to get stressed and hurt throughout the whole period.

enough is enough.

it's time like this i hope i'm physically beside her to give comfort and support.

0932 313

here's a song that makes my day.

it's an old song by Jordan Chan which i really like.

i tried to find out the meaning of 0932.

i'm sure i've tried that before.

but today's a refresher of what 0932 is.

when 0932 is said in mandarin, twist the pronunciation a bit and it would sound like..."Ni Jiu Xiang Er", or you should think...

direct translation into english doesn't look all that fantastic.

but it goes well with the song.

i've been slowly working on my fyp for the past few weeks already.

not playing mj, not playing games, not doing any thing else much except for doing the report.

1 more month to final deadline.

guessed tml i won't be able to deliver my first draft again. it's only 3k words -_-

something i saw in the forum

Buddhism does not require other religions to be wrong in order for Buddhism to be right....

That would be so small minded!

This was a quote from a picture from a sg forum that was talking about a recent poster that a NUS christian club put up saying something about buddhism in thailand.

In actual words of the poster,

"thailand is a place of little true joy"

and they went on to imply that it's because buddhism, instead of christianity, is a part of the Thai national identity.

personally to me, it seemed like a load of rubbish. first of all, i don't really fancy the idea of promoting one's own religion. too forthcoming. second, they're attacking other religions. though complaints have been made and the poster being taken down, it was still rather short-sighted and inconsiderate for them to write such words out. is it me, or do some christians think that there is really a best religion around?

all these stuffs are sensitive issues which i myself find it touchy to talk about sometimes with my christian friends. especially when i just started to know them.

but i'm glad i'm a buddhism, or taoist. i'm not confused, i'm just not sure. haha... but for whichever i believe in, i still don't like the idea of going to places and promoting a certain religion. i'm sure they're fine by the way they are.

An interesting sighting

It's been quite a while since I've been here. Still busy with my graduation essay which is still progressing slow. Even with a deadline extension from 6th feb to 20th feb, I might still be unable to submit a full draft. As much as I want to, the organization of the information flow really takes up a lot of effort and time. But at least I think I'm doing fine now.

Was on the train home from school and shopping for gifts when I saw this guy, seemed like a youngster, late teens I guess, but with that few strands of white hair I can't be too sure. Heck, I myself have a handful of white hairs. Haha.. Anyway, he went around the train telling passengers that he was hungry while using his hands to hit his stomach to further show that. It was rather interesting how he took it so natural that ppl should give him money becuz he asked for it. The thankful thing is that he didn't persist in it.

FYP draft 1

progress: negligible

the past few days have been just searching and saving more and more pdf articles into my personal folder and not writing or reading much.

there's this uneasiness feeling that is filling up my mind at the moment and it's taking a lot of willpower to contain it and not avoid the situation by doing other stuffs, a.k.a procrastination. the more i put off writing and reading, the more uneasy i feel. it's taking over my thoughts and my body. i could almost consciously know that i'm shaking my leg but i can't really stop it because it helps in shaking off that uneasiness.

i hate to be stressed when i wake up.
i hate to be stressed when i eat.
i hate to be stressed when i rest.
i hate to be stressed when i sleep.

it's like a self-torment cycle that goes on until i finish this grad essay.

today's graduation program seminar didn't really help much.
knowing that one day i would have to do research, conduct experiment, etc etc... that's okay.
i hate the researching where to go part, application part, and in the midst of masters or phd, defending my thesis part.

let me seek for some other routes which i would willingly devote myself to torment to instead of getting my proposed work get scrutinized and trampled on by antecedents.

but first, let me get this KNN 30-page essay done first.

The 8th day of CNY

today's the 8th day of chinese new year.
it's been a relatively good chinese new year celebration so far, with the reunion dinner at my aunt's place, watching fireworks with my family under the pouring rain which drenched us all even with a freaking huge umbrella because the wind was so strong, going to relatives' house...

and on the 2nd night, i'm officially with someone =)
along with the start of a new lunar year, i've got a new start with her.
i'm glad we have come so far.

as the sem advanced into its 4th week now, i'm rushing to finish my graduation essay as soon as possible so that i can go on to start on other stuffs that are mandatory after graduation. like consideration of grad school, job application, maybe driving... etc. well, guess the sooner i finish this 30 page report, the sooner i get to enjoy more before reality sets in and spoil my bubble of enjoyment.

sem has been going great with squash and basketball as my two sports modules. but basketball has been rather tiring in the past few practices with the running and all. and looking at all those ppl who are better than me, i can't help feeling a little down, which kinda fuels me to train and then do even better. but at the present moment, my grad essay takes priority over everything.

so, back to the essay. haha..

爱情色盲

很多年以后的一个早晨，女人依旧像往常一样在镜前描眉抹唇，男人不经意的说，其实，你涂红色的唇膏更好看。半天，女人终于反应过来，幸福的泪一下子毁了她精致的妆…………

女人从出生开始似乎注定要经历磨难、母亲难产，出生后，女人的左前额，比别的孩子多了一块斑，红色的。母亲说，那是胎记，每个人或多或少都会有的。母亲说这话的时候，她还小，还不懂得一块红色的斑长在一个女人的脸上意味着什么。她觉得没有什么不好，就像她精致的五官那么平常。

当女人意识到的时候，背后有人喊她丑女人已经很久了，其实如果她没有那块斑，她应是一个绝色的女子，她开始蓄刘海，她想用她那乌黑的头发遮住那个刺眼的红。

女人到了恋爱的年龄，可她没有勇气去追求她想要的爱情，左前额那块红色的斑是她心中一颗朱砂痣，时刻磨砺着她骄傲的心。

但爱情还是来了，那是个艺术家，女人不懂艺术，打小崇拜搞艺术的人，那个男人说，你有婀娜多姿的身材和一张艺术的脸，女人醉了，她忘了脸上的那块红斑，她为爱献了身，作了艺术家的人体模特。

每次，艺术家画画的时候，都要女人露出那块红斑。有一天，艺术家兴奋的对女人说，我给你画的人体画得了金奖，是因为你漂亮的脸蛋上的那块红斑。

女人惊醒，原来他根本就不爱她，她不过是他廉价的利用品。

第二次爱情，男人是个有钱的老板，只是有些结巴。女人问，你就不想我长得丑？男人说，虽然你长得不了看，但是你的心好，不像别的女人，看中的只是我的钱。

女人信了，其实是信她自己。她是真的爱那个男人。她温柔贤惠，做饭洗衣样样拿手，对男人瘫痪在床的母亲更是照顾的无微不至。

有一次，男人和朋友聊天，她在厨房炒菜，隐隐听到男人说，别看她长得丑，可勤快，能干，这样我就放心把瘫痪在床的老妈甩给她了，还不用付一分钱。原来，男人只是爱他的钱。

女人再次被伤害，而脸上的红斑成了她的心病，她不敢再相信感情，她把精力全部放在工作上，很快，她成了公司举足轻重的人物。

有一次谈判，她认识了一个帅气的男人，女人的优雅、睿智深深地吸引了男人，谈判结束后，男人请女人吃饭，女人拒绝了，像以往拒绝众多优秀男人的爱情盛宴。

男人并未死心，他给她发短信，给她送花，给她唱：我怎么会迷上你，我轻声问自己………

她渐渐有一些心动，却只是普通朋友那样与他交往。后来有一天，男人骑着摩托载她去玩，男人连闯两次红灯被交警拦下，男人说，我是色盲。

女人的心豁然开朗了，她终于倾心投入了与男人的爱情。不久，女人和男人幸福的结合了。

很多年以后的一个早晨，女人依旧像往常一样在镜前描眉抹唇，男人不经意的说，其实，你涂红色的唇膏更好看。半天，女人终于反应过来，幸福的泪一下子毁了她精致的妆…………

this is a love story talking about how a woman has gotten the love of her life even with a red birth mark on her forehead. it's pretty touching, considering that the man managed a white lie for so many years before accidentally revealing that he is actually not colour-blind.

took a walk around causeway point and north point today to look at shirts, shoes, socks, belts, slippers, squash rackets, swimming trunks... ya, most of these things start with 's' for some reasons. it was quite a walk considering i got a wound underneath my left foot after i stepped on my cracked plastic folder while i was cleaning up the other day. i hate it when i feel comfortable walking normally at home but have to walk in an awkward fashion in order to be comfortable.

a few thoughts for today...

was thinking about the recent school module that i've gotten through the STARS war, which is a SSM(NIE) module named physical activity for the special population or something like that. initially i wanted to take it because i thought it may be relevant to a clinical psychologist in handling clients who belong to the special population like ADHD, MR, etc. so along with giving your treatment, you can also give advice on exercising. in my mind that sounds rather like a nice compliment for a professional.

this kinda led me on to thinking about the special population and how are we helping them. in the eyes of the rest of us, the special population, is special. unique. but when euphemism is stripped away, words like weird, strange, scary, etc... come into play. perhaps in the eyes of them, it's the rest of us that is weird. and somehow, i hope that is true of their feelings. which is harder? being normal in a weird world? or being weird in a normal world?

all along in psychology, handling the special population is like handling a disease or an illness. we need to treat them. we are finding ways to bring them back to normal; our standard of norms. but how many times did one ponder over, whether we should bring ourselves to their norm. granted that it's possible, being able to experience what they experience would truly bring about a whole new perspective in understanding their sensory inputs, their thought process, their uncontrollable actions. i would gladly do so. to be able to empathize, to be able to understand more about another individual, or another group.

is it because of our standard of norms in the society, which dictates that we should all behave in a certain way during interactions, bring so much restrictions on the special population that they are causing them pain? are they suffering in the society because of us, the normals? could it be possible to build a society in which the special population can be labelled as part of the population, instead of special? integrated among us, living as usual among us, become 'normal' with us.

perhaps this kind of thoughts spark within me while i was watching a video of an autistic child who grew up to be able to type her thoughts in a laptop one day which astonish her family and therapists. she wasn't taught to read, and from the video, it was hard for her family to help her manage the daily requirements. and in her thoughts, she addressed her sensory abnormalies, her views on how people view the special population, how she yearn to be normal like other kids. should we be the ones to accommodate them, instead of asking them to rise up our standards? especially when it is easier for us than it is for them? of course it's not possible for just a one-way change whereby we accommodate them fully or wanting them to change fully, it's a two-way change, meeting each other halfway, or some way.

it has also bothered me for a while after a prof told us that the special population is lacking in attention in the local context. as if they are keeping the whole thing a hush hush, or not educating the masses enough.. somewhere in my heart, i hope someone would make some noise about it, gather the masses, tell them what's lacking, petition, push for more financial grants, etc. sadly, i'm not that someone. the role needs someone who cares a lot more than me.

saw another video on veteran iraq soldiers who left the force and talked about the things that happened over there at iraq which were hidden away from the public by the media. it seemed that the ex-soldiers couldn't stand by their initial determination to serve the country when they saw what was happening over there. for them, the experience at iraq brought a whole new perspective. apparently, it diverged from what they actually believe they were doing before they went over. it is frightening to think that the americans sent their troops over there, and instead of helping the country and displaying altrusim, the underlying motive behind the war is intertwined with politics, power, money... basically it's not for a pure cause. moreover, the missions that the ex-soldiers talked about involved sacrificing the lives of the local innocent, disrupting their lives, barging into their homes in the middle of the night, raiding them... there was a few seconds extracted from another rather disturbing and viral video that showed the camera view of the ground from the pilots in the chopper and them shooting at the locals. the ending speech made quite a powerful impact, stating that the war is not at iraq, but in america itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmnYuTRUg0A&feature=share