it's just a feeling.
i've been contemplating asking her out for so long, i think i'll just put it aside for the moment. and just simply hope next sem i'll see her in school or something.
may destiny brings us two together somehow.
this is my christmas wish.
something gotta change before i should start considering dating again.
me. i gotta change.
and for some reason, i hate it when i don't know how to approach a girl.
especially for a girl whom i have been contemplating for so long.
remark to self.
you suck.
remark back to remarker.
you too.
before i get schizophrenic and start talking to myself and doing crazy things in my room due to post-exam repression of feelings, i think i bettr go out.
a friend mentioned this to me after the last paper yesterday.
"just go get a girl"
i was thinking,
"hmmm... i hope she drop from the sky and landed right in front of me."
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
3rd day of exam marathon
well, 3 papers straight. damn, the first two was easy, but the third is shit.
i wasted energy memoring stuffs that didn't come out.
should have known, the questions won't be so direct.
slept only 3-4 hours for 2 nights.
still feel pretty good now, except that i was acting half-dead on my way back from home just now. but still was a good chat with a new found friend, michelle, if i remembered correctly. not that i just befriend some random female who's beside me, but it's kinda like a friend's friend situation.
oh ya, i think i got molested on the train the day before when this sec school girl was standing so close to me with her behind. i got cornered by her butt, several times. so helpless, no where to hide or run. damn you evening train!
well, last paper tml.
4 days in a row.
i'm not sure how bad is this, compared to john's 3 in a day.
if it weren't all content-heavy modules, i bet i would be quite ectastic to take on the 3 papers.
but with exam like abnormal psych, i'll take my chances on separate days.
too much damn stuffs to memorise.
clinical psych~! blah blah blah~!
i wasted energy memoring stuffs that didn't come out.
should have known, the questions won't be so direct.
slept only 3-4 hours for 2 nights.
still feel pretty good now, except that i was acting half-dead on my way back from home just now. but still was a good chat with a new found friend, michelle, if i remembered correctly. not that i just befriend some random female who's beside me, but it's kinda like a friend's friend situation.
oh ya, i think i got molested on the train the day before when this sec school girl was standing so close to me with her behind. i got cornered by her butt, several times. so helpless, no where to hide or run. damn you evening train!
well, last paper tml.
4 days in a row.
i'm not sure how bad is this, compared to john's 3 in a day.
if it weren't all content-heavy modules, i bet i would be quite ectastic to take on the 3 papers.
but with exam like abnormal psych, i'll take my chances on separate days.
too much damn stuffs to memorise.
clinical psych~! blah blah blah~!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
happy birthday ah ma~!
seconds have just passed after my ah ma's birthday.
big aunt bought her a piece of chocolate cake, and we sang a simple birthday song.
lots of food. the soup was especially nice, chicken mushroom, fishball.
the taste was almost similar to how she used to cook it.
i wonder if she heard it.
maybe i will dream of her tonight if i just think of her hard enough before i fall asleep. and i would believe it's her coming back and seeing me.
and i'm starting to tear up again...
i miss you.
even though we hardly meet each other in recent years.
i still miss you.
now, more than ever.
big aunt bought her a piece of chocolate cake, and we sang a simple birthday song.
lots of food. the soup was especially nice, chicken mushroom, fishball.
the taste was almost similar to how she used to cook it.
i wonder if she heard it.
maybe i will dream of her tonight if i just think of her hard enough before i fall asleep. and i would believe it's her coming back and seeing me.
and i'm starting to tear up again...
i miss you.
even though we hardly meet each other in recent years.
i still miss you.
now, more than ever.
Friday, December 17, 2010
procrastination~!
just spent more than 2 hours laughing at youtube videos of 'whose line is it anyway'.
worth the time.
sometimes, when i don't have a clear direction of how to study for exams, i escape by humoring myself.
then when it gets too late, i tell myself to go to bed. like now.
worth the time.
sometimes, when i don't have a clear direction of how to study for exams, i escape by humoring myself.
then when it gets too late, i tell myself to go to bed. like now.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
送给男生女生的话..
女孩应该懂的：
1、一个女人如果第一眼就让男人想到性，那么她是很失败的。
2、当你从床上下来那一刻，你在他心中就开始贬值了。如果你把一切都给了现在的男友，那么，除了老公这个称呼你还能留给你未来的丈夫?
3、一个女人的品位在于她身边站着一个怎样品位的男人。女人一生最成功的事情之一，便是选了一个对的男人。
4、一个男人爱你的时候，你往往会感动于细节，同样，一个男人不爱你了，你也可以从细节中来发现。
5、想了解一个男人的好坏，先去看他身边是一群怎样的朋友。
6、女人的友情来的快，去的也快。其实男女感情远没有你跟姐妹的感情可靠，所以，珍惜你们之间的友情吧。
7、把买化妆品的钱去买两本好书，漂亮的容颜固然可以让人眼前一亮，丰富的内涵却能让人经久不忘。
8、虚伪的男人总倾向于喜欢你的容貌，真正的男人总倾向于爱你的内心。
9、男人没有你想象的那样好，可以真爱，但不要深爱，在爱情里为自己留个退路，否则受伤时会措手不及。
10、不要相信男人的甜言蜜语，面对喜欢的女孩时，不认识字的男人也会变成一个诗人。而诗人本来就不生活在现实中。
11、去发现一个有潜力的男人，往往比去傍大款更切合实际。并且你会更有成就感。
12、随时预防遇到色狼。必要时向他胯下踢，用力程度自己把握。
13、这个世界上，最值得你爱的，除了父母，只有你自己。
14、爱情不是追来的，所以，永远不要认为被男孩追是理所当然的。但是，你对他的考验是必须的。
15、当一个清高的女孩遇到一个高傲的男孩时，总有一个人会卑微下来，但是如果可以, 不要把自己放得太低。
16、在爱情里，永远不要抱怨什么。
17、爱情，是需要用心经营的。恋爱也是一门艺术.
男孩应该懂的：
1、如果，你不能给她一个美好的未来，那么，请不要把她哄上床。
2、不能做到的，就不要承诺。男人，膝下有黄金，嘴里也有黄金，不要轻易答应什么，因为你可能会食言
3、把她的地位放在游戏之上，毕竟她是那个肯能会陪你一辈子的人，游戏只是消遣罢了。。
4、你可以为了父母去教训自己的爱人，但是不能为了爱人去背弃自己的父母。如果她对你父母一直不好，那么她可以离开了。
5、如果不是生在帝王富贵家，那么找女朋友，不要只看重她的长相，而要学会欣赏她的内涵。你找伴侣，不是在找情人，而应该是在找妻子。。
6、一个成功的男人身边，需要一个相对优秀的女人。而这种优秀，与她的容貌无关，与她的内涵相连。
7、哥们，如果不擅长讨女孩欢心，那就去讨自己的未来欢心吧。男人，不是来征服女人的，而是来征服世界的。
8、你一生担负的责任很多，但最重要的是四个，对自己的父母负责，对自己的未来负责，对自己的女人和感情负责，对这个世界负责。
9、不要总想着玩弄感情，小心它有天会玩弄了你。
10、物以类聚，人以群分，这句话对男人很贴切。跟上进的人交朋友，跟有人生品位的人交朋友，你会获益很多。
11、这个世界上，最值得你爱的，除了父母，还有自己的女人和哥们，然后才是你自己。
12、爱情不是追来的。如果你死皮赖脸追求了很久，她却无动于衷，那么哥们，放下吧。有时，咱男人的尊严比一个女人更重要。。
1、一个女人如果第一眼就让男人想到性，那么她是很失败的。
2、当你从床上下来那一刻，你在他心中就开始贬值了。如果你把一切都给了现在的男友，那么，除了老公这个称呼你还能留给你未来的丈夫?
3、一个女人的品位在于她身边站着一个怎样品位的男人。女人一生最成功的事情之一，便是选了一个对的男人。
4、一个男人爱你的时候，你往往会感动于细节，同样，一个男人不爱你了，你也可以从细节中来发现。
5、想了解一个男人的好坏，先去看他身边是一群怎样的朋友。
6、女人的友情来的快，去的也快。其实男女感情远没有你跟姐妹的感情可靠，所以，珍惜你们之间的友情吧。
7、把买化妆品的钱去买两本好书，漂亮的容颜固然可以让人眼前一亮，丰富的内涵却能让人经久不忘。
8、虚伪的男人总倾向于喜欢你的容貌，真正的男人总倾向于爱你的内心。
9、男人没有你想象的那样好，可以真爱，但不要深爱，在爱情里为自己留个退路，否则受伤时会措手不及。
10、不要相信男人的甜言蜜语，面对喜欢的女孩时，不认识字的男人也会变成一个诗人。而诗人本来就不生活在现实中。
11、去发现一个有潜力的男人，往往比去傍大款更切合实际。并且你会更有成就感。
12、随时预防遇到色狼。必要时向他胯下踢，用力程度自己把握。
13、这个世界上，最值得你爱的，除了父母，只有你自己。
14、爱情不是追来的，所以，永远不要认为被男孩追是理所当然的。但是，你对他的考验是必须的。
15、当一个清高的女孩遇到一个高傲的男孩时，总有一个人会卑微下来，但是如果可以, 不要把自己放得太低。
16、在爱情里，永远不要抱怨什么。
17、爱情，是需要用心经营的。恋爱也是一门艺术.
男孩应该懂的：
1、如果，你不能给她一个美好的未来，那么，请不要把她哄上床。
2、不能做到的，就不要承诺。男人，膝下有黄金，嘴里也有黄金，不要轻易答应什么，因为你可能会食言
3、把她的地位放在游戏之上，毕竟她是那个肯能会陪你一辈子的人，游戏只是消遣罢了。。
4、你可以为了父母去教训自己的爱人，但是不能为了爱人去背弃自己的父母。如果她对你父母一直不好，那么她可以离开了。
5、如果不是生在帝王富贵家，那么找女朋友，不要只看重她的长相，而要学会欣赏她的内涵。你找伴侣，不是在找情人，而应该是在找妻子。。
6、一个成功的男人身边，需要一个相对优秀的女人。而这种优秀，与她的容貌无关，与她的内涵相连。
7、哥们，如果不擅长讨女孩欢心，那就去讨自己的未来欢心吧。男人，不是来征服女人的，而是来征服世界的。
8、你一生担负的责任很多，但最重要的是四个，对自己的父母负责，对自己的未来负责，对自己的女人和感情负责，对这个世界负责。
9、不要总想着玩弄感情，小心它有天会玩弄了你。
10、物以类聚，人以群分，这句话对男人很贴切。跟上进的人交朋友，跟有人生品位的人交朋友，你会获益很多。
11、这个世界上，最值得你爱的，除了父母，还有自己的女人和哥们，然后才是你自己。
12、爱情不是追来的。如果你死皮赖脸追求了很久，她却无动于衷，那么哥们，放下吧。有时，咱男人的尊严比一个女人更重要。。
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
feeling sick, but better already~
i nearly lost myself to the flu a few days back. i'm guessing the 4-days marathon at the library was a bit too much. little water, constantly hungry... i'm better off at home with water, and most imptly, food. my metabolic rate is high, this's the reason i gave myself with my relatively high food intake and the quick dehydration i suffer without the constant supply of water into my system.
anyway, 1st paper yesterday. korean~! which i'm not really hopeful of a A- liao. haha.. lots of mistakes. and one question i was so frustrated with myself, mainly becuz it asked for the korean translation of 中秋. before, i thought the exam might come out with this question after i read the past year papers, but i didn't pay much attention to it. even though i wrote on the spelling paper i came up with, i didn't memorize it! tmd. 2 words, i only remember 추.... in the end i wrote 中秋. hahaha.. just to show my frustration during the paper. and that's 2 marks gone. maybe i would have gotten 1 mark if i wrote 추. then another thing, i wrote the number three wrongly. haiz... becuz i got influenced from my japanese language. damn. i don't really think and reason well when i'm not feeling well.
it was kinda pleasant to see a particular classmate before the paper, and zhiwei too. he was there fore malay. talked a bit before the start. during the exam, was feeling quite sianz, so i left the exam hall 30 mins before end. didn't feel like checking my answers also... reading korean isn't that easy... especially when there's a ton of words that wasn't even taught and they expect you to kinda understand agar agar the meaning by inferring from other words you are taught. a way to learn, but i don't think suitable for exams. 나 왼쪽에 여자 was a bit slow. when i was finished, she still haven't started on the last composition. i was thinking she wouldn't have the time to check her other questions. well, i left anyway. dinner was more impt than checking answers. think of it this way, it feels more terrible to check the answers with a stomach growling than suffering the guilt of not checking answers while eating dinner. tada.
oh ya, was invited back to company's christmas dinner even though i'm not part of it at the momeny. but she invited anyway. it actually goes to show how much she valued my presence, or at least i'm some sort of significance. this, i really appreciate. but sadly, my 2nd paper was till dinner time. got stats the next morning too, so can't go. i'm missing a free shangrila buffet which costs more than 40bucks/person just to do well in my stats. it better not disappoint me after the last time.
saw my first hindi movie, "three idiots", which i found kinda interesting after i watched part of it on youtube. the whole movie was really nice. the idea to take away from this inspirational movie is to pursue excellence, and success will chase after you. passion is the way to go.
psychology~!
anyway, 1st paper yesterday. korean~! which i'm not really hopeful of a A- liao. haha.. lots of mistakes. and one question i was so frustrated with myself, mainly becuz it asked for the korean translation of 中秋. before, i thought the exam might come out with this question after i read the past year papers, but i didn't pay much attention to it. even though i wrote on the spelling paper i came up with, i didn't memorize it! tmd. 2 words, i only remember 추.... in the end i wrote 中秋. hahaha.. just to show my frustration during the paper. and that's 2 marks gone. maybe i would have gotten 1 mark if i wrote 추. then another thing, i wrote the number three wrongly. haiz... becuz i got influenced from my japanese language. damn. i don't really think and reason well when i'm not feeling well.
it was kinda pleasant to see a particular classmate before the paper, and zhiwei too. he was there fore malay. talked a bit before the start. during the exam, was feeling quite sianz, so i left the exam hall 30 mins before end. didn't feel like checking my answers also... reading korean isn't that easy... especially when there's a ton of words that wasn't even taught and they expect you to kinda understand agar agar the meaning by inferring from other words you are taught. a way to learn, but i don't think suitable for exams. 나 왼쪽에 여자 was a bit slow. when i was finished, she still haven't started on the last composition. i was thinking she wouldn't have the time to check her other questions. well, i left anyway. dinner was more impt than checking answers. think of it this way, it feels more terrible to check the answers with a stomach growling than suffering the guilt of not checking answers while eating dinner. tada.
oh ya, was invited back to company's christmas dinner even though i'm not part of it at the momeny. but she invited anyway. it actually goes to show how much she valued my presence, or at least i'm some sort of significance. this, i really appreciate. but sadly, my 2nd paper was till dinner time. got stats the next morning too, so can't go. i'm missing a free shangrila buffet which costs more than 40bucks/person just to do well in my stats. it better not disappoint me after the last time.
saw my first hindi movie, "three idiots", which i found kinda interesting after i watched part of it on youtube. the whole movie was really nice. the idea to take away from this inspirational movie is to pursue excellence, and success will chase after you. passion is the way to go.
psychology~!
Friday, December 10, 2010
it's late.
and i'm not studying. this is retribution for ignoring my computer for the past few days. haha..
saw so bored, i searched my name on youtube and came up with this interesting video. i'm quite sure i've heard it before somewhere, some time ago. actually should be a long time ago. but it really amuses me this time.
i remembered i used to go back home after school and cried to my parents becuz classmates are making sure of my surname. after a while, it kinda just died down. not the classmates, but my crying over it. somehow, i grew from it. so now i'm this secretive guy who will hate you to the bone when you mock at me and on the surface i will smile at you like you're the best person in the world. ha. that's what growing up is about.
and as friends around start to go into the working society, or about to, and engage themselves in the world of making money and living good life... i began to wonder about my own. i'm quite sure without my current responsibilities, i would be considering some seriously weird future. but i'm not exactly tied down. someday, some time, i will gather enough courage to do.....
oh, look at the time. it's time to sleep.
saw so bored, i searched my name on youtube and came up with this interesting video. i'm quite sure i've heard it before somewhere, some time ago. actually should be a long time ago. but it really amuses me this time.
i remembered i used to go back home after school and cried to my parents becuz classmates are making sure of my surname. after a while, it kinda just died down. not the classmates, but my crying over it. somehow, i grew from it. so now i'm this secretive guy who will hate you to the bone when you mock at me and on the surface i will smile at you like you're the best person in the world. ha. that's what growing up is about.
and as friends around start to go into the working society, or about to, and engage themselves in the world of making money and living good life... i began to wonder about my own. i'm quite sure without my current responsibilities, i would be considering some seriously weird future. but i'm not exactly tied down. someday, some time, i will gather enough courage to do.....
oh, look at the time. it's time to sleep.
every night
without fail, i just lay on the bed and think of her.
or is it becuz i just can't fall asleep, so i think of her.
it's getting kinda out of control -_-
been thinking a lot while i was reading my skilled helper guide.
hmm.. i suppose i can use those techniques on myself to get something going.
or is it becuz i just can't fall asleep, so i think of her.
it's getting kinda out of control -_-
been thinking a lot while i was reading my skilled helper guide.
hmm.. i suppose i can use those techniques on myself to get something going.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
intensive reading
the things i don't like about intensive reading are...
1) i keep dozing off
2) i keep reading the same para over again becuz i don't understand wtheck
3) i don't really know what i'm reading, it all sounds the same, like common sense
4) i always feel hungry and tempted to buy something to eat
seriously, the skilled helper book for clinical psych is quite helpful if you're focusing on the help part, not the exam bit. don't even know what to look out for in the final paper. the book introduces all the tiny different bits of stuffs that doesn't seem to warrant concerns over them, yet they are part of a bigger picture and when asked, i will definitely be dumbfounded.
this is what i don't like about psychology. probably why i went into it in the first place. haha...
1) i keep dozing off
2) i keep reading the same para over again becuz i don't understand wtheck
3) i don't really know what i'm reading, it all sounds the same, like common sense
4) i always feel hungry and tempted to buy something to eat
seriously, the skilled helper book for clinical psych is quite helpful if you're focusing on the help part, not the exam bit. don't even know what to look out for in the final paper. the book introduces all the tiny different bits of stuffs that doesn't seem to warrant concerns over them, yet they are part of a bigger picture and when asked, i will definitely be dumbfounded.
this is what i don't like about psychology. probably why i went into it in the first place. haha...
Sunday, December 5, 2010
it's sunday~!
suddenly thought of how to continue the phrases i came up with last time.
他们说爱情不能强求
但感情更不能自由
如果爱上你
该怎么对你说
如果爱上你
只能默默等候
i always get a bit excited about creating lyrics that flows with the melody i'm thinking of.
the first part was before. the last 2 parts were thought while i was throwing shuttlecocks at the wall out of boredom from studying abnormal child psych which is progressing slower than i expected. ha.
他们说爱情不能强求
但感情更不能自由
如果爱上你
该怎么对你说
如果爱上你
只能默默等候
i always get a bit excited about creating lyrics that flows with the melody i'm thinking of.
the first part was before. the last 2 parts were thought while i was throwing shuttlecocks at the wall out of boredom from studying abnormal child psych which is progressing slower than i expected. ha.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
谁会在你身边
在你想哭的时候
谁会在你的身边
借你肩膀
让你投入他的环抱
不多说什么
只是安静地搂着你
直到你的泪停止
在自己最伤心的时候
我不会在朋友面前落泪
因为坚强的自己
不容许他们看见
是坚强
还是逞强
连自己都分不清
在自己失落的时候
不想让家人发现
宁愿我自己在夜里
一个人
忍着痛
静静哭
也不愿家人陪着我难过
长大了
懂事了
之然而然
泪也不那么容易逃出眼眶
再这么想哭
也要把眼泪吞进去
男子汉大丈夫
流血不留泪
因为泪比血还能控制
惟一一次失去控制的能力
自己都吓到了
原来伤心，可以那么伤心
难过，可以那么难过
留泪，可以留成河
泪，留不完
就好比那份伤感
永远也不能抹去
时间会淡化一切
是因为记忆的关系
还是心，真的在复原
怎么去分辨
重要吗
过去的，真的可以过去吗
她的生日快到了
而她已不在我身旁
看着我
陪着我
爱着我
每当我想起来
泪 就不禁得落
想起过去有她的记忆
和她已不在的事实
痛
谁会在你的身边
借你肩膀
让你投入他的环抱
不多说什么
只是安静地搂着你
直到你的泪停止
在自己最伤心的时候
我不会在朋友面前落泪
因为坚强的自己
不容许他们看见
是坚强
还是逞强
连自己都分不清
在自己失落的时候
不想让家人发现
宁愿我自己在夜里
一个人
忍着痛
静静哭
也不愿家人陪着我难过
长大了
懂事了
之然而然
泪也不那么容易逃出眼眶
再这么想哭
也要把眼泪吞进去
男子汉大丈夫
流血不留泪
因为泪比血还能控制
惟一一次失去控制的能力
自己都吓到了
原来伤心，可以那么伤心
难过，可以那么难过
留泪，可以留成河
泪，留不完
就好比那份伤感
永远也不能抹去
时间会淡化一切
是因为记忆的关系
还是心，真的在复原
怎么去分辨
重要吗
过去的，真的可以过去吗
她的生日快到了
而她已不在我身旁
看着我
陪着我
爱着我
每当我想起来
泪 就不禁得落
想起过去有她的记忆
和她已不在的事实
痛
Friday, December 3, 2010
past photos
was feeling bored and having a headache after my korean listening test today.
it was surprisingly easier than i thought, more easier than jap1 perhaps.
but the numbers part is still a bit hard to catch.
especially the difference btw 1 & 2. irritating pronunciation.
went into my D: and did a search around.
was curious and saw the photos of her and me together.
hmmm.. didn't realise before, but i think she wasn't sleeping much those days with the visible eyebags. i think it's even worse than mine.
oh well, at least i looked happy.
was trying to differentiate btw a fake and a duchenne smile on those photos of us.
i wasn't really smiling, but can't say much.
for her, it's hard also. don't have a baseline to work with.
tonight's a lonely night when the plan to play deal was foiled becuz the planned host of the game didn't reply to my request. saded. i'll ask miss 'abnormal child psychpathology textbook' to accompany me through the night then.
it was surprisingly easier than i thought, more easier than jap1 perhaps.
but the numbers part is still a bit hard to catch.
especially the difference btw 1 & 2. irritating pronunciation.
went into my D: and did a search around.
was curious and saw the photos of her and me together.
hmmm.. didn't realise before, but i think she wasn't sleeping much those days with the visible eyebags. i think it's even worse than mine.
oh well, at least i looked happy.
was trying to differentiate btw a fake and a duchenne smile on those photos of us.
i wasn't really smiling, but can't say much.
for her, it's hard also. don't have a baseline to work with.
tonight's a lonely night when the plan to play deal was foiled becuz the planned host of the game didn't reply to my request. saded. i'll ask miss 'abnormal child psychpathology textbook' to accompany me through the night then.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
lessons ended
well, lessons have ended for this sem.
tml there's the korean listening which i'm not too confident of.
hope i can listen well.
찰 듣습니다.
anyway, tuesday was hp317 last tutorial session.
when our group was discussing on the final axis of the diagnosis, i was the odd one out, giving a rather low GAF score while the other 3 girls gave somewhat higher. we decided to consult annabel. when one of the girls mentioned that the patient in the case study was functioning rather well, i saw a somewhat surprised look on annabel's face. microexpression? haha... raised eyebrows, eyes widened. at that point of eye, i knew that i was right.
pretty cool to start to see some microexpressions.
tml there's the korean listening which i'm not too confident of.
hope i can listen well.
찰 듣습니다.
anyway, tuesday was hp317 last tutorial session.
when our group was discussing on the final axis of the diagnosis, i was the odd one out, giving a rather low GAF score while the other 3 girls gave somewhat higher. we decided to consult annabel. when one of the girls mentioned that the patient in the case study was functioning rather well, i saw a somewhat surprised look on annabel's face. microexpression? haha... raised eyebrows, eyes widened. at that point of eye, i knew that i was right.
pretty cool to start to see some microexpressions.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
爱情要的是感觉，不是时间..
爱一个人的时候，你就知道你会原意对他付出了，
你的付出他不一定看得见，或许是因为你伪装了，
因为你怕他知道，因为你怕他拒绝，
因为你怕最终连朋友也不是，你的顾虑很多很多...
要知道一个人爱不爱你，其实自己的心底也有底，
或许每个人的性格都不一样，但爱上一个人的时候，
每个人会做的事情其实都差不多，
因为爱上的时候，每个人都有着那么一点点的傻，
傻傻的为一个人付出...
爱上一个人的最初，那个人会假装不在意，
怕被比人误会自己爱他，虽然自己心中真的爱他，
听见他的名字你会有点不自在，会有点心虚，
感觉好像别人都知道你已经爱上了他，
想听见更多他的消息，却还是把话题给移开了...
然后，你会等待，你会想要他陪你，
这时候的你会变得很脆弱，很需要人关心，
但你知道，其实你要的只是他一个人的关心，
在别人的面前，你始终还是那一个坚强的你，
可在他的面前，你却是异常的脆弱，想要他注意你，
想要让他走到你心里的世界里，让他明白你...
所以，你总会有着许多的藉口去找他，
其实你知道想要了解他多一点点，
同时你也希望他能多了解你一点点，
然后你每天短信他，每天和他聊天，
可你却又不敢一直找他，怕他觉得你烦，
你只希望，他习惯了身边有你的存在...
你希望什么事情，他第一个告诉的人是你，
你希望他伤心时，在他身边的那个人是你，
你希望他开心时，愿意分享的那个人是你，
你希望他习惯你，你希望他会因此爱上你...
然后，你们每天都聊天，一聊起来就不会停了，
他说你是最了解他的人，你以为他爱上你了，
他说不知道为什么和你那么好，你以为他爱上你了，
你不敢向他说出你的心底话，但你知道他对你有感觉，
于是你试探，问他对你是什么样的感觉，
你问他觉得你是什么样的一个人，
你问他喜欢什么样类型的人，
因为你希望，他回答的那个类型的人和你很像...
当你确定他对你也有感觉时，你会暗示他你爱她，
如果他表现得异常的回避，你就不敢再问些什么了，
可你还是希望他能爱你，你希望你们的感情还很好，
最终，你选择了等待，你觉得这样才不会破坏彼此的感情...
但你不知道，一个人若是爱着另一个人，
他不会要你等待，他会主动向你示好，就算他很胆小，
他会暗示你什么，他对你会很不一样，就算他在伪装，
他不需要你追求，他也不会来追求你，因为他在等你...
爱情本来就不是追求的过程，而是在两情相悦的情况下，
他对你有意思，你刚好也爱着他，于是两个人走在一起，
若是他不爱你，就算你为他死也不能让他爱你，要是他爱着你，
只要你的一句话他就为你而活...
爱情，需要的是感觉，不是时间，
时间再久也不能让一不爱你的人爱上你，
一个人，若是让你等了很久很久，
那你该知道，他的心中根本就没有你，
若是有你，他也会想要和你在一起...
- From Facebook
你的付出他不一定看得见，或许是因为你伪装了，
因为你怕他知道，因为你怕他拒绝，
因为你怕最终连朋友也不是，你的顾虑很多很多...
要知道一个人爱不爱你，其实自己的心底也有底，
或许每个人的性格都不一样，但爱上一个人的时候，
每个人会做的事情其实都差不多，
因为爱上的时候，每个人都有着那么一点点的傻，
傻傻的为一个人付出...
爱上一个人的最初，那个人会假装不在意，
怕被比人误会自己爱他，虽然自己心中真的爱他，
听见他的名字你会有点不自在，会有点心虚，
感觉好像别人都知道你已经爱上了他，
想听见更多他的消息，却还是把话题给移开了...
然后，你会等待，你会想要他陪你，
这时候的你会变得很脆弱，很需要人关心，
但你知道，其实你要的只是他一个人的关心，
在别人的面前，你始终还是那一个坚强的你，
可在他的面前，你却是异常的脆弱，想要他注意你，
想要让他走到你心里的世界里，让他明白你...
所以，你总会有着许多的藉口去找他，
其实你知道想要了解他多一点点，
同时你也希望他能多了解你一点点，
然后你每天短信他，每天和他聊天，
可你却又不敢一直找他，怕他觉得你烦，
你只希望，他习惯了身边有你的存在...
你希望什么事情，他第一个告诉的人是你，
你希望他伤心时，在他身边的那个人是你，
你希望他开心时，愿意分享的那个人是你，
你希望他习惯你，你希望他会因此爱上你...
然后，你们每天都聊天，一聊起来就不会停了，
他说你是最了解他的人，你以为他爱上你了，
他说不知道为什么和你那么好，你以为他爱上你了，
你不敢向他说出你的心底话，但你知道他对你有感觉，
于是你试探，问他对你是什么样的感觉，
你问他觉得你是什么样的一个人，
你问他喜欢什么样类型的人，
因为你希望，他回答的那个类型的人和你很像...
当你确定他对你也有感觉时，你会暗示他你爱她，
如果他表现得异常的回避，你就不敢再问些什么了，
可你还是希望他能爱你，你希望你们的感情还很好，
最终，你选择了等待，你觉得这样才不会破坏彼此的感情...
但你不知道，一个人若是爱着另一个人，
他不会要你等待，他会主动向你示好，就算他很胆小，
他会暗示你什么，他对你会很不一样，就算他在伪装，
他不需要你追求，他也不会来追求你，因为他在等你...
爱情本来就不是追求的过程，而是在两情相悦的情况下，
他对你有意思，你刚好也爱着他，于是两个人走在一起，
若是他不爱你，就算你为他死也不能让他爱你，要是他爱着你，
只要你的一句话他就为你而活...
爱情，需要的是感觉，不是时间，
时间再久也不能让一不爱你的人爱上你，
一个人，若是让你等了很久很久，
那你该知道，他的心中根本就没有你，
若是有你，他也会想要和你在一起...
- From Facebook
Monday, November 29, 2010
宁缺毋滥，绝不因为寂寞而恋爱.
不想因为寂寞，而找个人来恋爱。
但是，怎么知道是纯粹的孤独，让我想接近她？
还是因为她已在我心中，留下深刻的印象？
看着她的照片，我陶醉在她的微笑里。
是变态，还是傻瓜
我自己都分不清
只知道
要是能多了解她
就好了。
但是，怎么知道是纯粹的孤独，让我想接近她？
还是因为她已在我心中，留下深刻的印象？
看着她的照片，我陶醉在她的微笑里。
是变态，还是傻瓜
我自己都分不清
只知道
要是能多了解她
就好了。
Sunday, November 28, 2010
betrayal
one thing i don't understand, perhaps ever, is betrayal.
how tempting is it to betray the one you love?
why is it you have to betray the one you love?
is it the thrill of hiding it from the one you love?
or is it becuz there's more than 'the one'?
how tempting is it to betray the one you love?
why is it you have to betray the one you love?
is it the thrill of hiding it from the one you love?
or is it becuz there's more than 'the one'?
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
morning idiot
have been sleeping better. at least now i go to sleep without a headache bugging me.
still feeling rather aimless~ ha.
still feeling rather aimless~ ha.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
有些人假裝堅強, 卻是真の很愛你..
有一些人
貌似很花心、其实很专一
貌似很坚强、其实比谁都要脆弱
貌似很开心、可是笑容背后的哀伤谁又能懂...
其实很多时候
这一类人都是在自我折磨
明明很爱很爱对方
却宁愿心痛的死掉
也选择任眼泪随意放肆...
其实很多时候
这一类人很好懂
他们很害怕孤单
因为一个人的时候
他们会胡思乱想
他们会想起那个没有结局的故事
会想起那个模糊却又清晰的脸庞
因为一个人的时候
他们会觉得很没安全感
他们的要求总是那么的低
只要爱着的那个人陪着他们就好...
其实很多时候
这一类人都很敏感
都很容易猜疑
一个眼神、一个动作
都会让他们神经兮兮一整天
所以不要让他们恐慌
不要让他们伤心
其实很多时候
这一类人都在感伤
不是他们多愁善感
只是容易触景生情罢了
他们喜欢用文字来刻写他们的心情
这也是他们的一种寄托方式...
其实很多时候
这一类人都处在矛盾之中
是继续还是暂停?
是放弃还是坚持?
看似感性的他们
却往往于最后
总是让理性驾驭整个思维...
其实很多时候
这一类人总是活在过去
他们总是不经意地在现在的生活中找一些似曾相识的感觉
虽然他们自我约定要忘记过去
可是他们忘了
过去早以在脑海根深蒂固...
其实很多时候
这一类人害怕看见别人的甜蜜
不是嫉妒
只是会觉得和以前的自己好像
然后会陷入整个回忆
待过往的疼痛唤醒自己的意识
再一个人慢慢舔舐自己的伤口...
其实很多时候
这一类人都很执著
有时候不明白他们在坚持着什么
他们是在期待那个没有结局的故事的结局还是在等待更大的伤害
他们就是傻
这一类人
脾气太臭、不仅任性、而且敏感多疑
所以请用真心对待他们
因为他们的心脆得很
伤不起..
貌似很花心、其实很专一
貌似很坚强、其实比谁都要脆弱
貌似很开心、可是笑容背后的哀伤谁又能懂...
其实很多时候
这一类人都是在自我折磨
明明很爱很爱对方
却宁愿心痛的死掉
也选择任眼泪随意放肆...
其实很多时候
这一类人很好懂
他们很害怕孤单
因为一个人的时候
他们会胡思乱想
他们会想起那个没有结局的故事
会想起那个模糊却又清晰的脸庞
因为一个人的时候
他们会觉得很没安全感
他们的要求总是那么的低
只要爱着的那个人陪着他们就好...
其实很多时候
这一类人都很敏感
都很容易猜疑
一个眼神、一个动作
都会让他们神经兮兮一整天
所以不要让他们恐慌
不要让他们伤心
其实很多时候
这一类人都在感伤
不是他们多愁善感
只是容易触景生情罢了
他们喜欢用文字来刻写他们的心情
这也是他们的一种寄托方式...
其实很多时候
这一类人都处在矛盾之中
是继续还是暂停?
是放弃还是坚持?
看似感性的他们
却往往于最后
总是让理性驾驭整个思维...
其实很多时候
这一类人总是活在过去
他们总是不经意地在现在的生活中找一些似曾相识的感觉
虽然他们自我约定要忘记过去
可是他们忘了
过去早以在脑海根深蒂固...
其实很多时候
这一类人害怕看见别人的甜蜜
不是嫉妒
只是会觉得和以前的自己好像
然后会陷入整个回忆
待过往的疼痛唤醒自己的意识
再一个人慢慢舔舐自己的伤口...
其实很多时候
这一类人都很执著
有时候不明白他们在坚持着什么
他们是在期待那个没有结局的故事的结局还是在等待更大的伤害
他们就是傻
这一类人
脾气太臭、不仅任性、而且敏感多疑
所以请用真心对待他们
因为他们的心脆得很
伤不起..
believe
what if i believe everything that i do now, will lead to a better future? a better opportunity?
perhaps, to you?
perhaps, to you?
天意？
was actually thinking of adding her back to my messenger list.
it got lost during the last time when i got attacked by a stupid virus that wiped out all my contacts.
before i could finish typing her email address, msn signed out by itself.
i see that as 天意. hahaha...
so, i didn't add.
sometimes, there's this unknown force that ppl believes arranges the happenings in our lives. different religions, yet similar in beliefs. just that it diverges out.
i too, like to believe that someone, somewhere, is actually handling all these events. who will we meet? when will opportunities come?
but i also would like to believe that this someone, is only incharge of these things only. whether something would succeed, would very much depends on oneself.
if such a person, or a being really exist, i think he/she is so busy managing these 'chances', that he/she won't even have a life of his/her own. haha..
as i read more external books, together with my psych texts, it becomes more and more obvious that humans have the tendency to see things in a much simpler way. we refused, or perhaps, don't possess the skills to look beyond certain things. at least most of us in most of the things. like the happenings around us that we attribute to the unknown force, like the apparent truth that is only a by-product of the real deal... like so many other things, that we have failed to look deeper, search harder. satisfied with just a simple explanation, or, with even searching for a simpler one. things ain't usually simple, if anyone has ever realized. they just ain't. the real life isn't like the problem sums that you spent hours on doing when you're in school, it's just so many things/factors to look at.
when the truth is just the apparent truth, would you search for the truth or just be satisfied with the obvious?
it got lost during the last time when i got attacked by a stupid virus that wiped out all my contacts.
before i could finish typing her email address, msn signed out by itself.
i see that as 天意. hahaha...
so, i didn't add.
sometimes, there's this unknown force that ppl believes arranges the happenings in our lives. different religions, yet similar in beliefs. just that it diverges out.
i too, like to believe that someone, somewhere, is actually handling all these events. who will we meet? when will opportunities come?
but i also would like to believe that this someone, is only incharge of these things only. whether something would succeed, would very much depends on oneself.
if such a person, or a being really exist, i think he/she is so busy managing these 'chances', that he/she won't even have a life of his/her own. haha..
as i read more external books, together with my psych texts, it becomes more and more obvious that humans have the tendency to see things in a much simpler way. we refused, or perhaps, don't possess the skills to look beyond certain things. at least most of us in most of the things. like the happenings around us that we attribute to the unknown force, like the apparent truth that is only a by-product of the real deal... like so many other things, that we have failed to look deeper, search harder. satisfied with just a simple explanation, or, with even searching for a simpler one. things ain't usually simple, if anyone has ever realized. they just ain't. the real life isn't like the problem sums that you spent hours on doing when you're in school, it's just so many things/factors to look at.
when the truth is just the apparent truth, would you search for the truth or just be satisfied with the obvious?
angry
i got pretty pissed with myself when i couldn't catch up on my korean class. can't understand what my tutor was saying.
felt even more irritated when i realized i've got a lot to catch up on for other modules too.
the emotion lasted the whole afternoon and i got so restless, i went to throw the blood donation stress heart-shaped balls at the wall to let off some steam.
felt even more irritated when i realized i've got a lot to catch up on for other modules too.
the emotion lasted the whole afternoon and i got so restless, i went to throw the blood donation stress heart-shaped balls at the wall to let off some steam.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
reason
i feel like i'm slowly losing my reason to strive.
excellence is no longer a primary goal.
it probably has never been.
it was always someone by my side.
but now, who is.
and now, where can i find someone again.
just now, i lost my heart.
excellence is no longer a primary goal.
it probably has never been.
it was always someone by my side.
but now, who is.
and now, where can i find someone again.
just now, i lost my heart.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
我想我不够爱你
beautiful song.
sentiments of my past alike.
i laugh at my foolishness in which i can't erased from memories.
feel like zZzZz...
had little sleep for the night, while worrying about my paper due tml.
wrote little on my paper last night, while trying to resist the temptation of sleeping.
wrote little on my paper last night, while trying to resist the temptation of sleeping.
Monday, November 15, 2010
mum's injured
mum told me she got injured during the day while moving around in the house. now she got a big swelling on her right leg, seemed kinda serious. couldn't get an appointment today with the sinseh, only tml's evening. haiz.. if i've stayed home today, might not have happened since i can help out a bit on taking care of the 2 kids. pains me to see her limp around the house. don't know how she's gonna take care of the 2 kids tml when the whole family not around.
pains me to see her limp around. perhaps that's how she felt everytime i got injured also. haiz... dad brought up the issue of giving up one of the kids. i agreed too. it's becoming too tedious for mum to take care of a baby and a toddler.
was planning to stay late in sch tml to do up my report, maybe should come home early. btw, my report is only 1/8 done. haha.. so slow. i spent the whole day in the library doing only that few paragraphs. wtheck loh.
pains me to see her limp around. perhaps that's how she felt everytime i got injured also. haiz... dad brought up the issue of giving up one of the kids. i agreed too. it's becoming too tedious for mum to take care of a baby and a toddler.
was planning to stay late in sch tml to do up my report, maybe should come home early. btw, my report is only 1/8 done. haha.. so slow. i spent the whole day in the library doing only that few paragraphs. wtheck loh.
different field, different purity
kinda described about how my interests evolved over time since the start of my schooling 'career'. maths was my favourite, still is actually. but was the only subject i love in primary sch. when i got to sec, the only thing that relates most to maths was physics. i did pretty well, perhaps that's why i came to like it. through the theories of physics, i began to get more interested in the chemistry of elements. biology... hmm... might have been more interested if i took it during jc. but it got interesting when i entered college to major in psychology. sociology next? haha..
break up?
seriously, i don't know how i almost always associate the negative emotions of others with relationship problems.
but thru observations, i can only conclude that much without asking. don't feel like asking too, since we're not that close anyway. but if there's actually anything, she's a strong and cheerful girl, will take care of herself i believe.
"and thus we are friends"
today's the first day i skipped class for this sem. went to the woodlands lib to focuz on my DID report. was hoping to find relevant books on the disorder but no... the lib doesn't have such specific topics. i wished i was in sch without the travelling. haiz...
2 main controversy on DID that i found out which is quite interesting. whether is it a split personality or just an alter of consciousness, and whether is it on a continuum or there exists a significant difference btw the pathological and non-pathological dissociation.
in other words, is daydreaming, though non-pathological, significantly different from sybil's assumed condition of DID? blah blah blah.. i think i phrased it wrongly. but, wtheck, my mind is filled with all kinds of information that i want to write in my report but just don't know where and how to start.
library's a great place to study. just too cold. i wonder if there's a open area library, on high grounds with cool breeze all day, or by the beach with the sea breeze blowing and hot babes in bikinis suntanning while studying biology in which i can use the excuse of observing anatomy while eyeing them.
not making sense here. go go report-writing.
but thru observations, i can only conclude that much without asking. don't feel like asking too, since we're not that close anyway. but if there's actually anything, she's a strong and cheerful girl, will take care of herself i believe.
"and thus we are friends"
today's the first day i skipped class for this sem. went to the woodlands lib to focuz on my DID report. was hoping to find relevant books on the disorder but no... the lib doesn't have such specific topics. i wished i was in sch without the travelling. haiz...
2 main controversy on DID that i found out which is quite interesting. whether is it a split personality or just an alter of consciousness, and whether is it on a continuum or there exists a significant difference btw the pathological and non-pathological dissociation.
in other words, is daydreaming, though non-pathological, significantly different from sybil's assumed condition of DID? blah blah blah.. i think i phrased it wrongly. but, wtheck, my mind is filled with all kinds of information that i want to write in my report but just don't know where and how to start.
library's a great place to study. just too cold. i wonder if there's a open area library, on high grounds with cool breeze all day, or by the beach with the sea breeze blowing and hot babes in bikinis suntanning while studying biology in which i can use the excuse of observing anatomy while eyeing them.
not making sense here. go go report-writing.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
drained out
i'm feeling pretty drained out from finishing '1 litre of tears' again, with the special episode. and i just wasted the whole day not doing my report again, which i've not even started anything, even reading or finding research to read. haiz.
1 litre of tears (Episode 9)
她的话，让你无言以对吗？
it was a great scene towards the end of the episode. the confession was touching. the determination of the sis too.
it was a great scene towards the end of the episode. the confession was touching. the determination of the sis too.
something that made me laughed
was reading up on sgforums and came across this post by someone who was confused by a female friend's action. they are very good friends at the moment, even though he was rejected once by her.
anyway, what's funny was that one of the sgforumers commented that there's no harm checking with her another time on the matter. 'like refreshing webpage liddat.' haha.. didn't really thought of that before.
anyway, what's funny was that one of the sgforumers commented that there's no harm checking with her another time on the matter. 'like refreshing webpage liddat.' haha.. didn't really thought of that before.
Friday, November 12, 2010
1 litre of tears (continued...)
didn't want to do anything this evening, so decided to continue on my second time of watching 1 litre of tears. it doesn't matter if one knows the story ahead, or perhaps watched the drama a hundred times. i believe, you will still be touched by the scenes, the story, the character, the courage of that teenage girl.
there was a scene i particularly liked. the guy was wheeling the girl along the bridge where they first met. it was after a cruel discussion of how the girl's condition is badly affecting the class and she happened to overhear it. in despair, the guy broke down saying that he wasn't able to do anything for her. she thanked him for always staying by her side. in the midst of the sudden snow flakes, she wheeled herself away. when the guy saw this, he quickly went over to hold and handles and wanted to help her push. in a quick yet painful response, she said, 'byebye'. this causes the guy to feel even worse.
i like this scene becuz it shows the determination of the girl and also protrays fully the helplessness that the guy felt. the last 'byebye' was a sign that she didn't want the guy to help her, anymore. for she felt, she has troubled her friends enough already, and it was time for her to be more independent.
i don't think i will ever get tired to watching this drama.
there was a scene i particularly liked. the guy was wheeling the girl along the bridge where they first met. it was after a cruel discussion of how the girl's condition is badly affecting the class and she happened to overhear it. in despair, the guy broke down saying that he wasn't able to do anything for her. she thanked him for always staying by her side. in the midst of the sudden snow flakes, she wheeled herself away. when the guy saw this, he quickly went over to hold and handles and wanted to help her push. in a quick yet painful response, she said, 'byebye'. this causes the guy to feel even worse.
i like this scene becuz it shows the determination of the girl and also protrays fully the helplessness that the guy felt. the last 'byebye' was a sign that she didn't want the guy to help her, anymore. for she felt, she has troubled her friends enough already, and it was time for her to be more independent.
i don't think i will ever get tired to watching this drama.
ya kun for dinner -_-
sis smsed me and told me mum didn't cook. she has been sick for the past few days, quite glad that she didn't tire herself out by cooking, although she made the effort of frying the bacon i bought which i'm too lazy to do anything with and some eggs in the morning for breakfast becuz i mentioned i want to eat something for breakfast. haha.. my parents, they don't say 'i care for you'. they just simply do it. 부모님자 사랑해요.
i think i'm better with my korean than jap now. i've quite forgotten all the relevant particles for jap.
anyway, i didn't know what to eat. was strolling around the basement of the damn causeway point with most of its fast food down for renovation... wasn't in the mood of anything, so i just ate ya kun butter sugar set. i was feeling fine until now, i'm hungry.
sometimes, even more so as a psychology major, i have the extreme urge of correcting ppl when they're wrong about certain things. like when one of my friends commented that the article on bilingualism delaying alzheimer's was wrong becuz of her own observation. since i don't have much chance to speak to her, i'll just rant my desire here.
the research may be flawed, but her statement was more so.
first of all, the article mentioned that it delays, nothing more. her observation was that of alzheimer's patients being multi-lingual. doesn't really links cuz how you know these patients didn't have a later onset than those mono-lingual?
second, it was a personal observation. to me, when i know how much effort is put into a research, i think the data would overwrite any personal observation.
alright. done.
i think i'm better with my korean than jap now. i've quite forgotten all the relevant particles for jap.
anyway, i didn't know what to eat. was strolling around the basement of the damn causeway point with most of its fast food down for renovation... wasn't in the mood of anything, so i just ate ya kun butter sugar set. i was feeling fine until now, i'm hungry.
sometimes, even more so as a psychology major, i have the extreme urge of correcting ppl when they're wrong about certain things. like when one of my friends commented that the article on bilingualism delaying alzheimer's was wrong becuz of her own observation. since i don't have much chance to speak to her, i'll just rant my desire here.
the research may be flawed, but her statement was more so.
first of all, the article mentioned that it delays, nothing more. her observation was that of alzheimer's patients being multi-lingual. doesn't really links cuz how you know these patients didn't have a later onset than those mono-lingual?
second, it was a personal observation. to me, when i know how much effort is put into a research, i think the data would overwrite any personal observation.
alright. done.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
daytime parahypnagogia (DPH)
i've been having this the whole day long. defined by wiki as... "spontaneous intrusion of a flash image or dreamlike thought or insight into one's waking consciousness".
thought i was being hardworking by waking up early and sleeping late. quite wrong, i was dozing off during the bio lecture. -_-
so this daytime parahypnagogia are those mini-dreams i have when i'm dozing off. some are quite interesting. but it kinda got awakard when i suddenly had the image of kissing her when i dozed off in the train. it was french-kissing by the way.
lots of deadlines coming~
thought i was being hardworking by waking up early and sleeping late. quite wrong, i was dozing off during the bio lecture. -_-
so this daytime parahypnagogia are those mini-dreams i have when i'm dozing off. some are quite interesting. but it kinda got awakard when i suddenly had the image of kissing her when i dozed off in the train. it was french-kissing by the way.
lots of deadlines coming~
Monday, November 8, 2010
thinking about lyrics in the bathroom
as usual, i like to think about lyrics to sing along in the bathroom and perhaps annoying my neighbours while they're shitting in the process.
and... i forgot what the few lines are already. damn.
你曾经给的爱情 已收回去
我们曾经有过的幸福 已经变成回忆
it's something along those 2 lines.
hmm.. but i think i got the melody wrong.
it's different from the one in the bathroom somehow.
it's better.
korean essay gogogo~!
and... i forgot what the few lines are already. damn.
你曾经给的爱情 已收回去
我们曾经有过的幸福 已经变成回忆
it's something along those 2 lines.
hmm.. but i think i got the melody wrong.
it's different from the one in the bathroom somehow.
it's better.
korean essay gogogo~!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
life
there's a lot of things in life which you can't simply observe and then say you understand. you don't. these things can't be understood by merely standing by the side and looking at what or how the things are. you simply can't. the only way to fully appreciate it is to go through it yourself. then through your own eyes, your own thoughts, your own feelings, do you feel what it's like.
~thoughts from 1リットルの涙
~thoughts from 1リットルの涙
tears
have been getting teary eyes for the past 5 hours, crying occasionally becuz i just couldn't hold it in. even my heart aches badly.
~1リットルの涙
~1リットルの涙
monopoly deal
2 straight nights of monopoly deal till 3+ in the morning.
it's tiring.
i'm still trying to start my momentum of doing my projects and assignments.
it's tiring.
i'm still trying to start my momentum of doing my projects and assignments.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
【男人必看】大部分男生都是这样失去女朋友的
追求的时候当人家是宝，永远保持着最好的一面...
刚到手的时候疼人家到骨子里去，每天给她打十几个电话，发几十条信息，她说什么你都铭记在心， 想吃什么、想买什么、想去哪里你都会尽全力去满足，温柔体贴无微不至，巴不得二十四个小时都能跟她呆在一起；一开始总是包容的，就算她的生活习惯与你不同 也会努力的调试配合，一切一切都是美好的...
久了，腻了！每天别说几十个电话，就连1个电话都懒得打，打电话时只说具体情况，把那些觉得无关要紧的“情趣”话都省了；信息就更不用说了，她发10条你回有一半你就觉得你回的已经够多了，就连她打电话给你你都觉得她啰嗦！
你不会再为她想吃早点而早早起床，你不会再为她排队买她想要东西，你不会专门请假带她去她想去的地方，你会觉得她什么事都依赖着你，让你觉得她麻烦事特多！
接着你会发现她的缺点越来越多，她的优点快被她的缺点掩盖，你快忍无可忍！
最后，厌了！潇洒的用“分手吧！”一句简单的言语结束了复杂的感情；或耗着等着，直到有一天她受不了忽冷忽热或若即若离的态度自己选择离开，你还可以说是她自己离你而去，你没有负心...
男人，你记不记得你曾经说过：“我永远都会对你这么好，一辈子都这样爱着你宠着你！”
不是她麻烦事特多，是你一开始就说得做得太到位，才会让她依赖上你！
你记不记得你曾经说过：“不管多晚，睡不着都可以打电话给我，我的手机24小时都为你开机！”
那你又嫌她不体贴，白天工作的时候打电话打扰到你，辛苦了一天晚上要睡觉了她还缠着你不肯挂线。
是谁让她养成何时何地想打电话给你就打电话给你的习惯？
她无理取闹那是因为从某一个时间段你的态度变了，你开始冷落她了；让她觉得没了安全感，由使她起疑心！不是她不信任你，不给你空间，而是她爱你，在乎你，用尽所有时间去关心你，你的生活细微改变都牵扯着她的情绪！
她脾气不好那是因为她有很多时候知道了很多事情，但你不说，她都选择沉默，在一直沉默；积压到一定的时间她们就会爆发心中的所有怨气；要知道，这一些都不是她脾气不好，是你不够细心发觉，她们是一直积压下来的！
她不再跟以前一样动人当初是谁说不喜欢她每天变化多端像只花蝴蝶，是谁说喜欢她素颜的清纯模样？
虽说喜新厌旧是人性，除了毛主席跟古董以外，什么东西看久了都会审美疲劳；但她不是东西，她是个活生生有着感情的人！
你不再给她答案，不再给她承诺，不希望你以后做不到让这些答案跟承诺变成谎言那你以前又给她那么多答案，给她那么多承诺，现在为自己铺好后路可以前承诺过的叫她怎么忘记？
女人不怕诺言没实现，怕的是你承诺了又不去实现，最后实不实现是另一个问题！
你忙，你没时间没精力讨好她，你不知道她现在在想什么？
那你以前不忙吗？你以前是不是就把全部时间用来讨好她而不用工作？
那你以前怎么都那么细心观察她在想什么？
你觉得你们不配，你不想她再浪费感情在这段没结果的爱情上
那你一开始追她干嘛？做实验啊？她都已经浪费这么多感情了，你当感情是水龙头啊，说开就开说关就关！
对，这一切都是你给自己找的借口！
别以为换个女朋友就可以永远摆脱那种感情暗淡时期，因为不久的将来你还是得回到这种时光，下个女朋友也是，下下个女朋友也是，下下下个女朋友也是，有种你一辈子不谈恋爱不结婚...
男人们，看完了回想一下你们的那段美好时光，趁现在没有人偷偷想想是不是你们给自己找借口了？
那个以前深爱的女人现在就那么不值得你爱了么？别说你瞎了狗眼以前才会跟她在一起，因为你没瞎，也请不要侮辱到狗！
后悔分手的赶快努力从新追回来，以后用心经营着共有的感情！
其实女人要的很简单，只想要一个爱自己男人就够了...
想要分手的考虑清楚，并不是每段感情都可以挽回的！
考虑太久也不行，因为她们可以忍耐你冷落她一段时间，但不会一辈子傻下去；她们再怎么傻，也会给自己一个 时间段，去忍受你的冷落，去相信你的爱；但时间一到，她们会毫不犹豫的离开，到那时再多的甜言蜜语都没有用了，因为这世界上没有谁离开谁就活不了！
恋爱中的，好好珍惜现在那个愿意照顾你，体谅你，愿意陪你承担风雨的傻女人吧！
过了这个村，或许就没这个店了...
到时间结婚的就结婚吧，不要再拖拖拉拉婆婆妈妈；结婚证一领就像买了保险，至少心里都有底了...
爱情，就像煮粥！滚烫的时候加点配料它就是够火候又有滋有味的；等到忘记关火煮焦了的时候，你闻都不想闻它甚至你连锅都想把它扔了...
看好你的火吧..
男人们，看完了回想一下你们的那段美好时光..
那个以前深爱的女人.. ^^
saw this sharing from fb, thought i'll just note it down somewhere.
got me wondering, 是她负我，还是我负她？
anyway, the last 2 days i met some sec school mates on the train when i was going back home. w.sheng and c.xiang. chatted on the way back, nice conversations i should say. and it's always make the ride home more pleasant than usual.
well, there's no strike 3, didn't meet anyone on the train today. one of the reason i think travelling on public transport is better than car. other than the rare chances of seeing ppl you know, you get to see other interesting things also.
刚到手的时候疼人家到骨子里去，每天给她打十几个电话，发几十条信息，她说什么你都铭记在心， 想吃什么、想买什么、想去哪里你都会尽全力去满足，温柔体贴无微不至，巴不得二十四个小时都能跟她呆在一起；一开始总是包容的，就算她的生活习惯与你不同 也会努力的调试配合，一切一切都是美好的...
久了，腻了！每天别说几十个电话，就连1个电话都懒得打，打电话时只说具体情况，把那些觉得无关要紧的“情趣”话都省了；信息就更不用说了，她发10条你回有一半你就觉得你回的已经够多了，就连她打电话给你你都觉得她啰嗦！
你不会再为她想吃早点而早早起床，你不会再为她排队买她想要东西，你不会专门请假带她去她想去的地方，你会觉得她什么事都依赖着你，让你觉得她麻烦事特多！
接着你会发现她的缺点越来越多，她的优点快被她的缺点掩盖，你快忍无可忍！
最后，厌了！潇洒的用“分手吧！”一句简单的言语结束了复杂的感情；或耗着等着，直到有一天她受不了忽冷忽热或若即若离的态度自己选择离开，你还可以说是她自己离你而去，你没有负心...
男人，你记不记得你曾经说过：“我永远都会对你这么好，一辈子都这样爱着你宠着你！”
不是她麻烦事特多，是你一开始就说得做得太到位，才会让她依赖上你！
你记不记得你曾经说过：“不管多晚，睡不着都可以打电话给我，我的手机24小时都为你开机！”
那你又嫌她不体贴，白天工作的时候打电话打扰到你，辛苦了一天晚上要睡觉了她还缠着你不肯挂线。
是谁让她养成何时何地想打电话给你就打电话给你的习惯？
她无理取闹那是因为从某一个时间段你的态度变了，你开始冷落她了；让她觉得没了安全感，由使她起疑心！不是她不信任你，不给你空间，而是她爱你，在乎你，用尽所有时间去关心你，你的生活细微改变都牵扯着她的情绪！
她脾气不好那是因为她有很多时候知道了很多事情，但你不说，她都选择沉默，在一直沉默；积压到一定的时间她们就会爆发心中的所有怨气；要知道，这一些都不是她脾气不好，是你不够细心发觉，她们是一直积压下来的！
她不再跟以前一样动人当初是谁说不喜欢她每天变化多端像只花蝴蝶，是谁说喜欢她素颜的清纯模样？
虽说喜新厌旧是人性，除了毛主席跟古董以外，什么东西看久了都会审美疲劳；但她不是东西，她是个活生生有着感情的人！
你不再给她答案，不再给她承诺，不希望你以后做不到让这些答案跟承诺变成谎言那你以前又给她那么多答案，给她那么多承诺，现在为自己铺好后路可以前承诺过的叫她怎么忘记？
女人不怕诺言没实现，怕的是你承诺了又不去实现，最后实不实现是另一个问题！
你忙，你没时间没精力讨好她，你不知道她现在在想什么？
那你以前不忙吗？你以前是不是就把全部时间用来讨好她而不用工作？
那你以前怎么都那么细心观察她在想什么？
你觉得你们不配，你不想她再浪费感情在这段没结果的爱情上
那你一开始追她干嘛？做实验啊？她都已经浪费这么多感情了，你当感情是水龙头啊，说开就开说关就关！
对，这一切都是你给自己找的借口！
别以为换个女朋友就可以永远摆脱那种感情暗淡时期，因为不久的将来你还是得回到这种时光，下个女朋友也是，下下个女朋友也是，下下下个女朋友也是，有种你一辈子不谈恋爱不结婚...
男人们，看完了回想一下你们的那段美好时光，趁现在没有人偷偷想想是不是你们给自己找借口了？
那个以前深爱的女人现在就那么不值得你爱了么？别说你瞎了狗眼以前才会跟她在一起，因为你没瞎，也请不要侮辱到狗！
后悔分手的赶快努力从新追回来，以后用心经营着共有的感情！
其实女人要的很简单，只想要一个爱自己男人就够了...
想要分手的考虑清楚，并不是每段感情都可以挽回的！
考虑太久也不行，因为她们可以忍耐你冷落她一段时间，但不会一辈子傻下去；她们再怎么傻，也会给自己一个 时间段，去忍受你的冷落，去相信你的爱；但时间一到，她们会毫不犹豫的离开，到那时再多的甜言蜜语都没有用了，因为这世界上没有谁离开谁就活不了！
恋爱中的，好好珍惜现在那个愿意照顾你，体谅你，愿意陪你承担风雨的傻女人吧！
过了这个村，或许就没这个店了...
到时间结婚的就结婚吧，不要再拖拖拉拉婆婆妈妈；结婚证一领就像买了保险，至少心里都有底了...
爱情，就像煮粥！滚烫的时候加点配料它就是够火候又有滋有味的；等到忘记关火煮焦了的时候，你闻都不想闻它甚至你连锅都想把它扔了...
看好你的火吧..
男人们，看完了回想一下你们的那段美好时光..
那个以前深爱的女人.. ^^
saw this sharing from fb, thought i'll just note it down somewhere.
got me wondering, 是她负我，还是我负她？
anyway, the last 2 days i met some sec school mates on the train when i was going back home. w.sheng and c.xiang. chatted on the way back, nice conversations i should say. and it's always make the ride home more pleasant than usual.
well, there's no strike 3, didn't meet anyone on the train today. one of the reason i think travelling on public transport is better than car. other than the rare chances of seeing ppl you know, you get to see other interesting things also.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
happy birthday you
well, i'm 23rd.
cut my hair yesterday, no longer a need to comb my hair. nice.
a belated happy birthday to nik, who's still going thru a tough time doing project.
an early happy birthday to h.ying, who was the first to wish me. same as last year.
poh once told me what does it matter if my birthday is just adjacent to others, it's not like it's the same or matter to the others.
but i just found it comforting, very comforting in fact, that someone, would alway remember my birthday.
i don't require a huge party to celebrate. or rather, i hate huge party. as long as you remember it, i already feel blessed. and this seemed like it's not gonna change.
got the one and only birthday present, from my dear dad.
he came into the room without me realizing becuz i was so engrossed in playing my hitting-arrows-along-with-the-beat-of-the-melody game and handed me a red packet, with wishes from him. =)
our family is a very special family. we like to keep things to ourselves. we like to do things behind each others' back and don't tell them until they ask. not bad things, it's always good things. and somethings when that person don't appreciate it, he/she won't hold back the displease, but still shows appreciation.
we hardly ever say thank you or sorry, except for trivial stuffs like helping to buy dinner, move stuffs, etc etc. i don't really know what's the situation in other typical asian, chinese families, but it's happening strangely in mine. i grew up with that particular period of memory that i refused to say sorry to my mum becuz of some stupid argument, and she decided until then she won't even care about my well-being. true enough, she only cooked for me. i had to do everything else myself. washing was a tiring part of that. after 1 week of tiring myself out becuz of a little ego at the young age of 12, i wrote a note saying... "妈，对不起。力勤” or was it “...儿上”. after that, everything went back to normal.
so when my dad came with the hongbao, i didn't say anything. i choked. maybe it's the trait that runs in my family. when we want to say sincere words, especially when it's very truthful and to a closed/loved ones, we choked. or is it because we think that becuz we're so close, there's no need for thanks and sorry. we empathsize, we understand.
i'm just using this as an excuse the next time i choked on my words when confessing my feelings. haha.. may the future/next girl that i fancy read this and empathsize my shortcoming. can we just get together without saying a word abt it? can we get married without having a proposal?
becuz words are overrated for me.
people have better chances understanding by at looking at my eyes.
someone's birthday on 13th nov, i can't rmb who. but at least i know it's a girl. haha.. i'm particular sensitive/receptive to females borned in the month of nov, or being scorpios. interesting. i always believed part of the horoscopic descriptions and analysis, even though science can't prove it. it's something like... science can't prove the existence of gods, yet many still choose to believe. well, i believe i'm a sneaky scorpion with a poisonous sting hanging in midway to strike my foes, hiding the dark and observing my preys, creep up and scare the hell out of them, watch them scramble with the 'ahh~~!!!' look on their face, catch up to them, and eat them.
too dark? hmm.. maybe i'll just be the phoenix. die, rebirth. die again, rebirth. so much fun. i can tell other birds how they will feel when they are dying, but will never live again to tell the tale.
often i get frightened on the thoughts of myself dying, stop breathing. i just convinced myself it's just like a permanent blackout. so probably the last thought is gonna be something like... "it's so hard to breathe. oh, i think i'm dy....". yup. and i have a weird idea to ask ppl to partake in an experiment to see what do you feel when you're dying. when they say gone in peace, is it realy peaceful? but dead man can't talk, so i planned to ask them to memorise a set of rules for different feelings. like 1 is pain, 2 is very pain, 3 is just let me die. fingers ought to show it.
the reason that i keep babbling on is that i'm reluctant to return to my presentation due on thursday. oh, and i just realized i'm left with 30min of my birthday. so, birthday resolutions. haha..
23rd birthday resolutions:
1) smile when i see pretty girls instead of just staring at them/breasts
2) read up on pseudopsycho therapies (someday i'm gonna learn how to hypnotize vulnerable girls and ask them to say i'm cute or something)
3) less self-centered, becuz i always realize my words/actions are so self-centered
4) travel~! at least to 1 country alone, or with someone. i don't mind a female. or, i prefer a female. haha.. it just sad to pay the entire cab fare by yourself. yet, i don't wanna travel in a big pack. 2 is enough. i'll bring the condoms tan bought for me eons ago, just in case.
5) facial care. something has to be done with my face condition, something serious.
6) dental care! my teeth is straight, yet slightly and turning more yellowish. i remembered the air force dentist telling me that i've got 2 holes to fill and told me to visit after i'm bcak from AGC. after i failed AGC, i just hecked. it's been... 3 years. haha.. wtheck.
7) thoughts-writing. did i mention this before? i plan to carry a small notebook with a small pencil and write down my small random thoughts on the streets with my small handwriting. i realized a lot of good thoughts just come and go. some interesting ones too. and some, are inspirations for chinese lyrics, or phrase. some, are just to note things like... "i think i can see that girl's nipple showing. maybe the mrt aircon's too cold"
8) terrapin tank. dear wu gui has been with me for over 9 years now. a birthday gift from a few of the female classmates back then. it's been too long since i wanted to change a new, bigger and more interesting tank for wu gui.
9) dartboard reorganization. with so many holes on my wall, i can't bear to poke a few more with my lousy throwing. going to fix something this holidays.
10) $ - ppl have all sorts of names of money, like moola, which i found quite irritating. but anyway, hopefully i can save up some money and have a positive gain in my bank account. it has been going down very fast since the start of the sem.
i'm tired of writing already. i think i'm ready to face my presentation slides again.
cut my hair yesterday, no longer a need to comb my hair. nice.
a belated happy birthday to nik, who's still going thru a tough time doing project.
an early happy birthday to h.ying, who was the first to wish me. same as last year.
poh once told me what does it matter if my birthday is just adjacent to others, it's not like it's the same or matter to the others.
but i just found it comforting, very comforting in fact, that someone, would alway remember my birthday.
i don't require a huge party to celebrate. or rather, i hate huge party. as long as you remember it, i already feel blessed. and this seemed like it's not gonna change.
got the one and only birthday present, from my dear dad.
he came into the room without me realizing becuz i was so engrossed in playing my hitting-arrows-along-with-the-beat-of-the-melody game and handed me a red packet, with wishes from him. =)
our family is a very special family. we like to keep things to ourselves. we like to do things behind each others' back and don't tell them until they ask. not bad things, it's always good things. and somethings when that person don't appreciate it, he/she won't hold back the displease, but still shows appreciation.
we hardly ever say thank you or sorry, except for trivial stuffs like helping to buy dinner, move stuffs, etc etc. i don't really know what's the situation in other typical asian, chinese families, but it's happening strangely in mine. i grew up with that particular period of memory that i refused to say sorry to my mum becuz of some stupid argument, and she decided until then she won't even care about my well-being. true enough, she only cooked for me. i had to do everything else myself. washing was a tiring part of that. after 1 week of tiring myself out becuz of a little ego at the young age of 12, i wrote a note saying... "妈，对不起。力勤” or was it “...儿上”. after that, everything went back to normal.
so when my dad came with the hongbao, i didn't say anything. i choked. maybe it's the trait that runs in my family. when we want to say sincere words, especially when it's very truthful and to a closed/loved ones, we choked. or is it because we think that becuz we're so close, there's no need for thanks and sorry. we empathsize, we understand.
i'm just using this as an excuse the next time i choked on my words when confessing my feelings. haha.. may the future/next girl that i fancy read this and empathsize my shortcoming. can we just get together without saying a word abt it? can we get married without having a proposal?
becuz words are overrated for me.
people have better chances understanding by at looking at my eyes.
someone's birthday on 13th nov, i can't rmb who. but at least i know it's a girl. haha.. i'm particular sensitive/receptive to females borned in the month of nov, or being scorpios. interesting. i always believed part of the horoscopic descriptions and analysis, even though science can't prove it. it's something like... science can't prove the existence of gods, yet many still choose to believe. well, i believe i'm a sneaky scorpion with a poisonous sting hanging in midway to strike my foes, hiding the dark and observing my preys, creep up and scare the hell out of them, watch them scramble with the 'ahh~~!!!' look on their face, catch up to them, and eat them.
too dark? hmm.. maybe i'll just be the phoenix. die, rebirth. die again, rebirth. so much fun. i can tell other birds how they will feel when they are dying, but will never live again to tell the tale.
often i get frightened on the thoughts of myself dying, stop breathing. i just convinced myself it's just like a permanent blackout. so probably the last thought is gonna be something like... "it's so hard to breathe. oh, i think i'm dy....". yup. and i have a weird idea to ask ppl to partake in an experiment to see what do you feel when you're dying. when they say gone in peace, is it realy peaceful? but dead man can't talk, so i planned to ask them to memorise a set of rules for different feelings. like 1 is pain, 2 is very pain, 3 is just let me die. fingers ought to show it.
the reason that i keep babbling on is that i'm reluctant to return to my presentation due on thursday. oh, and i just realized i'm left with 30min of my birthday. so, birthday resolutions. haha..
23rd birthday resolutions:
1) smile when i see pretty girls instead of just staring at them/breasts
2) read up on pseudopsycho therapies (someday i'm gonna learn how to hypnotize vulnerable girls and ask them to say i'm cute or something)
3) less self-centered, becuz i always realize my words/actions are so self-centered
4) travel~! at least to 1 country alone, or with someone. i don't mind a female. or, i prefer a female. haha.. it just sad to pay the entire cab fare by yourself. yet, i don't wanna travel in a big pack. 2 is enough. i'll bring the condoms tan bought for me eons ago, just in case.
5) facial care. something has to be done with my face condition, something serious.
6) dental care! my teeth is straight, yet slightly and turning more yellowish. i remembered the air force dentist telling me that i've got 2 holes to fill and told me to visit after i'm bcak from AGC. after i failed AGC, i just hecked. it's been... 3 years. haha.. wtheck.
7) thoughts-writing. did i mention this before? i plan to carry a small notebook with a small pencil and write down my small random thoughts on the streets with my small handwriting. i realized a lot of good thoughts just come and go. some interesting ones too. and some, are inspirations for chinese lyrics, or phrase. some, are just to note things like... "i think i can see that girl's nipple showing. maybe the mrt aircon's too cold"
8) terrapin tank. dear wu gui has been with me for over 9 years now. a birthday gift from a few of the female classmates back then. it's been too long since i wanted to change a new, bigger and more interesting tank for wu gui.
9) dartboard reorganization. with so many holes on my wall, i can't bear to poke a few more with my lousy throwing. going to fix something this holidays.
10) $ - ppl have all sorts of names of money, like moola, which i found quite irritating. but anyway, hopefully i can save up some money and have a positive gain in my bank account. it has been going down very fast since the start of the sem.
i'm tired of writing already. i think i'm ready to face my presentation slides again.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
love sequence
first i fall in love with the melody.
then i fall in love with the lyrics.
in the end, i fall i love with her.
then i fall in love with the lyrics.
in the end, i fall i love with her.
love links?
i procrastinating on my desk with my undone presentation slides on dissociative identity disorder (DID, previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD)) while i chance upon the sg love link website. the ads got a nice girl that stays around my area so i thought i'll just check it out. one thing lead to another, i signed up. haha.. it's rather interesting to see if anything would ever come out of this kind of things.
a few observations i've seen through the profiles...
first, attractive females are not shy to grade themselves as attractive. but they will always avoid 'super attractive' to seem humble. i would actually expect more average self-graded attractive females of my age group, but nope.
second, their choices in males are almost always either at the same level of attractiveness as they are, or higher. same goes for weight and height. well it makes every sense for this useless observation. who goes for someone less attractive?
third, i've noticed some ridiculous profiles. "i'm seeking for blah blah blah... and rich." the last part really puts me off. rich. wthell. most probably if i'm rich i won't be commenting on this, but well, i'm not. and that particular profile just gives the vile feeling of just wanting a guy to treat you like a high-grade princess and showers you with diamonds and fancy resturants. yes, she is high-grade material. but i put my bet against her personality wise.
one thing to note, saw my friend on it. hmm... maybe that's how.
i was having fun at the website, enjoying the read on the various profiles of girls my age. and it hits me that different ppl have different stories to tell. not that i just got this realization, but you don't always think about such stuffs while procrastinating on a presentation due next week.
one particular one stood out as i read through the various profiles. she is few years younger than me, but is already a mum of 2 years old. quite pretty i should say. she got me wondering how she's living her life now. at least it shows that she has moved on, probably.
signing up was sort of against my ideal in life. i always thought love requires some work of destiny, natural destiny. not some artifical space-reducing dimension that enables matching of humans. it's gonna be 2 destined ppl that just bumps into each other in the middle of the walk way, their pathway somehow crosses and that's how they got together. i never really got this kind of feeling or thought of love this way before, until i met her back in my early teens. the introduction was kinda magical to me, it seriously feels like lala~ land. haha.. yet, the same goes for the ending. poof~! she's gone. so yup, that was my ideal.
as i must admit, things following that incidental meet-up wasn't so much of destiny but more of a work of mine, plus hers. a growing relationship of any kind don't just bonds with one side. but well, destiny started it. anyway, ever since then, nothing similar has happened to me, not even remotely similar. was it because i was a more extraverted idiot back then than an introverted normal guy right now? haha.. i guess cupid, if they ever exist, kinda gave up on me. or rather, the hands of destiny only screwed me up once by pairing me up with her and that's it. destiny is done screwing with me and decided i should be the one to create my own destiny.
and that's how i justified my sign-up for the website.
and also hoping that something will actually happen.
come on, life. surprise me.
i hate procrastination seriously, it got me writing so much on this blog while my presentation slides remain blank except for titles.
a few observations i've seen through the profiles...
first, attractive females are not shy to grade themselves as attractive. but they will always avoid 'super attractive' to seem humble. i would actually expect more average self-graded attractive females of my age group, but nope.
second, their choices in males are almost always either at the same level of attractiveness as they are, or higher. same goes for weight and height. well it makes every sense for this useless observation. who goes for someone less attractive?
third, i've noticed some ridiculous profiles. "i'm seeking for blah blah blah... and rich." the last part really puts me off. rich. wthell. most probably if i'm rich i won't be commenting on this, but well, i'm not. and that particular profile just gives the vile feeling of just wanting a guy to treat you like a high-grade princess and showers you with diamonds and fancy resturants. yes, she is high-grade material. but i put my bet against her personality wise.
one thing to note, saw my friend on it. hmm... maybe that's how.
i was having fun at the website, enjoying the read on the various profiles of girls my age. and it hits me that different ppl have different stories to tell. not that i just got this realization, but you don't always think about such stuffs while procrastinating on a presentation due next week.
one particular one stood out as i read through the various profiles. she is few years younger than me, but is already a mum of 2 years old. quite pretty i should say. she got me wondering how she's living her life now. at least it shows that she has moved on, probably.
signing up was sort of against my ideal in life. i always thought love requires some work of destiny, natural destiny. not some artifical space-reducing dimension that enables matching of humans. it's gonna be 2 destined ppl that just bumps into each other in the middle of the walk way, their pathway somehow crosses and that's how they got together. i never really got this kind of feeling or thought of love this way before, until i met her back in my early teens. the introduction was kinda magical to me, it seriously feels like lala~ land. haha.. yet, the same goes for the ending. poof~! she's gone. so yup, that was my ideal.
as i must admit, things following that incidental meet-up wasn't so much of destiny but more of a work of mine, plus hers. a growing relationship of any kind don't just bonds with one side. but well, destiny started it. anyway, ever since then, nothing similar has happened to me, not even remotely similar. was it because i was a more extraverted idiot back then than an introverted normal guy right now? haha.. i guess cupid, if they ever exist, kinda gave up on me. or rather, the hands of destiny only screwed me up once by pairing me up with her and that's it. destiny is done screwing with me and decided i should be the one to create my own destiny.
and that's how i justified my sign-up for the website.
and also hoping that something will actually happen.
come on, life. surprise me.
i hate procrastination seriously, it got me writing so much on this blog while my presentation slides remain blank except for titles.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
disappointed
it's been some time, but i still feel that sense of attraction towards a certain girl in my korean class. she has a name that's easy to remember, but i think i only managed to catch it after a few lessons. she knows jap, same as me, but better. it's been too long since i touched any jap. haha.. gonna be more than a year soon, i forgot most of it.
she kinda made me realized that i'm more attracted to females with long straight hair. compared to those with the short, cute hairstyles, i feel that the long hair brings about a higher level of beauty.
i'm usually the thorough and cautious guy, in other words, stupid and gutless. haha... so i tried to run whatever background check i can get my hands on, which is facebook. sadly, i can't find her on it. a desperate attempt to search for her school email address and googling it has failed also. well, too bad then.
i've thought before on just asking her out, maybe for lunch after class or something along that line of thought. but it's just the gutless me. seemed quite random. and i don't like to dress up for school, so i think i don't really attracts much physically for a high chance that that's gonna happen. besides, it'll be too weird if she feels rather unpleasant and awakard about the situation if somehow i went bonkers and ask her out. hmm.. love/like/sense of attraction. i must admit, my confidence ain't high. i don't think it's the rejection part that's keeping me abstain from asking girls out. it's more of the unknown factor.
when i was young, i was scared of the dark.
foolish child, haunted by his own naive imaginations.
when i'm grown up, i became scared of another type of darkness.
restrained by the unknown, trapped within self.
i wondered, for every couple out there, how much courage did it take to ask for a date? a confession? a proposal? a break-up? a patch?
words are weightless as they are spoken or written,
but what people don't realize is that we 'matterized' them.
and when we do give them weight,
they suddenly become a heavy responsibility of the author.
she kinda made me realized that i'm more attracted to females with long straight hair. compared to those with the short, cute hairstyles, i feel that the long hair brings about a higher level of beauty.
i'm usually the thorough and cautious guy, in other words, stupid and gutless. haha... so i tried to run whatever background check i can get my hands on, which is facebook. sadly, i can't find her on it. a desperate attempt to search for her school email address and googling it has failed also. well, too bad then.
i've thought before on just asking her out, maybe for lunch after class or something along that line of thought. but it's just the gutless me. seemed quite random. and i don't like to dress up for school, so i think i don't really attracts much physically for a high chance that that's gonna happen. besides, it'll be too weird if she feels rather unpleasant and awakard about the situation if somehow i went bonkers and ask her out. hmm.. love/like/sense of attraction. i must admit, my confidence ain't high. i don't think it's the rejection part that's keeping me abstain from asking girls out. it's more of the unknown factor.
when i was young, i was scared of the dark.
foolish child, haunted by his own naive imaginations.
when i'm grown up, i became scared of another type of darkness.
restrained by the unknown, trapped within self.
i wondered, for every couple out there, how much courage did it take to ask for a date? a confession? a proposal? a break-up? a patch?
words are weightless as they are spoken or written,
but what people don't realize is that we 'matterized' them.
and when we do give them weight,
they suddenly become a heavy responsibility of the author.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
2e4 BBQ (우리 11th year)
i can't rmb when was the last bbq we has. was it early this year or late last year? haha.. i only rmbed i vomitted. but not this time. i just turned red for hours till i went home -_- which is undesirable also. i looked quite ... with the red face and rashes on my hands.
an overnight event which ended with a breakfast with us playing with alcoholic drinks again. it was rather interesting with the charades. although i kept coming up with idiotic questions. haha... stupid.
anyway, a rather well-done gathering. the first time wx has joined us since we graduated, if i'm not wrong. it was quite the perfect bbq for jing who didn't come. becuz we didn't use butter to cook. reason being, forgot to buy. haha..
last day of recess. time to work a bit.
one sharing on the facebook that i've found...
不爱，不用那么多藉口
其实你说我们不适合，
那是什么意思呢？
是因为我们性格不同，
背景不同的原因吗？
又或者说我太霸道了些？
还不如这样说吧，
其实是因为你不爱我了，
如果我们的性格真的不同，
背景真的不同，
那当初又是谁选择了我呢？
是谁不顾一切想要和我在一起呢？
藉口那么多都没有任何意义了，
因为在你所有的藉口背后，
隐藏着的只是一句话，
那就是“你不爱我了”
那么多的藉口只是不想让我难过，
但你真的太不了解我了，
或许是因为从没认真去了解我吧，
那么多的理由都不会让我好过的，
因为我很清楚那只是藉口，
为什么已经到了背对背离去的关头，
你依旧不肯对我坦诚呢？
如果说只是不想让我太伤心，
那只是你一厢情愿的想法，
我会因为得不到一个真正的答案，
而傻傻地以为你还是爱我的，
我们不过是不适合...
我会对你还抱着那一线的希望，
希望你能够回心转意...
真的没有适合或者不适合的，只有愿意或是不愿意留下的，
如果你是因为一时兴起就爱，觉得不适合就换，在此我会为你这可怜虫祈祷，因为这样的你不配得到真爱...
如果爱情只是靠感觉维持下去，那世上就不会有天长地久 长撕相守那回事了...
你要学会的不止是如何爱一个人，更重要是学会如何去包容一个人...
时间真的会淡化一切
曾经的幸福
忘不了的伤感
到了自己不得不放手的时刻
就已经开始渐渐地化为记忆的碎片
捡不起
只可望着越来越远的妳。
所谓爱过一个人
因已过
才能到达另一边
an overnight event which ended with a breakfast with us playing with alcoholic drinks again. it was rather interesting with the charades. although i kept coming up with idiotic questions. haha... stupid.
anyway, a rather well-done gathering. the first time wx has joined us since we graduated, if i'm not wrong. it was quite the perfect bbq for jing who didn't come. becuz we didn't use butter to cook. reason being, forgot to buy. haha..
last day of recess. time to work a bit.
one sharing on the facebook that i've found...
不爱，不用那么多藉口
其实你说我们不适合，
那是什么意思呢？
是因为我们性格不同，
背景不同的原因吗？
又或者说我太霸道了些？
还不如这样说吧，
其实是因为你不爱我了，
如果我们的性格真的不同，
背景真的不同，
那当初又是谁选择了我呢？
是谁不顾一切想要和我在一起呢？
藉口那么多都没有任何意义了，
因为在你所有的藉口背后，
隐藏着的只是一句话，
那就是“你不爱我了”
那么多的藉口只是不想让我难过，
但你真的太不了解我了，
或许是因为从没认真去了解我吧，
那么多的理由都不会让我好过的，
因为我很清楚那只是藉口，
为什么已经到了背对背离去的关头，
你依旧不肯对我坦诚呢？
如果说只是不想让我太伤心，
那只是你一厢情愿的想法，
我会因为得不到一个真正的答案，
而傻傻地以为你还是爱我的，
我们不过是不适合...
我会对你还抱着那一线的希望，
希望你能够回心转意...
真的没有适合或者不适合的，只有愿意或是不愿意留下的，
如果你是因为一时兴起就爱，觉得不适合就换，在此我会为你这可怜虫祈祷，因为这样的你不配得到真爱...
如果爱情只是靠感觉维持下去，那世上就不会有天长地久 长撕相守那回事了...
你要学会的不止是如何爱一个人，更重要是学会如何去包容一个人...
时间真的会淡化一切
曾经的幸福
忘不了的伤感
到了自己不得不放手的时刻
就已经开始渐渐地化为记忆的碎片
捡不起
只可望着越来越远的妳。
所谓爱过一个人
因已过
才能到达另一边
Thursday, October 21, 2010
仙剑奇侠传
i finished this rather old drama series within 2 days of just sitting infront of my laptop and surfing youtube for the episodes. haha..
this drama came from a popular chinese rpg game with the same name, basically about fantasy martial fighting. it started out rather fast-paced, with the 2 main leads getting married on the first night. but it gets rather draggy later on when the male char forgot about the marriage. still, i appreciated the few side stories and in-depth elaboration of the characters.
what strikes me most about this drama was the sadness that surrounds the plot in the later half of the drama. there was one episode when the 2 decided to break up once and for all, the later that it all went downhill with the emotions. but that particular episode was one of the funniest episode i've seen with regards to other dramas. especially the part at the brothel when 3 guys went drinking 花酒. it was full of hilarious scenes, with the scholar using his 状元令 and ordering those prostitutes to run here and there.
that episode acts as the turning point for the story, if you describe it in mathematics, basically dy/dx = 0, d2y/dx2 = negative. characters start to die off tragically one after another. i saw quite a few comments on the outrage of the audience when the other girl in the love triangle sacrificed herself to save the 2 main leads. i guessed the audience kinda prefered this other girl. perhaps becuz in the middle of the story, it was missing on a lot of interactions btw the main and female lead.
to end it all, the final fight wasn't much exciting. but the sadness just keeps accumulating as only the male lead was the only surivivor of the group of friends. i didn't cry, but somehow i just felt uncomfortable with the all the despair and negativity.
this drama came from a popular chinese rpg game with the same name, basically about fantasy martial fighting. it started out rather fast-paced, with the 2 main leads getting married on the first night. but it gets rather draggy later on when the male char forgot about the marriage. still, i appreciated the few side stories and in-depth elaboration of the characters.
what strikes me most about this drama was the sadness that surrounds the plot in the later half of the drama. there was one episode when the 2 decided to break up once and for all, the later that it all went downhill with the emotions. but that particular episode was one of the funniest episode i've seen with regards to other dramas. especially the part at the brothel when 3 guys went drinking 花酒. it was full of hilarious scenes, with the scholar using his 状元令 and ordering those prostitutes to run here and there.
that episode acts as the turning point for the story, if you describe it in mathematics, basically dy/dx = 0, d2y/dx2 = negative. characters start to die off tragically one after another. i saw quite a few comments on the outrage of the audience when the other girl in the love triangle sacrificed herself to save the 2 main leads. i guessed the audience kinda prefered this other girl. perhaps becuz in the middle of the story, it was missing on a lot of interactions btw the main and female lead.
to end it all, the final fight wasn't much exciting. but the sadness just keeps accumulating as only the male lead was the only surivivor of the group of friends. i didn't cry, but somehow i just felt uncomfortable with the all the despair and negativity.
Monday, October 18, 2010
.
sometimes i realized i'm lonely.
so, i convinced myself it's okay.
it's normal.
but it doesn't work all the time.
the heart doesn't care about what the mind reasons.
when you're sad, it's just ...
so, i convinced myself it's okay.
it's normal.
but it doesn't work all the time.
the heart doesn't care about what the mind reasons.
when you're sad, it's just ...
Friday, October 15, 2010
i have quite a ~ life.
it dawned on me today, again, that my life is somewhat ~.
by ~, it's rather smoothflowing.
stories told today by both of them, especially m's, came to me as some unique experience. although undesirable, but negative events do help one to grow. what doesn't kills you make you stronger? maybe this sentence has more truth than i actually thought. other times, what doesn't kills you, might just be a trick to weaken you before giving the final blow. ha.
so dull a life.
that's why i thought of travelling.
so poor a man though.
that's why i just use the internet instead.
by ~, it's rather smoothflowing.
stories told today by both of them, especially m's, came to me as some unique experience. although undesirable, but negative events do help one to grow. what doesn't kills you make you stronger? maybe this sentence has more truth than i actually thought. other times, what doesn't kills you, might just be a trick to weaken you before giving the final blow. ha.
so dull a life.
that's why i thought of travelling.
so poor a man though.
that's why i just use the internet instead.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
generating lyrics
it's been quite some since these few lines of lyrics stuck with me.
再过不久 我会忘了
你的笑容 已模糊了
我们的事 不想记得
但是心里还是恋着你
this was sort of the chorus part, supposed to follow a slow melody.
我答应过自己要忘记你
忘了所有 有你的记忆
快乐的 悲伤的 统统删去
不留痕迹 忘了你
i'm thinking the starting can get something like this, but it's hard to follow through with the lyrics and also no idea how to link the melody for both.
maybe i do some work on it during recess next week.
haha.. those words looked promising to me.
yes, the thought of becoming a lyrics writer have came upon me before. haha.. lots of dreams when you're young eh.
再过不久 我会忘了
你的笑容 已模糊了
我们的事 不想记得
但是心里还是恋着你
this was sort of the chorus part, supposed to follow a slow melody.
我答应过自己要忘记你
忘了所有 有你的记忆
快乐的 悲伤的 统统删去
不留痕迹 忘了你
i'm thinking the starting can get something like this, but it's hard to follow through with the lyrics and also no idea how to link the melody for both.
maybe i do some work on it during recess next week.
haha.. those words looked promising to me.
yes, the thought of becoming a lyrics writer have came upon me before. haha.. lots of dreams when you're young eh.
Monday, October 11, 2010
generic
i would like to believe that it's attractive when someone smile.
but the fact remains that attractive, is a quantitative/continuous variable, which doesn't ends up in a yes/no answer.
a terrible nosebleed in the morning.
my bed now has 2 mattress, it's pretty high now.
it's like back to when i first move into my current room, and i thought my bed then was high for a 8 year old kid.
i still hate the fact that i'm still thinking about those moments that made me smile.
one of the greatest fault of humans, is that our memories are too good.
also one of our greatest gift.
but the fact remains that attractive, is a quantitative/continuous variable, which doesn't ends up in a yes/no answer.
a terrible nosebleed in the morning.
my bed now has 2 mattress, it's pretty high now.
it's like back to when i first move into my current room, and i thought my bed then was high for a 8 year old kid.
i still hate the fact that i'm still thinking about those moments that made me smile.
one of the greatest fault of humans, is that our memories are too good.
also one of our greatest gift.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
剑雨
just watched this movie.
there's one phrase worth mentioning...
我愿化身石桥，受那五百年风吹，五百年日晒，五百年雨淋，只求她从桥上经过。
such love, stupid in modern sense.
there's one phrase worth mentioning...
我愿化身石桥，受那五百年风吹，五百年日晒，五百年雨淋，只求她从桥上经过。
such love, stupid in modern sense.
Friday, October 8, 2010
in school
i always told, or maybe gives the impression that school was rather boring for me.
but as it is, it's always pleasant to see someone familiar, or to have some weird conversation.
yesterday i went to lesson early and met her in the lobby sitting down and reading her paper. so i went over and chatted for a while before class.
today during clinical, we tried role-playing listener-storyteller again. this time, all 3 of us talked about troubles regarding friendships. somehow the discussion dragged on and we discussed more on methods to commmit suicide than therapy-related stuffs. concluded on the fact that before one attempts to commit suicide thru a peaceful death, sleeping pills are essential.
after class, saw an old acquaintance while going home. she struck me as a rather studious and diligent girl from before when we were chionging our maths project days before the deadline while one of the ah tiong bo chup the whole thing, lucky the other helped a bit. we talked for a while till our paths parted. she talked about whether psychology majors study on the interpretation of dreams. interesting topic, one of my first contacts with psychology before i actually signed up and did 2 years of it. she mentioned that she previously had recurring dreams; or rather nightmares.
before, it was the chasing type of dreams. she constantly dreamed that she was being chased by something and she was running away from it. she didn't seem sure what was it, sometimes it was water, monster, etc.
currently, it is a dream of murder. she would dream that she had already murdered someone (unknown btw) and is hiding from the authorities that are checking up on the case.
a lot of thoughts came into my mind. possible reasons why this kind of dreams occur. fear of something, guilt of something. these are just speculations. but even after speculations, there need be a specific target. fear of what? guilty of what? murder signifies kill, but on a deeper sense, kill can means a more extreme manifestation of removal. killing a part of yourself can just translate to getting rid of an old habit. then even after that, what to do? how to solve?
few days back during my child psychopathology tutorial i kinda made a fool of myself when i tried to relate sigmund freud psychoanalytic developmental theory to a diagnosis to be done with DSM. then after that, perhaps after my ego takes over, i felt the more foolish one was with DSM. yes, everything gotta be scientific. but at the moment, everything's still not settled. what if the problem is better solved with freud theories? jung's? perhaps advocates of maslow could chip in? the mysteries of the mind may just remains as it is until the end of time. i kinda believe so, or want to believe, that no one possibly in this world, could ever find an answer to the mind. for the mind relates to all kinds of things, and most importantly, love. and if an answer can be found, imagine the chaos it will cost to the world.
where's the thrill in love when you know how it works?
it's like you're being raped of your virginity, without even having one.
but as it is, it's always pleasant to see someone familiar, or to have some weird conversation.
yesterday i went to lesson early and met her in the lobby sitting down and reading her paper. so i went over and chatted for a while before class.
today during clinical, we tried role-playing listener-storyteller again. this time, all 3 of us talked about troubles regarding friendships. somehow the discussion dragged on and we discussed more on methods to commmit suicide than therapy-related stuffs. concluded on the fact that before one attempts to commit suicide thru a peaceful death, sleeping pills are essential.
after class, saw an old acquaintance while going home. she struck me as a rather studious and diligent girl from before when we were chionging our maths project days before the deadline while one of the ah tiong bo chup the whole thing, lucky the other helped a bit. we talked for a while till our paths parted. she talked about whether psychology majors study on the interpretation of dreams. interesting topic, one of my first contacts with psychology before i actually signed up and did 2 years of it. she mentioned that she previously had recurring dreams; or rather nightmares.
before, it was the chasing type of dreams. she constantly dreamed that she was being chased by something and she was running away from it. she didn't seem sure what was it, sometimes it was water, monster, etc.
currently, it is a dream of murder. she would dream that she had already murdered someone (unknown btw) and is hiding from the authorities that are checking up on the case.
a lot of thoughts came into my mind. possible reasons why this kind of dreams occur. fear of something, guilt of something. these are just speculations. but even after speculations, there need be a specific target. fear of what? guilty of what? murder signifies kill, but on a deeper sense, kill can means a more extreme manifestation of removal. killing a part of yourself can just translate to getting rid of an old habit. then even after that, what to do? how to solve?
few days back during my child psychopathology tutorial i kinda made a fool of myself when i tried to relate sigmund freud psychoanalytic developmental theory to a diagnosis to be done with DSM. then after that, perhaps after my ego takes over, i felt the more foolish one was with DSM. yes, everything gotta be scientific. but at the moment, everything's still not settled. what if the problem is better solved with freud theories? jung's? perhaps advocates of maslow could chip in? the mysteries of the mind may just remains as it is until the end of time. i kinda believe so, or want to believe, that no one possibly in this world, could ever find an answer to the mind. for the mind relates to all kinds of things, and most importantly, love. and if an answer can be found, imagine the chaos it will cost to the world.
where's the thrill in love when you know how it works?
it's like you're being raped of your virginity, without even having one.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
starting to hate this feeling
it may be quite a sad fact but there have been numerous times in which i found myself being attracted to others but somehow just didn't bother to do anything about it. it's often the case that i didn't think i was good enough for someone who is having such an eventful life at the moment. college life can be full of activities, and yet i'm just a wandering soul in my campus.
but it's not that i don't have the potential to hype up my life.
i rather believe that i have lots of it stored.
just that this latent energy hasn't been 'kineticalized' yet.
i also believe anyone has this kind of potential.
everyone is capable of bringing some excitement into their own life.
sometimes their sex life.
i hate my lazy self.
i hate being attracted to others when i don't feel like doing anything abt it.
it's like i'm missing an opportunity.
damn heart.
but it's not that i don't have the potential to hype up my life.
i rather believe that i have lots of it stored.
just that this latent energy hasn't been 'kineticalized' yet.
i also believe anyone has this kind of potential.
everyone is capable of bringing some excitement into their own life.
sometimes their sex life.
i hate my lazy self.
i hate being attracted to others when i don't feel like doing anything abt it.
it's like i'm missing an opportunity.
damn heart.
Monday, October 4, 2010
a refreshing thought
when i was on my way from buying back dinner for my family, i had a rather refreshing idea as i walked fairly fast through the carpark.
i have always wanted another me.
with that, i literally mean another person, who looks like me, thinks like me, acts like me, sees like me. basically, a double.
why?
i believed my very first reason for this is i can simulate fighting.
when i first experienced the adrenaline-flowing (or epinephrine) blows-exchanging arena, i somehow got hooked. i actually wished to go through my close combat training again. just because we get to fight each other with a big wooden bolster for a few minutes, which half-way through, most ppl are already exhausted from the necessary shouting and random swinging of the bolster.
there are of cuz other reasons.
it's always comforting to know there's someone for you, beside you.
perhaps becuz of my tendency towards introversion, this thought somehow came up.
but the fact remains that this can never come true.
biologically speaking, they can't clone an exact me.
even though we will grow up in the same family, but we will experience different things and thus grow up differently, something like twins. also the shared and nonshared environment that i keep seeing in my psychology textbks.
additionally, i can only request for a clone when i'm actually sensible. which means, the clone won't be able to be the same age as i am.
and i won't wanna have a double me all the time.
just some time.
so i decided upon something.
i will be a friend to myself.
i will be the one to accompany myself through the lonely nights of reminiscene.
i will be the one to make myself a drink when i'm troubled.
i will be the one to scold myself silly, not becuz of the things that others think it's laughable, but when i knew nothing good will come out of it but i still went ahead and do it.
i'm pretty sure this idea didn't come from hebe's new song; love.
the song talks abt people loving others, but didn't realize the need, to actually love themselves.
maybe unconsciously.
i have always wanted another me.
with that, i literally mean another person, who looks like me, thinks like me, acts like me, sees like me. basically, a double.
why?
i believed my very first reason for this is i can simulate fighting.
when i first experienced the adrenaline-flowing (or epinephrine) blows-exchanging arena, i somehow got hooked. i actually wished to go through my close combat training again. just because we get to fight each other with a big wooden bolster for a few minutes, which half-way through, most ppl are already exhausted from the necessary shouting and random swinging of the bolster.
there are of cuz other reasons.
it's always comforting to know there's someone for you, beside you.
perhaps becuz of my tendency towards introversion, this thought somehow came up.
but the fact remains that this can never come true.
biologically speaking, they can't clone an exact me.
even though we will grow up in the same family, but we will experience different things and thus grow up differently, something like twins. also the shared and nonshared environment that i keep seeing in my psychology textbks.
additionally, i can only request for a clone when i'm actually sensible. which means, the clone won't be able to be the same age as i am.
and i won't wanna have a double me all the time.
just some time.
so i decided upon something.
i will be a friend to myself.
i will be the one to accompany myself through the lonely nights of reminiscene.
i will be the one to make myself a drink when i'm troubled.
i will be the one to scold myself silly, not becuz of the things that others think it's laughable, but when i knew nothing good will come out of it but i still went ahead and do it.
i'm pretty sure this idea didn't come from hebe's new song; love.
the song talks abt people loving others, but didn't realize the need, to actually love themselves.
maybe unconsciously.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
something from fb
在乎，不代表一定要說出來。不說出來，不代表不在乎。但當我說出來，就代表我他媽的在乎。
also something from myself.
most of the time, i find it hard to say things out.
becuz whether is it confrontations, confessions... it make everything awakard.
it makes the situation into a critical turning point.
either it goes this or that way.
forces yourself and the other party into a corner.
what if it doesn't go in the desired direction?
i still resent over that particular incident.
my only wrong in that matter, was that i was being seen in the wrong.
forgive and forget, wise men said.
this goes against my forte.
i'm just too good at memorising.
also something from myself.
most of the time, i find it hard to say things out.
becuz whether is it confrontations, confessions... it make everything awakard.
it makes the situation into a critical turning point.
either it goes this or that way.
forces yourself and the other party into a corner.
what if it doesn't go in the desired direction?
i still resent over that particular incident.
my only wrong in that matter, was that i was being seen in the wrong.
forgive and forget, wise men said.
this goes against my forte.
i'm just too good at memorising.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
random
saw this on some sharing on fb..
如果你不能给她穿上嫁衣，请停下脱她衣服的手。
i thought about it, but i feel something more.
如果她不能给你幸福，也请放开抱住她的手。
如果你不能给她穿上嫁衣，请停下脱她衣服的手。
i thought about it, but i feel something more.
如果她不能给你幸福，也请放开抱住她的手。
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
.
i decided to kill myself.
phoenix; rebirth from the ashes.
i don't change. i die first.
changing is too slow.
dying is much faster.
so i die tonight.
and live tomorrow.
phoenix; rebirth from the ashes.
i don't change. i die first.
changing is too slow.
dying is much faster.
so i die tonight.
and live tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
a reason
when i decided to work towards something, putting effort into something, i know i want the results, but this reason is not enough. not even near to overcome the procrastination.
any other reason will do.
a short encouragement, i will work towards not disappointing.
a 'keep it up', and i will work towards 'good job'.
a belief that i can do it, and i will do it.
i have every reason to succeed.
but also any reason to fail.
any other reason will do.
a short encouragement, i will work towards not disappointing.
a 'keep it up', and i will work towards 'good job'.
a belief that i can do it, and i will do it.
i have every reason to succeed.
but also any reason to fail.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
facebook dependent
read this off on one of the xkcd comics.
"Facebook defines relationships. 'Yeah, we would have broken up last night, but the net connection was down."
sometimes i feel technology is something that we've abused too much of.
so much it deprived ourselves from the physical interaction of lives.
is it wrong? is it revolution? evolution?
but is it correct?
i laughed at myself last night for feeling lonely and needing someone to talk to.
these are times whereby i indulged myself in some personal writing with my hands off the keyboard. just pen and paper.
subjectively, the words that i wrote down rather than typed out, felt more closer to me, with more feelings, more reminiscence. i can basically see my own frustration in writing becuz the handwriting just gets from bad at the start until illegible towards the end. haha..
i wish life was simple.
but my mind makes everything complicated.
my heart mixes simplicity and complexity.
and i vowed to control this mix and in the process make life simple once again.
"Facebook defines relationships. 'Yeah, we would have broken up last night, but the net connection was down."
sometimes i feel technology is something that we've abused too much of.
so much it deprived ourselves from the physical interaction of lives.
is it wrong? is it revolution? evolution?
but is it correct?
i laughed at myself last night for feeling lonely and needing someone to talk to.
these are times whereby i indulged myself in some personal writing with my hands off the keyboard. just pen and paper.
subjectively, the words that i wrote down rather than typed out, felt more closer to me, with more feelings, more reminiscence. i can basically see my own frustration in writing becuz the handwriting just gets from bad at the start until illegible towards the end. haha..
i wish life was simple.
but my mind makes everything complicated.
my heart mixes simplicity and complexity.
and i vowed to control this mix and in the process make life simple once again.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
phone interview failed.
a few days back when i was busy strolling in the world of priston tale 2, i got a call from the tuition agent saying he's gonna give me an assignment i requested. however, the dad wanted to talk to me first. oh well, bring it on.
so began the informal phone interview. the dad was asking me whether i feel competent (or confident, can't rmb) about teaching pri 6 maths. he was commenting that nowadays the primary 6 maths are using calculators, and certainly the standard is higher. most probably becuz he can't solve it. now, at this point of time i'm just secretly smiling to myself. my mind was trying to send a telepathic message saying, you're a dad, you're maybe over 40, which is around 30 years since you last touch your primary school maths. it's quite natural for you not to know how to solve, like many other parents who lost touch with numbers. but what's the point of telling me? you seemed to think that becuz of the fact you can't solve, tutors like me might find it hard to teach? or even to solve? -_-
carrying on, he asked whether i was familiar with olympiad maths. i just gave a straight no. basically i think, if the children is able to score well in their psle, it's fine. why stress them on higher level maths when they can have more free time to create more memories for their precious childhood? only when you grow old, you realize you can only be a child for that long. it's a very stupid realization, but still. well, unless the kid is interested in this kind of stuffs, why not. i can sensed that the dad sounded disappointed in my 'NO'. so i made a very reluctant effort to make up by saying i will look into it if need be. although i believe i will be able to do if not all, most of the maths. well i did new south wales when i was his kid's age, i did international maths paper when i was in jc. i don't believe the olympiad maths is going to kill me, at least not so much. not that i belittle the standard of olympiad maths, but i believed myself too much. hahaha...
then comes the most bias question which i found rather irrelevant but something the parents will almost always ask. 'what's your secondary school? what's your jc? what are you studying now?' and to tell him, aiss, yjc, psychology, it's like triple knockout, one after another, back to back. seriously, my resume doesn't look nice with the school names. haha..
the agent later call back to say the dad was undecided and will call me if the dad chose me. my thinking then was, gone liao.
but then again, i was already hoping that he doesn't want me right after i heard his voice. indian. it's the smell. and if the smell can be detected from their body, then i would think that the house would be much more stronger.
中秋节 loh~!
the moon's gonna be round and bright and shining on the earth tml night.
还是那一句，
秋天的月亮特别圆
so began the informal phone interview. the dad was asking me whether i feel competent (or confident, can't rmb) about teaching pri 6 maths. he was commenting that nowadays the primary 6 maths are using calculators, and certainly the standard is higher. most probably becuz he can't solve it. now, at this point of time i'm just secretly smiling to myself. my mind was trying to send a telepathic message saying, you're a dad, you're maybe over 40, which is around 30 years since you last touch your primary school maths. it's quite natural for you not to know how to solve, like many other parents who lost touch with numbers. but what's the point of telling me? you seemed to think that becuz of the fact you can't solve, tutors like me might find it hard to teach? or even to solve? -_-
carrying on, he asked whether i was familiar with olympiad maths. i just gave a straight no. basically i think, if the children is able to score well in their psle, it's fine. why stress them on higher level maths when they can have more free time to create more memories for their precious childhood? only when you grow old, you realize you can only be a child for that long. it's a very stupid realization, but still. well, unless the kid is interested in this kind of stuffs, why not. i can sensed that the dad sounded disappointed in my 'NO'. so i made a very reluctant effort to make up by saying i will look into it if need be. although i believe i will be able to do if not all, most of the maths. well i did new south wales when i was his kid's age, i did international maths paper when i was in jc. i don't believe the olympiad maths is going to kill me, at least not so much. not that i belittle the standard of olympiad maths, but i believed myself too much. hahaha...
then comes the most bias question which i found rather irrelevant but something the parents will almost always ask. 'what's your secondary school? what's your jc? what are you studying now?' and to tell him, aiss, yjc, psychology, it's like triple knockout, one after another, back to back. seriously, my resume doesn't look nice with the school names. haha..
the agent later call back to say the dad was undecided and will call me if the dad chose me. my thinking then was, gone liao.
but then again, i was already hoping that he doesn't want me right after i heard his voice. indian. it's the smell. and if the smell can be detected from their body, then i would think that the house would be much more stronger.
中秋节 loh~!
the moon's gonna be round and bright and shining on the earth tml night.
还是那一句，
秋天的月亮特别圆
Friday, September 17, 2010
Jealous/Envy
sometimes i can't differentiate which is which.
especially when it's me.
i just saw the notifcation that 2 of my friends from different social circles were officially together. the good thing about facebook, where news travel so fast, you can't measure it with distance.
now and then i would get the craving of having someone.
and to see, or even to know someone else has someone, it just brings much jealousy/envy.
i wasn't sure before how that felt, but after the first, you just can't forget what it brings (along with the misery when communication breaks down).
is there a difference btw jealousy and envy?
perhaps externally, it's expressed in different ways.
but both boil down to the same initial thought; i wish i have what they have.
of course in some cases, jealous would be the more appropriate word.
like this random guy suddenly comes along, grabs my girl, and kisses her on the lips.
i don't think jealous is the only word that comes to my mind, but it's still one of the many among 'wtf' and 'ccb'.
school has been relaxing so far.
i have time to spend on searching for interesting mmorpgs..
failed in installing most of games like Soul of the ultimate nation, dragon nest..
some others, not my type, like the atlantica which is turn-based..
i ended up with priston tale II. haha.. wtheck.
especially when it's me.
i just saw the notifcation that 2 of my friends from different social circles were officially together. the good thing about facebook, where news travel so fast, you can't measure it with distance.
now and then i would get the craving of having someone.
and to see, or even to know someone else has someone, it just brings much jealousy/envy.
i wasn't sure before how that felt, but after the first, you just can't forget what it brings (along with the misery when communication breaks down).
is there a difference btw jealousy and envy?
perhaps externally, it's expressed in different ways.
but both boil down to the same initial thought; i wish i have what they have.
of course in some cases, jealous would be the more appropriate word.
like this random guy suddenly comes along, grabs my girl, and kisses her on the lips.
i don't think jealous is the only word that comes to my mind, but it's still one of the many among 'wtf' and 'ccb'.
school has been relaxing so far.
i have time to spend on searching for interesting mmorpgs..
failed in installing most of games like Soul of the ultimate nation, dragon nest..
some others, not my type, like the atlantica which is turn-based..
i ended up with priston tale II. haha.. wtheck.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
萍聚
別管以後將如何結束 至少我們曾經相聚過
不必費心的彼此約束 更不需要言語的承諾
只要我們曾經擁有過 對你我來講已經足夠
人的一生有許多回憶 只願你的追憶有個我
an old song, but a great one.
不必費心的彼此約束 更不需要言語的承諾
只要我們曾經擁有過 對你我來講已經足夠
人的一生有許多回憶 只願你的追憶有個我
an old song, but a great one.
Fated to Love you
It pretty much seems like i have a lot of free time on my hands.
so i rewatched the taiwan drama of fated to love you.
haha.. and within 3 days i finished all 24 episodes of it.
i still cry at the abortion part. some things never do change.
but the surprise element was missing already, too bad.
had a dream becuz i was so lazy to wake up in the late morning, my conscious mind starts to play these tricks on me.
and why, i asked myself, do i see her.
can't it be a pretty naked girl with a nice figure?
it's a dream, i expect better fantasy than just seeing her.
i expect my brain to do better.
so i rewatched the taiwan drama of fated to love you.
haha.. and within 3 days i finished all 24 episodes of it.
i still cry at the abortion part. some things never do change.
but the surprise element was missing already, too bad.
had a dream becuz i was so lazy to wake up in the late morning, my conscious mind starts to play these tricks on me.
and why, i asked myself, do i see her.
can't it be a pretty naked girl with a nice figure?
it's a dream, i expect better fantasy than just seeing her.
i expect my brain to do better.
Friday, September 3, 2010
it's that drama-aftermath feeling
i realized that after finishing dramas, whether is it jap, kor, chinese, or whatever, somehow you still crave for more. but there's also another feeling; the fantasy-indulgement feeling. becuz when the dramas show the sweetness and tenderness on the screen, it seemed rather possible that it could also happen in reality. or more imptly, to ourselves. it makes you wonder whether some time in your life, destiny arrives and have you collide with your destined partner. and through a series of crisis and overcoming them, the bond btw you two grew stronger and stronger, till you starts to wonder about what it's becoming into. and of cuz, along the way, strange situations of humor and awakardness were added in to act as catalyst for the whole story. the biggest problem yet arrives at the end and then the finale is a happily-ever-after.
some ppl sometimes commented that it's all predictable and such, especially my dad, haha... but i don't mind a happy ending, as long as it's happy.
often i wonder if those cute and sweet scenarios really did play out in real life. i have by far only minimal experience, and that wasn't much of a romance either. so, it really makes me ponder upon such thoughts. those scenes when the two of them have their faces so close together, when they gazed into each other eyes, etc etc. but the magical atmosphere during the kiss, definitely fantasy. haha.. perhaps it's this tendency that young teenage girls have in hope of a love that's sweet and strong.
a week of rather relaxing school. i felt this sem started well. and i'll make sure it ends well too. becuz i always believe, if i put my mind and heart to it, i can do it. i may take more hours to revise than others, more efforts to remember stuffs, more time to analyze the same materials. as long as i have this belief upon myself, i will walk on.
some ppl sometimes commented that it's all predictable and such, especially my dad, haha... but i don't mind a happy ending, as long as it's happy.
often i wonder if those cute and sweet scenarios really did play out in real life. i have by far only minimal experience, and that wasn't much of a romance either. so, it really makes me ponder upon such thoughts. those scenes when the two of them have their faces so close together, when they gazed into each other eyes, etc etc. but the magical atmosphere during the kiss, definitely fantasy. haha.. perhaps it's this tendency that young teenage girls have in hope of a love that's sweet and strong.
a week of rather relaxing school. i felt this sem started well. and i'll make sure it ends well too. becuz i always believe, if i put my mind and heart to it, i can do it. i may take more hours to revise than others, more efforts to remember stuffs, more time to analyze the same materials. as long as i have this belief upon myself, i will walk on.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
first week of sch
seriously, it's been nearly 3 weeks already.
and my damn right ankle is still not working right.
it's gonna be a while till i can run properly.
well, the first week of school is nearly over.
practically speaking, it's over for me since i don't have lessons tml.
been a rather relaxed week except for the first part of figuring out which module to take. i took a module that was meant for graduate students, and got into one full of FYP students except for me. total outcast. haha.. i actually felt a bit bad for any year 4s who can't take this module becuz of me. but still, someone left a vacany in the middle of the night, so i just took it. it's clinical psych, my first professional module. hmm... shall see how it goes. was wondering whether at my stage, am i able to handle a professional course. afterall, i'm 1 year behind my seniors.
btw, today's the first seminar for clinical psych.
the topic which struck my heart was suicide.
and i believed it was the most impactful for the rest of the class too.
the discussion came to some of us sharing personal stories.
one had a close friend who committed suicide, which she believed influenced her other friends to do so too. another encountered a friend who msged her telling that he's gonna commit suicide, and he fulfilled those words.
i was thinking of a particular girl. she was as far as i rmbed, the first case of suicide within my social circle. i vividly rmbed her name, HT. and i still remembered i held her hand during the solo night event in the annual npcc camp. her suicide struck me straight in the heart, forcing me to admit that suicide is not just some stuffs that only happens in other dimensions while i just sit back and watched it being reported on the evening news. it's in my world, it's in this world. i'm not sure, but i think another girl in the class may be thinking about the same thing. she is afterall HT's batch.
the aftermath of a suicide has quite a significant effect on the ppl around. the saddness of the sudden departure, the guilt and shame of not doing anything. it leaves a certain shock, with a lingering gray clouds that hover in the mind for a while. suicide isn't something one should think of often. whether is it about others, or yourself.
anyway, been watching and just completed 2 korean dramas. both having the same male lead. first off is personal taste, and the interest got me watching boys over flowers, the korean drama that i believed was a big hit when it came out. then i believed it was probably cuz of the four handsome male actors. after watching it, the plot was more than enough. simple, but touching.
personal taste is a story about a girl who easily believes ppl, and a guy who is ever so striving to succeed in his career. in a few turns of events, the guy was mistaken as a gay which allowed himself to live together with the girl. the story follows as the guy helped the girl to recover from a broken and truly cruel relationship and also turned her into someone better. along the way, the guy helplessly fell in love. many funny scenes came on with the theme of the gayness. but also becuz of this theme, i found it the most touching when the girl actually told him she would marry him, even if he's gay, just so he would be able to face his family and the society. while watching that scene, this question came to mind. can someone really love another that much? so much so that she/he is going to give up finding someone who is able to give them a normal love, and to give their heart to someone who is never gonna be able to do so in return. just becuz they want to stay beside the person. just becuz she loves him that much.
boys over flowers, and i still don't really get the meaning of the title. does it means the boys turn into flowers? or the flowers somehow refer to the girl? anyway, it's a story with stylish guys and a normal girl. the most special part of this drama in my view, is perhaps the love triangle that plays out so nicely btw 2 of the F4 members and the girl. one, who is always there for her like a guardian angel. when she's down, when she's in trouble, when all sorts of problems was happening btw her and the main guy, this guardian angel gives comfort and encouragement. the other guy, who's ever so aggressive in his approach initially, became the person to actually save her from dangers. sort of a different situations than the guardian angel. as described in the story, 1 is a soulmate, the other is a lover. there was one instance which i got rather teared up. but it wasn't becuz of the love btw the 2 leads, it was the guardian angel. there was a part in which the main guy saved him from being knocked down by a car, and before he became unconscious, he told the guardian angel along the line of if he have to give the girl away to a guy, it had to be him. it's the desperation of the guy, to have the determination to give the girl up for a guy who loves her so much more. and not just any guy, but a very precious and dear friend. and from the looks of it, he put the blame on himself when the male lead woke up forgetting about the girl and went to befriend a bitch. favourite scene was at the end, when the girl decided to give the guy an ultimatum by falling into the pool and drowning herself. quite touching. and the fact that when she fell in, she went to recover the necklace that was given by the guy, which she threw in earlier to kinda signify an end to the relationship. shows that even though she tried to give it all up, she still can't let it go somehow.
both dramas were great. i kinda preferred boys over flowers, becuz it gave a much longer happy ending and also it lasted longer over 25 episodes compared to 16 episodes of personal taste. dramas tend to leave an unsatisfying thirst for more at the end when you finished it becuz sometimes it just increased the pace of events towards the end. kinda like, oh it's ending soon, let's just speed up and get it over with. of cuz i have the same feelings for both, but it was much stronger in the case of personal taste. but then again, i'm deeply amused by the humor shown in personal taste which is much more enjoyable than boys over flowers. the music was nicer too. but even so, the story of personal taste was definitely less complete than that of boys over flowers. so holistically speaking, boys over flowers is still my preferred drama.
i have gotta watch less dramas. not so much of having more time for studying, but more of it's keeping me up till 3 am becuz i can't seem to stop myself. haha..
and my damn right ankle is still not working right.
it's gonna be a while till i can run properly.
well, the first week of school is nearly over.
practically speaking, it's over for me since i don't have lessons tml.
been a rather relaxed week except for the first part of figuring out which module to take. i took a module that was meant for graduate students, and got into one full of FYP students except for me. total outcast. haha.. i actually felt a bit bad for any year 4s who can't take this module becuz of me. but still, someone left a vacany in the middle of the night, so i just took it. it's clinical psych, my first professional module. hmm... shall see how it goes. was wondering whether at my stage, am i able to handle a professional course. afterall, i'm 1 year behind my seniors.
btw, today's the first seminar for clinical psych.
the topic which struck my heart was suicide.
and i believed it was the most impactful for the rest of the class too.
the discussion came to some of us sharing personal stories.
one had a close friend who committed suicide, which she believed influenced her other friends to do so too. another encountered a friend who msged her telling that he's gonna commit suicide, and he fulfilled those words.
i was thinking of a particular girl. she was as far as i rmbed, the first case of suicide within my social circle. i vividly rmbed her name, HT. and i still remembered i held her hand during the solo night event in the annual npcc camp. her suicide struck me straight in the heart, forcing me to admit that suicide is not just some stuffs that only happens in other dimensions while i just sit back and watched it being reported on the evening news. it's in my world, it's in this world. i'm not sure, but i think another girl in the class may be thinking about the same thing. she is afterall HT's batch.
the aftermath of a suicide has quite a significant effect on the ppl around. the saddness of the sudden departure, the guilt and shame of not doing anything. it leaves a certain shock, with a lingering gray clouds that hover in the mind for a while. suicide isn't something one should think of often. whether is it about others, or yourself.
anyway, been watching and just completed 2 korean dramas. both having the same male lead. first off is personal taste, and the interest got me watching boys over flowers, the korean drama that i believed was a big hit when it came out. then i believed it was probably cuz of the four handsome male actors. after watching it, the plot was more than enough. simple, but touching.
personal taste is a story about a girl who easily believes ppl, and a guy who is ever so striving to succeed in his career. in a few turns of events, the guy was mistaken as a gay which allowed himself to live together with the girl. the story follows as the guy helped the girl to recover from a broken and truly cruel relationship and also turned her into someone better. along the way, the guy helplessly fell in love. many funny scenes came on with the theme of the gayness. but also becuz of this theme, i found it the most touching when the girl actually told him she would marry him, even if he's gay, just so he would be able to face his family and the society. while watching that scene, this question came to mind. can someone really love another that much? so much so that she/he is going to give up finding someone who is able to give them a normal love, and to give their heart to someone who is never gonna be able to do so in return. just becuz they want to stay beside the person. just becuz she loves him that much.
boys over flowers, and i still don't really get the meaning of the title. does it means the boys turn into flowers? or the flowers somehow refer to the girl? anyway, it's a story with stylish guys and a normal girl. the most special part of this drama in my view, is perhaps the love triangle that plays out so nicely btw 2 of the F4 members and the girl. one, who is always there for her like a guardian angel. when she's down, when she's in trouble, when all sorts of problems was happening btw her and the main guy, this guardian angel gives comfort and encouragement. the other guy, who's ever so aggressive in his approach initially, became the person to actually save her from dangers. sort of a different situations than the guardian angel. as described in the story, 1 is a soulmate, the other is a lover. there was one instance which i got rather teared up. but it wasn't becuz of the love btw the 2 leads, it was the guardian angel. there was a part in which the main guy saved him from being knocked down by a car, and before he became unconscious, he told the guardian angel along the line of if he have to give the girl away to a guy, it had to be him. it's the desperation of the guy, to have the determination to give the girl up for a guy who loves her so much more. and not just any guy, but a very precious and dear friend. and from the looks of it, he put the blame on himself when the male lead woke up forgetting about the girl and went to befriend a bitch. favourite scene was at the end, when the girl decided to give the guy an ultimatum by falling into the pool and drowning herself. quite touching. and the fact that when she fell in, she went to recover the necklace that was given by the guy, which she threw in earlier to kinda signify an end to the relationship. shows that even though she tried to give it all up, she still can't let it go somehow.
both dramas were great. i kinda preferred boys over flowers, becuz it gave a much longer happy ending and also it lasted longer over 25 episodes compared to 16 episodes of personal taste. dramas tend to leave an unsatisfying thirst for more at the end when you finished it becuz sometimes it just increased the pace of events towards the end. kinda like, oh it's ending soon, let's just speed up and get it over with. of cuz i have the same feelings for both, but it was much stronger in the case of personal taste. but then again, i'm deeply amused by the humor shown in personal taste which is much more enjoyable than boys over flowers. the music was nicer too. but even so, the story of personal taste was definitely less complete than that of boys over flowers. so holistically speaking, boys over flowers is still my preferred drama.
i have gotta watch less dramas. not so much of having more time for studying, but more of it's keeping me up till 3 am becuz i can't seem to stop myself. haha..
Friday, August 20, 2010
a crush
to me, a crush is you.
i've crushed several times.
but this time is you.
that many times i have failed to go thru with it.
and that few times i have failed.
this time, i still think i'm gonna let it slip.
becuz it's not like i have anything much to give,
which is unfair when you have plenty to offer.
though i didn't set my eyes on you at the first moment i saw you
but that is becuz i haven't notice you
first your eyes, second your looks
third your character that shines thru.
even if you have my attention,
i'm not expecting reciprocation.
heck, we're just acquaintainces still.
and i don't even know if you're available for a date.
until fate somehow brings the distance closer again,
i'll just sit stagnant
words to a crush.
i've crushed several times.
but this time is you.
that many times i have failed to go thru with it.
and that few times i have failed.
this time, i still think i'm gonna let it slip.
becuz it's not like i have anything much to give,
which is unfair when you have plenty to offer.
though i didn't set my eyes on you at the first moment i saw you
but that is becuz i haven't notice you
first your eyes, second your looks
third your character that shines thru.
even if you have my attention,
i'm not expecting reciprocation.
heck, we're just acquaintainces still.
and i don't even know if you're available for a date.
until fate somehow brings the distance closer again,
i'll just sit stagnant
words to a crush.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
i fell. again.
sunday soccer came and ended for me in around 45 min. cuz i tried to block the strike and it ended up over-bending my right foot inwards which sprained my ankle. tada~! another injury added on to my list.
went to the usual chinese physician down the street. walked like an idiot there, and back. the treatment was painful as usual. but this time, it seeemed to be the most painful. perhaps it seemed like so everytime i went. haha.. there was one point when the pain built up and i was holding my breath, puffing up my mouth and grabbing tightly to my hands to endure through it. i have no idea how the chinese general from the war times divert his attention with chinese chess when the physician was treating the poison on his arm by scrapping the bone or something along the line of FREAKING painful. perhaps for me, pictures of pretty girl in bikinis would work.
anyway out of curiousity, i asked the physician how many times i have went to her for treatment. record shows 1 for right wrist, 1 for left wrist, 1 for knee, 1 for left ankle, 2 for right ankle. wah, and all of them mostly from soccer. maybe i should just don't play soccer.
stayed at home for the whole of yesterday and today. kinda bored just sitting infront of the monitor and not earning $64/day at the office. it just hurts to know you can earn $128 but you're not. filled my time with games and doing maths solutions for my tutee. hopefully she reads them or else it's wasted.
had a dream recently, forgot when. it was about me getting a new gf. somehow she was drunk, then we got intimate. strangely enough, it wasn't a wet dream. but sadly, i realize again, that i didn't have the conscious to deny the truthfulness of the dream while i'm in it. i just went with the dream, followed the plot. like that last time i dreamt abt her graduation and talking along the line of getting back together. you know it's just fantasy, you just fall deeper into it. bloodly dreams. i hope the synthesis theory of dream formation is wrong, whereby neuron signals from different parts of mind formed visualization of the dream. it doesn't feels right to have random thoughts abt her. she's rather irrelevant now.
another dream, a more adrenaline-following one. some sort in a war scenario. amazingly my army seniors were in it. we're in a enclosed environment, building with pillars. suddenly we were being engaged by the enemies, shots were fired. i quickly ran for cover behind the pillars, ignoring the safety of my seniors, sadly. haha.. oh my, would i be like that in real life? or should anyone not be like that? anyway, i stayed there for a while and somehow the idea of me being peter parker (or spiderman) came out of nowhere. that i was this superhero and supposed to save the damned situation. well, before i could think of any superheroish rescue, the enemies came, and they knew i was... spiderman. it's a lame dream, seriously. i've got this grandeur mentality somehow hidden within my subunconscious. not unconsciously, and not consciously. next thing i knew, for the my safety, i jumped out the building. surprisingly, there were those construction pipies that were joined together that allowed the construction workers to move around the exterior of the building. i just grabbed the horizontal pipes as i descend by gravity. i have no idea how this helps in me breaking the fall, i just did that in the dream. falling down just woke me up, with saliva on the bed. haha.. not often that my saliva wet my bed, and not often that i have dreams either.
BSO left for... some european country for exchange yesterday. couldn't send him off due to the stupid sprained ankle. sianzed. but he'll be away till next year. wished him 一路顺风。
the ankle wasn't that bad afterall. i get to spend some time with nicole, the new baby in the hse. it takes some time for her to notice you if she's looking somewhere else. hmm.. but she's smiling when i'm talking to her. probably becuz i'm smiling also. it's this cuteness that keeps me attracted to babies. =) the innocence of mind, the simplicity of life. i envy the life of a baby, but do not want to give up my matured state of mind. it's a contradiction. like a thirdy party commenting. stewie from the family guy fits the image though. haha...
it's gonna be weird going to work with bandages around my right ankle, and then going to tuition after.
went to the usual chinese physician down the street. walked like an idiot there, and back. the treatment was painful as usual. but this time, it seeemed to be the most painful. perhaps it seemed like so everytime i went. haha.. there was one point when the pain built up and i was holding my breath, puffing up my mouth and grabbing tightly to my hands to endure through it. i have no idea how the chinese general from the war times divert his attention with chinese chess when the physician was treating the poison on his arm by scrapping the bone or something along the line of FREAKING painful. perhaps for me, pictures of pretty girl in bikinis would work.
anyway out of curiousity, i asked the physician how many times i have went to her for treatment. record shows 1 for right wrist, 1 for left wrist, 1 for knee, 1 for left ankle, 2 for right ankle. wah, and all of them mostly from soccer. maybe i should just don't play soccer.
stayed at home for the whole of yesterday and today. kinda bored just sitting infront of the monitor and not earning $64/day at the office. it just hurts to know you can earn $128 but you're not. filled my time with games and doing maths solutions for my tutee. hopefully she reads them or else it's wasted.
had a dream recently, forgot when. it was about me getting a new gf. somehow she was drunk, then we got intimate. strangely enough, it wasn't a wet dream. but sadly, i realize again, that i didn't have the conscious to deny the truthfulness of the dream while i'm in it. i just went with the dream, followed the plot. like that last time i dreamt abt her graduation and talking along the line of getting back together. you know it's just fantasy, you just fall deeper into it. bloodly dreams. i hope the synthesis theory of dream formation is wrong, whereby neuron signals from different parts of mind formed visualization of the dream. it doesn't feels right to have random thoughts abt her. she's rather irrelevant now.
another dream, a more adrenaline-following one. some sort in a war scenario. amazingly my army seniors were in it. we're in a enclosed environment, building with pillars. suddenly we were being engaged by the enemies, shots were fired. i quickly ran for cover behind the pillars, ignoring the safety of my seniors, sadly. haha.. oh my, would i be like that in real life? or should anyone not be like that? anyway, i stayed there for a while and somehow the idea of me being peter parker (or spiderman) came out of nowhere. that i was this superhero and supposed to save the damned situation. well, before i could think of any superheroish rescue, the enemies came, and they knew i was... spiderman. it's a lame dream, seriously. i've got this grandeur mentality somehow hidden within my subunconscious. not unconsciously, and not consciously. next thing i knew, for the my safety, i jumped out the building. surprisingly, there were those construction pipies that were joined together that allowed the construction workers to move around the exterior of the building. i just grabbed the horizontal pipes as i descend by gravity. i have no idea how this helps in me breaking the fall, i just did that in the dream. falling down just woke me up, with saliva on the bed. haha.. not often that my saliva wet my bed, and not often that i have dreams either.
BSO left for... some european country for exchange yesterday. couldn't send him off due to the stupid sprained ankle. sianzed. but he'll be away till next year. wished him 一路顺风。
the ankle wasn't that bad afterall. i get to spend some time with nicole, the new baby in the hse. it takes some time for her to notice you if she's looking somewhere else. hmm.. but she's smiling when i'm talking to her. probably becuz i'm smiling also. it's this cuteness that keeps me attracted to babies. =) the innocence of mind, the simplicity of life. i envy the life of a baby, but do not want to give up my matured state of mind. it's a contradiction. like a thirdy party commenting. stewie from the family guy fits the image though. haha...
it's gonna be weird going to work with bandages around my right ankle, and then going to tuition after.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
it's 14th Aug.
done with 2 weeks of work. been quite hectic since the 1st day. the usual traffic counts... and the unusal carpark survey around CBD. walked for hours on this stupid survey. having to explain to numerous security guards what i was doing... tried to enjoy some of the moments as i walked along raffles quay, like looking at the tall structure of marina bay sands and thinking of the time i was up there at the 57th storey some weeks ago... sipping on my white chocolate mocha from starbucks while taking a break from walking... and most imptly, becuz it's the CBD, the pretty office ladies would crowd the streets when it's lunch time. and seriously, pretty. wonder if it's the make-up. i still can't figure out how can females make their eyes look significantly bigger just by using some colors and brushes. i must say that cosmetics is, and will remain, one of the greatest creations mankind has ever made (even if it's for the vanity of female). haha.. i'm still against cosmetics on myself, even though my face ain't that ideal.
holidays ending in 2 weeks. i don't really care.
i managed to do some things i've planned for this sem break, though most are still on the post-it strips just right infront of me. right in my face, and one of them is 'learn cooking from mum'. haha.. this has been forever on my mind since i graduated from jc. plus wugui's tank. still procrastinating after so many years.
today i realised again, that i feared that my closed ones are feeling lonely. i'm less concerned abt my loneliness, becuz i know i can deal with it. but for my family, i'm just afraid they may feel this way. my sis is rather contented with her job and life, can sensed it from her, and also her fb photos. dad, more or less occupied with work in the day, the babies in the evening, and mahjong during the weekends. i'm more worried about mum. she's the housewife who's taking care of the whole family, and it seemed like she has the least amount of time to herself. often tired and exhausted from taking care of 1 adolescent, 2 babies.. so much so she became physically sick. today she spent almost the whole afternoon and night playing zuma, some game i downloaded for her entertainment. haha.. but while it filled her time, i thought she might actually desire something more meaningful, something more interesting, perhaps a hobby or something. the game is just a choice out of no choice. i'm contemplating on buying Wii for her amusement, and also the family. wonder if that would actually help to add some colours to her weekend. at least it's something action, not clicking away with the mouse. or should i engage her in some other activities? hmm.. oh well.
14th august. happy 23rd kris~!
and it feels kinda stupid that i still haven't send the letter even though i wrote it yesterday.
holidays ending in 2 weeks. i don't really care.
i managed to do some things i've planned for this sem break, though most are still on the post-it strips just right infront of me. right in my face, and one of them is 'learn cooking from mum'. haha.. this has been forever on my mind since i graduated from jc. plus wugui's tank. still procrastinating after so many years.
today i realised again, that i feared that my closed ones are feeling lonely. i'm less concerned abt my loneliness, becuz i know i can deal with it. but for my family, i'm just afraid they may feel this way. my sis is rather contented with her job and life, can sensed it from her, and also her fb photos. dad, more or less occupied with work in the day, the babies in the evening, and mahjong during the weekends. i'm more worried about mum. she's the housewife who's taking care of the whole family, and it seemed like she has the least amount of time to herself. often tired and exhausted from taking care of 1 adolescent, 2 babies.. so much so she became physically sick. today she spent almost the whole afternoon and night playing zuma, some game i downloaded for her entertainment. haha.. but while it filled her time, i thought she might actually desire something more meaningful, something more interesting, perhaps a hobby or something. the game is just a choice out of no choice. i'm contemplating on buying Wii for her amusement, and also the family. wonder if that would actually help to add some colours to her weekend. at least it's something action, not clicking away with the mouse. or should i engage her in some other activities? hmm.. oh well.
14th august. happy 23rd kris~!
and it feels kinda stupid that i still haven't send the letter even though i wrote it yesterday.
Monday, August 9, 2010
singing there again
2nd time there. dynasty.
the place is great, sound system wise. although the mic was a bit screwed up with the batt.. but the company is still the essential part of enjoyment. it's when i can release that slight sense craziness that resides within me. like playing the penis game while walking down the street in town.
penis... Penis... PEnis... PENIS! PEEENIISSSS~!!
however loud you may get, it gets to a point where you're rather conscious of the crowd that's staring at you while passing by wondering why this crazy bunch of ppl is shouting obscene words in the middle of the road. the police would probably arrest us for some reasons along the line of public disturbance.
maturity is sometimes a bitch.
the place is great, sound system wise. although the mic was a bit screwed up with the batt.. but the company is still the essential part of enjoyment. it's when i can release that slight sense craziness that resides within me. like playing the penis game while walking down the street in town.
penis... Penis... PEnis... PENIS! PEEENIISSSS~!!
however loud you may get, it gets to a point where you're rather conscious of the crowd that's staring at you while passing by wondering why this crazy bunch of ppl is shouting obscene words in the middle of the road. the police would probably arrest us for some reasons along the line of public disturbance.
maturity is sometimes a bitch.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
love gives me hope
a post on it wrote...
~~~
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15. I'm now 19.
He DOESN'T buy me flowers, write me love letters, or plan romantic dates. He is not that type of person.
I have had strangers tell me that they could tell he loves me by the way he looks at me.
That means more to me than anything LGMH.
~~~
that's the type of boyfriend i thought i would become.
but yup, as far as history is concerned, i think i am.
jc gathering today, organized mainly by myself and a few others.
2 teachers, 16 students. and too much food. haha..
most of the girls just graduated, with some of the guys.
going into yr 3 of our uni life for most of the guys... 2 more years..
nice time weather to bbq, but the food ain't that great.
great to see the class again, crappy as always.
~~~
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15. I'm now 19.
He DOESN'T buy me flowers, write me love letters, or plan romantic dates. He is not that type of person.
I have had strangers tell me that they could tell he loves me by the way he looks at me.
That means more to me than anything LGMH.
~~~
that's the type of boyfriend i thought i would become.
but yup, as far as history is concerned, i think i am.
jc gathering today, organized mainly by myself and a few others.
2 teachers, 16 students. and too much food. haha..
most of the girls just graduated, with some of the guys.
going into yr 3 of our uni life for most of the guys... 2 more years..
nice time weather to bbq, but the food ain't that great.
great to see the class again, crappy as always.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
2nd ICT
great, 8 more in-camp to go. which is essentially 8 more years before i can actually relax and not worry abt going back there...
been a rather hectic week. the usual rush on the 1st day when everyone's back. the rush, again, on the second day to prepare for the shoot on wed. then the tiredness felt on the shoot itself becuz it just feels like this at the range. slightly relax on thur, but feeling real sleepy during the mapex. friday, out-pro day, when i rushed to get the shoot results from the coy and give to the trainers, plus attending all kinds of briefs and meetings, while squeezing time in between to pack my room... how come the officers got so much to do? holidays for the men though.
it's always fun to have a huge group of guys suddenly living within a compound. you get to meet ppl whom you don't know, understand a little deeper on those you've already know, finding out what life is like for the old birds who are completing their 10 years cycle, asking ppl who you consider are seniors in the path you're about to take...
next month's gotta be just work. but before that, gotta finish preparing for the upcoming bbq on sat. wonder what to buy, wonder what to do.
been a rather hectic week. the usual rush on the 1st day when everyone's back. the rush, again, on the second day to prepare for the shoot on wed. then the tiredness felt on the shoot itself becuz it just feels like this at the range. slightly relax on thur, but feeling real sleepy during the mapex. friday, out-pro day, when i rushed to get the shoot results from the coy and give to the trainers, plus attending all kinds of briefs and meetings, while squeezing time in between to pack my room... how come the officers got so much to do? holidays for the men though.
it's always fun to have a huge group of guys suddenly living within a compound. you get to meet ppl whom you don't know, understand a little deeper on those you've already know, finding out what life is like for the old birds who are completing their 10 years cycle, asking ppl who you consider are seniors in the path you're about to take...
next month's gotta be just work. but before that, gotta finish preparing for the upcoming bbq on sat. wonder what to buy, wonder what to do.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
a dream
it's rather rare that i remember details of my dream. it just so happened that my head is hurting, my nose is running, my throat is sore and irritating me to cough. wasn't feeling too well when i went to sentosa yesterday. the sore throat is always a bad sign for the other flu/cold symptoms. had to endure through the whole day becuz i don't wanna waste the universal studio ticket. it's free. haha...
anyway, most of the time when i'm dreaming, i consciously knew it. but this time, i didn't. i let myself indulged in the fantasy that i knew afterwards, will appear to be foolish to myself.
it was about her. let me try to recap most of the events that took place... it was her day, her graduation day. i was there, with her. we went to the carpark, she went up first, i followed. she was in a yellow convertible when i got up, wearing something similar to an office wear, without her specs. we exchanged a few words, and then i said goodbye. suddenly she asked which school i'm going to, in which i replied that i thought she knew. the conversation actually lead up to why she decided on studying this and something along the line of don't waste her time. we kinda open up, told each other our feelings, and somehow got back together, in bed. she was lying down, i was on top. i told her i haven't kissed for a very long time, and went on to kiss her on the lips, which after i woke up, realised it would have been better it i started on the forehead. no idea why. haha.. but the kiss felt real. surreal.
thereafter i woke with all my flu/cold symptoms back online and my mum asking me to see the doctor before i go back camp tml.
i know it's impossible, that's why it's a dream. sigmund freud may infer my inner desires from interpretation of it all, but i refused to believe any words from this thought. sometimes i just wondered, in terms of erikson's 8 stages of development, i got stuck in 'her'th stage.
anyway, most of the time when i'm dreaming, i consciously knew it. but this time, i didn't. i let myself indulged in the fantasy that i knew afterwards, will appear to be foolish to myself.
it was about her. let me try to recap most of the events that took place... it was her day, her graduation day. i was there, with her. we went to the carpark, she went up first, i followed. she was in a yellow convertible when i got up, wearing something similar to an office wear, without her specs. we exchanged a few words, and then i said goodbye. suddenly she asked which school i'm going to, in which i replied that i thought she knew. the conversation actually lead up to why she decided on studying this and something along the line of don't waste her time. we kinda open up, told each other our feelings, and somehow got back together, in bed. she was lying down, i was on top. i told her i haven't kissed for a very long time, and went on to kiss her on the lips, which after i woke up, realised it would have been better it i started on the forehead. no idea why. haha.. but the kiss felt real. surreal.
thereafter i woke with all my flu/cold symptoms back online and my mum asking me to see the doctor before i go back camp tml.
i know it's impossible, that's why it's a dream. sigmund freud may infer my inner desires from interpretation of it all, but i refused to believe any words from this thought. sometimes i just wondered, in terms of erikson's 8 stages of development, i got stuck in 'her'th stage.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
my dear tutee
having been filling my life with unnecessary activities nowadays instead of all the planned things i listed out right in front of me. trying to get back to normal waking hours for a start.
was giving tuition to kel and thought afterwards that it might be interesting talking about the things she does during tuition..
one of her favourite hobbies during tuition to move the chair from under the table with her leg and exclaimed to me, "oh look, the ghost is back!". most of the times i told her to tell the ghost to stop rocking the chair and get back to her qns. maybe someday i scare her with some ghost stories. but well, we don't really have time for story-telling.
dropping things. she has a habit of dropping all kinds of stuffs. pen, pencils, hairclip, pen cap, ruler, anything she can get her hands on and play around while i'm explaining the qns to her and wondering if she's listening. happened almost every time, and after dropping it, she would tell me not to bother becuz she would pick it up after the tuition.
talking abt her class 'genius' like they're unbeatable. it seemed like that to me when i was her age. those smarties sure know how to get perfect scores. but now, nahz. put in enough effort with at least some brain cells, and wahla~ maybe not perfect, but close at least. so usually i just attribute her friends' smartness to high amounts of effort. might just spur the kid's motivation.
movies. everytime something more suited for kids came up, she would ask me about them. have i seen them? are they nice? etc etc. which i usually dismiss with, "i don't like cute movies".
saying the opposite. yes, she likes it. even though she got it correct, she would say the steps wrong just to grab my attention while i'm looking at some other problem sums. after which, she would just say "no lah, i'm kidding!" with a smile.
"horhor"-ing me when i say rather vulgar words. i rmb once i said out loud "what the..." and managed to hold the last word. she was horhor-ing me for saying what the heck, i was going for what the hell. but it's better than wtf. i'm careful with my words when she's around.
covering her solutions while she's doing it. i don't really know why, but the objective is simply to prevent me from looking at her steps until she got the final answer. that is, until she hit a roadblock.
holding on to the assessment book to prevent me from flipping the pages. an attempt to skip the qns on the previous page -_-
kids, they are at an interesting age. you wonder if the innocence of the child was lost becuz she was growing up, or becuz of the societal norms that were 'guiding' her. i'm at an age in which it's pretty hard to change anything. them, they haven't even started finding their own identities yet. maybe soon, according to erikson's 8 stages; 5th stage.
was giving tuition to kel and thought afterwards that it might be interesting talking about the things she does during tuition..
one of her favourite hobbies during tuition to move the chair from under the table with her leg and exclaimed to me, "oh look, the ghost is back!". most of the times i told her to tell the ghost to stop rocking the chair and get back to her qns. maybe someday i scare her with some ghost stories. but well, we don't really have time for story-telling.
dropping things. she has a habit of dropping all kinds of stuffs. pen, pencils, hairclip, pen cap, ruler, anything she can get her hands on and play around while i'm explaining the qns to her and wondering if she's listening. happened almost every time, and after dropping it, she would tell me not to bother becuz she would pick it up after the tuition.
talking abt her class 'genius' like they're unbeatable. it seemed like that to me when i was her age. those smarties sure know how to get perfect scores. but now, nahz. put in enough effort with at least some brain cells, and wahla~ maybe not perfect, but close at least. so usually i just attribute her friends' smartness to high amounts of effort. might just spur the kid's motivation.
movies. everytime something more suited for kids came up, she would ask me about them. have i seen them? are they nice? etc etc. which i usually dismiss with, "i don't like cute movies".
saying the opposite. yes, she likes it. even though she got it correct, she would say the steps wrong just to grab my attention while i'm looking at some other problem sums. after which, she would just say "no lah, i'm kidding!" with a smile.
"horhor"-ing me when i say rather vulgar words. i rmb once i said out loud "what the..." and managed to hold the last word. she was horhor-ing me for saying what the heck, i was going for what the hell. but it's better than wtf. i'm careful with my words when she's around.
covering her solutions while she's doing it. i don't really know why, but the objective is simply to prevent me from looking at her steps until she got the final answer. that is, until she hit a roadblock.
holding on to the assessment book to prevent me from flipping the pages. an attempt to skip the qns on the previous page -_-
kids, they are at an interesting age. you wonder if the innocence of the child was lost becuz she was growing up, or becuz of the societal norms that were 'guiding' her. i'm at an age in which it's pretty hard to change anything. them, they haven't even started finding their own identities yet. maybe soon, according to erikson's 8 stages; 5th stage.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Facebook Horoscopic analysis on Scorpio (Chinese)
天蠍，生於秋深。性喜靜，意清幽。愛之切，怨亦深。本質輕名利，但擁有成名得利的天賦。 偏重靈與肉的完美結合。直覺力之準之銳，行動力之瀟灑之特,常令徒有虛表之人忌憤不已。天蠍，一個別具一格的星座。格調分明有別常人，心胸高妙不露於表。常容人難容之事，亦笑人可笑之處。 對於朋友，重質不重量，高度要求知心。寧可孤獨，也不違心。 對於愛情，寧缺毋濫。寧可抱憾終生，也不苟且湊合。風流不羈的言行下，執著追求一種宗教意識的愛情信仰。內心具有高度責任性，忠誠性，自律性以及矛盾性。浪漫儒雅，風趣超脫。擁有奇異誘人的容貌氣質。根本上，提倡由愛生性的性愛模式，鄙視純粹的獸性性行為，但，自己卻又常在意志薄弱時，自虐般地沉溺其間。 天蠍大多恩怨分明，黑白絕不混餚。猶如包公，寧可得罪眾官，也要獎懲公道。多思少言的特質，齊全透徹的智慧，使一切真相假面恐慌不已。因此，本質靜默孤僻的天蠍們極易招惹他人的非難和灌上莫須有的罪名。而其強硬又柔弱的本質，常使其背負黑鍋也不辯護，不低頭。典型的"獨當千古錯，冷漠自逍遙"的天蠍風格。只有在忍無可忍時，天蠍才會真正採取報復行為。可也因其很多時候過於忍辱負重，好比老實人發火，報復也就更顯突兀強勁，反令圓滑的小人真正的禍首們惱羞成怒，藉機大肆渲染。由於天蠍有隱忍為善的一面，更有別緻的獨特氣質，從而也導致了天蠍倍受他人嫉妒卻常被反咬一口的現象出現。也因為典型的天蠍,並不擅長疏通改善人際關係，更不善於有效地表達澄清自己，從而成為了十二星座裡最具爭議的一個星座。 天蠍們擁有天賦般靈性的思維，結合現實的洞察，產生了異於常人的思索角度愛情觀，友情觀，人生觀，皆如此。由於意識超常，天蠍們總是：苦於紅塵無知音，不如隱形愛孤獨。天蠍的確就是這樣極端：不是最另類的現代人，就是最另類的原始人。 人們研究天蠍的誤區在於沒有能力到達天蠍的心理根本。 其實，天蠍們一生都在尋求知心的朋友，同時他們也容忍對手的存在，但，並非製造敵人。要知道，天蠍本性不好戰，但具備戰鬥的智慧和能量。請注意：這是關鍵。所以你可以成為天蠍的對手和朋友，但，不要把天蠍當敵人。因為，天蠍從不主動侵犯他人的利益。你也不要做些低層次的敵對事情，那只能顯得你自己無聊挫敗。比如：如果你煽動眾人，想用流言蜚謠打擊算計，甚至孤立天蠍，那麼不久你就會發現天蠍依舊活得很灑脫，很獨特。因為，他們本來沒有把你當敵人，某種意義上，是你自己"自作多情"，以小人之心度君子之腹了。而這種俗不可耐的敵對伎倆，對於天蠍們來說，無疑是一堆可笑差勁的破招。天蠍生性渴望理解,卻不奢求理解，安於孤獨，更能樂於孤獨。天蠍的優勢在於，對於別有用心的人，能夠一眼看穿，並完全做到視若無睹。也許，當你自鳴得意時，天蠍想的正是——不和這頭牲口一般見識！看，天蠍就是這樣的心態，清高地忍讓，憂鬱地承受，卻，酷得乾脆利落，宛如一位高超的劍手，不是不過招，只是你非對手。為什麼你非對手，因為你已經把自己立意為敵人。對於敵人，不用過招。興趣無時不屑一顧。興趣來時，一劍定勝負。這種徹骨的冷靜和孤高，也正是天蠍人雖不招惹別人，卻還是招致陰險有毒的惡名的根本。而，也只有天蠍自己知道，真正惡毒的其實是你！但是，一切也都沒有用，要知道，能夠忍受孤獨的人，也就是最無所畏懼的人了。這也就是天蠍為什麼可以在鋪天蓋地的惡名謠傳裡，依舊活出自己風格的原因。某個角度來說，才思橫溢的天蠍人，正是從別人不切實際的攻擊誹謗裡，看到了自己與眾不同的價值。因為，沒有人會化很大的心血很多的精力，對一個平庸無常的人做太多的關注。顯然，天蠍是別具一格的。 我本善良，我本真實，這樣的句子，用在天蠍身上是最恰當不過了。每隻天蠍似乎從出生那天起，就注定要為自己的獨特而歷經許多風波。對於人性，天蠍從來看得比所有人透徹。 可以說他們極端，但是，他們無法不真實地活出自己。也許，只有"曲高合寡"這四個字，才是孤獨奇特的天蠍們最好的詮釋。 天蠍。星象書上說，誕生在深秋的蠍子是最複雜的。同意這句話。因為蠍子可以根據需要在具體環境把自己塑造成適合的角色，是個善於戴著面具生活的人。但內心本我的強大力量又讓他們在某個時刻不由自主地顯現出其蠍子冷酷陰鬱的一面。幾乎沒有任何一個蠍子座的人可以逃避這點。因為，本質的東西，深植於骨髓，扎根於靈魂。 這裡，我希望通過自己的一點薄見，和大家一起認識這最複雜的蠍子情感強烈是蠍子座的人最普遍的特點。我至今沒有發現感情因子欠乏的蠍子。他們有著異常熾熱的感情，但大多藏得較深，平時看來是個比較和氣的人，一般不爆發，爆發時絕對是噴湧而出的，有著強大的震懾力.能促使蠍子爆發深藏的感情的事情其實並不多。我總結了三種情況。 一是欺騙，這種欺騙也許不是很大，也許發生在很好的朋友甚至親友之間，也許只是一樁小事，但蠍子看來，重要的不是欺騙造成了什麼損失，而是欺騙這種行為本身，他認為這是強烈的不信任感，是對他的不尊重。一個小小的欺騙在蠍子的心中會激盪起巨大的不快，天性陰冷的蠍子習慣將它放大來看，也可以說這種與他們處事風格準則背道而弛的行為是他們輕蔑並排斥的。用欺騙傷害蠍子產生的裂痕一般是不容易消除的。當事人在蠍子心中的地位可以說馬上會大幅下降。經觀察，沒有哪個星座的人像蠍子這樣如此深地看重信任和尊重這兩個詞，他們一般對此都很敏感。敏感得容下不在他許可的小小範圍內出現一粒沙。越是親密關係間的欺騙對蠍子的傷害就越大。因為他們對朋友往往交出真心，而這種付出償來的若是欺騙和背叛的話，蠍子的心會冷到極點。 二是侮辱。敏感的蠍子其實並不那麼開得起玩笑，當然他們能敏銳地分辨出你話裡的真實含義，善意的玩笑他們還是不會拒絕的。但帶刺的話他們絕對能馬上聽出，他能感受到你語氣中的真實的感情成分。很自我的蠍子絕對不容忍別人侮辱他貶低他。也許一件事情讓他糟糕，讓他吃虧很大，但如果需要的話他能壓抑住自己的情緒，裝作若無其事。惟獨侮辱不可以，你可以感受到蠍子那一刻表情越發陰冷，牙關緊閉。那是他在積蘊力量，你能感受得到他強壓怒火的眼神，開始起伏的胸膛，只需要一個小小突破口，巨大的能量就要噴薄而出。這個時候，瞭解他們的人還是趕緊收口吧，否則誰都不知道會發生什麼可怕的事情。我自己就經歷過多次這樣的情景，從來都是是猛烈的瞬間爆發，不明白的人奇怪怎麼突然發這麼大脾氣，其實真實情況是，他忍著氣已經很久很久了，只是你硬逼他爆發的。 三是為了他認為重要的人。蠍子是活得孤獨的人，他們自己都會發現，自己和許多人是格格不入的，他滿臉的笑容很多時候都不是發自內心的，只是為了場合的需要，真正談得來並懂得他們的朋友一般很少很少。生命中他重視的人他一定會傾力保護，蠍子為了保護那個人時，顯現出的感情是強大的。這個人最大的可能就是曾在蠍子需要時給過真正理解溫暖關愛的人。哪怕是一點點。像會記恨一樣，蠍子對那些對他真心好的人絕對是記在心上的，沒有太多的表面的東西，關鍵的時候，真正肯為你犧牲的那個朋友，肯定是他。對他最愛的那個人而言，蠍子有可能的話甚至肯為她去死。如果他心中的那個她被別人傷害的話，蠍子會有剜心的痛，這個時候，他可能會暴露出最陰暗的一面，如果要把報復和蠍子聯繫起來的話，那麼這種情況當屬第一。蠍子這時候可能會在巨痛的驅使下，用最黑暗的力量為她去復仇去摧毀敵人。在我看來，蠍子最最強烈感情表現出來的時候，應該就是他為了保護她的時候。水象之王的蠍子外表看來往往不那麼強硬，甚至有點軟弱，這是很多人對他們的印象，但瞭解他們的內心的人就會發現，他們是討厭被指使的人。可以說，蠍子是吃軟不吃硬的，平等對他的話，他便是個性子很好的人，要是想壓制他，蠍子內心馬上會排斥，並且潛意識裡他們是很厭惡習慣對他們指手畫腳的人的。他們心中多數是不服，但不會明顯表現出來，也許暫時地順著對方，背後則默默積累力量，也許乾脆用冷漠直接表示拒絕和厭惡。蠍子確實是喜歡掌控別人的人，但不像火象的獅子那種氣焰上統領一切的感覺，蠍子能用一種獨特的暗藏的力量影響人，因為他有著洞穿別人內心的敏銳力和堅定沉靜的氣質。如果蠍子具備一些火象性格的話，則會是個讓人感覺非常凌厲的人，冷靜的外表下說起話做起事來霸氣十足。蠍子如果學著性格張揚一點的話，會馬上顯現出強大的領導力。蠍子對自己的愛人也有著強烈的掌控欲，只有當那個她只對他一個人好的時候，他才感覺安心，他希望她能常陪在他身邊，希望她能經常依靠他，所以小鳥依人般的溫柔甜蜜的女孩子最能激起蠍子愛的感覺。這就解釋了為什麼他和水象的魚兒和巨蟹很和得來的原因。 蠍子比較喜歡不帶表情的說話做事，可以說，蠍子很難學會用表情表達他們豐富的內心世界，他們是不善於利用表情的人。蠍子本質是不愛笑的，尤其不習慣在一大堆人之間肆無忌憚地笑，蠍子習慣淺淺地一笑，讓他們在眾人面前表情誇張地保持10秒鐘我相信是件困難的事情。 他們確實常給人缺乏親和力的印象，哪怕是他已經認識到了這點並試著去改變了，結果還是會發現，一不留神，他和人的距離感又莫名地產生了。可以說蠍子的笑保留著人類某種原始的東西，蠍子笑起來會帶著絲羞澀，特別是在人多或異性面前。看起來非常孩子氣，讓人感覺純真，顯得乖巧。但蠍子多笑真的比較重要，蠍子笑起來純樸真誠的樣子可以很好地打消他們在別人心中不好的印象。蠍子可以多對著鏡子練習練習。敏感的蠍子有時會莫名地收住笑容，這會給別人不好的印象，他們會納悶並猜想你突然沉下臉的原因，很多時候，蠍子和人的隔閡就是這麼產生的。 在蠍子的生命中總有一種嚮往孤獨的特質。 他們即使在受不了淒寂的同時，又渴望得到只有在孤獨時才能享受到的自我極致發揮和無絲毫保留的面對現實。 所以，孤獨的蠍子是矛盾的。 孤獨中他們的心靈像眼睛，誠實敏銳得揉不進一粒塵沙。 所以，孤獨的蠍子更能洞悉謊言與人心。他們只有在孑然一身的時候，才有機會登上精神的高峰，望得遠，看得清，障礙盡除，思維如月光染雪，剔透通明，理智與感情皆回歸到最純淨的狀態，能清楚的照亮自己。 所以，孤獨的蠍子睿智。 當蠍子被身邊的孤獨包圍的時候，他們的內心卻是在釋放。他們的身體和靈魂變成了過濾器，吸取著潮濕冰冷的空氣，滲透出清澈甘甜的水滴，那就是他們的思想。思想無限流動，不受空間和時間的限制，抵達所有相通的靈魂。 所以，當到達你的靈魂時，請你好好珍惜。 當你看到陌生人面前孤僻而冷淡的蠍子時，請你見諒，因為即興發揮不是蠍子的強項，蠍子一向預熱很慢，感情需要很大的安全感才能活潑的施展。 所以，當你想要瞭解那些外表形單影隻，獨來獨往的蠍子時，請細心的感受他們內在活動的勃放如春。 對於天蠍座的激情別人已經寫得夠多的了，以致再寫就顯得有點多餘了。其實那些描述嚴格地來說，也不完全正確。天蠍座的人確實擁有過量的激情。但是這些熱情不一定是用一種顯而易見的方式來表達的。對於天蠍座的人來說，性是一種表達的途徑，它是一種達到秩序的方法，而不僅僅是肉體上激情的釋放。 天蠍座對性和愛的渴望，通常與它們能提供的轉變有關。他們喜歡把性與愛稱作自己所喜歡的名字：一次神秘的經歷、一次深層次的體會。性與愛讓天蠍座向比他們自己更強大的事物投降。天蠍座的伴侶有一種巨大的容忍力，他們為了愛情和忠貞可以犧牲一切。他們甚至可以做出巨大的自我犧牲。在他們身上有一點狂熱，這會滲透到他們與別人建立的關係中，並且影響他們的精神和態度。 天蠍座是不會在淺的池塘裡划水的。他們縱身跳入遠遠淹過他們的頭的深度的汪洋。但是有時候可悲的是，在天蠍座所處的關係中釋放出來的狂熱，有時候會導致他們極端的猜疑，並且會讓他們產生強烈的佔有慾。假如天蠍座的人正陷入在愛情當中的時候，這種情況往往就會發生。假如他們沒有真正談戀愛的話，那麼他們情感的大門就永遠不會在你面前出現，你將面臨真正的情感上的堅冰。
took me quite a while to read this whole chunk of words.
even though i'm studying psychology, i still kinda believe this.
took me quite a while to read this whole chunk of words.
even though i'm studying psychology, i still kinda believe this.
Monday, July 12, 2010
a nitez in the sandz
dad actually told us he booked a room in sentosa, but suddenly it changed to marina bay sands the day before. it doesn't really matter to me, it's nearer to the place i'm going after checking out anyway.
the check-in went fine, the room was pretty cool. the usual 2 big beds that looks smaller than a twin bed but larger than a single, the big screen tv, curtains. the unusual thing is the toilet, it got no lock. so even if someone is bathing inside, you can just slide the door wide open. perfect for perverts. i'll probably do that to my gf, if i have one. the view out of the balcony was of the barrage, which means the sea. not too bad from level 32 high.
the evening was spent strolling around, looking at fashion shops that were all too plenty. parents decided to pay $100 each to go casino, while me and sis left in the shuttle bus for dinner at ps. nothing much to do until the final match of the world cup starts, so i went randomly walking around.
slept an hour or 2 after the match before i joined my sis and her friend at the top floor for a morn swim. although we went there at night to take a quick peek of the sky garden, the morning view was just as fresh as the night. top down from the 57th floor, i could see the esplanade, the river, merlion, and hell lots of things. the sky seemed near, the clouds were moving, the sun was doing its daily east-west routine (or rather the earth is doing its rotation)... beautiful sight. or cuz, with some bikinis too.
it's times like this i kinda wish i have someone special at the moment. to share the excitement, to share the same astonishing view... we can probably both go "wow..." together. well, wtheck. i just wowed now, then when i finally get someone, i bring her there so she can go wow.
btw, the hot jaccuzi and the glaring sun seriously burned my body.
the check-in went fine, the room was pretty cool. the usual 2 big beds that looks smaller than a twin bed but larger than a single, the big screen tv, curtains. the unusual thing is the toilet, it got no lock. so even if someone is bathing inside, you can just slide the door wide open. perfect for perverts. i'll probably do that to my gf, if i have one. the view out of the balcony was of the barrage, which means the sea. not too bad from level 32 high.
the evening was spent strolling around, looking at fashion shops that were all too plenty. parents decided to pay $100 each to go casino, while me and sis left in the shuttle bus for dinner at ps. nothing much to do until the final match of the world cup starts, so i went randomly walking around.
slept an hour or 2 after the match before i joined my sis and her friend at the top floor for a morn swim. although we went there at night to take a quick peek of the sky garden, the morning view was just as fresh as the night. top down from the 57th floor, i could see the esplanade, the river, merlion, and hell lots of things. the sky seemed near, the clouds were moving, the sun was doing its daily east-west routine (or rather the earth is doing its rotation)... beautiful sight. or cuz, with some bikinis too.
it's times like this i kinda wish i have someone special at the moment. to share the excitement, to share the same astonishing view... we can probably both go "wow..." together. well, wtheck. i just wowed now, then when i finally get someone, i bring her there so she can go wow.
btw, the hot jaccuzi and the glaring sun seriously burned my body.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
found it
finally found the 'superb' comment. wonder why i got so lost finding it last night. anyway, it was followed by another long comment in a language that i don't know.
that said, i went to random do some translation and fortunately got an answer. it's in romanian.
here goes:
I've never made a step ... a step towards what I'll lovage appointed happiness .... I sincerely call amagirea mind and soul, because there is everlasting, is lost amongst rows of life, when going back looking to study better, disappears, but her beloved ubra take, and invaluie in darkness: sadness, ah if I knew I wouldn't be viewed Elijah ... we need of happiness, we the people even tackle for it, some even a wait years or days, others a search for my whole life and forget to live ... but why would you want to be happy? what does it get? In your way, your search in the UK an ... pass by all, not only through suffering (even if it is a great truth that life is suffering) know new people, happy or Angels, naive, or bored, heaven, or just copilarosi .... I was born (as each of you), I ran since I was a kid, on the street, and when aciasi ma intorceam out, I'm expecting MOM at home I say how much I love you, I give the food and to me. ... I grew up without taking days to feel, and I notice that we realize nothing .... I was just a baby ... I wanted to create an, felt atractia .... wanting to discover, to learn, to live exactly as I wanted, as well as a happy man, hope and dream were my true happiness ... I love to write little baby, and music, I'm enchant fascinata of sounds that I gadilau easy ears, and felt the smell of happiness ... Later ... I just closed my ... I wanted to be the only one to create, to write poems or prose, studying various philosophy book or simply psychology, or SCIENCE FICTION novels, which I'll exinda ambitionau imagination ... For me there is happiness, even if I were a kid his sad and lonely abatust, what is he among the Park's gandurii ... Happiness will be always in your dreams, hopes, in your mind you will find what they are looking for, because when you find what you wanted by a life you're a man over a week ... senina ...!
there differences in 2 translators that i used, but i just took the one that i cna cut and paste the whole thing.
anyway, i can't really comprehend the translation as much as i would love to, but i do know it's something along the line of hope for happiness. interesting comment ain't it? first i get to try to find out what language is it, then i get to try to understand its meaning.
that said, i went to random do some translation and fortunately got an answer. it's in romanian.
here goes:
I've never made a step ... a step towards what I'll lovage appointed happiness .... I sincerely call amagirea mind and soul, because there is everlasting, is lost amongst rows of life, when going back looking to study better, disappears, but her beloved ubra take, and invaluie in darkness: sadness, ah if I knew I wouldn't be viewed Elijah ... we need of happiness, we the people even tackle for it, some even a wait years or days, others a search for my whole life and forget to live ... but why would you want to be happy? what does it get? In your way, your search in the UK an ... pass by all, not only through suffering (even if it is a great truth that life is suffering) know new people, happy or Angels, naive, or bored, heaven, or just copilarosi .... I was born (as each of you), I ran since I was a kid, on the street, and when aciasi ma intorceam out, I'm expecting MOM at home I say how much I love you, I give the food and to me. ... I grew up without taking days to feel, and I notice that we realize nothing .... I was just a baby ... I wanted to create an, felt atractia .... wanting to discover, to learn, to live exactly as I wanted, as well as a happy man, hope and dream were my true happiness ... I love to write little baby, and music, I'm enchant fascinata of sounds that I gadilau easy ears, and felt the smell of happiness ... Later ... I just closed my ... I wanted to be the only one to create, to write poems or prose, studying various philosophy book or simply psychology, or SCIENCE FICTION novels, which I'll exinda ambitionau imagination ... For me there is happiness, even if I were a kid his sad and lonely abatust, what is he among the Park's gandurii ... Happiness will be always in your dreams, hopes, in your mind you will find what they are looking for, because when you find what you wanted by a life you're a man over a week ... senina ...!
there differences in 2 translators that i used, but i just took the one that i cna cut and paste the whole thing.
anyway, i can't really comprehend the translation as much as i would love to, but i do know it's something along the line of hope for happiness. interesting comment ain't it? first i get to try to find out what language is it, then i get to try to understand its meaning.
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