disappointed

it's been some time, but i still feel that sense of attraction towards a certain girl in my korean class. she has a name that's easy to remember, but i think i only managed to catch it after a few lessons. she knows jap, same as me, but better. it's been too long since i touched any jap. haha.. gonna be more than a year soon, i forgot most of it.

she kinda made me realized that i'm more attracted to females with long straight hair. compared to those with the short, cute hairstyles, i feel that the long hair brings about a higher level of beauty.

i'm usually the thorough and cautious guy, in other words, stupid and gutless. haha... so i tried to run whatever background check i can get my hands on, which is facebook. sadly, i can't find her on it. a desperate attempt to search for her school email address and googling it has failed also. well, too bad then.

i've thought before on just asking her out, maybe for lunch after class or something along that line of thought. but it's just the gutless me. seemed quite random. and i don't like to dress up for school, so i think i don't really attracts much physically for a high chance that that's gonna happen. besides, it'll be too weird if she feels rather unpleasant and awakard about the situation if somehow i went bonkers and ask her out. hmm.. love/like/sense of attraction. i must admit, my confidence ain't high. i don't think it's the rejection part that's keeping me abstain from asking girls out. it's more of the unknown factor.

when i was young, i was scared of the dark.
foolish child, haunted by his own naive imaginations.

when i'm grown up, i became scared of another type of darkness.
restrained by the unknown, trapped within self.

i wondered, for every couple out there, how much courage did it take to ask for a date? a confession? a proposal? a break-up? a patch?

words are weightless as they are spoken or written,
but what people don't realize is that we 'matterized' them.
and when we do give them weight,
they suddenly become a heavy responsibility of the author.