happy birthday you

well, i'm 23rd.
cut my hair yesterday, no longer a need to comb my hair. nice.

a belated happy birthday to nik, who's still going thru a tough time doing project.
an early happy birthday to h.ying, who was the first to wish me. same as last year.

poh once told me what does it matter if my birthday is just adjacent to others, it's not like it's the same or matter to the others.

but i just found it comforting, very comforting in fact, that someone, would alway remember my birthday.

i don't require a huge party to celebrate. or rather, i hate huge party. as long as you remember it, i already feel blessed. and this seemed like it's not gonna change.

got the one and only birthday present, from my dear dad.
he came into the room without me realizing becuz i was so engrossed in playing my hitting-arrows-along-with-the-beat-of-the-melody game and handed me a red packet, with wishes from him. =)

our family is a very special family. we like to keep things to ourselves. we like to do things behind each others' back and don't tell them until they ask. not bad things, it's always good things. and somethings when that person don't appreciate it, he/she won't hold back the displease, but still shows appreciation.

we hardly ever say thank you or sorry, except for trivial stuffs like helping to buy dinner, move stuffs, etc etc. i don't really know what's the situation in other typical asian, chinese families, but it's happening strangely in mine. i grew up with that particular period of memory that i refused to say sorry to my mum becuz of some stupid argument, and she decided until then she won't even care about my well-being. true enough, she only cooked for me. i had to do everything else myself. washing was a tiring part of that. after 1 week of tiring myself out becuz of a little ego at the young age of 12, i wrote a note saying... "妈，对不起。力勤” or was it “...儿上”. after that, everything went back to normal.

so when my dad came with the hongbao, i didn't say anything. i choked. maybe it's the trait that runs in my family. when we want to say sincere words, especially when it's very truthful and to a closed/loved ones, we choked. or is it because we think that becuz we're so close, there's no need for thanks and sorry. we empathsize, we understand.

i'm just using this as an excuse the next time i choked on my words when confessing my feelings. haha.. may the future/next girl that i fancy read this and empathsize my shortcoming. can we just get together without saying a word abt it? can we get married without having a proposal?

becuz words are overrated for me.
people have better chances understanding by at looking at my eyes.

someone's birthday on 13th nov, i can't rmb who. but at least i know it's a girl. haha.. i'm particular sensitive/receptive to females borned in the month of nov, or being scorpios. interesting. i always believed part of the horoscopic descriptions and analysis, even though science can't prove it. it's something like... science can't prove the existence of gods, yet many still choose to believe. well, i believe i'm a sneaky scorpion with a poisonous sting hanging in midway to strike my foes, hiding the dark and observing my preys, creep up and scare the hell out of them, watch them scramble with the 'ahh~~!!!' look on their face, catch up to them, and eat them.

too dark? hmm.. maybe i'll just be the phoenix. die, rebirth. die again, rebirth. so much fun. i can tell other birds how they will feel when they are dying, but will never live again to tell the tale.

often i get frightened on the thoughts of myself dying, stop breathing. i just convinced myself it's just like a permanent blackout. so probably the last thought is gonna be something like... "it's so hard to breathe. oh, i think i'm dy....". yup. and i have a weird idea to ask ppl to partake in an experiment to see what do you feel when you're dying. when they say gone in peace, is it realy peaceful? but dead man can't talk, so i planned to ask them to memorise a set of rules for different feelings. like 1 is pain, 2 is very pain, 3 is just let me die. fingers ought to show it.

the reason that i keep babbling on is that i'm reluctant to return to my presentation due on thursday. oh, and i just realized i'm left with 30min of my birthday. so, birthday resolutions. haha..

23rd birthday resolutions:
1) smile when i see pretty girls instead of just staring at them/breasts
2) read up on pseudopsycho therapies (someday i'm gonna learn how to hypnotize vulnerable girls and ask them to say i'm cute or something)
3) less self-centered, becuz i always realize my words/actions are so self-centered
4) travel~! at least to 1 country alone, or with someone. i don't mind a female. or, i prefer a female. haha.. it just sad to pay the entire cab fare by yourself. yet, i don't wanna travel in a big pack. 2 is enough. i'll bring the condoms tan bought for me eons ago, just in case.
5) facial care. something has to be done with my face condition, something serious.
6) dental care! my teeth is straight, yet slightly and turning more yellowish. i remembered the air force dentist telling me that i've got 2 holes to fill and told me to visit after i'm bcak from AGC. after i failed AGC, i just hecked. it's been... 3 years. haha.. wtheck.
7) thoughts-writing. did i mention this before? i plan to carry a small notebook with a small pencil and write down my small random thoughts on the streets with my small handwriting. i realized a lot of good thoughts just come and go. some interesting ones too. and some, are inspirations for chinese lyrics, or phrase. some, are just to note things like... "i think i can see that girl's nipple showing. maybe the mrt aircon's too cold"
8) terrapin tank. dear wu gui has been with me for over 9 years now. a birthday gift from a few of the female classmates back then. it's been too long since i wanted to change a new, bigger and more interesting tank for wu gui.
9) dartboard reorganization. with so many holes on my wall, i can't bear to poke a few more with my lousy throwing. going to fix something this holidays.
10) $ - ppl have all sorts of names of money, like moola, which i found quite irritating. but anyway, hopefully i can save up some money and have a positive gain in my bank account. it has been going down very fast since the start of the sem.

i'm tired of writing already. i think i'm ready to face my presentation slides again.