in school

i always told, or maybe gives the impression that school was rather boring for me.
but as it is, it's always pleasant to see someone familiar, or to have some weird conversation.

yesterday i went to lesson early and met her in the lobby sitting down and reading her paper. so i went over and chatted for a while before class.

today during clinical, we tried role-playing listener-storyteller again. this time, all 3 of us talked about troubles regarding friendships. somehow the discussion dragged on and we discussed more on methods to commmit suicide than therapy-related stuffs. concluded on the fact that before one attempts to commit suicide thru a peaceful death, sleeping pills are essential.

after class, saw an old acquaintance while going home. she struck me as a rather studious and diligent girl from before when we were chionging our maths project days before the deadline while one of the ah tiong bo chup the whole thing, lucky the other helped a bit. we talked for a while till our paths parted. she talked about whether psychology majors study on the interpretation of dreams. interesting topic, one of my first contacts with psychology before i actually signed up and did 2 years of it. she mentioned that she previously had recurring dreams; or rather nightmares.

before, it was the chasing type of dreams. she constantly dreamed that she was being chased by something and she was running away from it. she didn't seem sure what was it, sometimes it was water, monster, etc.

currently, it is a dream of murder. she would dream that she had already murdered someone (unknown btw) and is hiding from the authorities that are checking up on the case.

a lot of thoughts came into my mind. possible reasons why this kind of dreams occur. fear of something, guilt of something. these are just speculations. but even after speculations, there need be a specific target. fear of what? guilty of what? murder signifies kill, but on a deeper sense, kill can means a more extreme manifestation of removal. killing a part of yourself can just translate to getting rid of an old habit. then even after that, what to do? how to solve?

few days back during my child psychopathology tutorial i kinda made a fool of myself when i tried to relate sigmund freud psychoanalytic developmental theory to a diagnosis to be done with DSM. then after that, perhaps after my ego takes over, i felt the more foolish one was with DSM. yes, everything gotta be scientific. but at the moment, everything's still not settled. what if the problem is better solved with freud theories? jung's? perhaps advocates of maslow could chip in? the mysteries of the mind may just remains as it is until the end of time. i kinda believe so, or want to believe, that no one possibly in this world, could ever find an answer to the mind. for the mind relates to all kinds of things, and most importantly, love. and if an answer can be found, imagine the chaos it will cost to the world.

where's the thrill in love when you know how it works?
it's like you're being raped of your virginity, without even having one.