Before Departure

In a few hours time i will be leaving for australia, tamworth, for my 1-mth pilot training. hmm.. a kind of different feeling from when i left for taiwan last year. this time, there's a slight feeling of missing home, and the company in singapore. perhaps recently i have been staying home. a sense of uncertainness lingers around. will i pass this air grading test? and move on for my pilot career? or within this 1 month, my fate as a pilot trainee will end? something like a lvls. i feel... excited, uneasy. believe in yourself, as i've always say. i believe, i will be an excellent fighter.

recieved kristie's card, along with a scorpion-shaped paper clip today. nice! haha.. well, it's the only gift i have this time. perhaps i can count the pictures drawn by nik as presents also ba. haha.. 10 years and counting, looks like i'll be old-fashioned and continue sending cards through post. =)

had a small chat with an old friend. she is still busy as ever. haha... is uni life that busy? i wonder.

this kinda brought me to a point... boyfriends' insecurity.
hmm... some guys may feel insecure on the relationship, on how things will turn out in the future. it doesn't really matter if they have confidence in themselves, but perhaps, they have no confidence in the girls. or worst, no confidence in both. heard of ppl who hurt themselves to make their partner stay, or when they can't stand stand the pain of the separation, hurting themselves is a solution. it's quite a simple solution, both situations. to keep their spouse, or to keep the heartbreak away. cuts, bruises, getting into trouble and then get beaten up, all sorts of things when you ain't thinking right. hurting oneself is just a temporary solution. you can't possibly do that forever. i mean... imagine next time you have to think of places to hurt yourself. "now... where can i cut myself that has no scars?" that will be a dumb thing right? i'm worried for my sis.

now there's another insecurity. it's called... my insecurity towards her. haiz

when hopes are high, you crash down faster and deeper than anyone else. i don't really want to keep my hopes high when she asked to send me off. i can't say no, becuz i wish that she could. and when i finally know that she can't make it just hours before going to the airport, it just doesn't feel good. as you were eagerly waiting through the night, and the whole morning until the early afternoon, then you got the results which you didn't wish for. it feels.. bad. maybe i think too much into stuffs... move on, that's what i heard from everyone. haha... maybe i'll stay for a while. what can i do, when everything i hold to so tightly, are the things i can't give up. just, for a little longer, i'll stay.

well, anyway, i'll get over this stupid issue. hmm.. maybe the guys will be there? haha.. it's okay to be alone lah. being alone doesn't bothers me. being lonely, that's what everyone's afraid of.

early happy birthday to favian, minjie, weilynn for the month of nov while i'm away.

and the death anniversary of my wu gui is coming soon. hmm. forgot how many years since it died.

good day, and good bye.
it's just a month. haha...