Addicted.

Heard the song Addicted by Simple Plan on radio while i was on the train during my journey back home. it's quite an old song lah. somehow i just thought of her and the breakup. haha... it so matches the relationship. yup yup... lots of ppl do relate themselves to music, even if it's just a small minute portion of the whole song. here's the lyrics:

I heard you're doin' OK
But I want you to know
I'm addict,
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict,
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

ah... but the last verse more resemebles the situation now.

Anyway, last night was quite a disaster when i asked her. haha.. wasn't an answer that i hoped for. in fact, any possibilities that i ever thought of, will never come true. don't know why. or at least most of the times. haha.. it's just something to keep my mind off the matter. it's like i'm waiting for something to happen, and i don't know the present state, much less predict the future. hence, i need to affirm what's the present. lots of sadness even as i review my past with her. don't even know it's becuz i didn't cherish, or she doesn't have the feeling i thought she had. it seemed very frightening to have a repeat of the past, it's like volutarily stabbing myself again, and the knife is in her hand. hmmm.. quite dumb eh? hey... but i rather she stab me now then next time she tell me that again and then i stab myself. not sure how is it going to turn all, but it seemed she's still stuck in the past. being with her, the thought of this suddenly faded off, i thought everything's alright, fine, ignore her personal msg that is there for damn long. but chiuhao reminded me, it's not.

yup, and he passed his pilot interview. hahaha... came to cmpb today for it. was talking cork for a while before he went back to ocs... i missed my ocs cadet days... armour, i just don't wanna talk much abt it. -_-

oh ya, the other day saw weixiong on sunday in yishun. still look the same. hmm.. still like an ah beng, quite cool lah. haha...

went to tie da again after i complain my whole right leg is pain, or rather one of the 'geng', nerve? tendon? i have no idea what's called. wah... the master can always make my face twist here and there... she can massaged halfway and then ask me, "very pain hor?" "VERY PAIN AH!!!" sis laughed at me again becuz i went to tie da again lah.. kaoz.

another thing is that yinghao came today. hmm. we're pilot cse mates. good to have someone you know in the group lah. can crap on armour altogether.

i suddenly have the urge to go do the project i planned for don't know how many months liao. then i lost it again. hmmm... urge becuz of the song. hmm.. lost it becuz i'm just too lazy. the passport making is already making my mum nag, plus the ankle, extra nag. and i'm having the involuntary expressions of telling my mum she's nagging too much. normally i will just okokokokokokokokokokok.

hope she's sleeping well ba.. seemed to have invoked some of her memories again. better stay away from the topic for now. i think i better stay away from her also. right on, i'm just like an add-on lah. good to have, okay if don't have.

i rmbed once during the OBS camp, i was asked a question.
which is stronger and better in reaching a certain destination, a team of kayakers, or a single kayaker.
in my context, if it's a single kayaker, he will have to be very strong even before he set off. hence, i answer it's the single kayaker. becuz in my mind, a team, of group will have the weakest link, which will of cuz in turn drag the whole team down. i answered it with the consideration of team spirit somemore. and i think my attitude hasn't change a bit.

being alone will make me stronger.
i've learnt that through myself.
my buddies will see me through.
a partner will weaken the wall of heart.
if that is so, i will be weak and strong.