5 more days

well, i got frustrated with my previous entry that was deleted off becuz the connection was bad when i clicked "publish post". -_-"

anyway, failed my test like 1 week ago on monday. ORD loh~ haha... come to think about it, my attitude towards this opportunity, is quite different from the others.
first, i'm going to ord.
second, i don't really have an interest in flying.
third, i'm in it becuz it's a good career.

but considering the other factors... frequent travelling, risky job... => leads to very high pay. hahaha... well, too bad.

went to a local club on last friday night, the guys went dancing. as usual, i rather not. had a little chat with dy hd, as he and me, we're not the club ppl. haha.. talked over some drinks on my career options. i told him i'm going psychologist. he was kinda... hmm.. like disapproving of it. his first question was do i know who was xxx? never heard of him. and he said he was the most famous psychologist. hmm... so the rest of the conversation is just showing i don't really have an interest in psychology, or i didn't bother to dig in deeper. well... can't say i don't have an interest, just that i don't really bother to really find out about psychology. time is a factor, no time in jc, after a's was enjoyment before enlistment. and until now, yeah... if i want, i can find time to do some searching over the net or the library, but i rather spend my time on some other things. but seriously speaking, i have multiple interests, almost in everything. maths, science, psychology, philosophy, spiritual... i even thought of doing DnT when i was in secondary school. the only thing stopping me is... THERE'S NO SUCH OPTIONS. it's like the express class is denied the chance to take DnT, nobody actually wants it! maybe i'm just weird. -_-" but it's fun. haha... i enjoyed filing the acrylic. so... if so much interests in hand, i'm more geared towards the psycho and philo side. i can't do spiritual, cuz there's no subject in this -_- i mean... out-of-body experience, doesn't that sounds interesting? philosophy sounds a bit too chim... psychology, getting to know humans better. that's what i want. there's no prospects to study it in singapore, but, i still wanna study it. it's my style rebellion and staying true to myself. but i know, it's a more of a uncharted route... he commented psychologist should be a people's man. sociable. and from one look, can see that i'm not one. yes i agreed. hmm... but sometimes i just can't figure out why, everytime i would rise to the occasion. right now, i still don't know what sparked me in my SIT test to get me into ocs, what cause me to feel the need to lead in OBS, becuz of the skills i have? the ideas i have? or i just want to be the 'hero'? right now, i only know i desire to be one of the best, superiors, and i can be one. life, unpredictable.

and i typed so much crap. -_-"

anyway, recieved an email from sis... asking me to call mum up becuz she's bugging her everyday. haha... and she msged me to say mum missed me. sometimes... i can't help but feel... touched. who can denied that warm feeling? it's the knowledge that you're needed in place you think is important, your family, your social group, you brothers/sisters, buddies. but something is wrong if any of my buddies come telling me that they missed me, it's just wrong.

will call back at night, probably, if i rmbed.

today is wednesday, 5 more days.

watched 15, the local film by... royston tan? not sure abt the name. anyway, it's abt teenagers at the age of 15 walking the gangster path. hmm... to tell the truth, the vuglar raps are kinda catchy and nice. haha.. watching a hell lots of movies lah... knowing it's the last week, the guys went to rent out abt 22 movies. all trying to chiong all those nice ones.

i chose and watched "we were soldiers" and "constantine".
constantine was a repeat, watched before. just wanna amuse myself with the middle finger at lucifer. we were soldiers... got teared up when the one by one, the wives recieved the letters from the secretary that their husbands are killed in the war against vietnam.

got an email from her too. hmm... =)

can see nik is still moving on. the key word is still. haha.. regrets, depression, despair...all these follows the heartbroken souls all ard. and it's up to oneself to overcome it. letting time to bland these feelings is possible... can when the time comes again, can you take it, again?

courage without fear is worthless, i often told myself. becuz i fear it, that's why i face it.