dying from confusion

for once after so long... i finally took my focus in life completely off her.
then i realize, HOLY SHITZ. wthell am i doing with my life?

i got a lot of things to do and decisions to make now.

1. continue with psychology?
2. consider other courses
3. alternatively i will be going for commerical pilot training
4. so should i go before or after getting a degree
5. i don't really have much confidence in getting a 1st honour in psychology, my english sux, so might as well get a 1st class in some engineering right? then after that if i go for pilot or other jobs, more pay, more recognition.
6. maybe be applying for air traffic controller. pay not that high, so-so nia. after 2-3 years, at least 3k. hmm. good?
7. BUT STILL, gotta find a job quick to earn money to pay for school fees by myself, if possible
8. get some tuitions jobs on weekends, get more money, and kick her out of my mind
9. considering the online data entry thingy which requires 50 bucks (not sure in what currency) for training and her tools online. hmm.. sounds too good. but it seemed quite some professional work. fear of getting scammed... but for 50 bucks? nik said it's a lot. but then... is it? hmm.. for 50 bucks, in return you can be earning much more, at home, freelance, flexible. maybe i'll go for it, going to look for signs of scam later.
10. apply for NTU scholarship if i'm going for NTU psychology, or any other courses. i don't want to pay sch fees. it's over 20k for 4 years. wthell.

so.. wthell have i been doing?
now i blame myself for not working hard enough back in tamworth..
or else these problems won't appear. haha...

and i finally went to see the doc on the flu yesterday. the medicine is really drowsy...