Suddenly, fear.

Was on my way to town for a dinner and movie with some of my psych friends when a man standing in the middle of the open area near the station handed me a copy of what I thought was a regular free newspaper. However, the first sight of the cover gave this belief away. It was not news, just holidays package advertisements. And there's my interest, going on holidays, being in a whole new place and exploring, seeing new things.. And so began my reading on the train as I travelled down to town.

The places they introduced were more than nice. the beaches, the amazing sightseeing, the cool weather... As I imagined how it would be like if I'm traveling to these places, a sudden wave of fear came over and swept me off my daydreaming. Why? One may ask. It's the future.

As I wonder what my future will be, I know it's probably the case of me being trapped in the norms, or perhaps the necessity of life. Which is work, work, and work. With a working life in place, can i go away as easily as I can now? Would I be trapped? Would I be strangled? Chained, shackled, locked? It's a bit frightening to think that my life would be restricted as such. Freedom lost, choices limited, forced. I can't take a break whenever I want. I can't go on a long holiday if I so desired. I can't travel for a year or so, come back, and still have my old job.

Maybe both my current s3 and supervisor were right about me being the anti-organizational type. It's just I haven't realize it myself. No wonder autonomy is part of what employees want on their job. Without it, it's like someone holding my arms and legs and then yelling into my ear, WORK WORK WORK.

It's been rather hard typing all this on a phone. And since I'm reaching my stop soon too, shall stop my random thoughts typing. Besides, i don't feel as afraid as just now. The pretty girl that is sitting opp me is quite a comforting distraction. Hahaha..