busy week

cute eh? i used to bully my sister when i was young too. it's kinda nice and fun to have an elder sister. haha...

it feels terrible

can't really take much of this...

dying already...

waking up feels so much worse...

work work work -_-

been reaching home at 11 plus... due to work.

and my head hurts.

the only thing i want now is... zZzZz..

Svelte

Requiem

hey, what kind of song is that?

it's making me teary while watching babyblues.

4 things men will do with their daughters but not with their wives

1. Dance
2. Shop
3. Talk
4. Listen

i'm kinda into BabyBlues recently.

and listening to sens.

my back hurts for no apparent reason.

i feel like a budding devil.

To my close her

I thought back.
I used to promise to myself i will protect you as a young man.
I didn't do anything when that bastard left you heartbroken.
Instead, i brought you another portal of life. (online games)
I should have kill that idiot.
When he brought another girl along, I should have give him the hardest punch he will ever receive.
sorry for the things that i didn't do for you all these years..
but anyway, hope you stay happy always.

Happy Bday, dear sis.

i didn't buy a gift. becuz i think i spent more than enough on the movie tickets and the cake. hmm.. another hole, another weekend. i don't really care, as long as the money is put to good use.

last year.. last year...
i look at the memories, and i see contradiction, confusion, the continual self-denial that i've always encounter.

we are what we are, becuz of what we've been through.
but to be what we want to be, we have to go through what we need to go through.
if we don't go through what we need to go through to be what we want to be,
then we will never be what we want to be, and stay as what we are.
held back by what we've been through, we'll then not be what we want to be.
therefore we should be what we need now, becuz of what we've been through, and what we want to be.

shitz, i miss those xxx and xxxxxx.
it's too porno to state. go figure.
just to mention, it's not sex and bj.

KR IS ON THE NEWSPAPER~!
WOOHOO~! THAT BASTARD.
WHEN HE GRADUATE, I MAKE SURE I WILL BUG HIM NOW AND THEN TO DRAW ME SOMETHING NICE.

i think the wave is coming back, real strong this time round.
can feel the signs.
whether it's heading this way, i'm not sure.
better be on high grounds, and just look from high up.
or should i just stay around.

as the blue serenity takes a wrong turn,
the beast of darkness devours the heart.
wrongs begin to justify.
rights start to diminish in significance.

i hate to see couples behaving "uncouplish".
either you're holding hands, kissing, hugging, or on bed.
if not, forget it.

The MacDonald Treat

boss suddenly asked me to go down the office to meet her at the carpark. thought i was the usual stuffs of asking me to carry things up again or just disseminating the work to do before moving off again.
she just told me to get in the car, and off we went to the macdonald nearby for a drink, and a small talk.
the main objective was to find out what's wrong with me. hmm... the reason i wanted to quit the job. see if we can solve the problems involved, and thne continue on.
i told her straight, "if you give me another survey to do, i think i will die."
haha.. the main disgust abt the job is really the taxi project. so she said she will take over the survey part and leave the literature to me. hmm. okay loh. then after that i will leave. told her i have problems outside of work. and somehow, it feels comfortable telling them to her. my relationships, its complications, my feelings and denial of feelings. to me, telling that to someone i just got to know, is easy. telling that to my friends, it's hard.
well at least i also shot back some of the qns she asked. like during valentine someone sent her a whole basket of roses. she was saying no guys jio her or what... then i asked her abt the one who sent the roses. she kinda went.. maybe him or something. haha.. i think she's too busy to socialise also. lady hard at work.

maybe it's my selfish thoughts and decisions that cause certain things to turn towards a nasty side. maybe i didn't get the situation right in the first place. but i will stay true to my choice, to what i think it's right. but what's right for me, has a different meaning to the others. my right, has more of a you're wrong feeling. becuz, my right is the kind of convenient thing you just say, and the whole concept of 自以为是 just neatly falls in place. putting myself in your shoes, that will be another case. but becuz i'm now looking at you, that's why it's this case.

all this guilt saturated my dreams last night. it was just dream after dream... of guilt. however, my stand still stand.

what w.lynn said was right. i should have gotten out of this completely in the first place. onlooker/involver. no, it's passerby/involver.

someday i feel, my ozone layer will just disintergrate into atoms of oxygen and the painful rays of UV will burn my world alive. i'm not even sure O3 -> 3O. but i'm certain that my ozone layer now has a big big hole.

you've gotta be stupid to be someone like me.
but in the meantime, thinking of something more stupid to do.

another run

it was a full moon yesterday night.
so i went to run.
it was more tiring than the previous, but i didn't push too much in case my heart got jam up again.
chat up with nik for a while. forgot to say, THANKS FOR THE DRINK.
(you and your freaking lift)
it was kinda late when i got back.
my pull-up got max out at 10. haha.. siao liao. where's my 12?

not really feeling too well. i think a cold is coming. better eat more fruits and drink more water.

more and more tasks given to me. right now i'm handling 3 projects. -_-

i felt like having a break also.

i'm kinda afraid these days. to have my inner self surface.
my fears all exposed, my feelings in the nudity.

some things are better left unsaid.
unless i feel like i've been in the dark for too long and need some fresh air.

wonder what will happen if i decide to flare up and explode at every minute things i hate.
will my mind be more at ease, or will more troubles follow by.
consequences, results, aftermath - the many considerations thinking people always take in.
but there are times, you just have to forget the thinking.
go with your heart. of cuz, don't kill the guy if you hate him to the core.
there are OTHER things that can be done.

in the tv shows, i saw situations whereby friends will take their troubled friend to the sea or the hills, and ask them to SHOUT as loud as they can to release all the tension caught up inside their little body. i tried it the other night. seriously, i don't really dare to shout like an idiot if it was in the day. night... who cares. as long as you're alone.

hmm... what to buy for a girl you've been with all your life?
well, she's getting kinda fat. maybe i should buy some slimming pills.
or maybe i should be like every years, just buy the birthday cake and make it my present.
haha...

a female (i'm guessing) named Jess commented on a post few weeks ago.
"Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!"
haha... what a nice phrase to remind myself, there's not only love that is sweet.
a kind gesture, a warm hug, a sizzling plate of steak (maybe this is not consider swt, but i thought it's really tempting to have), and of cuz, chocolates!~
sweetest sweety sweet.

heart attack run

my heart kinda hurts pretty bad while i was running back from admiralty.
the feel was good, but the heart can't cope.
so painful, i have to stop and walk for a good 10 min before the pain subsides.
hmm.. i think there is too much fats. haha...
and on the way there, a stupid fly went straight at my throat while i was gasping for air.
i stopped, vomitted what's left of the fly, and stood there disgusted.
then i changed to the other side of the road. haha..

when i thought abt it, i think i've never bought anyone a vday gift.
hmm.. not even snag. i just gave her a card last year. haha.. oh shitz, i realise i'm of no bf material. haha.. just too lazy. lazy is a very good excuse.

the run last night was better than the previous.
is it becuz there's less weight on my heart now?

anyone noticed?
DEVIL MAY CRY 4 IS ON THE SHELF NOW~! $95.00!!!
add that to PS3 = near to 1k.
okay, i think i know what to save up for.
so... what do i do with my ps2. hmm...
i know.
i put ps 3, on top of ps 2.
simple.

gathering at Ms Ong's

class gathering~!
first time seeing qr after 2 years.

i feel more insecured abt psychology.

dap's really waiting for a prince charming riding on a white horse to come by and pick her up.

i drank a bit.

tea don't taste good like alcohol.

somehow feel down today.

The glowing Puzzle

i wrote something on the story of the glow around 8 months ago.
that's roughly the time after i broke up.
someone say it was a beautiful story, meaningful.
i thought it's just life.
life is always beautiful and full of it.
but life is also always ugly, and saturated with it.
how you view life, is how you view yourself.
if it's beautiful, i'm sure you're living in bliss.
if it's awful, i'm sure you're living with sorrows.
but normally you're just not here and not there. haha..
the grayness of the sky is just life.

i don't really know what's the material of glow.
but i found it quite amusing to have something that absorbs energy, and then release it once the source disappears. but there's only that much that it can take in, and hence it has a limit, a maximum amount of time it can glow. let me relive the meaning behind it...

glow is something similar to love.
i was basking in the the rays of it when she was around.
absorbing and storing the potential energy, i grew stronger.
when the source disappears, the glowing starts.
it can only hope that before it fades into the darkness, the source will return.
slowly and steadily, the glow becomes weaker.
until the second it has no more energy to produce even the minute amount of photons.

come to think abt it, maybe it's not love.
you're just glowing, becuz you're loved.
or perhaps it was love. just that it left you.
and hence, you glows.
once you have no more energy to glow, you just move on.

what about a jigsaw puzzle?

doing up a puzzle takes a long time to finish.
patience my friend, you just have to do it piece by piece.
what do you think of love being related to a puzzle?
the patience to complete a piece of masterpiece.

you started out by choosing which puzzle you wanna complete,
just like how you began looking out for that special someone you wanna have an end with.
you buy it, and bring it home.
open out the box, and see that all the different pieces.
like the one you love now, you're not loving, you're just completing that love for them.
love has no boundaries, it only completes itself when perhaps, the person is gone.
whether the person left you in life, or in the heart.
it's not wrong to say i love you.
but i think it's more correct to say, i'm not done loving you yet.

you started out doing up the frame, you began a friendship relationship with her.
portions by portions, you pieced together the different parts of the picture.
step by step, you two got closer to each other hearts. eventually, a pair.

there will be times you think that this piece of the puzzle, matches that other piece.
when in truth, it doesn't.
like the many times you quarrel with her. you think it's her fault, she think it's yours.
basically both are at faults. it's just a mismatch of puzzle pieces.

you get more committed towards the results. as you can actually see more and more of the final piece. you get more interested, you dedicate more time, you focuz more.

until you put that last piece of that puzzle, then can we called it complete.
but no, that's not the end of love.
that's when you're certain of it.
if framing the puzzle up means maintaining it, then frame up your love.
be it marriage, or just maintaining at the present state. you've gotta make every effort to make sure it doesn't just breakdown into pieces again. well of cuz, normally you just glued the pieces together. but from my first experience, the glue is often not enough. both, first experiences.

perhaps this is just a simple yet ideal case of relationship.

glowing puzzle... hmm... imagine.

i like to talk nonsense on weekends.
becuz i'm kinda trapped at home by my parents.
stupid phone calls.

Happy Belated Valentine

happy belated valentine.

i saw my last valentine on the way back home running through the tunnel rushing for the last train. and the following is dedicated to her.

To you:

Not really sure how did you walk into my life, but i'm glad you did.
by far, you're one of the sweetest thing that ever happen to me.
the first.
no doubt i like the intimacy of hugs and kisses,
but your smile was more than enough to satisfy.

Thank you,
for bringing me into your life.
for being there beside me.
for asking me out on late nights.
for the movies.
for the dinners.
for the waits.
for forgiveness.
for the many hugs and frequent kisses.

For you.


it's kinda weird. running through the tunnel, i was thinking, if she's out, the guy will probably be sending her back home now. the next moment, i saw her. just a smile. what more can i do.

i'm glad i was running.

valentine night and a group of 5 played pool.
one is kinda emo. one just keep playing sad songs. one doesn't really cares abt love. one borrowed 200 from me. the last one can shoot the most difficult shots and miss the most direct shot.

Today is a very Bad day.

List:

1. started from last night, i thought of that sweetness.
2. overslept on bus, have to walk 3 busstops back to get to workplace.
3. a dear friend msged to say "bye johny. stay happy."
4. the new dys3 is investigating my security breach 1 year ago and i have a feeling of getting charge after ord.
5. i don't know how to tell my boss i'm quitting, and still wondering whether to quit or not. 976 a month is seriously kinda low.
6. lunch wasn't really good, no tau pok.
7. she pissed me off with the word.
8. nik says she wanna kill all the guys, and i think that includes me.
9. she's too busy to hear me grumble, i have to do it here.
10. actually most of the time i do it here.

Today is Ren Ri.
Happy Birthday to all.

It was rather a special day last year.
You don't usually get to eat dinner with your friend's family do you?

Tml's vday.
Maybe i'll write up something here.
for one of the best things that have ever appear in my life.

my lips are drying up pretty fast.
dehydration. bleeding. now, my kiss is bloody.

feel "un-run". need to run.

i'm giving random thoughts away.

the ba gua in office is too hard.

i keep seeing that nice-looking female near her 30s on bus to and back home.

when i fall asleep in bus back home, it usually means i'll wake up with a headache.

wearing black and white everyday is making me lazy to think.

tml the canteen is selling chicken rice, i hope.

i didn't hold the baby today. i bet he will cry once my arms are around him. that cry-baby.

don't really know what's my new colleague name after the 3rd day.

oh shitz, i forgot to call up my uncle to confirm something.

damn, i need to play some badminton.
my 'wives' have a need for some cocks.... smashing.

anyone noticed my new shoes?
it's red, silver, and it's Yonex.
in need for speed in the court.

i want to tell a story

what's that love i was pursuing?

i no longer knows the meaning.

how long have i thought i've loved?

i can hardly count the period.

who is that girl in my dream?

i remember her as a perfect stranger.

where did i go to let my heart be felt?

i went into solitude to find the source.

when is this beating going to end?

i can't stop pumping blood.

why is it an infatuation?

i didn't love.


i have a story to tell.
it's a pretty long one.
actually wanted to type it out and mailed to a friend.
but it seemed too dependent on other.
it's not actually a sad one, just my own experience.
the lessons learnt, the feelings gained, the knowledge acquired.

it's around 8 months left.
can i make this thing work out like i wanted it to be?
or i will just procrastinate again and drag until the day comes and i just tell myself, forget it.
hmmm... okay, i'm really lazy right now.

i need to read again to remind myself of the values i stand true to.
determination, will, strength, love, mind.
a lot of other things i have cast aside ever since i took on a chase for the many infatuations.

~Love always covers. This word cover means to pass over in silence, to keep confidential.

un-Cover me.

To the Nice Guys

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in Halo2 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "sreious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative b**ches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, when when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possible ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyong my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete a** now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

her song

爱我的人和我爱的人

盼不到我爱的人
我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人
片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人
却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真忘了我的人

离不开我爱的人
我知道爱需要缘分
放不下爱我的人
因为了解他多么认真为
什么最真的心
碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中直到他变冷

爱我的人为我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪
爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围

i know i put this lyrics before.
but it's just seem like a perfect moment for her to sing this song.
songs fit so perfectly sometimes.
especially heartbroken ones.

suddenly thought of the time i just got enlisted.
surprisingly only now then i realised, i think it's becuz of snag that i lighten up more faster.
having someone beside you, it's like having a healing aura.
it mends the broken, lessen the pain.

taking my time for my craft.
it's creating a small sandstorm ard.

i plan something really big for vday.
i plan to submit my resignation.

i deserve better

that's what a good friend said to me.

i deserve more than that.

to her i say,

go wear a bikini.

the tears behind closed door

as a kid, i cried a lot.
so much that everyone starts calling me a crybaby.
normally kids cry not becuz of the matter of the heart.
but rather, physical pain, guilt, wrongdoings, discomfort.

i cried behind a closed door before.
that was when i was very young.
it was hurting... to hear your mother said you're not her child.
you're just some kid taken out from the garbage bin.

of cuz that's not true.
she told me that after she found me hiding behind the door weeping.

i can't always depends on others to give me comfort.
yet it doesn't sounds comforting to tell myself come what may.
it's a tormenting preparation to brace myself for the worst
and in the process still searching for the light of hope that flickers

i've grown weak over the years.
or have i grown stronger?
is facing your fear a proof of courage?
or just a simple case of stupidity.

no pain, no gain
no sacrifice, no love
the circle of karma, the fact of life
if i go beyond this, then what's the use of living?

life itself is a one-time only experience
smiles and laughter, tears and dejection
you only have one chance to taste the bittersweet
don't leave regret, if you can.

do all that you desire
accumulate all the heartbreaks
but not forgetting all the joy

i like a blue senerity that comes with a smile that exude a pinch of sadness.

a dream

i dreamt of her last night.
she was in my arms.

worst day yet of this year

it was yesterday and today.

i can't really describe the feeling in words.

sometimes, i really think i'm pregnant, becuz i always getting the sensation of vomitting.

othertimes, i think i'm just being tormented.

~don't approach the unwanted, if it's wasted, don't bother recycling it

First Day of CNY

the usual visiting, the usual catching up a bit.

i think one of my cousin name is huiling. or at least i can confirm she's called something ling one.
not very sure if i'm able to recognise her outside on the streets. i certainly hope so. it ain't really good to have your cousin recognise you outside and you don't, especially doing something stupid.
she's just 17... haiz, so young. why am i 20. -_- 3 years is a lot if you're still young. when you're old, it's a different thing i guess. haha...

don't really feel quite well recently... hopefully i don't get sick now. don't even feel like going out... i think it's the heat coming up. water.. water..

The Family of 4

Reunion dinner was held at the restuarant at Changi Golf Club.
Stupid thing is that shortly after we reached there, a heated argument started to emerge.
it was a dispute btw the first batch of ppl who had ate finish their meals and refused to leave, and the second batch of ppl wanted them out so they could eat. it's already 8pm. seriously, i was famished by then.

shortly after a confrontation btw the representatives of both sides, the whole gang joined in the 'fun'. even the ah ma got furious and wanted to include her in the whole confusion. the maid was stopping her. it was even more hilarious when we saw my dad standing beside the whole group. then mum was asking, "WHAT IS HE DOING THERE???" hahaha.. i was getting pretty excited to witness a fight, btw the uncles and the aunties. i might just join in the whole thing. dad has pretty much the same idea, it's really fun to be involved in a fight you have absolutely no relation with. next you try to be the peacemaker, waving your punches, to stop another.

well, not really sure how it ended. becuz it was next to our table, we got up and moved out. litte cousins and my ah ma was around, better not leave in case they really turn some tables and throw some teacups.

anyway, dinner was okay, except it was really expensive. 824 bucks for 2 tables of total 15 ppl.

went to loyang temple. it was really BIG.

oh.. this year fireworks. SUPER CRAP.
imagine a family of 4... walking on the roads with no ppl... alamak.
until we met a relatively small size of gatherings near the construction area opp of esplanade. we thought... oh... here it is. until it struck 12 and we all realised, WE ARE IN THE FREAKING WRONG PLACE. but the thing is we get to see 2 places of fireworks. can't see really clearly though. should have just walk to the bridge, then everything also can see. haha... well, it was windy, nice, with a little sparks and gleams. and we crossed over to this year, as a family of 4.

went to si ma lu, went to pray to gan ma. there's so many ppl as usual, they have a system of dispatch batches after batches. it seemed endless though. the policemen are working hard. can imagine the amount of pollution. haha.. me and dad just prayed on the perimeter of the fenced up temple, without any incense.

gan ma, 保佑我和我的家人, 还有我的朋友.

mum bought a few potted plants back.
we sat down for some drinks nearby after the shopping, dad went to buy and got conned by the cashier. me and sis had to go and get the money back. haha... 4 drinks for 14 bucks, can believe or not -_- it's kinda obvious dad don't really go outside and drink those.. bubble teas.

i actually called her on the mobile after 12, but she was on another call. oh well, forget it.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
新年快乐!

A Quote

Never made anyone a priority in your life, if you are just an option in theirs

monday can be very nice

just to mention, went to T3 on sat's night for supper at popeye (i forgot how to spell).
suppose to be at T1 until the chicken was out becuz they were closing.
took the skytrain to T3. very big. not many around.
was wondering about... the surface seem so smooth, and i was in my slippers.
nice chance to have some fun sliding around.
ran and try to slide, the friction was too big.
i fell forward, flat on my face and stomach and slided on the stupid floor for 3metres before stopping short of hitting the glass plane.
note to self: not every reflective surface is smooth and able to slide.
actually wanted to take the night view at the viewing mall and send to the bday gal.
it was too lousy to make up a shot with my camera, so, nvm.

TODAY

as usual. wake up, think of her.
went back to sleep until mum shouted for me to wake up for work.
get ready... played with the guy who's almost always ignoring me.
when will he grow up and crawl around the house. that will be interesting.
bought breakfast, slept on bus... zZzZz....
work was quite busy today... but i still slacked a bit.

DINNER

with the gay friends i have in army.
and one of them is totally gay. he has proven this when he 'flirted' with the waiter at the italian resturant. the company of them is always an enjoyment. all the bullshiting and asking of how are you doing now. then asking about valentine, haha... all no dates, yet.

tired.

the stupid mint

ate a mint sweet today while going home after shopping in town.
i felt so cool inside when i was going home.
got so uncomfortable that i started to walk as fast as i could to get home.
it's like... the evidence of the absence of her warmth.

i spent quite a bit on clothes today.

nik commented the song "she said i said (time we let go)" sux.
i wonder if it has something to do with... hmm... something.

feel like kidnapping her, and just keep her by my side.
haha..

Her 21st

Yesterday night went to cy's 21st bday at costa chalet. i just went around that area last week for yc. haiz, bday party like always quite far one leh. i still prefer tan's and eve's. nearer.

i realised i've finally have a word with this person after like... 4 years or so. the someone i called Gal becuz i don't even know her name at the start. the introduction was rather... hmm.. unique i thought. haha.. still look as beautiful as before, or maybe even more. just that i'm more used to the ponytail hairstyle with the hair band, a simple t-shirt and a shorts, slippers and her orange bag. i seriously think her bf doesn't recognise me as his junior -_- or maybe i rmb wrongly -_- i seriously have no idea, seem so stranger.

anyway, the bday party was kinda small-scaled as compared to the rest before. saw shixuan, qianhui and angela, 3 good friends of cy, who are also our classmates of e4 but NEVER in the 4 years appear in any of our gatherings. hmm.. maybe we didn't contact them. usually we're too lazy. haha... sx changed a lot, probably through her jc life. currently navy specialist. totally having a different image from sec school. got a shock when i emailed her on the OA.

back to the party, erm... tan, vian and me were kinda still talking when suddenly the bday song started. i was too sianz to sing, having the sick mood of vomitting. but the cake was really nice. chocolate ice-cream~! there was a time i hate chocolate, but not ice cream.

we probably got too bored and started guessing the age of the girl who served us the cake. all got it wrong, she was much older than we expected after consulting the bday girl.

oh, something unexpected was that she actually introduced me to her dad as the person who tutor her back in o's. her dad commented that i grew up already. -_- like i only went there twice lah... the last time i still rmbed drawing circles with the stupid.. drawing thingy on the book, or some parallelogram. but however, it really feels good to be a significant one in another person's life. really. i thanked her for that. she was a significant person to me back then too. haha...

she's rather busy about schoolwork... i suppose next week is the last. i will fall into a world of confusion, if she says no again. but then again, i don't want to feel like an idiot who's having an open one-sided view and she is just ignoring it.

many 21st, many celebrations.
for my 21st
i think i'll have it on bed. haha..

if i didn't rmb wrongly, it's a couple of years since i really celebrated my bday. the past few years, family was not in. i was only looking forward to eat a chocolate cake, the celebration is just a process to eat that cake.

PC vs Notebook

You reached 404 points, so you achieved position 9009 of 362004 on the ranking list.
You type 507 characters per minuteYou have 94 correct words and you have 0 wrong words.

i therefore conclude i can type faster on pc than laptop. more feel.

another day of guessing

every night as i await her appearance on msn, trying to analyse the nick that changes.
i'm like a silent stalker, watching her from afar.
it's like using a binoculars and trying to see that molecule of H2O.
senseless, naive, ridculous, just dumb. well at least i know that molecule is somewhere with zillions of others in that glass.
i know she's around, but where exactly is she? i can't tell.
things she do, i don't quite understand.
the desire to ask gets so strong inside.
to know the answers, inside out.
but i force myself to suck it all in.
asking those questions are as good as stabbing my heart mentally several times.
besides, the more i ask, the more jealousy i get.
why not i just keep everything to myself, sooner or later, although i will not forget, but i will heck care. haha..

boss looks like an pregnant indian lady today. no kidding. due to some equipment she has to wear to monitor her heart, some health problem.

anyway, i nearly went crazy on speed typing during the morning. 89 words with 9 wrong words. that's my current best record. there're even faster ones. many others. too fast, too furious. and does anyone press spacebar with their index finger? i do. totally wasting time in speed typing, but i got so used to it over the years and now, it's hard to change, and i don't really bother to correct myself. although when the speed really comes, it's getting irritating to press the spacebar with your index and your thumb is basically useless.

recently it's been like that.
the moment i wake up, her.
before i sleep, her.
when i try to recall what i dreamt, i think something abt her.
her her her.

one of my highlight of the day is usually coming back home and playing with zx. the one who hardly smiles or laughs and make all kinds of weird noises when you talk rubbish to him.

my another highlight is waking up and going to sleep, with her on my mind, in my heart.
in the darkness, my vision is her beautiful smile.
if one day i were to force that image off, maybe that is when the light shines through my cloudy heart.

for whatever reason in the world you can think abt,

i mizz you.