another day of guessing

every night as i await her appearance on msn, trying to analyse the nick that changes.
i'm like a silent stalker, watching her from afar.
it's like using a binoculars and trying to see that molecule of H2O.
senseless, naive, ridculous, just dumb. well at least i know that molecule is somewhere with zillions of others in that glass.
i know she's around, but where exactly is she? i can't tell.
things she do, i don't quite understand.
the desire to ask gets so strong inside.
to know the answers, inside out.
but i force myself to suck it all in.
asking those questions are as good as stabbing my heart mentally several times.
besides, the more i ask, the more jealousy i get.
why not i just keep everything to myself, sooner or later, although i will not forget, but i will heck care. haha..

boss looks like an pregnant indian lady today. no kidding. due to some equipment she has to wear to monitor her heart, some health problem.

anyway, i nearly went crazy on speed typing during the morning. 89 words with 9 wrong words. that's my current best record. there're even faster ones. many others. too fast, too furious. and does anyone press spacebar with their index finger? i do. totally wasting time in speed typing, but i got so used to it over the years and now, it's hard to change, and i don't really bother to correct myself. although when the speed really comes, it's getting irritating to press the spacebar with your index and your thumb is basically useless.

recently it's been like that.
the moment i wake up, her.
before i sleep, her.
when i try to recall what i dreamt, i think something abt her.
her her her.

one of my highlight of the day is usually coming back home and playing with zx. the one who hardly smiles or laughs and make all kinds of weird noises when you talk rubbish to him.

my another highlight is waking up and going to sleep, with her on my mind, in my heart.
in the darkness, my vision is her beautiful smile.
if one day i were to force that image off, maybe that is when the light shines through my cloudy heart.

for whatever reason in the world you can think abt,

i mizz you.