my day of doing nothing

no lessons. no lectures. no tutorials or whatsoever.
so i nua in my room for the whole day doing nothing much except for a little jap and 5 pages of my txtbook. pathetic 5 pages, so far.
plus, needforspeed, poker on facebook, reading manga, etc etc...
i should go to the library instead of staying in my stupid room. the laptop is just in front of me. it's on the whole day, opened, like begging me to touch it.
tml's union day. don't really know what's for. don't really care much abt the voting. but i know i still have lessons despite the "no lessons from .. to .." don't really mind, but i'm constantly worried abt the fact i haven't read my txtbk. i'm sure after reading, i will then be constantly reminded by the fact i don't rmb 95% of what i've read, i didn't make notes, i don't even understand much from what i've read. this sux, big time. that miracle i made during my o's for my humanities have to happen throughout this 4 years. seriously. from c5 to a2, and the c5 was becuz i scored nearly full in my source-based and failed terribly in my essays. somehow, i know i can do it, with much efforts. inertia. lots of it is in me now. push myself, pull myself. kick myself.

it isn't any good for me to be nothing to do. my mind will wander off. i look at those pictures, and i started having this continuous wave of sadness. although mild, it does sends me down a spiral for a while. like flushing the toilet seat, what's gone is gone into a big pile of shitz. it feels shitty, and i don't wanna have it back.

there's something with my right leg. old injury before i left for australia. resurfaced after my senior kicked me during soccer. hope it get better or i'll have to make appt with the sensei again. it's been a week though.

inter-wings games coming up within the hall. i feel like joining all of them. haha.. i just like to have fun in sports. interactive. adrenaline-flowing. unlike reading my research design explained txt book. boring, dry, don't even know what i should be looking out for. can't be all eh?

another ard 11 hours i'll be taking part in a psy research as a participant. should be rather interesting to see how the experiment turns out.

i feel like playing badminton and basketball. i don't wanna just go running and sweat myself out. i wanna do more than that.

suppose there's a girl i fancy, and i don't initiate anything, get close, or whatsoever. will there be a chance? hmm.. hahaha... sometimes i wonder why i feel so different than in my early teens. or should it be, why have i changed that much. pros and cons... was more hot-headed in the past. with pride, ego. now, it's like i have hidden myself so deeply inside, that only when the adrenaline is pumping throughout my body, can i unlock that chamber and set myself free.

tiredZ