Valentine day/ single awareness day

Here comes the time again. the special occasion for lovers to celebrate their love over a nice dinner and then perhaps a romantic night together. prices of roses shot sky-high, guys waiting outside the lecture theatre with these expensive, about-to-wither-in-a-couple-of-days flowers, smiling anxiously as the class ends and the students were coming out of the door, scanning the streams of crowd for that girl who he has been waiting for for the past hour or so. i literally felt disgusted while i passed by one of these men, almost choked on drinking the cooler water when i recalled the image of him standing there and smiling sheepishly. maybe i'm just not into these kind of stuffs. or perhaps when i'm in love, i might. but now, not so much.

a question entered my mind today, while i was walking around in campus, strolling towards the canteen for lunch. does valentine's day has an effect on ppl's dressing? my common sense told me that ppl who has an awareness about valentine's day would make an effort to dress themselves more on this special day, no matter whether they are attached, single, or if their partner are with them; whatever the case. why would i say that? well, simply becuz i saw ppl who dressed up. highly suspicion of confirmation bias, and i must agree with this. but hey, it's still a valid hypothesis. people always dress for special occasion. and for valentine's day, my gut feeling tells me that people would be observing others around, and even if that's intially self-percieved, this self-perception would eventually lead you to observe other ppl also. and when you know this day is gonna be a 'you're-gonna-be-observed-more-than-normal' day, you would wanna dress up well. it's just social politeness. haha.. not for me though.

during health psych class, wendy was talking about drugs addiction. Ever since I've heard of drugs addiction, I have thoughts of trying the drugs out myself And see if I have the strength within me to actually resist the urge to ingest that pill, inject myself with chemicals, or to simply not puff another smoke or drink another beer. Yet, I don't foresee myself ever executing this stupid act out. It's not so much of the fact that many ppl has failed from doing so, but the possible adverse consequences I have to risk after doing so. Why harm yourself just so you can prove something that's probably not gonna be appreciated by any, especially when you voluntarily enter this shithole?

chiu's going away tonight, soon.
well, bon voyage.

i drank some cheap wine, so i shall emo here abit before i start to wander off into the internet and procrastinate on my already huge pile of work.

my valentine's days have always been much of a letdown. the most surprising thing was still that heart-shaped box of ferrero rocher that was under my desk when i was 15. i know i talked about this a lot, but the mystery of the secret sender has captivated me for so long. to date, it's 9 years already. why? why would you send a box of chocolates during valentine's day and not let the reciever know who you are? i was left completely perplexed by the gift which only has a simple message of "happy valentine's day". thru these years, i have managed to ask that one single person i thought has the highest probability of doing so, but she truthfully denied it. as close as we are, i don't think this matter was one that's worthy of a lie. and so, i'm left with no guesses. my ex couldn't have done it, not her style, and i'm not her type during that period. that girl whom i was tutoring couldn't have done it, she wouldn't have bother. i think i failed so bad at doing detective work, becuz i don't even bother asking around. and the funny part was that i was so scared that someone sent me the gift by mistake, cuz it didn't state the reciever's name too, and so, i didn't eat any of the rochers until it expired and i threw them all away and kept the box till now. some day, if i become a forensic scientist by any chance, i would get thumbprints from the insides of the box. someday...

single awareness day~!
at the moment, i'm not so desiring a lover, but wanting a 知己. over the years, my number of confidants drop to zero. even my old friend nik is ignoring my subtle hints for a casual chat every once in a while, probably busy. not only in love relationships, but also in friendships, there's a disparity in the commitment, and other aspects. the value of a relationship as noted in psychological theories not only relates to love, but also to all kinds of relationships. friendships, being the closest similar pairings as compared to boy-girl r/s.

even though my emotions and feelings can't be conveyed to anyone but myself over this all-so-normal day as said by a dear friend of mine (lynn), it's okay to just look at the night sky and drink my thoughts away. sorrows, not so much. happiness, perhaps a little.

oh ya, just before i forget, i had a funny dream last night.
i remembered a shoulder-length hair girl with specs came telling me, 我们交往吧。
and i happily agreed and pat her head lightly. haha..
probably got this idea from a video i saw yesterday about different ways of proposing to different horoscopes, i think it's a chinese video by isabelle; jewellery brand. in the video, it's 我们结婚吧。

the funnier thing is that i saw this girl on the train who was looking quite like the girl i saw in my dream, although i couldn't rmb clearly the face, but as i sat down while looking at her, i realized she was noticing me too. next thing i knew i banged my head on the glass when i sat down. -_-.