self-awareness

i hate to admit the fact that i'm almost always, highly aware of whether others are observing me or not. it's as though there's something weird about me that they can't help but notice.

today was one of those days. the most common cause of it is skin peeling. usually after the sunday soccer under the hot sun, my skin would peel. it used to be so serious i have to apply cream in order to mask the terrible peeling. but my skin kinda got used to the radiation and is peeling a lot less, but still, peeling. when i noticed some ppl were having their eyes locked on me, i began to wonder whether my skin peeling was so bad that they kept looking. or was my fly open? when i finally got off the train and went to the toilet to inspect, true enough, my skin was peeling. but, i don't think it was that noticeable. -_- so, wtheck were they looking at? and yes, i have quite a bit of white hair. is that it? sighz.

another day of 'don't know what the hell is going on' day in school, especially in stats class. used to be my best known subject without doing anything, now it's the worst of all. sianz. and 4 out of 5 modules have projects. haiz.. i'm getting more and more stressed about not progressing in my workload, readings... understandings... something i don't like very much. it used to be smooth-sailing, like in junior college. now, its ~!@#$%^&*()_+. i think it's time to make friends with SPSS and its functions. one day, maybe, i'll be the Mark Zukerberg of statistics syntax. haha.. i will produce a macro so powerful, multiple types of analysis can be done at the same time~! woohoo~! throw away SPSS, AMOS and use this~!

anyway, found it kinda hard to teach a p6 boy in foundation maths. i still have the habit of giving random suggestions to solving problems, which apparently wasn't working too well for him, and me. better to just stick to a hard heuristics. i found myself more eager to teach higher standards of maths, pupils who are smarter. becuz instead of teaching basics, i'm more towards providing innovations, broading their mind to mathematical concepts, to link everything together. oh well, if they're so smart, they probably won't need me. so, i'll just teach basics for now. although frustrating, but teaching is always rewarding. the downside apart from everything else is, compared to kelda, he less adorable. yes, she talks a lot of things outside of maths, her happenings in school, her friends, her girlfriends, movies.. interesting questions i doubt my current would ask. i like reactive ppl.