teaching ain't easy

especially when i'm the teacher.
i've never really doubt my teaching skills until i start giving tuition to primary school kids. usually i tutor my peers.

now that i've taught primary sch maths for 2 years, i began to seriously doubt my teaching skills. why ain't they improving as i thought they would be? why? is 1.5 hrs per week not enough? actually i would recommend to have it at least 2 tuitions per week.

realized my cousin failed his maths, below 40 somemore. the other kid doing foundation also failed, i think they both got almost the same marks. -_-"
am i not strict enough with them? perhaps. i don't scold, i don't blame. i teach.
i always remembered my tuition teacher as someone who's very fierce. and i rmbed telling my mum to get female tutors. don't really fancy male ones. but hell, the female tutors were quite fierce. once, she was so fierce, i think she cried. hahaha... joking. i think she got frustrated dealing with me, so she cried. i wasn't really a pleasant kid to teach back then. i was already doing well in maths, so the tuition teacher was erm... mostly not doing anything. usually after she started explaining a question, i would cut in and do the rest myself. and becuz back then i can't seem to finish my work always, most of the time in tuition i was just doing maths qns instead of her teaching me. sighz.

wonder if my approach is wrong. i'm just teaching random questions, going through random questions he had done wrong in sch. cuz in that short 1.5 hrs, i would hope to expose him to more solutions in the hope that he understand and rmb the skills. but if it's really up to me to decide, i would stay beside him, 24/7, make him redo the same paper again and again. rote learning, but very very useful. becuz it seems that rote learning in maths, is not really rote learning by just purely memorizing facts. cuz there's not much facts to rmb in maths. it's more of knowing where to look, what to infer.

angry and disappointed. angry with myself and the limitations that i face, and disappointed in myself and him. ever since i learned about intrinsic motivation, i've thought abt how to plant its seed and had it bloomed in kids i teach. i think i failed in everyone of them.

to me, it's a wonder why would anyone not be interested in maths.
of cuz, i know it's stupid to think this way.