now...

whenever i'm procrastinating, the only one thing on my list is to surf the net. after that i would feel like i'm wasting time. but still, i refuse to go back to my work. so i move on to watching videos. now, this activity varies a lot with the types. movies; could be done within 2hrs. dramas are a whole lot different thing. i basically justify myself by saying, "watched one, might as well the whole damn thing". afterwhich when i still refuse to do work, i come here to write stuffs so as to make the time i spent more productive.

first i must say, the tiny ants in my room are bugging me at a constant basis. there weren't that many of them, but recently, one just pops out every now and then. much more irritating is that one would occasionally crawl up my hand and gives this bite that's not so painful that i would go 'ouch', but painful enough to have some neuronal signal sent from the skin to my brain. as closely as i can be, i tried to look at how they bite into my top layer of skin, but i just can't.

second, the data entry assignment that i just did for the school is starting to annoy me. not the entering of data, but the aftermath. the coordinator send an email out to everyone, indicating the number of entries each of us can enter per hour. of which, i seemed to be significantly higher. from there, he calculated the average amt of time taken and that is multiply by 7 bucks. so as to say, my above-average number cause the avg hours to decrease and thereby, less money for the rest. now the rest of them have a reason to hate me, and one of them is a junior whom i don't know but recognizes me in my forensic class. and if they do, bite me.

my old-time buddies would have told me i was stupid to give them such a high number when i knew they expected something lower. this way, i'll get paid more. to add on to that, the numbers i gave him was already an underestimation. 15-20/hr. the real deal here is at least 20. seriously, i dont know why the rest are entering so much slower. or is it my freakishly fast numbers-entering with the keyboard which i found was very engaging and fun?

plus in the real world, or perhaps a real job, lying on the assignment makes you at most an adequate employee with just a one-time extra cash. honesty might make you less rich on this time, but on the contrary, gives you an edge over others in future on opportunities.

after saying so much, i seriously don't really bother. i got a job, i do it, i get money. that's it. the only thing that bothers me now, and the most, is that i have to submit my bank details with the bank signature on a hardcopy sheet to the school so that the school can process the payment transfer for this assignment. ma fan.

third, friends were concerned over the saturday night incident. just slightly concerned and mentioned during a game of me losing 30 bucks. yes, i'm a sore loser at mj when i'm not feeling rich. bite me (and i'm liking this phrase; perhaps too much big bang theory). anyway, we arranged to watch a game of soccer that night over at a friend's house. when we reached, someone was there, and that someone was someone whom i wasn't really comfortable with. no, i don't hate her. yes, i don't like her. when the car stopped and i alighted, i said goodbye and walked away to take the train back home. i agreed it was rude of me to do that, especially when she's there and another friend was calling me back to stay. but well, if i can't be comfortable in a situation, and it's proven and tested with her, then why force myself? i don't see the need to accomodate others when i can just walk away? hmm. correction. i don't see the need to accomodate my old friends when i can just walk away? a few of them may be unhappy abt this, but i stand my grounds on avoiding her. i'm just stubborn. it's worse than putting me and my ex in a trapped room. i'm sure they would understand my outright violation of social norms, and even if they're not, attempt to understand.

it's not the first time i did it. i've walk out on many situations that i thought i didn't want to be in. and for the times i didn't, due to social obligations, i just couldn't get my spirits up. but i truly feel apologetic abt the time i was unfeeling when i was still together with my ex and having dinner with her friend and her bro. that was quite... unboyfriend-ish of me.

fourth, went to school today and had a 15-20 minutes chat with 2 professors before going back home. felt -_-. didn't mind the travelling as i was occupied with 'telling lies' by ekman. but didn't like squeezing with the crowd during the evening rush. anyway, the 3-way conversation was quite a feat for me as i attempt to explain what i wanted to do with my fyp and try to look at both of them, switching from time to time so as to engage both of them. i'm just exaggerating it becuz i have nothing much to talk. but anyway, when prof j mentioned ekman sent him some stuffs and asked if he wanted to do some data collection locally, i was turned on, non-sexually. it was an opportunity. and so i offered him my service if there's any availability for an undergrad to get involved in the expt. of which he thanked me in a way that i know he don't think so.

anyway, while i was speaking to him, i realized a few of my actions while i was talking to him. interestingly, i touched my right earlobe with my left hand, my right hand went behind the back of my head touching my hair, etc etc. it's only when i did it then i realized it. pretty cool eh?

by the way, while i was on the bus going home, i started to wonder btw the two. forensic psych, or pilot. academia, or flying. then i decided, i don't have to choose now. hahaha..