.

Thoughts of you filled my mind as I drifted in and out of sleep last night

It was like a constant switch between a sweet dream and a nightmare. Becuz in the dream, we were together. But in reality, we're more than just 12 km away.

As if to give me comfort in the middle of the night, my alter subconscious self brought the pillow from below my head , into my arms. I willingly gave in to the hallucination.

I woke up not knowing what to do with my feelings. I woke up and realized I don't know how to be a friend.

When I looked at the photo frame by the bedside, it ached. To know that the depiction is of a past and not the present nor the future, it hurts. Yet, it's still on my bedside.

Sometimes I wondered, when ppl are depressed, they don't really wish to get out of it. Becuz getting out of it, also means getting over it. It signifies a state of acceptance. The depression comes as an avenue to hold on to whatever's left. That when everything is gone, the only thing that reminds you that it ever did happen, is the sadness.

I began to realize how little I know about love and relationships. What's meant by the chemistry btw two ppl? Can it stays as always? Could it fluctuate? It should get better over time, right? Sometimes I feel the ideality set by our perception of the world which is influenced by the environment in which we grow up in, is not at all ideal. Wouldn't the world be boring if all of us approach that ideal image? And when we deviates from the ideal, are we considered wrong? Shouldn't it be alright to be just us? Accepting who and how we are?

You'll never know unless you try.
And when you fail, try try again.
For something that you want, it's never too late to try.
And it doesn't matter how many times.
Cuz it's worth it.
You're worth it.

等哪一天妳有勇气面对,
我会待在一旁守着,
现在的一切.