doesn't help

i couldn't shake off this feeling that my insides are constantly being squeezed.
i hate this feeling.
as much as i like to suave and walk away, i was stopped by something i can't control.
my thoughts.

it's strange to think this way when thoughts are something one would usually think they have control over. but in actual fact, not all thoughts are voluntary. just as, not all thoughts are involuntary.

i tried the usual shower therapy to cool myself down.
usually it works by calming myself with the running cold water.
just now, it felt like i got into a panic episode.
quick and short breaths, i felt like i was nearly at my limits.
i stopped and tried to catch my breath.
as if i just sprinted, i deeply panted a few times.

now that i'm back in the room, i felt a bit better.
i will find the strength in me to cope with whatever is bothering me.

this will not be an avenue of my emotions letting loose.