11 days and out

by far the longest in-camp training i had since ord. but also, the one with the least intensity yet. probably cause the focus was more on the other companies than mine.

well, the whole ict was rather fulfilling for me. not so much of the work that was done during this period, but meeting up with friends, new and old. although it is a males-only environment, it's not that bad. haha..

having a weird feeling right now. it seemed that someone that i was close to, and liked before, might be dating again. suddenly this jealousy feeling just boiled up in me. and with all curiosity, i have to ask, why?

the first question to ask myself is naturally, do i still have feelings for her? and the obvious answer to it is... no. and yes. perhaps it's really in the blood of scorpio; jealousy. haha... or maybe i just need to get it off my mind and that's why i'm penning it down here. it's like if i express it in this way, or any other way, the feeling somehow diffuse away. as if the thoughts become less saturated.

would the effect be in a different direction if i'm writing something that i feel happy about? that the more i write about stuffs that i'm happy about, i would feel happier? or would it be the same way as the unpleasant jealousy that was diluted as i wrote?

it's been a long, and also short, 11 days in camp. away from work, away from feelings, away from thinking too much. that every night it's heaven just to lie on bed and fall asleep, although it's a bit unbearing to know i have no one particular to think about, and no one particular to think of me. even if time could reverse till that period when i was not alone, i wouldn't have the confidence to say that she was thinking of me.

it's fascinating to see myself, looking as if i'm still fixated on the past. is this true? or is it my self-ego's refusal to admit i'm still on the same spot? humans are interesting creatures. one of the most distinguishing feature is the stupidity in each and every one of us. sometimes we act stupid, sometimes we're stupid becuz we were negligent, and sometimes, we're just plain stupid. whether is it from the intellectual pov, or becuz our emotions masked us from being not stupid. when strong emotions come, the electrical message that neurons send somehow bypass the stupidity filter area in the brain and reach other areas of the brain and the muscles, causing us to do stupid things. haha... this would be one hell of research qns.

been receiving personal emails from a special friend. i must say, it makes me feel really good. it's a kind of warmth that this friend gives with her words, which comforts me a little on this lonely night of mine. and although we haven't known each other for long, i find more comfort in her than what most friends give.

tml's work again.
somehow, i feel older. more mature.
not that i wasn't before, but it's like i found something to work towards during this ict.

i have decided to fly.