something more

it's been a while ever since i've been feelig guilty towards myself.
disappointed, saddened, despair over the monotonous melody that i've been living in.
it doesn't really makes much sense to just sit at home, look at the com, play some games... or hit the books, do the assignments, pass some tests...
life's shouldn't be like this.
how did our lives turn out this way? in which education occupies so much of our critical growing period.
is education that impt? is schooling necessary?
this world, has made education a prerequisite to life.
or at least that's my perception of my world.
life being, study -> good grades -> good job -> good pay
not that i don't want any of those, but i want something more.

it really kills me inside when i felt i'm not doing enough to make this one and only experience of life fulfilling. and i envied those around me who makes theirs interesting and full of novel experience.

some ppl has great aims. study hard, good grades, and wahla~! good job, good pay. and ideally they got a good partner along the course and then a good marriage, good kids, good etc. it really brings great concern to me that my life's ultimate goal is not something along this line. to be able to have and do all that, yes that would have been terrific, great. but i just don't think it's enough to fill my world, my heart.

she has great aims. you don't work so hard for something that doesn't brings great returns. which is probably why she's now far away from me. there's gotta be something more to life, i wanted to tell her. nahz, she won't get my point.

another envisions herself in somewhat similar situation. ya, all the way girl. work, least of my interest at the moment as i blog my night away with 2 essays hanging on the deadline. life, i'm more interested in finding avenues to get experience.

to tell the truth, i truly has no aim. i might be interested in forsenic psychology, engineering psych, maybe sports, but it's not like a surething, that i definitely want to enter that field.

it seems my life is more intrinsic than most others. my aim in life is the process of finding it.