Not Good

didn't feel any better since i left camp... something's wrong. i don't feel well, but i'm not sick. something is bothering me... and i don't know how to go about killing it.

had a class gathering with my jc class at east coast yesterday. first, i was late for nearly an hour. then, we sat on the bus on another hour. finally, we walked to our destination after an hour. so much time spent on going there... -_- next time, we're not going there. too far... most probably i will just go there myself when i have nothing to do, like now.

ate dinner at jack's place, celebrating some of the birthdays. had a black pepper steak, medium well. not bad i should say, but maybe the pepper was too much for me. well, it's black pepper i ordered, so it's black pepper i shall eat. the potato was really nice. and it felt like i have eaten in jack's place before, not my first. but as far as i remembered, that was the first time i was dining in. hmm... maybe i've forgotten, as usual. my memory ain't that good nowadays. should play some mind-breaking games to keep my mind working.

went home in a sleepy mood after that... took some pics throughout the day, not bad for some. didn't bother to upload as i was too lazy. i'm always lazy.

felt asleep... becuz the handphone didn't keep me awake.

today, spent the day feeling blue. played granado espada until now. too much of computer is killing my eyes. in camp also computer, at home also computer. i think i just need to take a walk out of my house as of last time... can think back on the times i will just routinely go out every sunday afternoon to buy food and other stuffs to book in, eat the same delicious bread bought from four leaves. this at least gave me some life in my every boring routine back in the cadet days. now, it's just plain bored, with no routine. i don't really like playing computer games now, i don't know why. i used to go crazy on them, but not as much as those guys. my interest in life needs a partner, but i'm just too lazy to move out of this chair to find.

i finally realised what's holding me back in this situation, or at least for the moment i think it's the reason. in fact, there're plenty of them. sometimes i wonder why i can't keep things simple, and i just have to make it all so complex. why can't someone just express his feelings, and not considering all the things in the past, present and future. should i just go ahead with my decision? or should i interrogate on all my considerations? i don't know what to feel, how to act, who to ask directions from. i'm on my own, against the world, trying to make a world of my own.

is it the words that i can't trust? even if spoken i sense no truth?
and after all these times, perhaps i'm just on my own again.

hmmm.. that's a whole load of crap. cool.

i'm slowly returning to my old self...
but i forgot how is like being old.

Regards,

the GFAC that no one understands.