so now everyday i'm looking at her nick and guessing what she's thinking about, how's she feeling, what's her life now. basically i'm narrowing my avenues into her happenings in life through a simple msn nick restricted to x no. of characters. it's like peeping through the key hole. totally dumb.
what will it be tml? related to today? or totalty irrelevant? hmm... let's go a study. haha..
power shutdown for an hour today at work for maintenance. had a small chat with boss at the canteen for that hour. mostly i was talking. yes, in case anyone didn't know, i'm actually a talkative bastard. i'm sure ah hao has just confirmed it after i talked so long to him. and no, nobody really knows i talk a lot except for my pri school teachers. back then, i talk until the idiot chinese teacher has to call me up and ask me what pinyin is that word, and i anyhow hamtum becuz i don't really know what's he asking. now when did i stop talking?
was mostly talking abt army stuffs lah... what can i say, i've just orded 3 weeks ago.
confirmed my course, psychology. what do you think of the title... Doctor of Philosophy?
today i'm met with one of the most difficult choices of my life.
it's not the univesity course lah.
when i was walking up the stairs from bus interchange, a female wearing a dress was walking down, and i'm quite sure the length of the dress was not quite enough. in a split second, i have to decide, to continue look up like a normal person and risk seeing her zao geng, or stare at the stupid steps walking up, looking like an idiot trying not to be a pervert. hmm... what will you choose? i chose the latter.
here's a pondering question.
which will make you more depress or angry?
1. you found out that your partner is on bed with another
2. you found out that your partner has a deep emotional attachment to another. (something like she/he loves another, not just plain sex)
please choose one only, not both.
normally emails got those.. Pls scroll down for the answer right? i try it here.
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
...........
ok, it's tiring pressing the dots.
surveys have shown, over 80% of the females chose 2 if i'm not wrong
60% of the males chose 2, while 40 % chose 1.
an very interesting finding is, out of the 60% of the males who chose 2, majority of them are still virgins. haha..
i chose 2.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
it's harder holding on than letting go
that's what i found out today.
letting go is just an excuse for every pain you felt, holding on, that's courage to hold on to hope.
on the way to work, i was listening to the radio on the bus.
98.7fm - > i was greatly influenced by cy to listen to english radio stations.
i blame her for my addiction now.
anyway, dy were talking abt the songs that were the moment of your life.
when you were heartbroken, depressed, lost in life...
then suddenly, a song came up.
you can relate so much of your life to the songs!
well, over the years, i'm sure many of us who listen to music often get this kind of sensation.
~oh my god.. i still miss her so much after the breakup... - aftermath of break-up
somehow the background music will be playing "i will rmb you, you will rmb me..."
~haiz... why she doesn't love me... - unrequited love/crush
"he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only reason ... "
~oh shitz, she has a BF! WTF? - love, but waiting
"can't help but wait, till you see, that with me it ain't the same..."
~ah... we quarrelled again.. should we just forget the whole relationship thing - inner conflicts
"hate how much i need you... and i hate how much i love you boy, i just can't let you go"
i just have to add in this one.
~that bitch dumped me! T_T why like that?
"this is the way you left me, i'm not pretending. no hate no love no glory, no happy ending..."
no matter what, once you feel hurt, the song will somehow relate.
i have a thinking some years ago when i felt the pain. the first time i felt the pain.
i guess the rest before was more of jealousy than anything else. haha...
well, once you're sad, you will try to relate to something else, and music is perhaps the most convenient source around. hmm... or maybe your friends, family, blogging. something to release that inner hurt you're feeling. keep it all inside, you will go crazy. i rmbed i was so sure of being able to contain the pain until i went crazy over computer games.
everyone knows what's being sad and depress is all about. somehow, when listening to sad songs, you will listen to the lyrics more, and relate them to yourself. the whole story of the song can be entirely out of point in your life, but if you ca find just 1 or 2 sentences in the lyrics that can relate to your sad past, you will feel, well, sad. definitely any love songs will do. even happy ones reminds you of the happy past, which makes you sad becuz it has passED.
sadness links the whole world. don't you agree on this? who cares abt the queen's bday? the jamaican runner broke the 100m sprints! woohoo~! no shitz, a thumb-sized 100GB thumbdrive! although i think a hell lot of ppl will be interested in the thumbdrive lah, but my point is...
sadness, depression, all these emotions are felt worldwide. look at 9/11. look at wars. hmm.. maybe it's becuz of the media coverage. i think this pov is too extreme liao. haha... and with little evidence.
recently, over the various radio stations, carlsberg has been giving away cash for ppl who called in. first it was 68, now it's 88. having a party on cny eve also. good way to earn money eh? just sit at home all and keep calling. it's not a daily thingy, it's like several times per day! so if it's like min 68... you're getting like 2040 a month! excluding the phone charges.
all i can think of on cny eve is asking her out to the bridge, and see the sparks and gleams when the clock strike midnight. well i done it before, but with another one. i rmbed that was not on the bridge. too late i think. i think i was late. hahaha... but it's a great feeling, to watch a beautiful show with someone you love. a better sensation would be both of you are together. best of all, you're in each other arms welcoming the new year, hoping this year will be like the last, or will improve, or just stay like that, hugging the person till next year comes along.
i have a crave for fireworks. it's too beautiful to miss.
don't think she will agree.
it irks me to think that becuz i'm not that someone special, that's why she doesnt want to go.
if i have feelings for someone, i will do whatever i can to spend more time with her. so inferring from her ever rejects of me asking her out, i'm like an idiot who has one-sided thoughts. even special occasions also rather go out with someone else. i bet valentine is just another dumb day to ask. oh well... i mean, take a chance right?
is it kinda sad for a person to only celebrate valentine once in his 20 years of life? haha... but there was once i spent it in Mac, studying. -_- and the one last year was kinda stupid also. the stupid part was on me. does every man goes around buying flowers on valentine for their loved? i wonder. the flowers just doesn't appeal to me. now the horoscope is wrong lah, this scorpio ain't near anything to romance. yes, i agreed the others are kinda true. i laughed at the romance part. although i felt that the jealousy part was an understatement. i'm full of it, wanna taste a sample?
letting go is just an excuse for every pain you felt, holding on, that's courage to hold on to hope.
on the way to work, i was listening to the radio on the bus.
98.7fm - > i was greatly influenced by cy to listen to english radio stations.
i blame her for my addiction now.
anyway, dy were talking abt the songs that were the moment of your life.
when you were heartbroken, depressed, lost in life...
then suddenly, a song came up.
you can relate so much of your life to the songs!
well, over the years, i'm sure many of us who listen to music often get this kind of sensation.
~oh my god.. i still miss her so much after the breakup... - aftermath of break-up
somehow the background music will be playing "i will rmb you, you will rmb me..."
~haiz... why she doesn't love me... - unrequited love/crush
"he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only reason ... "
~oh shitz, she has a BF! WTF? - love, but waiting
"can't help but wait, till you see, that with me it ain't the same..."
~ah... we quarrelled again.. should we just forget the whole relationship thing - inner conflicts
"hate how much i need you... and i hate how much i love you boy, i just can't let you go"
i just have to add in this one.
~that bitch dumped me! T_T why like that?
"this is the way you left me, i'm not pretending. no hate no love no glory, no happy ending..."
no matter what, once you feel hurt, the song will somehow relate.
i have a thinking some years ago when i felt the pain. the first time i felt the pain.
i guess the rest before was more of jealousy than anything else. haha...
well, once you're sad, you will try to relate to something else, and music is perhaps the most convenient source around. hmm... or maybe your friends, family, blogging. something to release that inner hurt you're feeling. keep it all inside, you will go crazy. i rmbed i was so sure of being able to contain the pain until i went crazy over computer games.
everyone knows what's being sad and depress is all about. somehow, when listening to sad songs, you will listen to the lyrics more, and relate them to yourself. the whole story of the song can be entirely out of point in your life, but if you ca find just 1 or 2 sentences in the lyrics that can relate to your sad past, you will feel, well, sad. definitely any love songs will do. even happy ones reminds you of the happy past, which makes you sad becuz it has passED.
sadness links the whole world. don't you agree on this? who cares abt the queen's bday? the jamaican runner broke the 100m sprints! woohoo~! no shitz, a thumb-sized 100GB thumbdrive! although i think a hell lot of ppl will be interested in the thumbdrive lah, but my point is...
sadness, depression, all these emotions are felt worldwide. look at 9/11. look at wars. hmm.. maybe it's becuz of the media coverage. i think this pov is too extreme liao. haha... and with little evidence.
recently, over the various radio stations, carlsberg has been giving away cash for ppl who called in. first it was 68, now it's 88. having a party on cny eve also. good way to earn money eh? just sit at home all and keep calling. it's not a daily thingy, it's like several times per day! so if it's like min 68... you're getting like 2040 a month! excluding the phone charges.
all i can think of on cny eve is asking her out to the bridge, and see the sparks and gleams when the clock strike midnight. well i done it before, but with another one. i rmbed that was not on the bridge. too late i think. i think i was late. hahaha... but it's a great feeling, to watch a beautiful show with someone you love. a better sensation would be both of you are together. best of all, you're in each other arms welcoming the new year, hoping this year will be like the last, or will improve, or just stay like that, hugging the person till next year comes along.
i have a crave for fireworks. it's too beautiful to miss.
don't think she will agree.
it irks me to think that becuz i'm not that someone special, that's why she doesnt want to go.
if i have feelings for someone, i will do whatever i can to spend more time with her. so inferring from her ever rejects of me asking her out, i'm like an idiot who has one-sided thoughts. even special occasions also rather go out with someone else. i bet valentine is just another dumb day to ask. oh well... i mean, take a chance right?
is it kinda sad for a person to only celebrate valentine once in his 20 years of life? haha... but there was once i spent it in Mac, studying. -_- and the one last year was kinda stupid also. the stupid part was on me. does every man goes around buying flowers on valentine for their loved? i wonder. the flowers just doesn't appeal to me. now the horoscope is wrong lah, this scorpio ain't near anything to romance. yes, i agreed the others are kinda true. i laughed at the romance part. although i felt that the jealousy part was an understatement. i'm full of it, wanna taste a sample?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
101th Post
why should one give up on something just becuz it's too hard to move on?
hahaha..
why let go of something stuck in my mind?
it's too tiring to give up.
i'm just too lazy, so i'll hang on.
hmm...
i was kinda thinking,
will loving another liberate oneself from the current love?
or will it be another affair?
i want relive my love for another.
one love that follows me through half of my life.
one day i might just go crazy again.
hand me my racket.
let me show you what i can do on the court.
hmm.. oh ya
abt the email, no reply came back.
just her advising abt my work.
知之为知之, 不知为不知, 是知也.
this is in the view of not pretending to know what you have no knowledge of.
sometimes i don't know if i can't do it, or my brain is just too overwhelmed with the infinite ideas. it's like the infomation got all entangled, and i'm struggling to untie every one of them. after talking to my boss, she don't really know what i'm confused about. i went home and thought hard, for a while. the next day i finished the damn survey. -_- although not really following what the professor told me, and boss is too busy to review it, i think that forms a certain base for me to improve on, rather than a blank piece.
sgforums have recently changed their outlook, not sure whether is it better now or before. found a forum regarding psychology. it's named the shredded mind. the forum was dead a few years back. hahaha... but a lot of good stuffs inside saying abt psychology. singapore isn't really the best choice for studying.
a while again, i'm really confused of what i want to pursue in life. i look around me, friends around have already made their choices. engineers, accountants, financial analyst, pilots, teachers, etc etc.. they have their interests, they have the aptitudes, they are on the way there.
then i look at myself. "SMLJ?"
seriously speaking, i thought of myself as a blackhole.
i suck every single shitz inside.
maths, biology, computering, engineering of all sorts, nanotechology, physics, chem, teaching, police, saf, sportsman, blah blah blah
my interest is the world.
but i can't take on the world.
i've chosen psychology. what a queer subject.
what will ever happen to me?
i can't imagine. haha...
everything comes, anything goes.
hahaha..
why let go of something stuck in my mind?
it's too tiring to give up.
i'm just too lazy, so i'll hang on.
hmm...
i was kinda thinking,
will loving another liberate oneself from the current love?
or will it be another affair?
i want relive my love for another.
one love that follows me through half of my life.
one day i might just go crazy again.
hand me my racket.
let me show you what i can do on the court.
hmm.. oh ya
abt the email, no reply came back.
just her advising abt my work.
知之为知之, 不知为不知, 是知也.
this is in the view of not pretending to know what you have no knowledge of.
sometimes i don't know if i can't do it, or my brain is just too overwhelmed with the infinite ideas. it's like the infomation got all entangled, and i'm struggling to untie every one of them. after talking to my boss, she don't really know what i'm confused about. i went home and thought hard, for a while. the next day i finished the damn survey. -_- although not really following what the professor told me, and boss is too busy to review it, i think that forms a certain base for me to improve on, rather than a blank piece.
sgforums have recently changed their outlook, not sure whether is it better now or before. found a forum regarding psychology. it's named the shredded mind. the forum was dead a few years back. hahaha... but a lot of good stuffs inside saying abt psychology. singapore isn't really the best choice for studying.
a while again, i'm really confused of what i want to pursue in life. i look around me, friends around have already made their choices. engineers, accountants, financial analyst, pilots, teachers, etc etc.. they have their interests, they have the aptitudes, they are on the way there.
then i look at myself. "SMLJ?"
seriously speaking, i thought of myself as a blackhole.
i suck every single shitz inside.
maths, biology, computering, engineering of all sorts, nanotechology, physics, chem, teaching, police, saf, sportsman, blah blah blah
my interest is the world.
but i can't take on the world.
i've chosen psychology. what a queer subject.
what will ever happen to me?
i can't imagine. haha...
everything comes, anything goes.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Time I let go
i suppose the time is up.
can't take no more.
it's causing me too much pain.
every step i get closer, i see more reasons to leave you.
but at least the truth is coming out.
better off, just a little more than friends.
can't take no more.
it's causing me too much pain.
every step i get closer, i see more reasons to leave you.
but at least the truth is coming out.
better off, just a little more than friends.
The lyrics
[Verse 1:]
Don't know where to start, something aint goin right
Feel it in my soul cuz I've tried (ooh baby)
Try to keep you satisfied (please don't cry)
I just think we both need time
[Pre-chorus:]
I just feel that we are in the same room
But living two worlds apart
And its causing to much pain
[Chorus:]
She said, "Baby can you please just stay?"
"It aint to late to work this thing out"
I said, "Girl this aint easy for me."
"At least the truth is comin out."
But she said, "Why cant we make up like the last time?"
"Im just afraid to hear u say go."
I said, "Baby Im sorry, I think its time we let go"
[female voice]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go.
[Verse 2:]
See these tear drops fallin from your eyes (from your eyes)
That don't change my mind (mind oh ooh oh oh)
Please don't make things more difficult then they gotta be
I cant take no more, This is killin me
[Pre-Chorus:]
Every time I look at you
I see more reasons to leave you
And its causing me too much pain
[Chorus:]
She said, "Baby can you please just stay?"
"It aint to late to work this thing out"
I said, "Girl this aint easy for me."
"At least the truth is comin out."
But she said, "Why cant we make up like the last time?"
"Im just afraid to hear u say go."
I said, "Baby Im sorry, I think its time we let go"
[female voice:]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice:]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go
[female voice:]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice:]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go
[Chorus:]
She said, "Baby can you please just stay?"
"It aint to late to work this thing out"
I said, "Girl this aint easy for me."
"At least the truth is comin out."
But she said, "Why cant we make up like the last time?"
"Im just afraid to hear u say go."
I said, "Baby Im sorry, I think its time we let go"
[female voice:]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice:]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go.
Don't know where to start, something aint goin right
Feel it in my soul cuz I've tried (ooh baby)
Try to keep you satisfied (please don't cry)
I just think we both need time
[Pre-chorus:]
I just feel that we are in the same room
But living two worlds apart
And its causing to much pain
[Chorus:]
She said, "Baby can you please just stay?"
"It aint to late to work this thing out"
I said, "Girl this aint easy for me."
"At least the truth is comin out."
But she said, "Why cant we make up like the last time?"
"Im just afraid to hear u say go."
I said, "Baby Im sorry, I think its time we let go"
[female voice]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go.
[Verse 2:]
See these tear drops fallin from your eyes (from your eyes)
That don't change my mind (mind oh ooh oh oh)
Please don't make things more difficult then they gotta be
I cant take no more, This is killin me
[Pre-Chorus:]
Every time I look at you
I see more reasons to leave you
And its causing me too much pain
[Chorus:]
She said, "Baby can you please just stay?"
"It aint to late to work this thing out"
I said, "Girl this aint easy for me."
"At least the truth is comin out."
But she said, "Why cant we make up like the last time?"
"Im just afraid to hear u say go."
I said, "Baby Im sorry, I think its time we let go"
[female voice:]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice:]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go
[female voice:]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice:]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go
[Chorus:]
She said, "Baby can you please just stay?"
"It aint to late to work this thing out"
I said, "Girl this aint easy for me."
"At least the truth is comin out."
But she said, "Why cant we make up like the last time?"
"Im just afraid to hear u say go."
I said, "Baby Im sorry, I think its time we let go"
[female voice:]
baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave
tell me u'll stay, u'll stay
[male voice:]
I gotta leave, gotta leave, gotta leave
Girl I think its time we let go.
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