broken english

i just got reminded of how funny my parents seemed when they do those little quarrels in broken english. the way my mum would criticise my dad on things that annoy her and how my dad defended his annoying things. sometimes all in their broken english. haha..

Pólya, George

Who understand ill, answers ill.
Think on te end before you begin.
A fool looks ot the beginning, a wise man regards the end.
A wise man begins in the end, a fool ends in the beginning.
Where there is a will there is a way.
Diligence is the mother of good luck.
Perseverance kills the game.
An oak is not felled at one stroke.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Try all the keys in the bunch.
Arrows are made of all sorts of wood.
As the wind blows you must set your sail.
Cut your coat according to the cloth.
We must do as we may if we can't do as we would.
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.
Have two strings to your bow.
Do and undo, te day is long enough.
The end of fishing is not angling but catching.
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
A wise man will make tools of what comes to hand.
A wise man turns chance into good fortune.
Look before you leap.
Try before you trust.
A wise delay makes the road safe.
If you will sail without danger you must never put to sea.
Do the likeliest and hope the best.
Use the means and God will give the blessing.
We soon believe what we desire.
Step after step the ladder is ascended.
Little by little as the cat ate the flickle.
Do it by degrees.
What a fool does at last, a wise man does at first.
He thinks not well that thinks not again.
Second thoughts are best.
It is safe riding at two anchors.

~Polya, George (1887 - 1985)

not really in the best of mood

it has always been this way after the exams. this time, a little more serious.
after stressing myself for so long a period of time, my body can't seem to adjust to this carefree self. i feel like i need to do something. then again, it has grown weak after the struggle, so much that i automatically refused to take initiative in anything. including listening attentively. i should stay away for a while.

i still owe her a meal. and somehow, i hope she's looking forward to it. not becuz of the treat.

screwed again.

think i really screwed my last paper. didn't study properly this paper.
probably getting the first B for this.

202 - B
203 - B+/A-
200 - A
8087 - B+/A-
111 - B/B+
J2 - B+/A-

siao liao, i see a lot of Bs in my estimation. byebye gpa 4.5. haha..
oh well, exams over.

heck care liao~!

fear of failure

i'm struggling.
afraid that i will crumble before the walls of perfection.
my will is on the axis.
my heart is on the verge of breaking down.
i don't like this feeling.

restrictions

wanted to put restrictions on the viewing of blog. in the end i found it too troublesome to log in everytime myself. ha.

screwed

think i just screwed my 3rd paper. the 2 essay questions, i chose to do them even though i didn't have enough knowledge to write. haiz. plus the grades from the report.. not very sure i can get what i want.

discouraged. tired. eyes are struggling with the pain. heart is down.

there are some times when i wished someone is somewhere near me.
so i can tell her some things.
i can share some of my happinesss.
i can get some help in picking myself up.

i miss having someone.

people often comment that i don't smile very often.
it's becuz when i smile, they're not there.
and when i couldn't hold back those tears, i make sure i'm alone.

who am i to say

a touching song by Hope ~ who am i to say.
it sang a song of a past relationship.
a close one, infact.
intimacy, passion, commitment, or at least committed halfway.
and the departure seemed to have taken a part of her away.
when broken up, many uncertainties surface.
did you really love me?
did you really need me?
when it's a fact that you are no longer a special part of a special one,
then how can you be certain you were once special, to that special one?
helplessness after the acceptance of something which was not meant to be.
intrapersonal to dyadic to social and then back to intrapersonal.
what's the cause? how did it happen? why?
questions we asked ourselves, breakers, breakees or mutuals.
and even after, could we still remain as friends?
are we still attached? or have you cut the strings that she was hanging on desperately to her sanity.
everyone needs some time to recover.
for the breakers, i'm sure you have thought long and hard. i'm, 'sure'.
for the breakees, have you seen the signs before and yet ignored? the passive self which hopes the relationship might turn for the better? or allow the bond to deteriorate? or perhaps the active one who's harming her? or trying too hard to improve an inevitable end?
mutuals, there's no mutuals. someone must have initiated. there's no two 1st initiation. were you the one who compromise with a smile on your face that attempts to hide away every bit of sorrow that was building up in your entire self? when tears tear away your protrayed image, you wish it was raining? or perhaps, the initiator, who have to cruelly give her heart back? you justify that by saying it's the best for her. self-justification that leads to self-persuasion. she deserves better than someone who doesn't love her anymore. are you right? is there a better way? most probably, no. there's no better way to break up. any way will probably get her heart broken anyway.

define love. it's too much, and at the same time, too little.
too much of things you can describe.
too little of it, in most of us.

i don't wanna blame myself. i don't wanna blame her.
so, i blamed love.
this misattribution, i willingly make.

library

day spent at library until it closed and i went back to the damn hot room. haha...

5 more days. reading and reading and more reading.

of all ppl

i have to dream of her.

Stats

i went blank today when i flipped to see the first page of the stats paper. wthell is this? Chi-sq distribution? ANOVA? regression? there can only be 3 types. final conclusion, it's chi-sq. and i forgot how to do chi-sq. -_-"

anyway, my headaching head managed to survive thru the paper of 2.5hrs. rushing thru every single details, making sure all calculations are correct, whacking the calculator like there's no tml...

so far so good. 2 papers down. 3 more to go. 2 are hard, 1 no time to chup. it's maths, let's hope my Fmaths skill make up for the lack of practise for the paper.

msn history

it's been like 2 months or so. and i have just been alerted by msn that my history with her got full. -_-"

the same thing over again.

often my illness starts with a weird feeling inside, grew worse into an irritating flu, and then finally emerged with symptoms like headaches and fever. right now, it's at the headache stage. and i can feel the darn fever coming along. my stats paper is tml, hope i can go thru with this headache. or hopefully, the headache will disappear tml.

not feeling that well

have been feeling weird for the past few days.
turned out to be a slight flu that doesn't seemed to be getting any better.
better keep myself healthy and lively, i got 10 more days to go.

who's that?

there comes a point of time when i actually find it hard to recognize her.
i looked at the pic and asked myself, "is that her?"

ha.

i just got reminded why i don't wanna be tan's roomie anymore.
he snores.

back

it feels good to be back to me again.
nobody probably knows what that means, but it's okay.

she's just the girl

she's just the girl, who claimed that i'm the one.
but the kid is not my son.

you have gotta love billie jean - MJ.

eat and eat

these few days i just felt like eating and eating.
a pleasant morning to began the day.
i might have a chance at a 12/hr part-time job.
the assignment 4 came in handy cuz i needa submit my CV.
maybe i should go and get some sweets.
i haven't study a thing since i got back at 1300.
the maggie i just cooked was screwed.
i'm 13 days away from the finished of exams.
my right wrist ain't getting any better.
my health is deteriorating with unhealthly food.
my body doesn't feel to work much but the brain is straining itself.
i'm alone in hall.
i look at the basketball hanging on the switch and feel like playing.
in case of that, i left my running shoes at home so i have only slippers to play on which isn't desirable.
weather sux when you have to do laundry and it's raining.
headache is becoming of a thing to live with.

~with or without you.

jap listening and oral

listening was kinda crap as per last sem, it's quite hard to catch and memorise what they are actually talking about. it's in no way similar to chinese and english. you just have to remember. this one, understanding is hard enough. but still, it's better than last year when i screwed up the whole listening by randomly putting the answers in.

oral was today. not bad. kinda nervous but turned out okay. conversation was around 1 min or so with sensei. fast. i'm now thinking did i answer the questions wrongly or not. -_-.

2 more reports, and i'm done with school work.
then i can focuz on studying for exams. next week tues is the first paper.

come on.

i'm afraid.

when i first saw you,
i was afraid to meet you.

when i first met you,
i was afraid to kiss you.

when i first kissed you,
i was afraid to love you.

but now that i love you,
i'm afraid to lose you.

taken from somewhere on the net.

fusion

i once wrote,

'i wanna hold her hands so tight that we would fuse together'

we did. it was an exothermic reaction. heat energy was produced.
what's remain is a rather cold matter.
it cracked somewhere, and ended up becoming 2 pieces as time eroded us.

i'm a psychology student. and i still rmb exothermic reaction.
i should consider being a mathematical + physical + chemical psychology student.
is there a field called pornopsychology? sounds uncharted.

tears

i don't remember when was the last time i cried so much.
でも、わるくないです。　とても　いいです。

the saddest 'byebye'.

a letter

was clearing up my mailbox which has 5000 over emails and 2000 of them unread. came upon this mail i sent to myself. attached to it was a letter i wrote to her and a conversation we had. i never did send her the letter.

i don't feel it anymore.

泪

从不会为了纯粹的爱情而落泪，
只是会在他人的坚强下被感动。