when any kind of relationship, be it friends, family, and lovers, get hurt in the process, there's the analogy of breaking the bond between and within. what people is afraid of is that, after breaking this connection (sometimes delicate and fragile), things will no longer be the same. it's broken. even if you fix everything back together, there will remains a crack. like the famous analogy I have read somewhere else on the internet; the "Nail In The Fence" story.
Extracted from http://www.gauraw.com/2012/when-you-say-things-in-anger-the-nail-in-the-fence-story/
***
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and a hammer. The father, then asked the son to hammer a nail into the back of the fence every time he lost his temper going forward.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the new few weeks as he learned to control his anger a bit, the number of nails hammered daily gradually started to dwindle down. Soon he discovered, it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence....
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper. He was thrilled to tell his father about it. As he shared this achievement, the father suggest that he now go ahead and pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The day passed and the young boy was finally able to eventually remove all the nails from the fence. He was even more excited this time to share this new achievement with his father. As expected, the father extremely pleased. He congratulated the son and told him how proud he was for this achievement.
However, the father, slowly led the boy to the fence and he said, “You have done well, my son. I am very proud of you for what you have achieved today! But look at the holes in the fence. They will remain there forever. The fence will never be the same. Similarly, when you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t
matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. But, a
verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends and loved ones are a very
rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend
an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts
to us. Water your relationships with kindness… and they will
grow. So be careful little lips what you say… and you won't chase friendships
away."
The boy now stood silent as he began to understand the value
of the lesson his wise father tactfully taught him.
This was a life changing lesson his father just shared
indeed. This story is probably not new and you might have read or heard it
before. But to me, every time this brings a fresh perspective and each time I
am reminded of the side effects of not keeping my anger in control.
***
Now, the lesson learnt from this story is that angry words
leave a scar. or in a more general sense, when you break things, however you
mend it, the scars will always be visible.
This story has remained, though not close to my heart, but I
guess conscious in mind. Know the consequences of the things that you do, the
words that you said. In that way, you will know what to do, and what to say, in
order not to create those cracks and scars.
But, this concept of "kintsukuroi", the
understanding that the piece is more beautiful now that it's broken and mended,
than when its original form. It's an interesting and refreshing concept to
behold.
What it teaches is that, breaking is an inevitable thing;
there are some situations that despite both of you doing your best not to hurt
each others' feeling and damaging the relationship held, the bond is still
gonna get broken, you both are still gonna get hurt and hurt each other.
emotions could have taken over, it could be the factors that are
circumstantial... or for whatever reasons. it's still gonna happen at some
point of time.
so what happens next?
This is something that I have found more important than preserving
the relationship; that is the determination and will to mend the relationship
that was damaged, and the feelings that were hurt in the process. kinstukuroi
appreciates the beauty of the gold that held the broken pieces together. but to
see the whole piece as still "broken", or as "evolved", is
a perspective, an attitude. as long as both parties are determined to make it
work, to repair the damage that was done, albeit the irreversible sights of
scars, the relationship could be seen as having evolved into a stronger
bond.
so what i got from this is that, it's okay to be broken. Not
to say being broken is good. But the willingness to mend what is broken, is a
beauty of its own to be appreciated at the same level as maintaining the
original form.
to yn.
I will be willing to mend whatever is broken. Even for a
million pieces.
