b-process

among the addiction theories, there's something called the presence of b-process as opposed to a-process. a-process are those emotions or physiological reactions to the things that you're getting addicted to (i.e. drugs). b-process is the opposite reactions that are involuntarily initiated by the body either emotionally or physiologically in the opposite directions. as times of consumption increase, b-process tend to overtake a-process, which actually means you feel like taking more of the drugs becuz the b-process is levelling the desired a-process emotions. theory is not really supported, but well, it's one of the many around.

love is some sort like an addiction. it's desirable, and afterwhich when you're deprived of it, you want it even more. it's funny how people felt like they're in control of themselves when they are lost in their own automatically-elicited emotions or feelings. perhaps without conscious or self-initiated cognitive processing.

i myself love to get lost in my own emotions. it's so easy to get indulged in the walls of despair and just lose yourself. at another end of the spectrum perhaps, is the experience of the flow, coined by mihaly czikszentmihalyi. maybe ppl like to lose themselves in parallel dimensions. whether is it in heaven or hell. i personally vouch for this. haha...

oh my... has it been 3 years already? it seemed just yesterday i passed my pilot interview and first kissed a girl. ha. i'm getting so old... not comparing to the others, but relative to my youth. it's kinda fun to look back on younger times and see how stupid one was back then. sometimes, you discover you're still kinda in the same way, stupid, at the current state.

b-process. hell, you gave me my first major b-process. but rehab is done, long ago. it's just that there're still some external associations that are cueing about you.

~to let you in was less a mistake than getting close to your heart, with mine.