Senior Camp

fri and sat was spent in ntu going thru senior camp.
fri morn, i was regretting going for the first hour.
as we gathered, i realised i didn't really know many ppl.
and those whom i knew and were present at the camp, were ppl i'm not very close to.
the rest of the ppl seemed connected somehow.
it is as if everyone knows everyone, except for me.
don't really like the feeling, it's like intruding into a family.

however, when the camp started its activity, i felt like i was being introduced to this family. the icebreaker game was a good start, and also a good thing i have 2 familiar faces inside my group. rest of the camp till sat evening was rather okay. the feeling was okay, just that i know it won't be that easy to be as close as if i was there last year with them.

just took a nap after soccer and went thru my thoughts about her. there are things that i can't provide, can't give, and don't possess. and some of those things, she desire. there is another one closer to her who is at a better position to give, to comfort, and to console. a sudden appearance has its surprise factor. take it and hype your life, for at this time, i'm going slow. i don't thrive in fast relationship building, becuz i built it on trust and intimacy. over time and over space, i can't see you nor myself, having anything more than hey.

but i believe life's a gamble. some times, or most of it, is messed up. i took a gamble in a ballot, and if it's a win, i'll gamble your choice. a double win takes it all, a single loss means it's over.