who am i to say

a touching song by Hope ~ who am i to say.
it sang a song of a past relationship.
a close one, infact.
intimacy, passion, commitment, or at least committed halfway.
and the departure seemed to have taken a part of her away.
when broken up, many uncertainties surface.
did you really love me?
did you really need me?
when it's a fact that you are no longer a special part of a special one,
then how can you be certain you were once special, to that special one?
helplessness after the acceptance of something which was not meant to be.
intrapersonal to dyadic to social and then back to intrapersonal.
what's the cause? how did it happen? why?
questions we asked ourselves, breakers, breakees or mutuals.
and even after, could we still remain as friends?
are we still attached? or have you cut the strings that she was hanging on desperately to her sanity.
everyone needs some time to recover.
for the breakers, i'm sure you have thought long and hard. i'm, 'sure'.
for the breakees, have you seen the signs before and yet ignored? the passive self which hopes the relationship might turn for the better? or allow the bond to deteriorate? or perhaps the active one who's harming her? or trying too hard to improve an inevitable end?
mutuals, there's no mutuals. someone must have initiated. there's no two 1st initiation. were you the one who compromise with a smile on your face that attempts to hide away every bit of sorrow that was building up in your entire self? when tears tear away your protrayed image, you wish it was raining? or perhaps, the initiator, who have to cruelly give her heart back? you justify that by saying it's the best for her. self-justification that leads to self-persuasion. she deserves better than someone who doesn't love her anymore. are you right? is there a better way? most probably, no. there's no better way to break up. any way will probably get her heart broken anyway.

define love. it's too much, and at the same time, too little.
too much of things you can describe.
too little of it, in most of us.

i don't wanna blame myself. i don't wanna blame her.
so, i blamed love.
this misattribution, i willingly make.