男：远远看到你 模糊清晰
旧旧的记忆 幕幕浮起
女：没想到 会碰到
彷佛在这一秒 停止心跳
男：慢慢靠近你
两：我的手指颤动不已
女：好多年没见你
男：前尘往事没法逃避
女：老朋友 你好吗
没有我日子好吧
两：是否了无牵挂
女：这些年来 爱过恨过 错过痛过
还剩下什麽 值得庆贺
男：你的脆弱 你的冷漠 都曾属於我
两：这些年来生活折磨 曲折太多 爱情算什麽
两：感触良多
男：不敢开口 默默的问候
女：嫣然回首 曾经深爱过
男：烟火点不着
女：抽太多对身体不好
抽屉的安眠药
男：最好还是不要依靠
女：愈关心 愈腼腆 虽然在手机里面
两：还藏着你照片
女：这些年来爱过恨过 错过痛过
还剩下什麽 值得庆贺
男：你的脆弱 你的冷漠 都曾属於我
两：这些年来生活折磨 曲折太多 爱情算什麽
女：感触良多
男：不敢开口 默默的问候 我们的伤疤太多
女：别忘记曾经爱过 就算犯错
也是种收获 值得庆贺
男：喜怒哀乐 共同渡过 从未后悔过
两：未来日子 愿你拥有
美好生活 最好的时光
女：莫失莫忘
男：不需要说 有空再联络
握你手
女：轻轻拥抱 轻轻的 挣脱
我的过去称不上刻苦名心
但还是有些词里的感触
是不是每个认真的爱情
破碎了就会成为陌生人
虽然时不时会想起对方
但是一直都不肯联络他
还会想着他
还会关心他
想知道分手后过得如何
幸福吗
快乐吗
可这只是埋在心里的问候
情人之后的朋友又是什么感觉
会不会是情不深
才能还留在对方的世界里
不明白情人回到原点的道理
而深爱过的情侣
是不是因爱太深
所以选择离他千里之外
只因为不想再想起一幕幕的情节
好难受
love.
i guess the world will be left with no mysteries after psychology fully defines it.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
finding old-time buddies
recently found my old time buddies on facebook.
gotta be one of the pros of fb. haha...
i still rmb the 3 of us together..
gone were the days we hit shuttles together.
3 of us, won the inter-class badminton tournament after p4 streaming exams.
me and kj were doubles, sam played singles.
we even got trophies to show. haha.. fun times... good times...
plus, i think i found the girl i was thinking for for years.
i'm pretty sure i got i correct becuz i still rmb how she looked like 16 years ago in p1.
the smarties in the class, shoulder-length hair with an extra strand tied to the back, glasses, kinda cute.
if memories didn't fail me, i used to tease her. or rather, irritated her.
hmm.. i don't know why she left such a deep impression on me.
i forgot whose hands i held during national day celebration during the singing of songs. she was infront of me, sitting down. i grabbed her hands and swing together with the rest. wonder if it was becuz i didn't have a flag and she had one, or i was just being me at that time. my form teacher smacked me in the butt after that. so was it this girl or another girl that i irritated in those days?
i have no idea how i changed from that stupid boy to now.
gotta be one of the pros of fb. haha...
i still rmb the 3 of us together..
gone were the days we hit shuttles together.
3 of us, won the inter-class badminton tournament after p4 streaming exams.
me and kj were doubles, sam played singles.
we even got trophies to show. haha.. fun times... good times...
plus, i think i found the girl i was thinking for for years.
i'm pretty sure i got i correct becuz i still rmb how she looked like 16 years ago in p1.
the smarties in the class, shoulder-length hair with an extra strand tied to the back, glasses, kinda cute.
if memories didn't fail me, i used to tease her. or rather, irritated her.
hmm.. i don't know why she left such a deep impression on me.
i forgot whose hands i held during national day celebration during the singing of songs. she was infront of me, sitting down. i grabbed her hands and swing together with the rest. wonder if it was becuz i didn't have a flag and she had one, or i was just being me at that time. my form teacher smacked me in the butt after that. so was it this girl or another girl that i irritated in those days?
i have no idea how i changed from that stupid boy to now.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
something more
it's been a while ever since i've been feelig guilty towards myself.
disappointed, saddened, despair over the monotonous melody that i've been living in.
it doesn't really makes much sense to just sit at home, look at the com, play some games... or hit the books, do the assignments, pass some tests...
life's shouldn't be like this.
how did our lives turn out this way? in which education occupies so much of our critical growing period.
is education that impt? is schooling necessary?
this world, has made education a prerequisite to life.
or at least that's my perception of my world.
life being, study -> good grades -> good job -> good pay
not that i don't want any of those, but i want something more.
it really kills me inside when i felt i'm not doing enough to make this one and only experience of life fulfilling. and i envied those around me who makes theirs interesting and full of novel experience.
some ppl has great aims. study hard, good grades, and wahla~! good job, good pay. and ideally they got a good partner along the course and then a good marriage, good kids, good etc. it really brings great concern to me that my life's ultimate goal is not something along this line. to be able to have and do all that, yes that would have been terrific, great. but i just don't think it's enough to fill my world, my heart.
she has great aims. you don't work so hard for something that doesn't brings great returns. which is probably why she's now far away from me. there's gotta be something more to life, i wanted to tell her. nahz, she won't get my point.
another envisions herself in somewhat similar situation. ya, all the way girl. work, least of my interest at the moment as i blog my night away with 2 essays hanging on the deadline. life, i'm more interested in finding avenues to get experience.
to tell the truth, i truly has no aim. i might be interested in forsenic psychology, engineering psych, maybe sports, but it's not like a surething, that i definitely want to enter that field.
it seems my life is more intrinsic than most others. my aim in life is the process of finding it.
disappointed, saddened, despair over the monotonous melody that i've been living in.
it doesn't really makes much sense to just sit at home, look at the com, play some games... or hit the books, do the assignments, pass some tests...
life's shouldn't be like this.
how did our lives turn out this way? in which education occupies so much of our critical growing period.
is education that impt? is schooling necessary?
this world, has made education a prerequisite to life.
or at least that's my perception of my world.
life being, study -> good grades -> good job -> good pay
not that i don't want any of those, but i want something more.
it really kills me inside when i felt i'm not doing enough to make this one and only experience of life fulfilling. and i envied those around me who makes theirs interesting and full of novel experience.
some ppl has great aims. study hard, good grades, and wahla~! good job, good pay. and ideally they got a good partner along the course and then a good marriage, good kids, good etc. it really brings great concern to me that my life's ultimate goal is not something along this line. to be able to have and do all that, yes that would have been terrific, great. but i just don't think it's enough to fill my world, my heart.
she has great aims. you don't work so hard for something that doesn't brings great returns. which is probably why she's now far away from me. there's gotta be something more to life, i wanted to tell her. nahz, she won't get my point.
another envisions herself in somewhat similar situation. ya, all the way girl. work, least of my interest at the moment as i blog my night away with 2 essays hanging on the deadline. life, i'm more interested in finding avenues to get experience.
to tell the truth, i truly has no aim. i might be interested in forsenic psychology, engineering psych, maybe sports, but it's not like a surething, that i definitely want to enter that field.
it seems my life is more intrinsic than most others. my aim in life is the process of finding it.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
the feeling of 'nua'ness
it's always like that during the weekends when the deadlines are nearing but not that near yet.
haven't done a bit of work the whole day.
i'm getting tired of uni studies by the day.
why can't we concentrate and focus on what we like?
a naive thought.
haven't done a bit of work the whole day.
i'm getting tired of uni studies by the day.
why can't we concentrate and focus on what we like?
a naive thought.
Friday, March 26, 2010
note to self
human motivation; psychology
asked j regarding a research article on flow experience i was reading when i was rushing thru positive essay. the article divides motivation into intrinsic, extrinsic (self-determined), extrinsic (non-self-determined) and amotivation. the participants were swimmers and given a survey to classify them into one of the four categories.
results have shown that intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation (self-determined), both having self-determinancy, have higher instances of flow experience than those swimmers that are extrinsically motivated but are non-self-determined and amotivation.
my qns to j was that from results, does autonomy has a greater effect on flow experience than whether motivation is intrinsic and extrinsic.
few flaws that j pointed out. the article is not focusing on the issue of autonomy, but rather being able to determined the motivation yourself; self-determinancy. those having self-determined extrinsic motivation does not means that they have high autonomy. autonomy is being able to decide without influence of others. self-determinancy is making decisions by yourself, may be influenced by others. so it's simply saying that the decisions are not made by others and forced onto yourself.
and some other things i don't really get and don't really know what to ask there and then.
self.
i should avoid direct 1-to-1 confrontation with j. it's hard to focus on what she's saying, when what she's showing has a more interesting and evolutionary value. when there're doubts, better it's discussed over the mail or with more coverings.
lunched alone. same as j.
asked j regarding a research article on flow experience i was reading when i was rushing thru positive essay. the article divides motivation into intrinsic, extrinsic (self-determined), extrinsic (non-self-determined) and amotivation. the participants were swimmers and given a survey to classify them into one of the four categories.
results have shown that intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation (self-determined), both having self-determinancy, have higher instances of flow experience than those swimmers that are extrinsically motivated but are non-self-determined and amotivation.
my qns to j was that from results, does autonomy has a greater effect on flow experience than whether motivation is intrinsic and extrinsic.
few flaws that j pointed out. the article is not focusing on the issue of autonomy, but rather being able to determined the motivation yourself; self-determinancy. those having self-determined extrinsic motivation does not means that they have high autonomy. autonomy is being able to decide without influence of others. self-determinancy is making decisions by yourself, may be influenced by others. so it's simply saying that the decisions are not made by others and forced onto yourself.
and some other things i don't really get and don't really know what to ask there and then.
self.
i should avoid direct 1-to-1 confrontation with j. it's hard to focus on what she's saying, when what she's showing has a more interesting and evolutionary value. when there're doubts, better it's discussed over the mail or with more coverings.
lunched alone. same as j.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
life's ain't always beautiful and wonderful
wasn't feeling too good today.
kinda moody.
i want to write those feelings down again.
kinda moody.
i want to write those feelings down again.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
sorrows
when even tears can't express the capacity of my sorrows
i met with a bottleneck in the two sources of my sight
but when the tears dried, i'm left with the fading sadness of yesterday
in which i felt dissonant about whether to hold on, or let go
should i rmb happy, or should i indulge in sadness
perhaps that is how regrets are made, from smiles and salty tears
i met with a bottleneck in the two sources of my sight
but when the tears dried, i'm left with the fading sadness of yesterday
in which i felt dissonant about whether to hold on, or let go
should i rmb happy, or should i indulge in sadness
perhaps that is how regrets are made, from smiles and salty tears
Friday, March 19, 2010
as i struggle to finish my essay...
in which i have briefly wrote about less than 100 words of content.
i came upon this nice poem in my inbox.
Boobs
Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
Mine just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace
Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a bra
And when I go for a dip
You won't see one slip out
They stay put just where they are
And I'm not one to seek much attention
So you won't find me strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
by gravity defying
to leave no room, not even for doubt
But I sure envy big breasted women
I've seen them at parties you konw
With all the confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the men as they go
Though I've heard from a big bosomed buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
She says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things a guy sees"
Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six b or c
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like home improvements on me
Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done quite a bit of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned
There's questions that need to tbe answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
I can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
That could poke Sweetie's eye in his sleep
Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy a bright red bathing suit
On the beach I would run
In slow motion for fun
To show off my best attribute
Now don't think I'd just get them for vanity
There's much I'd aspire to do
I could feed many babies
When I was lactating
And for convenience, I could offer drive-thru
In a t-shirt I'd test air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if I stood outside
My breasts pumped up with pride
Police'd use me to stop traffic flow
Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For the big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
To stay as they are for a while
And there's my sweetie who totall accepts me
For he loves each and every little bit
He says "Stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far"
As he gazes into my eyes not my tits
i came upon this nice poem in my inbox.
Boobs
Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
Mine just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace
Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a bra
And when I go for a dip
You won't see one slip out
They stay put just where they are
And I'm not one to seek much attention
So you won't find me strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
by gravity defying
to leave no room, not even for doubt
But I sure envy big breasted women
I've seen them at parties you konw
With all the confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the men as they go
Though I've heard from a big bosomed buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
She says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things a guy sees"
Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six b or c
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like home improvements on me
Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done quite a bit of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned
There's questions that need to tbe answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
I can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
That could poke Sweetie's eye in his sleep
Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy a bright red bathing suit
On the beach I would run
In slow motion for fun
To show off my best attribute
Now don't think I'd just get them for vanity
There's much I'd aspire to do
I could feed many babies
When I was lactating
And for convenience, I could offer drive-thru
In a t-shirt I'd test air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if I stood outside
My breasts pumped up with pride
Police'd use me to stop traffic flow
Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For the big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
To stay as they are for a while
And there's my sweetie who totall accepts me
For he loves each and every little bit
He says "Stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far"
As he gazes into my eyes not my tits
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Essay due on Sat.
the 10 page essay is due on Sat.
today's thursday.
i haven't written a single word except for the title.
today's thursday.
i haven't written a single word except for the title.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
13th March 2010
In the late hours of a normal friday night, sons and daughters all recieved news to rush to her side as her breathing got critically impaired. Everyone dropped whatever they were doing, as if the start of a relaxing weekend was overtaken in priority. Few get to see her last moments, as the experts tried hard to extend a deadline.
It was a torturous wait. There was that expression of 'Please be okay' showing around me. I couldn't sit. Standing seemed to be a better option of preserving even a bit more hope. Nothing seemed to be calming the situation down. Our eyes fixed on anything that strolled by.
As if to break the silence, the expert appeared and announced the undesired. My eyes went red. Their eyes overflowed. I tried to covered up with whatever calmness I have left. But emotions never lie.
I still don't know how to be okay with it. I just knew I cry myself to sleep that night.
And as time goes by, I will try not to let this feeling fades. It's the something that she has left for me. It may not be the best thing to remember her by, but I just don't want to lose this feeling. Becuz I have already lost her.
It was a torturous wait. There was that expression of 'Please be okay' showing around me. I couldn't sit. Standing seemed to be a better option of preserving even a bit more hope. Nothing seemed to be calming the situation down. Our eyes fixed on anything that strolled by.
As if to break the silence, the expert appeared and announced the undesired. My eyes went red. Their eyes overflowed. I tried to covered up with whatever calmness I have left. But emotions never lie.
I still don't know how to be okay with it. I just knew I cry myself to sleep that night.
And as time goes by, I will try not to let this feeling fades. It's the something that she has left for me. It may not be the best thing to remember her by, but I just don't want to lose this feeling. Becuz I have already lost her.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
which way is the easier way
it seemed that it is easier to fall in love than to fall out of it.
losses looms greater than gains eh?
even the anticipation of it has the same effects of the materialization of it.
i think i might just fall in love just becuz she sung the song.
losses looms greater than gains eh?
even the anticipation of it has the same effects of the materialization of it.
i think i might just fall in love just becuz she sung the song.
me and you
it still feel the same after all this time...
somehow, with us, it feels like it's never off the table.
somehow, with us, it feels like it's never off the table.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
a little organized
got to maybe around 30 min worth of organizing work.
didn't really read anything, just tidy up the desk and file all the lecture notes.
wondering what i'm going to do with my long essay yet.
at the edge of panicking.
but given the 'everything's cool' mentality that i trained myself to have over the years, i'm probably gonna just swing thru this.
maybe i've been feeling more lonely lately.
there was always a close companion around my comfort zone.
but the past few years, it's pretty much me intruding into others' comfort zone.
old friends doesn't mean close friends.
and close friends don't need to be old.
but even so, i think i'm moving further away from myself.
i feel like going away for a while
i feel like being alone
i feel like isolation from noise and integration with signal
a structured life is my least desired path but my insecurity is killing my inner-wanting.
didn't really read anything, just tidy up the desk and file all the lecture notes.
wondering what i'm going to do with my long essay yet.
at the edge of panicking.
but given the 'everything's cool' mentality that i trained myself to have over the years, i'm probably gonna just swing thru this.
maybe i've been feeling more lonely lately.
there was always a close companion around my comfort zone.
but the past few years, it's pretty much me intruding into others' comfort zone.
old friends doesn't mean close friends.
and close friends don't need to be old.
but even so, i think i'm moving further away from myself.
i feel like going away for a while
i feel like being alone
i feel like isolation from noise and integration with signal
a structured life is my least desired path but my insecurity is killing my inner-wanting.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
01 gathering
the usual place - ms ong's hse.
my laptop got the job of irritating me in the morning with "i'm not in love... this is not my heart..." until i got dulan and got up to off it so that i'll be in time to meet up to go ms ong's. well, was late, and only a party of 4 met up at the interchange. rest went there by themselves. next time, we'll just do that.
chit chat, catching up, knowing what's going on back in sch, talking about the future... it's always great to gather ppl together once in a while. lunched at ssc nyny, her treat, as always. felt a little bad that every year we didn't bring anything to her home. hmm.. maybe next time we'll get her some gift.
the day really made me realised we're all not 'small' anymore. 不小了。 we are all growing up, as fast as the time flows. the girls, or ladies, were talking abt work, buying house, shopping details that seemed like they're at the auntie level of talking but a professional level of knowledge, and marriage (the 'me and my bf this & that'). guys, we're still talking abt sch, mostly. perhaps the headstart of sch, or the close proximity to social working adult life is the difference btw the genders now. marriage? i never really have it much thought, especially when my love life is kinda DOA.
last day of recess, i haven't been doing anything. 2 more weeks to submission of 10-page essay, 4 more weeks to 340 report, 5 more weeks to assg 2, 7 more weeks to exams. my reluctance to touch on my books is giving me more anxiety, which increases my fear of unpreparedness, resulting in the increased tendency to avoid my books in order to escape this feeling at a temporary basis by concentrating on other stuffs (having fun). vicious cycle of not studying.
finally watched avatar today, although the screenplay was a bit buggy in the video and the resolution wasn't that good, still a good 2 1/2 hr spent.
an old friend back when we were 7 still rmb me.
i'm referred to as the guy comforted her when she's sad.
she didn't really change much from what i rmbed of her back then.
if anything, she grew into a pretty lady.
ppl have love crushes. and i think my first infatuation was her.
she recently just got married.
ah.. life flies eh.
a moment she was cheating during a spelling test in class, next she's wearing a ring round her index.
ever wondered how your life direction will change if someone significant stayed?
my laptop got the job of irritating me in the morning with "i'm not in love... this is not my heart..." until i got dulan and got up to off it so that i'll be in time to meet up to go ms ong's. well, was late, and only a party of 4 met up at the interchange. rest went there by themselves. next time, we'll just do that.
chit chat, catching up, knowing what's going on back in sch, talking about the future... it's always great to gather ppl together once in a while. lunched at ssc nyny, her treat, as always. felt a little bad that every year we didn't bring anything to her home. hmm.. maybe next time we'll get her some gift.
the day really made me realised we're all not 'small' anymore. 不小了。 we are all growing up, as fast as the time flows. the girls, or ladies, were talking abt work, buying house, shopping details that seemed like they're at the auntie level of talking but a professional level of knowledge, and marriage (the 'me and my bf this & that'). guys, we're still talking abt sch, mostly. perhaps the headstart of sch, or the close proximity to social working adult life is the difference btw the genders now. marriage? i never really have it much thought, especially when my love life is kinda DOA.
last day of recess, i haven't been doing anything. 2 more weeks to submission of 10-page essay, 4 more weeks to 340 report, 5 more weeks to assg 2, 7 more weeks to exams. my reluctance to touch on my books is giving me more anxiety, which increases my fear of unpreparedness, resulting in the increased tendency to avoid my books in order to escape this feeling at a temporary basis by concentrating on other stuffs (having fun). vicious cycle of not studying.
finally watched avatar today, although the screenplay was a bit buggy in the video and the resolution wasn't that good, still a good 2 1/2 hr spent.
an old friend back when we were 7 still rmb me.
i'm referred to as the guy comforted her when she's sad.
she didn't really change much from what i rmbed of her back then.
if anything, she grew into a pretty lady.
ppl have love crushes. and i think my first infatuation was her.
she recently just got married.
ah.. life flies eh.
a moment she was cheating during a spelling test in class, next she's wearing a ring round her index.
ever wondered how your life direction will change if someone significant stayed?
Monday, March 1, 2010
first thought
i woke up in the morning thinking what love is.
i came upon the view of this.
Love is the coexistence in the monogamy of each other.
Then i realised, that's marriage.
i came upon the view of this.
Love is the coexistence in the monogamy of each other.
Then i realised, that's marriage.
Recess
after a week of studying, somehow i managed to catch my breath on friday evening. and missed sending my friend away, becuz i didn't know he's going then. thought it was in the morning. damn. wonder why nobody tell me about it.
been lazing and slacking around for this weekend. it's like a well-deserved enjoyment deprived since last weekend. haha.. well, this recess is going to be rather busy with work too i think. assignments and projects are starting to worry me.
something tells me this sem is gonna be a bit different.
it's different, so far.
a phrase that i saw in a movie just.
from Rumor Has It,
~ i can live without you. i just don't want to.
been lazing and slacking around for this weekend. it's like a well-deserved enjoyment deprived since last weekend. haha.. well, this recess is going to be rather busy with work too i think. assignments and projects are starting to worry me.
something tells me this sem is gonna be a bit different.
it's different, so far.
a phrase that i saw in a movie just.
from Rumor Has It,
~ i can live without you. i just don't want to.
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