dartz

the best training session we have so far.
most of us were in, 1 new comer.
although i played quite badly, but i felt good.
even though i have to take a cab back home becuz it was too late, i thought it was kinda worth it.

seriously, i will stay in hall just to play darts. haha..

生日快乐

i nearly forgot, it's my birthday today.
今天 九月十一.
probably only i rmb this date to be my lunar birthday.

well, happy birthday J.
华人应该算是 二十三岁了。

1206 - 1345 - 1247

so far my timings for 2.4 is cui until i can't pass. -_-
i have offically gotten the maximum points of anyone who failed ippt. 21 points.

wound

the wound always hurt when it's healing.
if i left it alone, it's just fine.
but during the healing stage, i keep exerting force on it to prove to myself it doesn't hurt anymore.
but every time, i failed to disregard that sharp pain.
then one day, the wound finally closed up.
the pain seemed gone.
until a tiny accident scratched the surface, then you know it still hurts.
not as much, but enough to still be called pain.
eventually it will heal completely.
one day it won't hurt anymore.
there might be a mark there, but maybe i won't rmb how i got it.
some time later, i fell down and got hurt again.

the whole damn cycle repeats.

a dream

it was a dream that i remembered vividly the situation but not the exchange of words.

she was on my bed, in the current oritentation as it is now.
i don't know who she is, but i felt close to her.
short hair, shirt and shorts, the girl-next-door kind of girl.
she doesn't know me too. we just came together somehow.
we kissed, snuggled.
a rather sensual feeling that was seemingly lost and recovered in the dream.

and seriously, i wondered why there wasn't any sexual contents in it. have i grown out of it? if this is called maturing, i don't want any of that. haha..

Projectz Dartboard~!

woke up, and felt like setting up the dartboard that i've been delaying for quite a while. just managed to borrow the electric drill from uncle last weekend.

took me around 3 hours to finish all the things. the hardest has to be drilling the stupid hole in the wall. the whole time i need to push the drill towards the wall hard enough so my hands don't go trembling along with drill. took me like 30 min to drill a hole of 2-3cm -_-" anyway the dartboard looks fine now. still gotta figure out how to protect the wall from the damn-off throws. and i saw sparks flying when my darts fell on the ground. wah.. heart pain for the darts tip.

but still, YEAH~!

Presentations Donez

Wed cognitive presentation was super crap. wasn't prepared, didn't really know what i was saying. -_- and given that i slept only 2-3 hours before presenting... becuz i was doing up the slides.

today's personality presentation was not bad. although i keep screwing up during the rehearsals... it got so bad i stopped and thought to myself, wtf? i blamed the fact that i slept 2-3 hours again... becuz i redo all my slides.. got some nice comments from joyce, felt good.

exhausting day... rush finish presentation, then try to finish up my jap essay in the noon but was tired and my thoughts couldn't reach a consensus of what to write on. was practically sleeping thru the whole astro lecture.. at times i was conscious, but it just hurts too much to open up my eyes..

1 month before exams. it's time to do the usual planning again. i may not always manage to stick close to my schedule, at least i know how much i'm lacking behind in reading. haha.. the more salient the information, the more your consciousness will build up that sense of guilt of not studying.

still peeling

1 wk+ after my kayaking course and my skin just started to peel.
the hands area. i think either my skin died a slow death after that saturated exposure to uv rays, or it just take a long time to start the peeling process.

getting quite frustrated with presentation tml.
still doing the slides.
it looked damn plain, points not smooth.
too much things to talk in 4 min.
knn.

Serenity

being in school for a make-up lecture becuz 2 public holidays fell on mon this sem.

it wasn't crowded.
the corridors ain't filled with students walking to their destinations.
the canteens were closed, except for the fast-foods.
the tutorial rooms were mostly empty.
suddenly, it feels good to be in school.

i kinda like this serenity that i'm enjoying in an air-conditioned tutorial room with my laptop to accompany me and allow me to do work before meeting up for presentation.

quiet, void of noise i usually prefer to avoid.
alone, away from crowds of strangers and occasionally acquaintances.
peace, my mind feels at ease following the mood of the holiday~

it can't be that hard

i will not fall when i need to stand.
i will not bow to the desire i have.
i will not be succumb to my id impulses.

i will prevail.

don't want to think, or can't

having 2 presentations' deadlines coming together this coming week. can't help but feel helpless in analysing and figuring out how to present the information. haiz... sometimes i wondered what am i really good at. it's like i only know how to absorb, process, then vomit. plus, the information decays away in my memory system damn fast after i acknowledge the fact that the examaination on it is over. perhaps next time after the papers i should consciously tell knock my brain to remind myself i still have to count on the knowledge i've learned this sem to help me on the next sem, or my final year.

i think i'm better at teaching. ha.

i just maxed my skill level on cabal. i don't think i'm going to play much of it before my papers in late nov. hopefully.

5 weeks more to start of papers. abnormal first, followed by jap 3 the next day, astro 2 days after, cognitive 4 days after, and finally and perhaps the toughest paper i would expect to have is personality, 2 days later. a 2 weeks struggle as usual from last 2 sems i had. getting used to the routine studying before the exams. i just still don't like all the projects and presentations going on.

emotions

just watched a rather scary footage of a jap spirit caught on video.
so i decided to emo to get some scary feelings off me.

没了你
就好像失去自己的一部分
就好像从此不会再有那种感觉
那种有妳在身边的触感
那种幸福快乐的情绪
那种牵着妳的手的感觉
在一瞬间消失的无奈
。。。

nahz.. it's been too long. wanna emo also cannot.

1 catchy, the other smooth

Catchy

the first time i heard this song was probably at chris's playing mahjong. very catchy, and the 9 cute girls dancing made it even more appealing. haha...

Gee (chipmunk version) - Girls Generation

Smooth

first time hearing it today. was actually expecting a different song of the same title. 暗恋 seemed to be 2 words that most of us are familiar with, along with the feelings involved, the experiences, the expectations, disappointments, secret happiness.



暗恋 Adoration

曲：陶喆/吴庆隆 词：娃娃

告诉自己要冷静 却又无法不想你
我的懦弱已经开始让我讨厌我自己
是你对我有戒心 还是我没有自信
可是谁也不能阻止我 我要暗恋你
so lonely , so here I am ,standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
here I am waitting just for you
开放我所有 我要为你怎么做你才接受我

so lonely

尽管渴望再见你 虽然只是在梦里
短暂的甜蜜已胜过了一辈子没有你
就算没快乐结局 就算从此死了心
我要付出我所有珍妮 只要能感动你


我愿意

so here I am ,standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
here I am ,waitting just for you
开放我所有 ,我要为你怎么做你才接受

oh~（怎么才接受）

我喜欢 我要你 我爱你（我喜欢 我要你 我爱你）


so here I am , standing all alone
在某个街头，有个我在这里只为你等候
so here I am ,waitting just for you
开放我所有 ,希望你能了解你能够接受我

I am lonely

故事就说到这里 就算你们再好奇
我想说的都已说完了 其余是秘密
在那某一个街头 会流传某个旋律
那是我在轻轻唱着歌 多爱你 珍妮


有些熟悉的感受。。
已去的一切一切
不能回来的情境

暗恋，一种好美的感觉。
同时，也可能是一生最遗憾的事情。

眼不见为净，
免得自己又胡思乱想。

1...2...3... ZzzZzz...

couldn't get myself out of bed this morn to study for abnormal quiz today... i laze on bed from 6-7.30am. haha... body is tired and still aching from 2 days out at sea. especially my right hand. when technique is not proficient, strength takes over. first lecture, seriously dozing off at the back.
second lecture, still trying quite hard to stay awake.

slept for 45 min on the isolated bench.. shiok. cool weather.

2 presentations due next wk, followed by astro quiz on the week after, then personality assg 2 which i have really gotta score due the week after astro.

oh, looking at the calender, i just realized my bday is 3 wks away. hmm... thinking of buying a pair of new badminton shoes as a gift to myself. hehe.

one finance company called me up during lect, saying they're one of the top ten in singapore and i am being one of the ten that is shortlisted for management trainees. rejected the offer straight. first, i don't feel like going to interview. lazy, not in the mood, more interested in staying at home and doing my assignments. second, i can't afford the time to do a part-time in that context. third, i don't forsee myself and not interested in joining a finance company at a management level of no relevance to psychology.

i thought of getting my resume on jobsdb down, but wtheck. maybe one day a good job offer will come along which i can take along with sch.

First accomplishment since Uni Life started

Passed 1 star kayaking!
although nothing to brag about, but at least i went for it. lucky i have sharon along, if not neither of us would have sign up. haha..

2 days of kayak, not bad, nice feeling on sea.
learned some new things. despite all the kayaking i've been thru.
instructors were all very nice.

nice events planned out. i.e. picnic on open sea, mass capsize.
i quite liked the mass capsize. that's when everyone needs help and everyone's helping. was in a single, so quickly got up and went to help. kayaks can be freaking heavy when it's filled with water.

spent the day with tantem (doubles) initially. then switched and sticked with dancer (single). another type of single is called salem, or something spelt that way. salem is easier to control, tried it yesterday, but harder to turn. dancer, seriously dances around, highly sensitive to currents and strokes. i usually can't keep it straight, even harder when i tried to go any faster. but had a good time with it, easy to turn, mobile.

i realised i haven't been doing much recreation stuffz since i got into uni. this is the only concrete evidence i got so far. miserable, but looking forward to more. maybe 2 star next when i have the time? haha... sailing seemed fun too.

maybe just badminton, haven't gone back to the court for some time now.

Kayak

it has been quite some time since i've kayak.
almost all the same things again.. perhaps only the rescue part was more interesting and fresh.

1 star kayak course day 1 ended with sunburnt, few scratches, and didn't manage to study after that becuz i was tired. ha.

nearly 2 weeks

been quite long since i've studied or done much for sch.
a bit hard to start doing it right away.
found out that i'm quite a few chapters behind, and half a sem behind for astro. did completely no readings on the stars.
haha.. oh, that reminds me. hope to go star-gazing session soon. well i missed the one at nus last year, i don't wanna miss my own one.

got a new chair, paid by mum.
seemed okay. will grow to like it probably.

still feel great about finally getting out of hospital. although it's just 1.5days stay.

i'm HIV-Negative

i have proof.

i slept along the corridor of ward11D in the hospital, becuz the class C wards are currently full, along with the class B. it really looks quite pathetic. this lonesome guy lying on a bed, along the corridor, doing nothing much.

seriously, so ke lian. well at least 1 day of hospitalisation helps to kill the pain. so many docs, so many medicine, and that 1 litre of laxative... kaoz.

i'm free from pain~!
plus HIV-negative.

...

i rather get heartbroken than suffer from this.

twice

i was struggling with the pain yesterday night.
terrible, can't sleep for around 1.5 hrs.

finally went to hospital for a checkup.
constipated, and if it continues, maybe appendicitis...

2 terrible things that follow. the doc stuck her finger up my anus. then the nurse stuck the tube thingy to induce passing motion.
it's painful. quite. and very weird.

seemed like my relatives knew abt me going to the hospital.
dear mum must have told them.