bad results

was shocked when i saw my health psych results. i was the top 5 from the bottom. wtheck? seriously, i did so badly? i can't remember what the questions were. but then, can't believe i scored so badly. could possibly be my worst score in my whole uni life. just passed. smlj.

this sem hasn't been going so well. i'm held up in my study, couldn't get myself to read or do things. internship application's in a mess. projects and presentation are approaching so fast i could feel a panic attack coming.

damn it. have i lost the motivation to study ever since i knew my first class was gone?

there's hope!

have been kinda anxious these couple of days after realizing i'm might not be getting an intern. but this morning, i saw hope~!

the other contact person at the m-lab replied my army boss saying there might be a chance, and he's looking into it. i hope this goes well.

suddenly, a whole new problem pops up in my head. the ICT in the middle of nowhere. heard several deferments got rejected by CO. if CO can even reject school interns, much less mine.

haiz... it's busy busy till the finals again. 5 more weeks to the papers again. this sem is fast.

i'm in deep shit

i woke up with the attitude that, 'oh, another week just started....'
when i checked my internship application again, it said the deadline was this morn, 10am.
i remembered it being in the night.
the next moment i shifted my attention to the lower right of the monitor to check the time.
10.16am. couldn't forget the sight.
i was 16 minutes late.
in a desperate attempt to log in and try my luck to see if i can still apply, the ntu server denied any hope of that.
then i thought of calling the office up to ask them if i can apply, it's only a few minutes late.
but i hestitated.
still hoping that the m-lab over at hong kong could perhaps open an intern position for a psychology student.
seriously, there's little hope in this.
it's a digital company, not really those mainstream psychology internships.
and i don't even know if there's an internship offer.
my immediate superior introduced this company to me during my callback on sat and he did me a favor by asking them if they could accept psycho interns.
he said, "fingers crossed".

now, to logically compare btw the choices.
for school, i could say i'm almost 100% confirmed to get an internship, somewhere.
perhaps not as interesting as i wanted, or in my field of interests.
for m-lab, it's almost all that i could ask for. except i don't have the IT abilities, just the psychological theories, which i'm not even proficient in.
furthermore, m-lab might not even accept me even if they are open for interns.

the safe choice is definitely to go with the school.
but the possiblity of going to m-lab is too good to miss.
the experience would be so much more fulfilling than any of those open in phase 2 of the sch internship programmes.
hard choice to make.

but anyway, destiny has actually decided for me what the choice is gonna be when i realized i was late for phase 2 registration. cuz if i registered for phase 2, i can't back up from it if i get selected. i seriously wonder what they can do if i do back up from the programmes. they gonna charge me? haha..

now i'm having this terrible discomfort that has been surrounding my thoughts the whole day. i distracted myself by playing the rpg game on my iphone. which is obviously deterring me from doing my school work, thus, i'm back to worrying about my internship, and trying to see other possiblities. mindef talk is coming up, i signed up for it. maybe this is my backup. if the m-lab doesn't reply by 31st mar, then perhaps i'll try for mindef. not my 1st choice, but kinda my only choice besides going to hong kong. other than these two, would be contacting some of the companies that actually were offering intership programmes, but now i would ask them for actual part-time work placement. i don't really care about chopping those 5 school credits during the internship. even if the school doesn't approve it, internships are still pretty valuable as an experience.

to sum it up.
i have low possibility of getting an intern position.
which means i'm in deep shit.
if the m-lab accepts me,
i'm so gonna work my ass off for them.

haha... life's full of shits like this when you don't really pay attention to it.
sometimes i think it's fun to suddenly realize this kind of things rather than anticipate events, plan them in advance... not to say just passively wait for things to happen. but to work towards events, and still allow life to fill you in with other opportunities.

what's the worst that could happen>
i'll be free from late may to early august.
hahaha...
that actually means i'm free to join the guys for taiwan.
whee~

sleep deprivation

i just woke up from a 10 hours sleep. 10 hours isn't a long sleep. but compared to how much i've been sleeping.. it was pure enjoyment.

didn't sleep on thurs night to rush a report to be handed up on fri. i'm guessing i would probably scored 60%, haha... shitz. i was concentrating on the report for a week. perhaps my stats isn't all that strong. somehow, i just can't comprehend what the question is asking. maybe it's my foundation of understanding that's lacking. anyway, fri i was out for supper and played deal till 5+ when i reach home. packed my things for sat mob callback. slept at 6am.. then got called up at 8am -_-. had to drag my ass out of home with my gears in uniform, get occasional stares from the public, either becuz i'm carrying so much stuffs and looked a bit stupid, or becuz i'm still wearing the old army clothes. reached the camp, and for the whole day, do nothing -_-. although i did the occasional checking of equipments, helping lost men trying to get a hold of what's going on... talking to friends... but the thing i needed the most was sleep. got a lift from friend after CO finally let the commanders off and reached home near 8. bathed. was so tired, i skipped dinner. that means i ate only Lor Mai Kai for the whole day... wow. i got so tired, my body didn't even bother to send my signals of hunger. went to bed after doing some stuffs, and here i am.

quite a meaningless trip back to army. but it's great to see the old friends again.

issues

when she was telling the injustice that she suffered from her partner, i could deeply feel the sadness that was kept inside of her. her eyes, slightly watery, looked at me with hope that perhaps, i could ease her misery.

i told myself, i will strive to not let this woman down.

林忆莲 - 伤痕

夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问
只是你现在不得不承认
爱情有时候是一种沈沦
让人失望的虽然是恋情本身
但是不要只是因为你是女人
若爱得深
会不能平衡
为情困
折磨了灵魂
该爱就爱
该恨的就恨
要为自己保留几分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱 美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了 就要勇敢分
夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问
(music)
若爱得深
会不能平衡
为情困
折磨了灵魂
该爱就爱
该恨的就恨
要为自己保留几分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱 美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了 就要勇敢分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱 美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了 就要勇敢分
夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问

very nice chinese oldie.

morning breakfast

still up.
haven't sleep.
staring at the monitor.
got hungry.
waited till 4am.
walked to macdonalds.
eat macmuffins w egg set.
alone.
thought about her.
walked back with tea in hand.
nobody along the way.
sang my heart out along with the radio.
felt better.
reached home.
full.
prepared to do work.
but rather sleep.