it's late.

and i'm not studying. this is retribution for ignoring my computer for the past few days. haha..

saw so bored, i searched my name on youtube and came up with this interesting video. i'm quite sure i've heard it before somewhere, some time ago. actually should be a long time ago. but it really amuses me this time.



i remembered i used to go back home after school and cried to my parents becuz classmates are making sure of my surname. after a while, it kinda just died down. not the classmates, but my crying over it. somehow, i grew from it. so now i'm this secretive guy who will hate you to the bone when you mock at me and on the surface i will smile at you like you're the best person in the world. ha. that's what growing up is about.

and as friends around start to go into the working society, or about to, and engage themselves in the world of making money and living good life... i began to wonder about my own. i'm quite sure without my current responsibilities, i would be considering some seriously weird future. but i'm not exactly tied down. someday, some time, i will gather enough courage to do.....

oh, look at the time. it's time to sleep.

every night

without fail, i just lay on the bed and think of her.
or is it becuz i just can't fall asleep, so i think of her.
it's getting kinda out of control -_-

been thinking a lot while i was reading my skilled helper guide.
hmm.. i suppose i can use those techniques on myself to get something going.

intensive reading

the things i don't like about intensive reading are...

1) i keep dozing off
2) i keep reading the same para over again becuz i don't understand wtheck
3) i don't really know what i'm reading, it all sounds the same, like common sense
4) i always feel hungry and tempted to buy something to eat

seriously, the skilled helper book for clinical psych is quite helpful if you're focusing on the help part, not the exam bit. don't even know what to look out for in the final paper. the book introduces all the tiny different bits of stuffs that doesn't seem to warrant concerns over them, yet they are part of a bigger picture and when asked, i will definitely be dumbfounded.

this is what i don't like about psychology. probably why i went into it in the first place. haha...

it's sunday~!

suddenly thought of how to continue the phrases i came up with last time.

他们说爱情不能强求
但感情更不能自由

如果爱上你
该怎么对你说

如果爱上你
只能默默等候

i always get a bit excited about creating lyrics that flows with the melody i'm thinking of.
the first part was before. the last 2 parts were thought while i was throwing shuttlecocks at the wall out of boredom from studying abnormal child psych which is progressing slower than i expected. ha.

谁会在你身边

在你想哭的时候
谁会在你的身边
借你肩膀
让你投入他的环抱
不多说什么
只是安静地搂着你
直到你的泪停止

在自己最伤心的时候
我不会在朋友面前落泪
因为坚强的自己
不容许他们看见
是坚强
还是逞强
连自己都分不清

在自己失落的时候
不想让家人发现
宁愿我自己在夜里
一个人
忍着痛
静静哭
也不愿家人陪着我难过

长大了
懂事了
之然而然
泪也不那么容易逃出眼眶
再这么想哭
也要把眼泪吞进去
男子汉大丈夫
流血不留泪
因为泪比血还能控制

惟一一次失去控制的能力
自己都吓到了
原来伤心，可以那么伤心
难过，可以那么难过
留泪，可以留成河
泪，留不完
就好比那份伤感
永远也不能抹去

时间会淡化一切
是因为记忆的关系
还是心，真的在复原
怎么去分辨
重要吗
过去的，真的可以过去吗

她的生日快到了
而她已不在我身旁
看着我
陪着我
爱着我
每当我想起来
泪 就不禁得落
想起过去有她的记忆
和她已不在的事实

痛

past photos

was feeling bored and having a headache after my korean listening test today.
it was surprisingly easier than i thought, more easier than jap1 perhaps.
but the numbers part is still a bit hard to catch.
especially the difference btw 1 & 2. irritating pronunciation.

went into my D: and did a search around.
was curious and saw the photos of her and me together.
hmmm.. didn't realise before, but i think she wasn't sleeping much those days with the visible eyebags. i think it's even worse than mine.

oh well, at least i looked happy.
was trying to differentiate btw a fake and a duchenne smile on those photos of us.
i wasn't really smiling, but can't say much.
for her, it's hard also. don't have a baseline to work with.

tonight's a lonely night when the plan to play deal was foiled becuz the planned host of the game didn't reply to my request. saded. i'll ask miss 'abnormal child psychpathology textbook' to accompany me through the night then.

lessons ended

well, lessons have ended for this sem.
tml there's the korean listening which i'm not too confident of.
hope i can listen well.

찰 듣습니다.

anyway, tuesday was hp317 last tutorial session.
when our group was discussing on the final axis of the diagnosis, i was the odd one out, giving a rather low GAF score while the other 3 girls gave somewhat higher. we decided to consult annabel. when one of the girls mentioned that the patient in the case study was functioning rather well, i saw a somewhat surprised look on annabel's face. microexpression? haha... raised eyebrows, eyes widened. at that point of eye, i knew that i was right.

pretty cool to start to see some microexpressions.