generating lyrics

it's been quite some since these few lines of lyrics stuck with me.

再过不久 我会忘了
你的笑容 已模糊了
我们的事 不想记得
但是心里还是恋着你

this was sort of the chorus part, supposed to follow a slow melody.

我答应过自己要忘记你
忘了所有 有你的记忆
快乐的 悲伤的 统统删去
不留痕迹 忘了你

i'm thinking the starting can get something like this, but it's hard to follow through with the lyrics and also no idea how to link the melody for both.

maybe i do some work on it during recess next week.
haha.. those words looked promising to me.
yes, the thought of becoming a lyrics writer have came upon me before. haha.. lots of dreams when you're young eh.

generic

i would like to believe that it's attractive when someone smile.

but the fact remains that attractive, is a quantitative/continuous variable, which doesn't ends up in a yes/no answer.

a terrible nosebleed in the morning.
my bed now has 2 mattress, it's pretty high now.
it's like back to when i first move into my current room, and i thought my bed then was high for a 8 year old kid.

i still hate the fact that i'm still thinking about those moments that made me smile.

one of the greatest fault of humans, is that our memories are too good.
also one of our greatest gift.

剑雨

just watched this movie.

there's one phrase worth mentioning...

我愿化身石桥，受那五百年风吹，五百年日晒，五百年雨淋，只求她从桥上经过。

such love, stupid in modern sense.

in school

i always told, or maybe gives the impression that school was rather boring for me.
but as it is, it's always pleasant to see someone familiar, or to have some weird conversation.

yesterday i went to lesson early and met her in the lobby sitting down and reading her paper. so i went over and chatted for a while before class.

today during clinical, we tried role-playing listener-storyteller again. this time, all 3 of us talked about troubles regarding friendships. somehow the discussion dragged on and we discussed more on methods to commmit suicide than therapy-related stuffs. concluded on the fact that before one attempts to commit suicide thru a peaceful death, sleeping pills are essential.

after class, saw an old acquaintance while going home. she struck me as a rather studious and diligent girl from before when we were chionging our maths project days before the deadline while one of the ah tiong bo chup the whole thing, lucky the other helped a bit. we talked for a while till our paths parted. she talked about whether psychology majors study on the interpretation of dreams. interesting topic, one of my first contacts with psychology before i actually signed up and did 2 years of it. she mentioned that she previously had recurring dreams; or rather nightmares.

before, it was the chasing type of dreams. she constantly dreamed that she was being chased by something and she was running away from it. she didn't seem sure what was it, sometimes it was water, monster, etc.

currently, it is a dream of murder. she would dream that she had already murdered someone (unknown btw) and is hiding from the authorities that are checking up on the case.

a lot of thoughts came into my mind. possible reasons why this kind of dreams occur. fear of something, guilt of something. these are just speculations. but even after speculations, there need be a specific target. fear of what? guilty of what? murder signifies kill, but on a deeper sense, kill can means a more extreme manifestation of removal. killing a part of yourself can just translate to getting rid of an old habit. then even after that, what to do? how to solve?

few days back during my child psychopathology tutorial i kinda made a fool of myself when i tried to relate sigmund freud psychoanalytic developmental theory to a diagnosis to be done with DSM. then after that, perhaps after my ego takes over, i felt the more foolish one was with DSM. yes, everything gotta be scientific. but at the moment, everything's still not settled. what if the problem is better solved with freud theories? jung's? perhaps advocates of maslow could chip in? the mysteries of the mind may just remains as it is until the end of time. i kinda believe so, or want to believe, that no one possibly in this world, could ever find an answer to the mind. for the mind relates to all kinds of things, and most importantly, love. and if an answer can be found, imagine the chaos it will cost to the world.

where's the thrill in love when you know how it works?
it's like you're being raped of your virginity, without even having one.

starting to hate this feeling

it may be quite a sad fact but there have been numerous times in which i found myself being attracted to others but somehow just didn't bother to do anything about it. it's often the case that i didn't think i was good enough for someone who is having such an eventful life at the moment. college life can be full of activities, and yet i'm just a wandering soul in my campus.

but it's not that i don't have the potential to hype up my life.
i rather believe that i have lots of it stored.
just that this latent energy hasn't been 'kineticalized' yet.

i also believe anyone has this kind of potential.
everyone is capable of bringing some excitement into their own life.
sometimes their sex life.

i hate my lazy self.
i hate being attracted to others when i don't feel like doing anything abt it.
it's like i'm missing an opportunity.

damn heart.

a refreshing thought

when i was on my way from buying back dinner for my family, i had a rather refreshing idea as i walked fairly fast through the carpark.

i have always wanted another me.
with that, i literally mean another person, who looks like me, thinks like me, acts like me, sees like me. basically, a double.
why?
i believed my very first reason for this is i can simulate fighting.
when i first experienced the adrenaline-flowing (or epinephrine) blows-exchanging arena, i somehow got hooked. i actually wished to go through my close combat training again. just because we get to fight each other with a big wooden bolster for a few minutes, which half-way through, most ppl are already exhausted from the necessary shouting and random swinging of the bolster.

there are of cuz other reasons.
it's always comforting to know there's someone for you, beside you.
perhaps becuz of my tendency towards introversion, this thought somehow came up.

but the fact remains that this can never come true.
biologically speaking, they can't clone an exact me.
even though we will grow up in the same family, but we will experience different things and thus grow up differently, something like twins. also the shared and nonshared environment that i keep seeing in my psychology textbks.
additionally, i can only request for a clone when i'm actually sensible. which means, the clone won't be able to be the same age as i am.

and i won't wanna have a double me all the time.
just some time.

so i decided upon something.
i will be a friend to myself.
i will be the one to accompany myself through the lonely nights of reminiscene.
i will be the one to make myself a drink when i'm troubled.
i will be the one to scold myself silly, not becuz of the things that others think it's laughable, but when i knew nothing good will come out of it but i still went ahead and do it.

i'm pretty sure this idea didn't come from hebe's new song; love.
the song talks abt people loving others, but didn't realize the need, to actually love themselves.
maybe unconsciously.

something from fb

在乎，不代表一定要說出來。不說出來，不代表不在乎。但當我說出來，就代表我他媽的在乎。

also something from myself.
most of the time, i find it hard to say things out.
becuz whether is it confrontations, confessions... it make everything awakard.
it makes the situation into a critical turning point.
either it goes this or that way.
forces yourself and the other party into a corner.
what if it doesn't go in the desired direction?

i still resent over that particular incident.
my only wrong in that matter, was that i was being seen in the wrong.

forgive and forget, wise men said.
this goes against my forte.
i'm just too good at memorising.