can't fall asleep

a little insomnia.
a little frustrated.
a little tired.
a little blank.
a little afraid.
a little sick.
a little frown.

i missed talking.
i missed talking to you.
i missed talking to you on my daily happenings.
i missed talking to you on my past.
i missed talking to you about my future.
i missed talking to you about my worries.
i missed talking, to you.

but i haven't found you.
i haven't found such a you.
i haven't found a you to listen to.
i haven't found a you to talk to.
i haven't found a you to be with.
i haven't found a you to share.
i haven't found a you to be you.

sometimes i tend to forget what i want to forget.
which by the time i realised, i have remembered what i wanted to forget.

inside terrible feeling

it's the throat again. wonder if it's the rain.
went to see doc this morn, the medicine is the same as before.
but i don't rmb feeling so terrible after consuming the medicine.
i felt like it's killing me inside.
as if my feelings were in a turmoil, but in this case it's my body.

i don't like to feel weak.

i don't like

i don't like being in a project group which is mostly guys.
for the most obvious reasons.

i like to have more girls in a group.

wandering

i'm lost. i'm willingly lost.
many paths crossed my way, i just looked away.
with what reasons, with what interests, my passion lies not there.
i do not know where, i do not know why.
what i know is, i want something to be beside.

don't wanna admit

a lot of time i don't wanna admit i'm weak.
i strive on being one of the strongest.
but other times, i just feel like it's okay to get stabbed, killed.

i wanna find back my motivation, passion..
things that i lost, seemingly the same time i lost her.

ReAlIse

a 6 days hss foc coupled with another 2 days psyc foc after just a weekend rest.
nice~
i had a better time being an ogl in a 2 days camp than a SA in a 6 days one.

psychology~

been thinking

people always seem to have something going on in their life.
busy with these, tired with that. going after this, chasing after that.
what am i doing? what am i caught up with?
i have no answers.
it felt like a million things is still left undone on the list,
but yet i'm behaving like there's nothing to do.

i have wishes to make changes and advances in my life.
somehow or rather, they seemed to be put on halt.
for whatever the cause, i refused to do them.

i even refused to put myself out there in the wilderness of unknown
which brings terror even with the thought of it.
to know another, to miss another, and to love another.
a world i've been before, not uncharted, but unknown.

ppl around me are moving on, going on in life.
i'm just stepping on the spot, sometimes even running backwards.
always hoping for something to just appear before my eyes and lead me to the end
and always know that's not the way to lead my life

chances and opportunities strike not once but many times, just maybe not the same ones.
i've missed too many, even failures aren't on the records.
to the many things i've been left out in my life
i strived to have them brought back to life.

love, passion, belief.