bye bye

had a farewell dinner for kr who's leaving for japan in a week time for his digital arts scholarship. 8 of us went out, cool gang. nothing much have changed for us since the last time we met. they are the ones who brought me through one of the toughest times in army. i rmbed the time they told me i may not make it. after months of training, no doubt one will feel super dulan and disappointed after hearing those shitz.

anyway, 一路顺风 to kr.

feeling the usual moodiness.
i suppose the best remedy is just to stop all the nonsense.
having that thing on my table, just doesn't helps.
and it's like... end of march already.
so i took like 3 months to do one simple thing, though it's stupid and getting more senseless towards completion.
besides, it's making my table look extremely messy.
will find some time next week to finish it and store it somewhere.
i'm planning to burn that stupid notepad i wrote when i was broken.
and i was hoping someone would throw or lose something.
if not, i will break it when i see it.

don't feel too good.
and i know i will feel even more so if my game lags when someone initiates a chat with me.
i'm afraid of filling myself with hatred.
once to the brim, it will never go away.
it's impossible to forget something you always think about.
i have to put a full stop to this shitz.

4 days of sports, i think that took most of the energy out from me.
no mood to even be moody.

my heart aches

along with half of my body. it's badminton on thursday night, swimming on friday morning, then badminton again today. tml is soccer. my body will probably aches more after tml.

lost to an uncle in yishun during thursday game, 15 - 0. i know i was going to lose, but didn't expect it to be zero only. haha.. hard to score when i'm tired shuttling around the court trying to return his shots.

i'm slowly losing to myself too. i felt a sudden loss after her words. i found myself too different from now and before. i may have force it upon myself to create an image, an unique individual, in which i shouldn't have. she reminded me, i should listen to my soul more.

i will get away from everyone and live in the virtual world. isolation, solitude, can bring you to places you never know before.

i wanna become rich!!!

hmm.. stranger with the name smartphone came to comment.
and i wonder if it's just some advertising ways to bring people to their website.
becuz it's in brazilian language, i don't really understand anything on it.
but the thing is, i don't think this blog has that many ppl viewing it at a regular basis and won't click on the comment to go to his website.

anyway, i just wanted to be rich!
that sounds kinda dumb, but, it's just a sudden urge.
reason is simple.
i want to buy a house with a room that comprises of:

1. Table soccer/Foosball
2. Table Hockey
3. Pools table

that is according to priority. of cuz, i need some friends to be crazy over them first, which i think is a very minimal (excluding pools).

this thought came rather long ago, it's just that i didn't really bother to jot it down.

it kinda seems that eacg time i don't succeed in proceeding with a relationship, or failed in one, i will just tell myself, "it's just another infatuation, don't bother too much abt it." so.. after commiting much efforts, it's an infatuation. haha.. i don't really know if it's the real or just a pathetic way to comforting myself, consoling the sorrows. but if bluffing yourself works wonder, why not? if you bluff yourself you can fly, you will somehow. maybe for a few seconds though, until you realise you just jump off from a really high building and heading for the ground below in a matter of...... time. then you died.

so if there's really a bluff, am i falling still, or have i reached the ground, then went into the spiritual world?

lunch time again~!

a story to share

the boy and the girl were childhood friends.
during their schooling years, the girl will approach the boy for any problems.
at the age of 18, they both went into the same university.
doing things together, studying, going to the canteen.
at the age of 19, the guy asked her to be his girlfriend. she nodded. it was their first love.
after 2 years, the guy left her, becuz he want to love another. she was heartbroken and cried. they were 21.
at the age of 26, the girl got married. she was tired, just wanted a shoulder to lie on. the guy, still finding a better one, one after another, countless relationships.
and after every failed one, he thought of her.
there was once the girl and her husband got into a great fight, she went out for a ride. she thought of the guy, and the past.
becuz the girl worked in the media business, the guy often avoids her shows. he thought of the past too.
at the age of 29, the girl got divorced with her husband.
sometime at the age of 30, the guy got hold of the girl's number and asked her out.
they met, reminisced.
i think they got together in the end.

saw jieen on sunday while on train after First Rule at yishun gv, stupid show by the way. it seem that she became a bit.. bigger? the first look it seemed like her, but i thought it wasn't becuz she was rather bigger. in the past was already 前凸后翘, now i suppose it's more prominent, especially her butt. maybe becuz of dancing ba. i missed irritating her from requesting staplers with liang. she gave the eyes that would mesmerize many, captivates their hearts. but most of the times, she was giving that look like she was going to kill me and liang.
not forgetting yuuuwuuuu sitting beside her.
it's fun in school, especially secondary school. you get to irritate the hell out of girls, and get away with it. if not, just borrow the stapler from someone else loh.

what i wanna show, is also what i wanna hide.
what can i do, to show and keep it hidden at the same time.

i saw someone brought up a similar issue i have some time ago.
who i wanna be?
hmm.. i chose a part of me long ago. some ppl called it pervertic. others went into extreme and called it pornograhic. i call it, normal.
other than that, the many sides are constantly evolving and changes with time, environment, and people. you can behave like an idiot infront of your friends, but not your relatives. similarly, you can strip in front of your spouse, but not your friends.
who are you and what you are, grows and changes.
define myself, and you will find a lot of questions, but also a lot of answers.

oh, time for lunch. by the way, i'm busy at work now.

it's growing

something's growing inside of me
hatred or wisdom, i can't differentiate
to the know the inferiority of others and look at them from above
or to blame them for their inferiority, and spy them from under

don't look me up on the streets
don't call me up at night
don't even bother to say a word
i am, but one, invisible person in my own world.

come on, rain

i don't remember the sad memories.
all i have left is the happy ones.
and that is why, i feel bitter.

sweetness was just a thing of the past.
the closeness of another heart to mine.
hide no secrets, cover no feelings.
naked in front of her.

i've learned to hold the truth, and speak the right.
for often i find, the truth ain't right.

IT'S THURSDAY

hmm.. too early at work. so blog for a while.
or else, i'm chionging game at night or just plain tv.
it's getting too boring at work.
can't wait to finish this damn project and get out.
in fact, i don't even feel like finishing this.

life has been okay.
somehow she realised she has been initiating chats with me.
hey, it's your turn.
and you thought i have it easy initiating chats with you last time.
it was worse than now.

hair getting long.
i used to see hair as a source of troubles.
so more often than not, i will cut my hair just before exams.
something like a move to remove myself from the worldly desires and concentrate fully on work. if not, the hair is just irritating the hell out of me and i don't bother to style it in a more stylish way.
by the way, i'm still going to the barber. it's just 8 bucks.
i can do it at least 3 times less if i go for those.. professional cut.
i don't see myself as a guy who cares much abt style.
becuz my style is short and okay.

traffic jams on the way home these fwe days.
pity on the lorry drivers, sad.

nice songs.
~sometimes love just ain't enough
~男人女人

some sentences were quite meaningful.

I don't wanna lose you
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side

(i'm kinda wondering if i'm feeling this way some time ago. do i just need somebody by my side? haha.. ponder ponder)

but there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

(is it true that i put in too much each time that i know my heart ain't true anymore? it's just the effort that i'm reluctant to let go.)

tml friday.
tml's tml sat.
tml's tml's tml sunday.
i can go on forever.
just becuz i feel ready for tml to come.
are you?