Pikeman

I just rmbed why i played priston tale.
it seemed rather stupid... but this is how.
i did a character test on which character i resembles in a game called priston tale.
at the time of the quiz, i have no idea what the game is like.
in the end, i was said to be like a Pikeman. haha...
should say it's one of the more popular character in the game.
high dmg, moderate def, said to have the coolest skill ard.
i mean.. who can vanish from thin air, charge up a strike, and one hit KO your opponent?
for those who don't know, priston tale, there's PvP.
i recognise pikeman as the strongest character in the game.
and mine is lvl 51.

hmm... i just realised again how swt can girls get.
haha.. fancy doing up a hand-made card with a 3D effect, although not that nice, but it doesn't matter. and then buying breakfast in the early morning, all for that special someone. haha...
but things sometimes won't turn out as planned, to be smooth. i can imagine a lot of situations to have cork-ups. everything i plan something, something always screw up. murphy's law.

and it's things like this that make me realise a point on relationship.
hmm.. perhaps becuz you care a lot about the relationship, that's why you're worrying about a lot of things. how will it turn out in the future? are both of you compatible? is that special someone showing less love than before? maybe he/she should be showing more concern over you? blah blah blah... then maybe you will start to ponder, how to solve these issues? worse, you thought of breaking up becuz you can't stand up to those problems. and then i urge those ppl to go back to the same stupid starting point... it's becuz it's that special someone, that is why, you're thinking of all these things. hold on tight to that belief you once have; the belief that he or she is the one you're looking for.

having said that, please let go if that belief no longer stands true. it takes two hands to clap. it takes two people in love, to believe. but it will only take one person, to break it.

pray tml's weather is fine. didn't fly this afternoon becuz of rain. damn.

Addicted.

Heard the song Addicted by Simple Plan on radio while i was on the train during my journey back home. it's quite an old song lah. somehow i just thought of her and the breakup. haha... it so matches the relationship. yup yup... lots of ppl do relate themselves to music, even if it's just a small minute portion of the whole song. here's the lyrics:

I heard you're doin' OK
But I want you to know
I'm addict,
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict,
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

ah... but the last verse more resemebles the situation now.

Anyway, last night was quite a disaster when i asked her. haha.. wasn't an answer that i hoped for. in fact, any possibilities that i ever thought of, will never come true. don't know why. or at least most of the times. haha.. it's just something to keep my mind off the matter. it's like i'm waiting for something to happen, and i don't know the present state, much less predict the future. hence, i need to affirm what's the present. lots of sadness even as i review my past with her. don't even know it's becuz i didn't cherish, or she doesn't have the feeling i thought she had. it seemed very frightening to have a repeat of the past, it's like volutarily stabbing myself again, and the knife is in her hand. hmmm.. quite dumb eh? hey... but i rather she stab me now then next time she tell me that again and then i stab myself. not sure how is it going to turn all, but it seemed she's still stuck in the past. being with her, the thought of this suddenly faded off, i thought everything's alright, fine, ignore her personal msg that is there for damn long. but chiuhao reminded me, it's not.

yup, and he passed his pilot interview. hahaha... came to cmpb today for it. was talking cork for a while before he went back to ocs... i missed my ocs cadet days... armour, i just don't wanna talk much abt it. -_-

oh ya, the other day saw weixiong on sunday in yishun. still look the same. hmm.. still like an ah beng, quite cool lah. haha...

went to tie da again after i complain my whole right leg is pain, or rather one of the 'geng', nerve? tendon? i have no idea what's called. wah... the master can always make my face twist here and there... she can massaged halfway and then ask me, "very pain hor?" "VERY PAIN AH!!!" sis laughed at me again becuz i went to tie da again lah.. kaoz.

another thing is that yinghao came today. hmm. we're pilot cse mates. good to have someone you know in the group lah. can crap on armour altogether.

i suddenly have the urge to go do the project i planned for don't know how many months liao. then i lost it again. hmmm... urge becuz of the song. hmm.. lost it becuz i'm just too lazy. the passport making is already making my mum nag, plus the ankle, extra nag. and i'm having the involuntary expressions of telling my mum she's nagging too much. normally i will just okokokokokokokokokokok.

hope she's sleeping well ba.. seemed to have invoked some of her memories again. better stay away from the topic for now. i think i better stay away from her also. right on, i'm just like an add-on lah. good to have, okay if don't have.

i rmbed once during the OBS camp, i was asked a question.
which is stronger and better in reaching a certain destination, a team of kayakers, or a single kayaker.
in my context, if it's a single kayaker, he will have to be very strong even before he set off. hence, i answer it's the single kayaker. becuz in my mind, a team, of group will have the weakest link, which will of cuz in turn drag the whole team down. i answered it with the consideration of team spirit somemore. and i think my attitude hasn't change a bit.

being alone will make me stronger.
i've learnt that through myself.
my buddies will see me through.
a partner will weaken the wall of heart.
if that is so, i will be weak and strong.

Sunday BlueZ

Rather than monday, i think i have more sunday bluez.. -_-
Only slept for 2 hours... a bit tired... over night mahjong again..
Then after that went to facial. ah... quite pain this time round..and spent some money on those products again.. then they kept introducing those treatments i also dont really know what the heck they talking abt. i hate acne. Kill them. just change the tissue inside lah... now i regret not taking care of my face. spending so much on treating them now.

read up on the sgforums again.
it's about one particular breakup which seemed like the girl's fault.
the some other guy came and accusing the guy of acting like a Mr NiceGuy in the forum and gaining sympathy from others in the forums. haha... wthell. anyway, quite a bad breakup as the story goes, not clear cut enough to save yourself from thinking too much. where got ppl break le still can kiss and hug one? -_-

another one mentioned she broke up with her ex becuz he was being too nice. he will do whatever in his power to give in to her, willing to change, blah blah blah. but this to her, is a negative thing rather than postive. the more he is willing to change, the more he gave in, the more she felt like a bitch, who is demanding, selfish, and in turn she hated herself. -_-"

some quotes worth mentioning there.

"It's hard to wait ard for something that you know might never happen but it's even harder to give up especially when it's everything you ever wanted."

Love,
Isn't how much you show you can get but how much you can give.
It's not about giving up but holding on.
Not about how you say "I love you" but how you show it's true.


one more week before going into air force school.
the ankle is still bugging me. and i haven't been running for damn long.
hopefully i can skip the upcoming ippt... the ankle is so weak lah. haiz..

recieved her msg in the afternoon. and i think she dozed off. haiz..

~should i be thinking how much longer, or should i take some actions

The Knot

The Knot

People often have this thing called knot at some parts of their lives.
And these knots cannot be untangled by anyone else, but their ownselves.
When the knot was initially formed, you won't be feeling much of the tightness.
But as time goes by, you feel that you're being squeezed inside, tighter and tigher.
And then you suddenly realised, you have some feelings that were caught in a twist.
From time to time again, it will give off pain, unease, sourness.
In the beginning, you may not know what is causing this.
Behaving out of the norm, saying weird things out a sudden, acquiring attention.
Perhaps actions to seek deeper, search for answers, and even questions.
Love, Friendship, Brotherhood, everyone you actually care for.
And then when you finally find a way to untie this knot,
Will you have the courage?


Alright, took an advance half day off. Muahahahaha...
Going for bbq with my buddies..

Went back SGD last night for a cohesion. attendance was quite bad.
but at least the food was okay and the gifts were nice too.
QM looks quite shag, sad, some sort like dying.
played table soccer >_< won shawn 10-0. Muahahahaha
later in the evening the few of us crowd ard to just sing songs...
met barry, quite stressed ever since i went off and boss on baby leave.
talk a bit in s1 br.
i missed the moments with them, really.
Got a big hug from dear BSO as he came running to welcome me in open arms. haha...
sometimes, i wonder if the 5 of us are being too gay or not.

thanks for the nights.
thanks for the company.
thanks for listening to my grieves.
thanks for consoling when i have tears.
thanks for the encouragement.
thanks for the singing sessions.
thanks for the funny moments.
thanks and many thanks~


holding on to something that i have no confidence in.
considering the past, the previous, the present.
i need answers to my questions.
i need assurance.
and if the answers are not meant to be,
then i will just leave and carry on.
there is no insurance in this.
and there's no place to buy it.

the pain that was never felt, came chasing me in the shadows...

Sunday Morning DreamZ

had two dreams in the morning after i woke up in the middle of the night and realised my dad and relatives have finished their mahjong session. one of the dreams was better left unspoken. haha..as for the other, it was a rather bad feeling. i wondered why i often have bad dreams after waking up and then refused to get out of bed and continued to just close my eyes, hug my bloster, imagining it might have been someone. and i knew in the dream, my breathing was fast. in my conscious mind, it felt bad, saddening. but i just can't rmb the stupid dream. i kept asking myself why is it bad until i got frustrated and wake up. perhaps it's a way of how the body reacts to get you out of bed to brush your damn teeth.

it's been my personal block leave of..10.5 days since last thursday. 8 days spent with my swollen ankle, and still swollen. only went out one of the day, which was to the library to study. AH!!! i just wasted my leave lah. sad~ hmm.. it's just chionging priston tale all the way. now i'm lvl 44. just to mention, i've never reach that level when i started it maybe ard 8 years ago.

maybe i've been feeling lonely. it felt quite dull to switch on the computer the moment i woke up, and only switch off only when i go to bed. just concentrating the game will take me away from reality and bring me to this world of fantasy where i search for somewhere where i belong. and it always brings me to a world of solitude. i'm a soloist. partying is just an advantage of gained experience to faster bring me up to the next level of proficiency. haha...

3 things i wanna do.
- see stars
- cook maggie mee
- buy a bikini

my leave ends tml. hope i can at least tahan the trip there and back standing on the ever crowded train and the stupid walk to the camp. heal my ankle, make it a better one.

joke of the day

this mail appeared as the joke of the day in my inbox.
i have no idea why is it a joke.

It had been a rought day, so when I walked into the party I was verychalant, despitte my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see coth hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you would easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicade, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abise her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently.

The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me.

To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

hmmm... words?

Someone called me a slacker today. that kinda woke me up from the continous gaming of Priston Tale since the early morn. time for some reflections... hmm... okay, tonight i will play until i get to lvl 40. then i... study a bit. my notes are inside my bag for ages, untouched, imcomprehensible, and thick. i missed my white board in my room. the many nights which i spent hours figuring all the maths, phy and chem, drawing and writing, erasing and editing. 2 years since i mugged. 2 years ago, i studied hard. why? my best.

the ankle is still wrapped up. i have no idea when it's going to be okay. the 2 females in my house commented that i'm always getting injured. i have no idea why also. bathing is a pain, becuz the ankle is wrapped up. -_-

taken a liking on PT rather than Lineage II. it's the culture, the party, the... oh shitz i died but i get to respawn somewhere near and die again becuz the mob is too strong. back to gaming. slacker~

dumb ankle

alright.. i spent 3 hours at the polyclinic seeing the doc for my ankle... and now it's getting more swollen. -_- i have no idea why. mum was expecting an x-ray, but don't have. hmm... let's just say it's getting more numb. i'm dead.

i don't like to get internal injuries... becuz somehow i will aggravate them.

something's wrong with this bond. the other party doesn't realise.

pray. for the ankle, and the party.