to me, a crush is you.
i've crushed several times.
but this time is you.
that many times i have failed to go thru with it.
and that few times i have failed.
this time, i still think i'm gonna let it slip.
becuz it's not like i have anything much to give,
which is unfair when you have plenty to offer.
though i didn't set my eyes on you at the first moment i saw you
but that is becuz i haven't notice you
first your eyes, second your looks
third your character that shines thru.
even if you have my attention,
i'm not expecting reciprocation.
heck, we're just acquaintainces still.
and i don't even know if you're available for a date.
until fate somehow brings the distance closer again,
i'll just sit stagnant
words to a crush.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
i fell. again.
sunday soccer came and ended for me in around 45 min. cuz i tried to block the strike and it ended up over-bending my right foot inwards which sprained my ankle. tada~! another injury added on to my list.
went to the usual chinese physician down the street. walked like an idiot there, and back. the treatment was painful as usual. but this time, it seeemed to be the most painful. perhaps it seemed like so everytime i went. haha.. there was one point when the pain built up and i was holding my breath, puffing up my mouth and grabbing tightly to my hands to endure through it. i have no idea how the chinese general from the war times divert his attention with chinese chess when the physician was treating the poison on his arm by scrapping the bone or something along the line of FREAKING painful. perhaps for me, pictures of pretty girl in bikinis would work.
anyway out of curiousity, i asked the physician how many times i have went to her for treatment. record shows 1 for right wrist, 1 for left wrist, 1 for knee, 1 for left ankle, 2 for right ankle. wah, and all of them mostly from soccer. maybe i should just don't play soccer.
stayed at home for the whole of yesterday and today. kinda bored just sitting infront of the monitor and not earning $64/day at the office. it just hurts to know you can earn $128 but you're not. filled my time with games and doing maths solutions for my tutee. hopefully she reads them or else it's wasted.
had a dream recently, forgot when. it was about me getting a new gf. somehow she was drunk, then we got intimate. strangely enough, it wasn't a wet dream. but sadly, i realize again, that i didn't have the conscious to deny the truthfulness of the dream while i'm in it. i just went with the dream, followed the plot. like that last time i dreamt abt her graduation and talking along the line of getting back together. you know it's just fantasy, you just fall deeper into it. bloodly dreams. i hope the synthesis theory of dream formation is wrong, whereby neuron signals from different parts of mind formed visualization of the dream. it doesn't feels right to have random thoughts abt her. she's rather irrelevant now.
another dream, a more adrenaline-following one. some sort in a war scenario. amazingly my army seniors were in it. we're in a enclosed environment, building with pillars. suddenly we were being engaged by the enemies, shots were fired. i quickly ran for cover behind the pillars, ignoring the safety of my seniors, sadly. haha.. oh my, would i be like that in real life? or should anyone not be like that? anyway, i stayed there for a while and somehow the idea of me being peter parker (or spiderman) came out of nowhere. that i was this superhero and supposed to save the damned situation. well, before i could think of any superheroish rescue, the enemies came, and they knew i was... spiderman. it's a lame dream, seriously. i've got this grandeur mentality somehow hidden within my subunconscious. not unconsciously, and not consciously. next thing i knew, for the my safety, i jumped out the building. surprisingly, there were those construction pipies that were joined together that allowed the construction workers to move around the exterior of the building. i just grabbed the horizontal pipes as i descend by gravity. i have no idea how this helps in me breaking the fall, i just did that in the dream. falling down just woke me up, with saliva on the bed. haha.. not often that my saliva wet my bed, and not often that i have dreams either.
BSO left for... some european country for exchange yesterday. couldn't send him off due to the stupid sprained ankle. sianzed. but he'll be away till next year. wished him 一路顺风。
the ankle wasn't that bad afterall. i get to spend some time with nicole, the new baby in the hse. it takes some time for her to notice you if she's looking somewhere else. hmm.. but she's smiling when i'm talking to her. probably becuz i'm smiling also. it's this cuteness that keeps me attracted to babies. =) the innocence of mind, the simplicity of life. i envy the life of a baby, but do not want to give up my matured state of mind. it's a contradiction. like a thirdy party commenting. stewie from the family guy fits the image though. haha...
it's gonna be weird going to work with bandages around my right ankle, and then going to tuition after.
went to the usual chinese physician down the street. walked like an idiot there, and back. the treatment was painful as usual. but this time, it seeemed to be the most painful. perhaps it seemed like so everytime i went. haha.. there was one point when the pain built up and i was holding my breath, puffing up my mouth and grabbing tightly to my hands to endure through it. i have no idea how the chinese general from the war times divert his attention with chinese chess when the physician was treating the poison on his arm by scrapping the bone or something along the line of FREAKING painful. perhaps for me, pictures of pretty girl in bikinis would work.
anyway out of curiousity, i asked the physician how many times i have went to her for treatment. record shows 1 for right wrist, 1 for left wrist, 1 for knee, 1 for left ankle, 2 for right ankle. wah, and all of them mostly from soccer. maybe i should just don't play soccer.
stayed at home for the whole of yesterday and today. kinda bored just sitting infront of the monitor and not earning $64/day at the office. it just hurts to know you can earn $128 but you're not. filled my time with games and doing maths solutions for my tutee. hopefully she reads them or else it's wasted.
had a dream recently, forgot when. it was about me getting a new gf. somehow she was drunk, then we got intimate. strangely enough, it wasn't a wet dream. but sadly, i realize again, that i didn't have the conscious to deny the truthfulness of the dream while i'm in it. i just went with the dream, followed the plot. like that last time i dreamt abt her graduation and talking along the line of getting back together. you know it's just fantasy, you just fall deeper into it. bloodly dreams. i hope the synthesis theory of dream formation is wrong, whereby neuron signals from different parts of mind formed visualization of the dream. it doesn't feels right to have random thoughts abt her. she's rather irrelevant now.
another dream, a more adrenaline-following one. some sort in a war scenario. amazingly my army seniors were in it. we're in a enclosed environment, building with pillars. suddenly we were being engaged by the enemies, shots were fired. i quickly ran for cover behind the pillars, ignoring the safety of my seniors, sadly. haha.. oh my, would i be like that in real life? or should anyone not be like that? anyway, i stayed there for a while and somehow the idea of me being peter parker (or spiderman) came out of nowhere. that i was this superhero and supposed to save the damned situation. well, before i could think of any superheroish rescue, the enemies came, and they knew i was... spiderman. it's a lame dream, seriously. i've got this grandeur mentality somehow hidden within my subunconscious. not unconsciously, and not consciously. next thing i knew, for the my safety, i jumped out the building. surprisingly, there were those construction pipies that were joined together that allowed the construction workers to move around the exterior of the building. i just grabbed the horizontal pipes as i descend by gravity. i have no idea how this helps in me breaking the fall, i just did that in the dream. falling down just woke me up, with saliva on the bed. haha.. not often that my saliva wet my bed, and not often that i have dreams either.
BSO left for... some european country for exchange yesterday. couldn't send him off due to the stupid sprained ankle. sianzed. but he'll be away till next year. wished him 一路顺风。
the ankle wasn't that bad afterall. i get to spend some time with nicole, the new baby in the hse. it takes some time for her to notice you if she's looking somewhere else. hmm.. but she's smiling when i'm talking to her. probably becuz i'm smiling also. it's this cuteness that keeps me attracted to babies. =) the innocence of mind, the simplicity of life. i envy the life of a baby, but do not want to give up my matured state of mind. it's a contradiction. like a thirdy party commenting. stewie from the family guy fits the image though. haha...
it's gonna be weird going to work with bandages around my right ankle, and then going to tuition after.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
it's 14th Aug.
done with 2 weeks of work. been quite hectic since the 1st day. the usual traffic counts... and the unusal carpark survey around CBD. walked for hours on this stupid survey. having to explain to numerous security guards what i was doing... tried to enjoy some of the moments as i walked along raffles quay, like looking at the tall structure of marina bay sands and thinking of the time i was up there at the 57th storey some weeks ago... sipping on my white chocolate mocha from starbucks while taking a break from walking... and most imptly, becuz it's the CBD, the pretty office ladies would crowd the streets when it's lunch time. and seriously, pretty. wonder if it's the make-up. i still can't figure out how can females make their eyes look significantly bigger just by using some colors and brushes. i must say that cosmetics is, and will remain, one of the greatest creations mankind has ever made (even if it's for the vanity of female). haha.. i'm still against cosmetics on myself, even though my face ain't that ideal.
holidays ending in 2 weeks. i don't really care.
i managed to do some things i've planned for this sem break, though most are still on the post-it strips just right infront of me. right in my face, and one of them is 'learn cooking from mum'. haha.. this has been forever on my mind since i graduated from jc. plus wugui's tank. still procrastinating after so many years.
today i realised again, that i feared that my closed ones are feeling lonely. i'm less concerned abt my loneliness, becuz i know i can deal with it. but for my family, i'm just afraid they may feel this way. my sis is rather contented with her job and life, can sensed it from her, and also her fb photos. dad, more or less occupied with work in the day, the babies in the evening, and mahjong during the weekends. i'm more worried about mum. she's the housewife who's taking care of the whole family, and it seemed like she has the least amount of time to herself. often tired and exhausted from taking care of 1 adolescent, 2 babies.. so much so she became physically sick. today she spent almost the whole afternoon and night playing zuma, some game i downloaded for her entertainment. haha.. but while it filled her time, i thought she might actually desire something more meaningful, something more interesting, perhaps a hobby or something. the game is just a choice out of no choice. i'm contemplating on buying Wii for her amusement, and also the family. wonder if that would actually help to add some colours to her weekend. at least it's something action, not clicking away with the mouse. or should i engage her in some other activities? hmm.. oh well.
14th august. happy 23rd kris~!
and it feels kinda stupid that i still haven't send the letter even though i wrote it yesterday.
holidays ending in 2 weeks. i don't really care.
i managed to do some things i've planned for this sem break, though most are still on the post-it strips just right infront of me. right in my face, and one of them is 'learn cooking from mum'. haha.. this has been forever on my mind since i graduated from jc. plus wugui's tank. still procrastinating after so many years.
today i realised again, that i feared that my closed ones are feeling lonely. i'm less concerned abt my loneliness, becuz i know i can deal with it. but for my family, i'm just afraid they may feel this way. my sis is rather contented with her job and life, can sensed it from her, and also her fb photos. dad, more or less occupied with work in the day, the babies in the evening, and mahjong during the weekends. i'm more worried about mum. she's the housewife who's taking care of the whole family, and it seemed like she has the least amount of time to herself. often tired and exhausted from taking care of 1 adolescent, 2 babies.. so much so she became physically sick. today she spent almost the whole afternoon and night playing zuma, some game i downloaded for her entertainment. haha.. but while it filled her time, i thought she might actually desire something more meaningful, something more interesting, perhaps a hobby or something. the game is just a choice out of no choice. i'm contemplating on buying Wii for her amusement, and also the family. wonder if that would actually help to add some colours to her weekend. at least it's something action, not clicking away with the mouse. or should i engage her in some other activities? hmm.. oh well.
14th august. happy 23rd kris~!
and it feels kinda stupid that i still haven't send the letter even though i wrote it yesterday.
Monday, August 9, 2010
singing there again
2nd time there. dynasty.
the place is great, sound system wise. although the mic was a bit screwed up with the batt.. but the company is still the essential part of enjoyment. it's when i can release that slight sense craziness that resides within me. like playing the penis game while walking down the street in town.
penis... Penis... PEnis... PENIS! PEEENIISSSS~!!
however loud you may get, it gets to a point where you're rather conscious of the crowd that's staring at you while passing by wondering why this crazy bunch of ppl is shouting obscene words in the middle of the road. the police would probably arrest us for some reasons along the line of public disturbance.
maturity is sometimes a bitch.
the place is great, sound system wise. although the mic was a bit screwed up with the batt.. but the company is still the essential part of enjoyment. it's when i can release that slight sense craziness that resides within me. like playing the penis game while walking down the street in town.
penis... Penis... PEnis... PENIS! PEEENIISSSS~!!
however loud you may get, it gets to a point where you're rather conscious of the crowd that's staring at you while passing by wondering why this crazy bunch of ppl is shouting obscene words in the middle of the road. the police would probably arrest us for some reasons along the line of public disturbance.
maturity is sometimes a bitch.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
love gives me hope
a post on it wrote...
~~~
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15. I'm now 19.
He DOESN'T buy me flowers, write me love letters, or plan romantic dates. He is not that type of person.
I have had strangers tell me that they could tell he loves me by the way he looks at me.
That means more to me than anything LGMH.
~~~
that's the type of boyfriend i thought i would become.
but yup, as far as history is concerned, i think i am.
jc gathering today, organized mainly by myself and a few others.
2 teachers, 16 students. and too much food. haha..
most of the girls just graduated, with some of the guys.
going into yr 3 of our uni life for most of the guys... 2 more years..
nice time weather to bbq, but the food ain't that great.
great to see the class again, crappy as always.
~~~
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15. I'm now 19.
He DOESN'T buy me flowers, write me love letters, or plan romantic dates. He is not that type of person.
I have had strangers tell me that they could tell he loves me by the way he looks at me.
That means more to me than anything LGMH.
~~~
that's the type of boyfriend i thought i would become.
but yup, as far as history is concerned, i think i am.
jc gathering today, organized mainly by myself and a few others.
2 teachers, 16 students. and too much food. haha..
most of the girls just graduated, with some of the guys.
going into yr 3 of our uni life for most of the guys... 2 more years..
nice time weather to bbq, but the food ain't that great.
great to see the class again, crappy as always.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
2nd ICT
great, 8 more in-camp to go. which is essentially 8 more years before i can actually relax and not worry abt going back there...
been a rather hectic week. the usual rush on the 1st day when everyone's back. the rush, again, on the second day to prepare for the shoot on wed. then the tiredness felt on the shoot itself becuz it just feels like this at the range. slightly relax on thur, but feeling real sleepy during the mapex. friday, out-pro day, when i rushed to get the shoot results from the coy and give to the trainers, plus attending all kinds of briefs and meetings, while squeezing time in between to pack my room... how come the officers got so much to do? holidays for the men though.
it's always fun to have a huge group of guys suddenly living within a compound. you get to meet ppl whom you don't know, understand a little deeper on those you've already know, finding out what life is like for the old birds who are completing their 10 years cycle, asking ppl who you consider are seniors in the path you're about to take...
next month's gotta be just work. but before that, gotta finish preparing for the upcoming bbq on sat. wonder what to buy, wonder what to do.
been a rather hectic week. the usual rush on the 1st day when everyone's back. the rush, again, on the second day to prepare for the shoot on wed. then the tiredness felt on the shoot itself becuz it just feels like this at the range. slightly relax on thur, but feeling real sleepy during the mapex. friday, out-pro day, when i rushed to get the shoot results from the coy and give to the trainers, plus attending all kinds of briefs and meetings, while squeezing time in between to pack my room... how come the officers got so much to do? holidays for the men though.
it's always fun to have a huge group of guys suddenly living within a compound. you get to meet ppl whom you don't know, understand a little deeper on those you've already know, finding out what life is like for the old birds who are completing their 10 years cycle, asking ppl who you consider are seniors in the path you're about to take...
next month's gotta be just work. but before that, gotta finish preparing for the upcoming bbq on sat. wonder what to buy, wonder what to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
