biopsych

been reading the txt since thursday till this morn. although thurs and fri were so unproductive that i managed to read 4 chapters only, sat and sun were kinda saturated studying. though i did manage to squeeze in a movie or 2, and a few episodes of friends. and btw, i'm at season 8.

this morn was pretty bad. woke up early, hit the book, drank tea. conditioned taste aversion somehow don't work on me for tea. it always induce me to vomit, especially when i drink it with an empty stomach. and, especially at 7am and i normally wake up 3 hours later. it's already bad that i feel like vomitting when i wake up in the early morn after a tired night, but to pour tea down the esophagus into the stomach, it's like morning sickness. except i'm a guy, and doesn't have a zygote in me. i should seriously learn to change my studying habits about this 'tea in the morn will wake me up more' thingy. it's stimulating me thru induction of puking.

well, was late for test, as expected. but didn't expect to be 15 min late and probably the last one. was feeling very ~ when i haven't slept well for 2 days and the morning ~... so i sat down, rushed thru the 60 mcqs and 40 marks of filling-in-blanks, then went off for lunch becuz i was also very very hungry. i did it so fast, i was the first to go off. last to arrive, first to leave. looks like studying hard really helps alot. now comes the dumb part. there were two parts of the paper, i wrote my name on the mcq answer sheet, but not the written one. i was thinking how the hell is prof going to know that that paper is mine without my name on it? then i figured out he probably attach it with the mcq answer sheet. that was along my way down the stairs to pass him the finished paper without my stupid name. was a little worried and asked friends abt it after lunch, turned out i need to put my stupid name on the paper. it doesn't really balance off well; doing the test fast and then having all of it attributed to 'nameless'.

oh ya, was invited by psych friends to a birthday celebration after lect. met at the busstop so shun bian invite. didn't go even though i thought it would be fun. lots of reasons, or excuses. don't really know the birthday guy but i know the rest pretty well, the birthday guy doesn't knows me well, i'm tired, i don't want to squeeze with the evening crowd after the celebration is done, blah blah blah. sometimes, i just refused to let myself have fun. be sad, me. be very sad.

learned something today.
Interest is a basic emotion.
and i cannot make a facial expression of being interested, or no idea how one looks like when he's interested.

Haven't met you yet

I'm not surprised
not everything lasts
i've broken my heart so many times,
i stop keeping track
talk myself in
i talk myself out
i get all worked up
and then i let myself down

i tried so very hard not to lose it
i came up with a million excuses
i thought i thought of every possibility

and i know someday that it'll all turn out
you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
and i promise you kid that i'll give so much more than i get
i just haven't met you yet

mmmmm....

i might have to wait
i'll never give up
i guess it's half timing
and the other half's luck
wherever you are
whenever it's right
you come out of nowhere and into my life

and i know that we can be so amazing
and baby your love is gonna change me
and now i can see every possibility

mmmmm....

and somehow i know that it will all turn out
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
and i promise you kid i'll give so much more than i get
i just haven't met you yet

they say all's fair
and in love and war
but i won't need to fight it
we'll get it right
and we'll be united

and i know that we can be so amazing
and being in your life is gonna change me
and now i can see every single possiblity

mmmm....

and someday i know it'll all turn out
and i'll work to work it out
promise you kid i'll give more than i get
than i get than i get than i get

oh you know it'll all turn out
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
and i promise you kid to give so much more than i get
yeah i just haven't met you yet

i just haven't met you yet
so promise you kid
to give so much more than i get

i said love love love love love love love
i just haven't met you yet
love love love
i just haven't met you yet

初六

Sixth day of Chinese new year.
ang pow money seriously is a good source of money for the needy me.

it wasn't very special this year.
except for the fact that my family ate reunion dinner apart from my dad's side, and we spent the countdown watching the not-so-spectacular-but-still-nice fireworks at the floating platform. it's been years since the 4 of us watched fireworks together... family.

well it brought up some episodic memories
it amazed me that after all these years, i still have that touching, warmth feeling.
it's afterall an amazing time despite how things ended.

it's like the all-or-none firing of a neuron.
all the excitatory postsynaptic potentials came together all at once from all the neighbouring neurons and depolarized my resting potential, bringing me to a over a threshold of -65mV and from there open up the Na+ channel... the rising phase of the action potential.
it all happened so fast, but during the repolarization phase, the membrane potential went down below my resting potential of -70mV becuz too much K+ is out there, then slowly hyperpolarize back.

i've been studying biopsychology.
it's always fun to link relationships stuffs to things you find in the textbook.

found this phrase online from a website linked to a person who commented previous post.

~a man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance

it's true. i didn't really choose her. she chose me. haha..
she's my circumstance.

a couple of days back i kinda backed out from going to a party which i initially spontaneously agreed on. and also which i refused to offer my help to lend stuffs. i've gotta use "see first" the next time someone else ask me to go somewhere. this way i don't feel all that guilty and terrible, and the other party won't have much expectations. but in this case, i don't think the host has much either.

broke my Donald Duck blue mug which i have been using for years. happened in the morning when i just got up from bed and still in a dreamy mood. i clearly remembered the mug slipped off my hand and fell and then after the 2-year-old came running and grabbed my right leg. that kinda gave me a choice to put the blame on him. although i didn't, but the thought came up. so it seemed i don't think in a very nice way when i get up from bed. hopefully a new nice mug will be delivered to me in april, and there are no cute pictures on it.

~first tool of stalking; facebook.

feeling a little...

just a little bluez.
listening to a song that's a little bluez.
relates a little to me, now.
i know how bluey melody and sad lyrics become almost universal,
but i still strongly feel it.

someone told me i am a nice guy
and someone nice is gonna to come along
naive to believe completely
but held on to it becuz i refused to let my pessimistic self prevails.

you

if you're the reason that's making me all down and blue,
then how come you're not the reason that's making me smile?

drunk

how long has it been since i got so drunk?
i probably should drink slower next time rather than finishing by the cup..
made a mess at the gathering.
though i managed to clear part of it after i threw up, the rest helped to clean up.
lucky got hao to send me home, after which i lied down on the slide for near to an hour until i felt better. then i took a long hot shower to try to get the alcohol effects off. end result is i managed to wake up for morning tuition.

why is it that everytime she's mentioned, i have this weird feeling
i shouldn't hear things abt her when i'm around alcohol.

break up

i have seen them break up several times.
but everytime i still go "no..."

i still find this reply heartbreaking no matter how many times i've seen it.

"this can't be it..."
"then how come it is..."

i'm watching too much friends.
nearly 4 weeks have passed and i would say 95% of it is wasted away.
i've got a 20 page science paper to read and i chose to watch friends season 3 after tv. i'm going to so quiet during tutorial discussion tml. although i'm usually quiet already, but it's normally just that i was too lazy to give my thoughts away. now, i have no thoughts at all.

this week's pondering thought...

can we get a little more realistic but not turn pessimistic?
is optimistism always diverging from reality?
is it possible to hold on to that slight ray of hope while being defensively pessimistic?

something i got out of positive psychology.
sometimes i just think psychology is just a bunch of crap.
i really wonder how valid are the results of experiments, research...

we are borned with a brain that is so complex, that it can't comprehend itelf.

music

was listening to some upbeat song from a cheerleading video.
very contagious.

went running after i got home.
same old prob with the ankle and knee.
probably will get better.

my favourite game just got shut down in late dec last year.
i miss it.
flashflashrevolution.com

slight insomnia

have some troubles trying to fall asleep last night.
so i went to flip thru some of my old stuffs, and writings of past happenings..
mainly on the part 3 years ago.
she would be so pissed if she saw what i wrote. haha..

time passed.
i'm passed.
time passed on.
i've passed on.