new year eve

played badminton with the usual kakis again, but this time at night.
was fun except a few occasional mishaps whereby i totally missed the shuttle infront of me.
all the while they were saying i got too much patterns already.
can't help it, can't control.
afterwards went out with 3 of them for drinks and some supper.
still find it quite hard to talk to them.

2 years ago. ya. let's see those fireworks again. just not together.

no more

i told myself, no more.
i forbid myseld once more.
i've done it before. i can do it again.

tonight.

tears.

i shed tears today while watching the movie saving private ryan in hall.
my eyes got watery at the start of the movie.
at the end, it kinda overflowed one or two drops.
the grief of the mother. the honour of the captain.
the helplessness in watching your mates died in the continuous outflow of blood.

only when i'm alone i open myself to own emotions.
in itself, it protrays my very weakness as opposed to a strong image.
in overcoming and letting free, it's another type of strength.