friends leaving, now and then

had a surprise party for cheekeen yesterday at his house. turned out he knew it beforehand. haha... but still, cool party.

went to ttsh to see poi poi. she's hospitalised for some stones thingy. have to stay there till mon when the doc do another checkup again. she seemed pale and weak, unlike the vibrant side of her i normally see. the whole family tree was there. no one was absent. maybe becuz later on we went back to celebrate 3 bdays. played daidi for a while with my cousins before my sis and her bf sent me to airport to send joseph off.

was one of the early few to see joseph. a few of the armour ppl came. i'm the only tankee though. haha.. doesn't matter. took some photos, said our goodbyes, off he went. all the best to him~ one of my best buddies in the army.

went home on 858, think yeeshang was on it, sleeping all the way while i was standing. don't think she noticed me. well, doesn't matter also. haha..

tired.

haven't been studying for the past one week. the list of things to do during the recess week turned out to be useless except for the first day.

oh ya, donated blood for the 4th time. went with ben. this was perhaps the slowest one of all. and the thickest blood too (didn't drink much water beforehand).

HQ gathering

it's another great gathering for the hq officers as a farewell dinner to send joseph and eugene off for their overseas studies. with the 3 bosses, excluding mine. lots of laughter, with the siao jimmy. although it's our treat to the bosses this time round... 44 bucks is still quite a big amt. = to my one week's expenditure i think.

haven't been studying for the past few days, just playing dmc3 on my ps2. was quite irritated when i overwrote my newly created game. so the 3+ hrs i spent on playing that character went down the drain.

came home when i told my parents i'm not. so have to call up my dad in the middle of the night to wake him up and unlatched the door for me. guilt.

got interested in matters of a platonic relationship. was reading up a book titled "We are just good friends" or something like that. maybe if i have more time... i'll just stay in the library and read that book all day long. but i'll probably fall asleep halfway thru. there're some pretty good examples inside. gay and straight female, straight guy and girl, etc.

i found her

the name joanne just came up. no doubt i've been trying to search for her over the past 10 years or so since she left nps. did a search on facebook. nothing. did a search on friendster. got it.

maybe she's the reason why i found the hall queen familiar. don't really think she changed much. she went on to ite, i suppose she's still schooling now. got her blog too.

no doubt i have a crush on her at such a young age... but it's still a joy to know she's doing okay. haha..

i still find her cute. haha... some things never change do they?

unpleasant feeling.

the day was fine. until i heard 2 things which doesn't suit my ears.
one was disgust, the other was dislike. the whole replay of a similar experience came onto my mind, which really put me off. although that time i blame the other party for not understanding me enough, but now, i'm seriously wondering how can i change. haha...

it's been some time since i've gave in to such emotions. but i refused to accept myself with it. such irony.

ff's bday bbq celebration

it was a rather good gathering at yesterday ffan's 21st bday bbq celebration near his house. just a few of us, talking, eating, taking photos... it's one of the best things in life. just enjoying~

nowadays i feel rather unsatisfied with my life. not happy, not really sad. i want something more out of this life. something much more fulfiling. i wanna contribute to something. i wanna give.

i can't, and i refused to stay this way forever. something will be done. my life ain't just another normal life.

i feel fcuked up.

i feel hot.
the room is hot.
my brain is having the heat from the aftermath of studying.
and i feel fcuked up.

morning nuaness

it's been like that since i'e got into hall.
damn hard to get up from bed in the morning even at 9+. have to force myself up and get some breakfast. the more sianz thing abt today is, the breakfast set A (toast+eggs) is sold out at 9.15am. wth? no toast, only got eggs, and i was the few who got the eggs also. drank tea to keep myself awake.

i feel so no life now. haha... study. actually i'm just reading thru the 1.5mth worth of txt. totally catch no balls. it's not like jc science where everything can be put into nice point form. this one.. either you put it into a big big mind map which is of practically no use unless you're familiar with all the terms and the applications, or can be like me, pray hard this mcq quiz is not going to be that hard.

and i should visit the doc soon.

1 mth away before i unsheath my sword once again.

1st assignment result

got a B/B+ for my english assignment. haha.. mdm samsiah will be damn proud of me lah. but it's just one small paragraph. -_-"

did my hp101 quiz today. studied till 3+ yesterday along with tan who was chionging his 900 word essay overnight. the quiz wasn't that hard, but a few qns i can't answer. hopefully i got them correct. put in quite some effort in this quiz.

got my hp102 quiz on friday. this is one big shit to study for the next 2days or so. it's bad enough to study for bio back in sec school for continual assessment becuz everytime i have to squeeze 3 mths of txtbk knowledge into my brain within 1 day. now, it's squeezing 1mth of profound txtbk knowledge within 2 days.

wanted to sleep in the library after the quiz... but the thing is i ate mac breakfast and drank the tea. can't doze off after that cup of caffeine. sianz.

saw ben with a girl. scandalous. haha..

my head feels light. my hair is short.

my first attempt

last night was my first attempt at playing 2 tables of mj, at the same time.
it began with a terrible rush on both sides and i can only concentrate on myself most of time. maybe becuz i didn't really care abt others, i managed to won quite a bit.

studies are catching up damn slow. even if i made the notes, i haven't memorise them yet. today, i shall complete my hp101 notes! (hopefully)

my anxiety

i feel terrified.
about my quiz tml.
reading the txt ain't helping much to calm myself down.
somehow, i need a greater assurance.
somehow, i need more time.

sometimes, i wish i didn't care.

just like the times when my emotions went down a spiral.
why should i care so much?

the htht is getting onto me.
reminding me of whatever past.
and therefore i told myself this,
the past is meant to be over.
hence thou shall not speak of the past, whenever possible.

i have a dream...

i have a dream...
a rather simple dream
this dream came to me when i wasn't dreaming
it appeared when i wanted to dream

i hope this dream does come true...
out of the many which doesn't
different from a vision or a goal
may this dream be fulfil like a fairy tale

this dream i have needs a capacity...
a capacity i do not have at the moment
but as ages catch up with me
this dream i have, will not be a dream come true

chionging my txtbk. while going for training for darts... i should get my own darts soon lah, keep borrowing from others damn sianz. quiz next week, 4 chapters, haven't finished reading up one yet. hr management.