Feeling Stupid

morning went for soccer.. blazing sun, lousy stamina, poor health...
and it led to one injured ankle, headache, and a dull feeling, maybe sunburn.
hopefully i still can walk to camp tml.. limping here and there. trying not to let my parents know about it. -_-

walked around 2 libraries yesterday evening, first at sengkang, second at woodlands.
a few observations...

all the tables are used up. mostly students doing studying.
ppl on the floor with their laptops are mostly doing projects, if not just using the library's electricity and listening to songs.
bunch of ppl sitting around and just doing nothing but chatting.
some ppl who are studying seemed quite stress.
there are always some cute babies around to see.
some couples like to find some ulu ulu corners and just laze around there, almost all malays.
when i walk past the studying tables, most will try to see who the hell is the person walking by.
computers are always occupied.
very few ppl would have been interested in the galleries.
the air con is very cold.
the cafe's food seemed nice, but expensive.
a larger proportion of females in the library.

boring walk.

the project i was thinking about.. maybe i just do something else.

feeling a bit dull in life after i moved to air force.
it's just staying in office, doing nothing or studying.

beginning to feel tired of chasing after something...
it's like running on the spot.

head hurts.

wearing a mask? or is it just real?

Surf through the forums and found something meaningful.
For those who found it too hard to let go....

It's hard to let go because you never did let go in the first place - even if you think you did.

Time doesn't really heal wounds - what time does is to coerce you in resigning fate and get used to your situation.

Recovery is by choice and quiet reflection, often spurred from personal enlightment.

Sometimes, I find it incredible when people realised that their other half wants out and they will find all sorts of ways and methods to retain them.

Why do anyone wants to 'force' other person to be in a relationship?

Would that actually change anything permanent and not relative by nature?

Placing you as the 'me first' perspective will always work against you from moving on, that's because Love don't really give much damn about an individual alone. If the sum isn't two, then the entire model of love will corrupt, turning the equation into error.

Therefore, your depression is self generated.

Let me quote you a likely scenario: here you are crying over spilled milk and there she is revelling in her new life.

Continue to hold on to nothingness and continue to be melancholy?

Your choice.

Cheers

By Yunhaier
Sgforums


today currently the topic of wearing masks came out during lunch. hmm.. i realised my previous thinking should be changed.

i used to think that everyone wears a mask. but my thinking was fault. becuz in my mind, when you remove all the masks, you're left with nothing; an no-face idiot. it is such that you do not have a base personality to fall back on. but to me, everyone has a natural side. if you have sometimes wonder... why did you behave that way? why can't you take your eyes off this girl that you like in class? why you can't help but give that idiot the stare whenever he's in your line of sight as if he's your arch enemy? why i kept looking at that pink bra that is only slightly visible from her shirt? now that's natural. hahaha...

so it should be something like... everybody does have a base character, personality. but when the times when you can feel you are not acting like yourself to face someone... now that's a mask, an image. something that you wear to conceal your feelings. reasons can vary from the extreme good, to the lamest ones.

if you look at it another way... isn't this a more real side, of your actual self? so is this still wearing a mask... or just pure self? i believe there's a lot of gray areas.


*Hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

gave wind chime as a gift, so the other party can listen to the wind.
wind, its character is suave.

Mon NiteZ

monday night, and i'm back at home. Muahahaha. -_-" went home becuz nothing to do in camp.

Anyway, had a 4.2km run in the morning with all the regulars with who didn't get Gold with Jimmy... only 2 NSFs lah. kanna forced to go. not bad timing ba, 17:48min. hmm.. looks okay to me, but not yet gold timing. i will train hard...

right after that is my ACCT, close combat training. damn tiring after the run lah... haiz..
somemore the run is 0630.. so early. acct went smooth with revision in the morning... then afternoon is the highlight, FIGHTING with the stupid stick. haha.. somehow, i was titled the best fighter after fighting 3 times.. and you will think you're going to die after the 1st round of 2 min loh, super tiring. got a few htis to the head becuz i couldn't defend near the end... my hands just couldn't lift up. so i just kept kicking the opponent, dodging his attacks and swings, then counter. I rmbed once i was very lucky... my back was against him after i missed my attack, then came his swing. it missed! haha.. becuz i lay low.. super tired lah. but it seemed that i have eyes on my back. cool. one of my men asked me... is it becuz of the bar? then i replied, maybe becuz it's the bar, i just have to keep fighting...

just found out that i signed for some LOA thingy which i wasn't suppose to sign. wah... sianz... but lucky the problem was resolved. then i realised this.. i don't mind getting punishments for the errors i have done, but if the errors are not resolved, then i will be damn worried. looks like i'm quite immune to punishments already.. got too much during cadets days.. hahaha

if possible... i would really go sign up for some martial arts courses.. haha.. damn fun fighting lah. was with yuan wei trying to tackle each other. hmm... though a bit stupid and unprofessional fighting, but was pretty fun. so i grew up watching wong fei hong and it somehow influenced me.. -_-"

time to settle some admin stuffs at home then sleep le... tired.

*just do it. don't hesitate. if your hands ain't moving, then shuffle your feet.
just go for it. don't stop. if your mind ain't thinking, then beat your heart.
just fcuk it. heck care. if things don't go your way, then let it be.

Sunday NiteZ

ah, lost my earphones for my nokia. so that means... no radio. -_-" sianz.

played fishing champ for the first time. it's just fishing. bored.

nik is getting more interested in adult stuffs... now this is interesting.

i made contact today. hmm... nothing much.

time to apply for pilot. too long.

*you choose who you love...

sat in front of monitor

please note. 'sat' has two meanings. first i really sat infront of the monitor. second, it's saturday.

and i've been talking to weilynn for damn long lah... until now. -_-" she didn't sleep throughout the night becuz her roommate was having some relationship problem. dramatic scenes. and she is in america, we're talking over a 11 hours difference time zone. even if she don't feel tired, i feel tired for her lah... most of the stuffs we talked were quite crappy ba. especially when i'm in the mood of keep relating stuffs to bras. so i told her to sleep without her bra on. she say will consider. hmmm... and she didn't even sleep lah. wah lao.

and nik cried becuz of something stupid. -_-"

and i'm just rotting infront of the monitor.

wah.. cannot.. keep talking and talking.. and playing FFR... i just wanna sleep le...

oh ya, haven't contact her for days le. nothing much though.

zZzZ...