Not Good

didn't feel any better since i left camp... something's wrong. i don't feel well, but i'm not sick. something is bothering me... and i don't know how to go about killing it.

had a class gathering with my jc class at east coast yesterday. first, i was late for nearly an hour. then, we sat on the bus on another hour. finally, we walked to our destination after an hour. so much time spent on going there... -_- next time, we're not going there. too far... most probably i will just go there myself when i have nothing to do, like now.

ate dinner at jack's place, celebrating some of the birthdays. had a black pepper steak, medium well. not bad i should say, but maybe the pepper was too much for me. well, it's black pepper i ordered, so it's black pepper i shall eat. the potato was really nice. and it felt like i have eaten in jack's place before, not my first. but as far as i remembered, that was the first time i was dining in. hmm... maybe i've forgotten, as usual. my memory ain't that good nowadays. should play some mind-breaking games to keep my mind working.

went home in a sleepy mood after that... took some pics throughout the day, not bad for some. didn't bother to upload as i was too lazy. i'm always lazy.

felt asleep... becuz the handphone didn't keep me awake.

today, spent the day feeling blue. played granado espada until now. too much of computer is killing my eyes. in camp also computer, at home also computer. i think i just need to take a walk out of my house as of last time... can think back on the times i will just routinely go out every sunday afternoon to buy food and other stuffs to book in, eat the same delicious bread bought from four leaves. this at least gave me some life in my every boring routine back in the cadet days. now, it's just plain bored, with no routine. i don't really like playing computer games now, i don't know why. i used to go crazy on them, but not as much as those guys. my interest in life needs a partner, but i'm just too lazy to move out of this chair to find.

i finally realised what's holding me back in this situation, or at least for the moment i think it's the reason. in fact, there're plenty of them. sometimes i wonder why i can't keep things simple, and i just have to make it all so complex. why can't someone just express his feelings, and not considering all the things in the past, present and future. should i just go ahead with my decision? or should i interrogate on all my considerations? i don't know what to feel, how to act, who to ask directions from. i'm on my own, against the world, trying to make a world of my own.

is it the words that i can't trust? even if spoken i sense no truth?
and after all these times, perhaps i'm just on my own again.

hmmm.. that's a whole load of crap. cool.

i'm slowly returning to my old self...
but i forgot how is like being old.

Regards,

the GFAC that no one understands.

To a friend

歌曲：最爱的人不是你

你剪下我一束发绕在无名指上
扬著笑抑著脸说当作指环好吗
你等著我回答得到眼泛泪光
可是请相信我当时同样悲伤

爱情啊原来是个精心设计的谎
每个人都被安排为某个人而受伤
她出现得太早而你来得太晚
有一天你也会有我这种遗憾

最爱的人不是你这不只让你伤心
但我心里还在枯等一个远去身影

最爱的人不是你却忍不住爱上你
我真的爱你但永远无法
像爱她般爱你

For a girl who's in love with someone who can't forget his ex.
hmmm... it's a gamble. life's a gamble already. haha..

happy fathers' day, dad~

i rmbed recieving a fathers' day card. -_-" when was that... hmm.. sec 2? haha...

A song that i really like

Iris By Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I could taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am...


there's a feeling of overwhelming feelings in my chest, doesn't feel good...
the other night i dreamt of hugging a certain someone... and doing something interesting. haha...woke up and found myself hugging the pillow in camp. -_-"

next week full troops ex, actually want to do something before it to set my mind at ease. but didn't found a chance to do it, so i guess i will just forget about the whole thing when i'm worrying for my operational stuffs.

Feel good today

don't know why... woke up and felt really good. haha... watched GTO again. hmm... still nice to watch. haha...

kinda got crazy playing the guitar in camp... playing the only song i know. haha.. maybe i'll just learn more after stage 2..

now i want to do a lot of stuffs though.

1. buy a new bicycle, one of those better ones.
2. buy badminton shoes
3. buy running shoes
4. learn guitar
5. buy a new racket (cousin scratched my 200 bucks racket -_-)
6. try 'something' again...

hmm..it's been quite a routine sundays recently. going out, wait, coming back. haha.. but rather than saying it's a routine, i would say it's spending quality time. it always feel good to talk to someone you've known for so long.

4 of us... she mentioned. and i immediately thought of someone else... hahaha.. looks like part of me is still in the past. Merry-go-round~ tml, some day to rmb eh? hahaha...

i think i've been spending too much money nowadays... the guys are having the impression of me anyhow wasting money. i bought music cds just becuz of certain songs i like. haha.. maybe one or two... which is kinda not worth it. -_-" but i lazy to download. then when i told them i wanna buy a pair of running shoes, they were like... if you got too much money, why not give me. haha... time to save... time to save... must rmb i still owe a huge debt...

it's about time to submit my application for the choice of my life... i've thought the departure of one would make me reconsider my choice on this. wrong. haha.. looks like most of the time i'm just living for myself... decision don't depend on others. am i ready to soar the sky? or, can i?
my dad told me to go ahead with confidence, if not forget abt it. then i thought abt it... i only do two things with confidence. one, i'm really sure of it. two, i'm just too passionate abt it. haha...

read a book in the library today. it's about albert einstein. quite cool on all the physics thing... involving scientists before him like newton, maxwell, faraday, etc. read until someone came over and kick me. geez... and i didn't even realise. looks like i'm too engross in the book.. which is really good. i hardly finish any book i start with. not that i'm not interested anymore, but sometimes... it's just like that. hahaha...

i spent 1 hour staring at a sudoku puzzle yesterday. i wonder if i'm crazy or not... becuz after that hour, i still can't solve it. i'm too lazy to use a pencil and mark down the workings, so everything just goes in the mind. which is really hard. saw something similar to sudoku today at popular, k... something one. seems easier.

class outing coming. hmm... but eh... still haven't plan anything yet. for one, i haven't even recce east coast for the kayak thingy. and worst thing, i don't even feel like travelling all the way there just to recce.. damn lazy, very, lazy. hmm.. dinner is also a problem. where the hell can we have a nice dinner? hmmm... i hate planning things. although i know that i can. it's better to be those... heck care and just go there and have fun type. like in sec school and jc. all was planned, nice and carefree. haha...

granado espada is back. anyone?

writing a lot crap. kinda bored.

preparing to do something at the end of year, take it as the last thing i will, and can do. it feels like i owe the person something, weird. just doesn't feel good to recieve, and not give. i believe in physics. reaction force. haha...

i want to tutor again. maybe i can tutor myself. looking at maths c now.. i'm just, stuck. blur. know nuts. haha.. teaching pri school maths is really a very fun thing... you can bring in all kinds of weird example to explain. i rmb i used to crap a lot while tutoring my peers. it feels great to see scores improving.

too much crap. time to run.

gave up

i gave up in trying to put this into my blog template.